/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>14961586
something from the Salty Dog

penis, bitches love penis

>>14961586
Light pasta, salad, soup.

>>14961586
something heavy so she doesnt want to leave, maybe a chiliburger with fries and mayo ketchup

>>14961610
Oh dear god imagine the powerful BRAPS

>>14961586
Triple murder sundae.

>>14961586

I only like thin girls
Fatty boobs and asses are no excuse for a fat waist

However, I'm physically attractive and haven't brainwashed myself into having fat fetishes

>>14961586

My idea of personal heaven. Every single shit she takes for the rest of her life goes directly from her anus to my mouth. My lips puckered around her slightly stained adorable little butthole patiently awaiting the treat to issue forth and slide into my mouth. The first couple appetizers are just farts that echo in my mouth and come out my nose for the full taste/smell affect. And then the moment arrives and the first hint of my delectable treat slowly emerges with a nice shiny slime of fecal matter from her innermost bowels. It slides into my mouth and I cry tears of joy as it plays its delicious symphony across my taste buds. She giggles as it finally fully emerges and pushes down my throat and into my tummy. I have reached true bliss and while she wipes her fragile hole I lay back and weep tears of joy. She leads me to my cage where I patiently await my next treat. Please eat and become full I whisper, I need my treats.

>>14961800
edgy dubs

>>14961821
Post physique

>>14961828
please kill yourself

>>14961610
>make something heavy
>now we both have to shit
Great idea ...

>>14961586
Something easy, fancy and not too heavy.
For example teriyaki salmon with rice and asparagus.

>>14962896
>Implying that's a bad thing
Real girls need to use an enema before sex so you don't get shitdick when smashing her prostate in from all angles.

>>14962934
>Asparagus
Based

>>14961586
chicken and spinach cheesy pasta.

>>14961586
and make sure you have something like vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce.

>>14962940
You can't ruse me, tranny.

>>14962896
>not have a toilet camera to watch her shit big logs

>>14961586
Ask HER what she likes.

>>14962971
Don't do this. You need to be assertive. Feed her some eggs

>>14961828
Huh?

>>14962896
I don't get it. Everybody has to shit.

>>14961586
ass

>>14961828
Jewish hands typed this post.

>>14961586
according to queer eye for the straight guy you should avoid saucy dishes that might splatter on your nice clothes

>>14962968
lmao

>>14964254
Why would you wear clothes if you're in your own home?

>>14964260
no woman on the planet is going to consider going over to your house a date by any stretch of the imagination

>>14961800
Unironically crush up 15 mg of melatonin. Don't think it is detectable and easily accessible at the grocery store

my go to is linguine and clams in a light sauce with some tarragon and red pepper flakes, crunchy bread, and a salad with some sort of vinaigrette. bust out the white wine with it and prepare to get your peen succed, my boi.

>>14961586
porcelain

Ask him/her, you fucking autist. There's no magical cure of things to cook, you need to cater toward their tastes and your experience.

>>14965129
>ask her
It's like you've never been in a relationship with a woman.

Something that is flavorful and looks hard to make, but light. If you make something really heavy she won't want to have sex after, so no pasta/potatoes/heavy sauces, etc.

Lean protein, flavorful green veggies and a light starch. One of my go to dishes is chicken marsala with polenta and seared brussels sprouts

>>14965222
You don't want to have sex after, retard. The point of a dinner date isn't to sate some animal urge. It's to spend the night and wake up in the same house, hopefully the majority of the following day, get some feel for your compatability in domestic life. Only after these trials can you gain confidence in the potential longevity of the relationship, and might eventually move in together and maybe start exploring the superficial pleasures.

>>14965249
That's a lot of words to say "I'm a virgin", lol

ITT: anons who have never spoken to a women.

You got to fucking read them and appeal to their interests and curate a nice story/something to talk about. It's about presentation from start to finish.

>>14961586
>>14965324
This. Fucking depends dude. If you've bedded her, anything goes. If you haven;'t figure out what she likes and wow her. Just make sure you practice if it's something new. I am assuming you're not out catching COVID. BTW, sushi is actually pretty easy to make at home, you just need an initial investment in tools from Amazon, like 30 bucks. I say this because most sluts crave the sush. Just learn to make the rice correctly.

>>14961586
For me, it's the mcchicken

>>14962934
great way to ruin a ruin a perfectly good salmon with nipponese sugar goo

>>14965342
I don't want her shits to smell/taste like fish.

