/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>why I beat my wife

>>14879369
Wife cooks sometimes.

I prefer food I cook but her food is still good. She's big on tradition though so she only cooks a list of recipes her mother would cook, and she almost never modifies any of the recipes in any way.

Heh. Yes, my gf who totally exists is a great cook and I love eating her food.

>>14879369
My ex cooked for me all the time, and it's a major reason that I dumped her. I don't know how many ways to possibly say "I don't like eating the instant I come home from work and I'd like to discuss what we're eating," but I said as many as I could possibly think.

You feel bad when someone's heart is in the right place, but goddamn, I just wanted to come home and have a couple of beers to de-stress, I'd want enchiladas when she made stir fry, and she and I were both getting fat from it.

>>14879369
The only person outside of my family that ever cooked a meal for me was a chick in college. She invited me to her house and cooked for me. I knew she wanted to fuck, but I wasn't interested. The meal was okay.

>>14879427
>she wanted to fuck, but I wasn't interested

>>14879369
She sure does

>>14879369
My gf I like her. She makes me happy. She cooks mostly soups and fried breakfasts. Nothing special but I like feeling happy. We live together now and if it works one more year hopefully marriage.

someone post the copypasta

I need some information to do with what I will. Does anyone have any advice?

My gf just broke up with me but before she did she gave me some Thai curry. Now that I think of it, I forgot about it in the back seat of my car so now it probably stinks like ladyboy ass in there.

>>14879465
my man

>>14879449
>Virgins will never understand guys who have options and don't need to stick their dick in any hole that will open for them

I will never experience affection from the opposite sex.

>>14880579
LMFAAAAAO

>>14879369
wtf is the meat is that a dog or something?

>>14879369
Yes
Yes
She's insanely good at cooking but she kinda refuses to believe it because her mum is apparently God-tier. When I was melodramatically dying of the shittiest cold I've ever experienced back in Jan she cooked me my fav meal (mapo tofu) despite never having done it before and it was delicious. I also had to force myself to drink her disgusting ginger juice "traditional medicine" though because she got sad when I started going on a rant about how trash TCM is.

I've taught her some traditional English dishes and she always acts impressed with them but idk I can't see how she could be.

>>14880565
I think most virgins wouldn't be virgins if they didn't refuse sex at one point or another, but whatever floats your boat big boy.

>>14879369
what is a 'gf'?

>>14879369

>>14880565
Sex addicts need to stick their dick in every possibility, not virgins.

>>14879369
>your gf
She wouldn't even have to cook for me, I can cook for her

>>14879369
gf needs to spread twice a week, I cook every day. good deal.

>>14879470
im happy for you anon

>>14881180
Is this the "Soul Food" I keep hearing about?

All my stupid wife makes is pasta dishes. Smothered in cheese and tuna every time. She really is useless

>>14880132
I can't possibly understand why she would break up with you.

>>14879369
A thick rabbit stew? A failed rabbit-and-dumplings?
I dated a girl for 3+ years, great baker, decent cook. Always pretentious about her cooking. She was a bit curvy so she loved food to be churched up. That's fine but my current gf is a country cook and it's allllllllllllllright.

>>14881450

>>14879470
Tbqh this.

My gf was a really bad/inept cook when we first met, but I've taught her basic things like
>how to make really good scrambled eggs (butter, low heat, water instead of milk, large fluffy curds) as opposed to rubbery garbage
>how to make even shitty things like Kraft mac and cheese (the right way, extra seasoning, sauce on the side until emulsified, then combine) .
>spaghetti (salted water, al dente, finished in sauce with a tiny bit of water to help bonding)
>or just rice (washed/rinsed, sub chicken stock for water, add basic spices/butter and bay leaves) to have with some soup or veggies.

While easy/basic as fuck, things actually make decent comfort food (when made properly) when I've had a shit day at work, and it's nice to know that I can kick back with a drink or take a shower or something and then we can just hang out together.
She takes pride in the fact that she can make these thins well now (has never really cooked prior to this), and I think it's cozy.
This is no stopping point, though. I think she'll continue to learn just as I did over the years.
tl;dr
Taught my girlfriend how to make basic ass food that college kids usually fuck up really badly so that it tastes passible.
I still do the majority of the cooking, and anything that requires moderate experience.
She is happy
I am happy.

Yes, and she's a good cook, but she has a fairly limited number of things she makes and there's stuff I get sick of after a while. She's an incredible baker, though. Made me a german chocolate cake for my birthday that was one of the best things I've ever had.

>>14879369
Wife, yes

At the end of the day I'm probably actually the better cook but I only really cook on weekends because I work during the week. She's a great cook though, although sometimes hit or miss. She usually makes healthy meat and salads for dinner, or one pot meals like borscht.

