/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>15562944
another thread about this? cook the bitch spaghetti with meat sauce, who gives a fuck

oh shit is valentines day coming up
i have absolutely nothing planned for my gf

>>15562944
if that's her go for some spicy prawns or oysters
you're welcome

>>15562944
women really live life on easymode huh

>>15562944
Give her a mouthful of eggplant.

>>15562944
That is a rough 24

Aphrodisiacs and roofies
And alcohol probably

>>15562998
24 in 2011***

>>15562944
I got you covered OP

>>15562944
If you have a girlfriend, you should never have sex with her because you're unmarried.

If you are married, it is your wife's obligation to fulfil your sexual needs.

>>15563013
100%, unironically, this.

You should also honor and love your wife and treat her with profound respect.

>>15563013
>>15563040
Based.

Made a simple shrimp pasta last year for me and the lady. I think Valentine's Day was on a Thursday, so it was just another day. Pasta was pretty good, though. I think she ended up throwing on one of her corsets and some stockings that night. Not sure if related to said pasta.

>>15562944
OP do NOT fuck that trust me you will regret it

im 26 and never kissed a girl

>>15563123
>>>/r9k/

>>15563123
based, stay pure bro

>>15563125
>>>/trash/

>>15563125
Pigs aren't human nevermind women nigger

>>15563123
based 4chan mod

>>15562944
Is that the boulevard Brewery public tasting room?

>made rigatoni bolognese for gril
>its absolutely delicious, masterclass from yours truly
>she doesn't eat a single bite
>sucks my dick instead
is cooking a meme?

>>15562944
Goddamn, look at those fat melons.

>>15563147
the smell alone made her ovulate

>>15562944
>24

Going on 40

>>15563157
https://vocaroo.com/1eIdFBMGDkuW

>>15562944
Chili

>>15563157
The emphasis should be on fat.
>>15563201
Do you do advertisement/voice work?

>>15563147
>only getting a beej from a grill
How embarrassing for you

>Is wearing a cross
Surprised it isn't burning her skin.

Is she <25?
All you need is a box of white Zinfandel.

>>15563216
>Implying a bj isn't better than sex, especially from a new flame.
shiggy.

>>15563123
Four more years and you can use your wizard powers to make a soufflé

>>15563123
They are a menace unless you have children to raise. Consider yourself lucky.

>>15562944
Is that your tinder date?

>>15563229
What the fuck of course it's not. Am I being trolled?

>>15562944
I'm making braised beef with a creme brulee dessert.

Super easy and takes like 10 minutes.

>>15563269
Yer' outta yer' mind. Fuckin' versus a blowjob? They're not even in the same category, friend. Maybe your lass just isn't calibrated correctly.

>>15563350
Fucking > Blowjob
Only a virgin would think otherwise. Have had far worse BJs than I've had random fucks.

>>15563365
u have never hqd sex

>24
>looks 44

Would still smash tho

>>15562944
>24

LoL the delusion.

>>15563382
I have
You have not
owned

>>15563350
based o'brien poster

Just remember; if you’re a jerk, she’ll prefer wine on her balcony to dinner with you

>>15562944
This is a fake profile

>24
Surely she messed up and meant 42.

>>15562956
this with a bottle of wine would uniroincally get you laid

>>15563350
You're one of those weirdos who told everybody in highschool about how you only jerked off with two fingers.

The small minority of guys who insist blowjobs are better than fucking are always weirdos.

>>15563013
>>15563040
since when the fuck is /ck/ so based?

>>15563414
she looks like an insufferable bitch. i'd have dipped out too. let alone cook for her. never cook for an ungrateful bitch unless you plan to poison her

>>15563402
u literally havent lol. fat chicks dont count

>>15562944
Man, do white women age like shit or what?

>>15563459
Yes I have and yes they do.
You have not evident by you thinking the shittiest blowjob in the world would be preferable to fucking in any circumstance.
Kill yourself.

>>15563427
Obesity ages you rapidly

>>15562944
I bet she has a huge clit that I'd suckle on while fingering her prostate

>>15563483
INCELEROMETER ---->

>>15563447
/ck/ is /pol/ lite. It is only diluted with sloots and discord trannies taking a break from shilling on other boards.