>>14963033
kek

>>14965249
Based and wholesome, sadly that not how it works in real life

>>14961586
A nice chicken parm. Easy to make, tastes good, cheap, and everyone likes Italian food. If she's vegetarian eggplant parm

>>14961586
Booba

>>14961586
Steak.

steak

Whatever you normally eat. Trying to cook something new or exotic is a surefire way for a woman to detect you being disingenuous.

If she doesn't appreciate your regular tuesday night sloppa then you're better off without. If you just want to fuck then just say so and ditch dinner.

>>14961586
What is the etiquette for anal on a first date?

>>14966251
j-j-j-jam it in

>>14966251
Don't ask. Women like it when you're spontaneous.

>>14961586
chicken tendies

>>14965249
this guy fucks

>>14961586
She's hot, but not 'kill your kids and stuff them in a tiny hole in the ground' hot.

>>14961828
sleep tight porker

>>14961586
4 mc chickens 1 large fry to share, 2 apple pies 1 m&m mc flurry for the lady friend

>>14961586
Chopped salad, bread rolls and a bottle of wine.

>>14961586
Whatever you choose, make sure you have a salad there too. Girls want to make you think they're healthy and make good decisions - it's the same cognitive dissonance that makes them not order sides and then steal your sides. Or the same cognitive dissonance that makes them tell people they're on a diet and then destroy a bucket of ice cream with their closest friends.
On second thought, don't talk to them. Life is better that way.

>>14963033
kek

>>14967045
>no nuggies
>no happy meal
ngmi

>>14961586
spaget and eat it like a fucking pig

>>14961586
I want to eat her ass raw

>>14965249
this man serves eggs

>>14965249
>You don't want to have sex after, retard
>It's to spend the night and wake up in the same house, hopefully the majority of the following day
How would that even work? You plan on leaving her to pass out? Are you going to drug her just so she has no choice but to sleep on the couch?

>>14969090
>thinking about being in a relationship before you can even afford to live in a home with a guest room
Life is a process. You can't just skip stages. YOLO, make sure you treat yours properly.

>>14969749
Nigga what you talking about? If it isn't ending in sex chances are she'll want to go back home, unless the weathers bad or her tyres got conveniently slashed. Point is, there's going to be awkwardness if you suggest out the blue that you can stay the night when there's no particular reason to. If a girl wants to fuck they'll stay, if they dont they'll leave.
>YOLO
Yeah nah piss of fag

>>14965188
Just smack the bitch, they like that then give her some chicken alfredo.

>>14970085
Bullshit just smack the bitch, show her whose boss. Feed her then drag her into your cave and its a done deal.

>>14965981
>If you just want to fuck then just say so and ditch dinner.
As you thought the advices couldn't get worse.

>>14970085
There's always the "I ran out of gas" trick.

>>14970217
They're always funny.

>>14970219
eurotrashfags wont understand that one.

>>14965249
>Spend the night
>Don't have sex
The women you do this to will laugh behind your back and think you're weird. Nobody goes to a stranger's house to chill or for drinks.

>>14970219
>>14970240
I'm just assuming he meant the cars run out of fuel.
>>14970273
This, but I have chilled at a strangers house a couple times, one of which was a girl. We didn't have sex, she was too fucked up and I was keeping an eye on her, that's why I was calling him out about it.

>>14970273
They do in horror films, check them out, it's going to be werewolves, vampires, strange weird shit like ghosts rattling chains. Who the hell knows, it's always funny.

This is why you need a pizza, for late night horror flicks.

>>14965273
Jesus thats a cringey and depressing image

>>14961586
Paper plates, imagine actually using your good dishes to entertain a woman. Let me guess? You won't even make her eat on the floor will you? Acquire some fucking self respect faggot.

>>14971212
They're all bitches and need to eat out of dog bowls.

>>14971212
>>14971216

>>14961586
OP, must you be a flaming faggot?

My kitchen essentials and recipes for first date thread gets canned but this crap is still up.

>its another woman-hate with a bunch of incels seething because theyve never even been offered a crumb of pussy thread

>>14961586
Should you really be eating if you're gonna engage in rectal intercourse?

>>14961586

>>14971786
post your roast

>>14961586
usually plates, maybe a couple of bowls

>>14965273
is that a chili dog? sonic loves chili dogs

>>14961586
Peach

>>14961586
damn that booty can commit triple homicide all on its own

>>14971786

Please ma'am can I have some pussy? Just a crumb will do.

