/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>15052563
I saw your first post
>changed "my wife" to "my dog"
lol

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*VOMITS*

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FFHHH *HEAVES* *HEAVES HARDER*

*PROJECTILE VOMITS*

GOD H-HELP ME...K-I...KILL M-MMEEEEE *SHITS PANTS*

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OH GOD...OH GO- *PUKES AGAIN*

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*STARTS CHOKING* H-HELP M-ME- *VOMITS AGAIN*

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I'M BEG

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F-F- OH GO- OH GO-

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ANYONE P-PLEASE

*CHOKES*

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ARRUGH...SAVE ME.... *DIES**CHOKES* AHHHRGGH *COUGH COUGH*

RRRAAAGGGHHHH *COUGH COUGH COOUUUGHH* FFFFFFFUUUUUUUUCKKK ARRGH

HHHHHHH *HEAVES* UNNNGGHHHHH *VOMITS*

*VOMITS PROFUSELY AGAIN*

EEEEEEEEUUUUUUGGGGHHH *CHOKES* AHH *SPITS UP BLOOD*

FFFFUUUCCCKK AARRGGHHH *SHITS PANTS*

AAAA FUCK H-HELP *COUGH COUGH*

*VOMITS*

*COOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHH** HOLY S-S-SHIT FUU *BURP*


D--D-DAN...DANNN..*COUUUGGGHHH* *BURRRRPP* *STARTS PISSING BLOOD*

FFHHH *HEAVES* *HEAVES HARDER*

*PROJECTILE VOMITS*
GARRRGHHH.......*CHOKES*
ARRUGH...SAVE ME.... *DIES*

>>15052563
git gud
dont get recipes from mommy blogs, get them from cookbooks. Anons post good ones on /ck/ all the time
Cook simpler meals. I you try to prepare fancy restaurant shit like eggs benedict every morning instead of just having a sunny side up on toast, you only have yourself to blame.
Learn to have better time management. Some recipes have a lot of waiting around, so do other stuff like clean your house or jerk off until the timer rings
Cook stuff that's easy to learn first. Or learn to follow instructions from cooking videos if you're illiterate. Most people who suck at cooking don't immediately try to be a 5 star chef and waste a good cut of steak, they learn better cooking techniques and improve on simpler dishes first.
You save money by cooking at home by purchasing cheap but nutritious ingredients. Don't expect buying caviar at the grocers to be hundred times cheaper than having caviar at an expensive restaurant.
Meal planning is a meme. You decide on what you want to eat that day based on what you've been eating and what you have left in your kitchen. Or you just think ahead of what you'd like to eat in the following week/month when you're at the supermarket. ie: You're at the butchery section, so buy a few different cuts of meat to stock up in your freezer. When you get hungry, look in the freezer and see what's there. Then if you haven't made stew in a while, pick a cut and make some stew

Whining about your lack of basic living skills on a manchurian dust eating website isn't going to make your "girlfriend" think any less of how much of a fucking retard you are

>>15052621
I know I could get a girl if I learned to cook.
I'm just a failure at it.
Thi k I might buy restraunt food+fake I cooked it.

>>15052631
>I know I could get a girl if I learned to cook.
>not learning to cook because its a basic living skill that most regular people have in order to feed themselves
tripfags are retarded. more at 9

I'm going pretend I made a pizza.

>being this pathetic and helpless

>>15052563
You can feel if it's done by how "spoungey" the steak is for the lack of a better word, just practice and you'll get a feel for it eventually.

Meat thermometer or just approximate time (don't really remember but maybe around 2 minutes on each side for a ~200-250g steak at high heat) also works or just wing it

>>15052631
You could just take her to a restaurant.

>>15052563
>Pointless
Just like your life. Please end it.

>>15052563
>he fell for the recipe meme
We got another one boys. I bet he hunted down all those random ingredients and even actually believed it would take 10 minutes of prep + 15 mins cook time lmao

But seriously just make simple stuff dude. Start with 1 ingredient meals not counting oil, salt, pepper. Get a rice cooker so you have an easy side option without having to think about it at all

Why do millennials brag about being losers?

Admitting you're this pathetic, even on an anonymous board, is an embarrassment. Go hand in your fucking testicles, you're done.

>>15052621
Lol thays biggest crock of shit I have read on this shit board.lol

>>15055050
Ok if I finish fucking your mom first?

>>15052621
very good copy pasta, boy

>>15052563
Lol retard

>>15055436
She's dead, but I'd reckon her ashes are still wetter than anything your incel dick has seen.

>>15055554
How did she die?
You fucked her to death lol

>>15052563
>Add an hour and half to every single recipe you find
Ain't that the truth

Are you dyspraxic, anon? I am and it makes cooking a nightmare. It basically involves every pitfall that a dyspraxic falls into. So I generally avoid cooking ever. I can make a good bolognese but that's about it.

>>15052563
First of all, you just started cooking and you cooked a fucking filet mignon. You should have started with a New York strip. Second, if your girlfriend's going to leave you just because you made a cooking mistake and it made her nauseous, then it's probably a good thing that she never came back because she sounds like a retarded bitch. Third, Everything you do in your life that you want to master is going to start with you being fucking terrible at it. It's your fault that you cooked for somebody when you knew that you had little experience in it.

So next time you make that kind of mistake, don't come whining to us about it, and try to do better next time and try not to poison anyone else until you know how to fucking cook, you stupid faggot.

>>15055427
Based retard

>>15055979you
Go back to your McDonald's job kid.
>you must be very proud of yourself lol