>>15563414
what an ugly creature
who would take that thing out in public?

>>15563499
Said the larping incel repeating coomer bullshit about blowjobs being better than sex. Kill yourself.

>>15562944
If you're cooking you're a girl, so you can get dick by doing nothing

If you're a homoboy cooking for his gf, make cock oh van

is this the incel thread?
greeting from /tv/

>>15563534
Is this the chick who got uncomfortably in character with a co-actor and thought their tv humping meant irl humping?

There are no non-virgins on 4chan(nel). Anyone on this website who's said they've had sex is a liar. To the deceivers--you know who you are--your lies are as transparent as they are pathetic. You're fooling no one.

>>15563549
yes

>>15562956
Don’t fucking feed her this if you want to do anal that night

>>15563549
women love humping

>>15563595
Some of us manage to have sex because we recognize what we are (fat autistic faggots) and go for girls that are actually obtainable by fat autistic faggots. Keep going for that goth gf on instagram though you'll totally get her some day.

>>15563534
I don't understand what this collection of pictures is meant to convey, can someone explain it to me?

>>15563350
Blowjobs are just a poor substitute for fucking when she's on the rag.

>>15563402
>>15563483
>>15563510
Look at ye', all excited about a simple opinion. Yer' soundin' like yer' warp core is 'bout to blow. You need to decompress, friend. You know what y'need? A nice hot bowl of Fricandeau stew and a nice, long blow job.

>>15563644
Jenna Fischer was actually in love with John Krasinki and is still obsessed with her Office days and reliving the relationship their characters had while John hit the gym and moved on.

>>15563655
Star Trek blows cock
cringe meme btw

>>15563350
The order of best to worst
>raw vaginal
>raw anal
>a blowjob from a skilled person
POWER GAP
>fucking with condom on
>masturbation with proper lube and/or toys
>a bad blowjob
>a handjob
>simple dry jacking off
>titty fucks
>foot job
>any other weird shit like armpits or hot dogging

>>15563684
>>any other weird shit like armpits or hot dogging
what the fuck does that even mean? god you are weird

>>15563147
no. women are the meme

>>15563644

>>15563684
>titfuck so low
they are fun as fuck with really big milkers, but your ranking is correct for the average case

>>15563702
don't act like you never fucked a girls armpit or the back of her knee or her buttcheeks

>>15563756
>fucked a girls armpit
That’s gross, anon.
They’re expressly for licking.

>>15563684
only fags do anal.

>>15563806
To play off of this. What are some good foods I could make for a dinner date that would result in the female becoming very embarrassingly gassy during the post-dinner movie and cuddle (and inevitable fuck) phase?

>>15563816
garlic + onions + bread
then whisky to drink. she'll be shidding and farding all nite

Let me give you some personal insight on the matter.

I've been with my wife for 10 years now. We met in high school, and I got her pregnant.
She is and always has been a lazy person and a shit cook. I wouldn't even mind eating shit food if she at least made it on time. But she rarely did.

We'd get into screaming arguments constantly about how lazy and worthless she was. I felt like an asshole for it, but goddamn she was a real piece of work. The only reason I dealt with all this was for the kids, and also because the sex is great.

But one night, I got fed up. Not only did she get drunk, neglect the kids, and made me top Ramen for dinner, but she decided to give me attitude too. She was being real fucking bitchy. So I told my grandparents to keep an eye on the kids and told my wife we were going to go out and have dinner together. I drove maybe 3 blocks to a quiet area (we live in Oregon, it's not hard to find a quiet field) and I got out of the car, went around like I was going to open her door for her and let her out, and I just beat the shit out of her while she was still seatbelted. After a few punches, I asked her if she wanted to go back to her parents. She started screaming and yelling and said yes, so I beat the shit out of her again. Then I asked her what she wanted to do. She finally got smart and said she wanted to go home. So I took her home and dared her to start trouble. I even handed her my cellphone and dialed her mom's number on the drive home. I made her talk to her mom, while daring her to fucking say something.

Before that incident, I had never laid a hand on her. But I had always threatened it. I told her "one of these days, if you don't straighten up, I'm going to lay hands on you."

All my meals have been on time, and she just recently tried to make a meatloaf. It was mediocre, but I was just thrilled that she tried.

Do with this information what you will.