24 pack of party rings (al dente)
share pack of walkers salt and vinegar, assert your dominance and eat the whole pack (make sure to mispronounce vinegar as vagina too)
uncle bens rice (more of a threat than anything)
ham
2l of icecream
a girl

>>14965878
Kek

Butter garlic pasta with spinach and shrimp. You can have her grate the cheese, chop parsley, and chop spinach. Makes her involved in the process. The goal is to fuck after eating but before the gas sets in.

>>14961586
damn i'll kill for a ounce of her milk

Jannies keep removing my posts and my thread which wasnt filled with incel shit like this one. Keep seething.

Anyways...Roasted chicken thighs with skin on. Lemon rosemary wine sauce. Broccoli slaw salad mix of some sort, think spaghetti squash and cook it aldente. Throw some pan roasted heirlooms and drizzle some olive oil and balsamic on it for serving purposes. S&P. Pair with some wine. Use cloth napkins.

Dessert. Sweeten up some ricotta with nutmeg and cinnamon, a little honey and French dollop it on a french biscuit. Raspberry and blackberrys around it. Sprig of mint. Drizzle more honey.

DONT FORGET THE WINE. Women like to feel fancy even if it's not fancy wine. Presentation is key. Start her off with a glass, play some music, let her watch you as you cook. Think the Hannibal show on netflix.

>>14961828
based

>>14972861
Oh that's good. I'm taking note of that.

>>14968985
underrated

>>14961586
>OOGA-BOOBA!

>>14961586
I only fuck my own adopted sister. She eats nuggets. I was watching Mr Bean last night and had an orgasm.

>>14974555
You forgot the sly fox image retard

>>14974604
It's a wily coyote

>>14961586
Chicken salad and roophalin

>>14961586
She's OK but not really worth murdering for, she must have sucked a mean dick or something.

>>14965428
based

>>14966968
better yet, drop them through an 8 inch hole into a tank of crude oil and bury your pregnant wife nearby

>now immediately recognize ugly whore that helped steer a man into murdering his family

>>14972937
Just imagine her squirting those breasties all over your face! That nice and warm, fresh milk.

>>14961586
She looks like a jumper, she needs to be saved and she'll thank you later if you know what I mean.

>>14976833
What?

>>14964292
I take it you've never had melatonin. Shit ain't ambien.

>>14970273
I actually had a roommate in uni who would invite boys over for sleepovers and not fuck them, they would literally just cuddle and sleep, maybe make out a bit

It was weird and I felt bad for them

>>14962934
certain people hate fish, go with chicken, never misses

>>14961586
The key to a good dinner date is to fuck before eating.

Then you can enjoy all the greasy, belly-bloating food and beer you can handle.

>>14962637
and silence

>>14963813
always with the juice

>>14977535
>>>/hm/

>>14977454
Pilots have to be careful of that, one gets the chicken dish, the other the fish dish. Thats so the dont both pass out and crash the plane.

Japanese and Italian are the safest dinner dates

>>14977634
Tortellini is almost always good, the problem with jap food is that some chicks dont like seafood so for a first date its best to stick with something kind of neutral.

>>14961586
>>14961586
Make brussel sprouts with olive oil, red wine vinagrette and garlic as your side dish. Every woman I dated loved that and my wife loves them as well. This is sub 120lb women I am talking about, so ignore this is you are cooking for an out of shape slag.

>>14977503
This guy is not wrong.

>>14977656
Tortellini and a side of brussels sprouts, seems good to me and easy to make.

>>14977535
>haha take a pic for me anon

Something drenched in olive oil. A rump roast perhaps.

>>14961586
Why is this the go to pic for dinner date threads?

>>14965249
Women enjoy having sex you loser.

>>14961586
Do Americans really?

>>14961586

Women like this have every single man pining after her. She isn't stunning, which makes every man thinks she is in her league. Women like this tend to be the most picky and hotter women are actually an easier catch.

>>14978752
Kalamata olives and tequila is always good.

>>14979374
I tend to think that most of them aren't asked, too many guys are too afraid to just ask them out.

>>14979374
Its the most simple thing and also the most difficult at the same time.

It's great to have a nice hot mom or aunt that'll tell you how to hit on chicks, they've most certainly been through it themselves so they know what to tell you to do and to not do.

Its pretty hilarious when you look into it.

>>14965324
>>14965342
beta cope
if you need to "read" women you're doing something wrong

>>14979552
no worthwhile woman is easy to get you fucking child

>>14979374
well the dude did have to murder his pregnant wife and two daughters for her

>>14979552
I don't think you understand reading