>>15563214
I wish that was my voice. I pulled it from a /v/ thread about RE8 milkymommy

>>15563824
Based domestic abuser

>>15563684
I'd mostly agree with this. That bj retard in the thread doesn't seem to understand that sex has a dimension of intimacy that bjs can never have. But him being 22 years old or whatever I'm not surprised he hasn't developed a relationship to that point.

>>15563836
First day here, champ?

>>15563824
Good pasta, love it everytime

>>15562944
Make pasta. Pasta is cheap and easy to make, but also always impresses women. You pick a pasta with a "fancy" name like "fettuccine alfredo" and you make that. The side dish is simple garlic bread that you make by buttering bread, sprinkling garlic salt on it, then toasting it. You can also do a fried rice side dish by frying rice with whatever crap you have leftover. If you really want to work over a bitch, you make a shrimp pasta.
I always made pastas for women when I was dating and it always led to me fucking them. I don't think I've ever made a pasta for a girl that I didn't wind up dicking. I just always works while also being the easiest shit to put together.

>>15563816

>>15562944
try this

>>15563823
Add beef to this and you've got my gf am become braphog, the shidder of worlds
>>15563843
>level of intimacy
Not that anon, but when a woman swallows my load, theres a HUGE level of satisfaction on my end. Fuckin spiritual. It's more intimate to me than giving her a creampie. I think it's consumption-related since I love breastmilk from the teat. Dont mess with waste products tho

>>15563914
How can I take shits like this bros?

>>15563914

>>15563824
>haven't seen this in like 3 weeks
>actually made it 4 sentences in before laughing

>>15563534
>>15563549
>>15563597
>>15563664
Why didn't she just fuck him while they were working together? Lmao

>>15563147
Yeah of course it is. You're not getting fucked for your cooking skills

>>15563147
>is cooking a meme?
For impressing girls? Yeah.
You can spend all day making something complex with the best possible ingredients.
Or you can “make” a frozen PFChang skillet-meal (just don’t let her see the bag) and serve it with some cheap Sutter Home white zin.
Your chances of getting laid are identical with both. Even moreso with the latter if you’re sure to get a large bottle or box.

>>15563816
Add a carbonated beverage or champagne. Especially while cuddling. When y’all lay down on the couch the carbonation will be forced to travel through her GI tract and become a loud brap instead of out her mouth as a belch. It won’t really smell but it would be voluminous.

>>15563495
lmao girls dont have a prostate

>>15563388
>looks 44
In what planet?

>>15563013
and iff you have a boyfriend like me you will dick him raw and eat his ass

>>15564062
The cute ones with feminine penises do

>>15562944
Pasta. Bitches love pasta.

>>15563010
Yeah I'd believe 34

>>15562944
For this chick? An entire ham, sides, and you're gonna have to let her clear out your fridge. Make sure you rope yourself off to a steady structure so you don't get consumed in the vacuum.

Seriously, why would you want to fuck this?

>>15564393
Cause they'll suck you strong style and let you raw dog em in any hole.

>>15562944
A nice cut of steak with vegetables or mash is a safe choice, permitting that you know how to grill without turning the meat into a briquette

>>15563414
That's the face of cope. Definite femcel.

>>15563466
Yes. Not sure why, maybe /sci/ knows. I can only hypothesize that it relates to melanin, diet, or just unfortunate genes.

>>15564404
>suck you strong style
lol. I never knew there was a Bullet Club for BJs.

>>15563605
This, I've got a spicy 5 bean chili recipe if anal's on the menu :)

>>15562944
ok I'd smash while her tongue is down my throat cuz im into degenerates like that but 24 god damn, looks 40

>>15563414
nasty goblin bitch blown the absolute fuck out by chad

>>15564404
Still, how do you get over the smell and reaching your hand into a dirty fold somewhere?

>>15564074
and those are the best girls

Jokes on you, I'll be relaxing as my GF likes to cook. I think we're having steak, with a sweet soufflé dessert.

>>15563414
Ugly. Really repulsive face.

>>15563684
raw vaginal is better than raw anal and blowjobs but to be honest after having raw vaginal for a while it gets boring and anal is great so i might have to switch those 2 around otherwise 100% correct

>>15563824
This pasta is fucking gold every time