I cook better than my wife. She does the dishes/cleans stove.

>>14879369
>Do your gf cook for you?
i don't have a gf and i just want to die.

>>14880565
This isn't wrong.
I've been watching a few friends go through some ROUGH stretches between getting laid lately.
While I am all for supporting their mental health, some of their pickings have been pretty fucking detestable.

>>14881591
bless u cozy anon

>>14879369
I'm gay so, no.

But I'm usually a better cook than my past partners.

>>14881144
Funniest take I've seen all day

>>14879369
I wish I had a gf to cook for

>>14882294
i'm not sure if that matters

Don't have a girlfriend, but my sister cooks for me since we're living together. We're both really decent cooks, and it helps that we have been cooking for ourselves since were kids due to our mother not being the most dependable with that.
Always nice to come back home to some nice meals, though she keeps trying those trendy TikTok recipes because she's a fucking NORMIE, but I appreciate her immensely and love everything she makes.

>>14879369
wtf is going on in that video? Need an explanation asap. Looks horrendous

>>14883542
Do you fuck?

>>14879369
>gf
I don't talk to 3D roasties.

>>14881473
That's the only thing my brother can cook, except he uses Quorn rather than meat for no reason. He's not even a vegetarian

He mostly just subsists on pizza with hot dog crusts though, and two in one sitting smeared with onion dip. I did the math and it was about 5000 calories, but more importantly is about 4 feet of hot dogs to get through

>>14883899
No, just digital stimulation and occasional oral. She's saving her hymen for marriage.

>>14879427
My old neighbor cooked dinner for me once. She was a little bit older(33 or 34 and I was 25 or 26). She was this tall, thin, dorky, blonde that liked guns and had a veritable ark with all her pets. She even got me stuck with my cat. I think she liked me, but I was too much of a dummy to ever do anything about it. I think of looking her up sometimes...

>>14884024
That doesn't even qualify as older. You were in the same age bracket pathetically clinging to your sense of youth.

>>14884033
She might have been a little bit older. 35 even. We were at very different points in our lives, though.

Yes, and she hates leftovers, so I come home from work to a freshly cooked meal- can usually smell it from the driveway. And cooking is her hobby, so she's good at it, and likes to experiment with foods of the world.
I lucked out.

>>14879369
My wife totally cooks and she does it pretty well. Also she has a good understanding of pastries, which is nice too.

>non-virgins are posting on /ck/ again

>>14884091
Same-anon here. SHIT! How could I forget! We live in California, but wifey-poo is cooking Canadian Thanksgiving. Homemade apple pie, homemade cranberry sauce, roast chicken, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and roasted root vegetables. Dinner's at 7. Can't wait :-)

>>14884141
What the FUCK

>>14884374

After several my wife has finally found a good recipe she can cook from scratch. It's just a grilled cheese with vegetables but it is good and we can put it into rotation. I am relieved she finally can make something readily edible as it might get her to break into actually cooking and understanding food, effort, waste, and etiquette.

>>14884005
Based chaste sister

>girlfriend has lived in Vietnam her whole life
>Has only lived here for 4 years
>Was given days she's had to make dinner for her family since childhood
>Can cook really well
>Constantly get homemade pho and spring rolls
>Always asks me if I like her food
I'm so happy with this woman

>>14879369
Yep, and I love it. Sometimes she cooks and sometimes I do, she's a better cook than I am but vegetarian so if I want any meat I'm doing that part. Still love her though.

>>14886130
Ok chud

>>14879379
>she only cooks a list of recipes her mother would cook, and she almost never modifies any of the recipes in any way.
Is your wife fucking retarded?

>>14879397
Your ex was a keeper and is making another man real happy right now, you miserable fuck.

>ITT: white men with incredibly low standards for their hwite wives
>also ITT: white men with foreign import wives
lmao pathetic

>>14886165
Spoken like some retard that puts pussy on a pedestal. How do you know he hasn't found a better girl?

>>14881140
>fellow mapo tofu chad
I wish you the best of meals and a happy future anon.

>>14884141
This board is, for better or worse, one of the most normalfag friendly boards on this website, despite all the garbage you retards spam it with every day.
This thread is still faggot shit though.

>>14885796
Sounds like a friend of mine from Taiwan. Great girl even if I don't enjoy asian cooking. But girls like that get so happy when you enjoy their cooking because it's a skill and a hobby that they can be proud of being good at that it's real hard to say no.

>>14886175
So do you just hate white men like some kind of faggot nigger or what.

>>14881591
>She is happy
>I am happy

>>14879379
Pretty much this.

Wife has like things she'll cook, but they're all good. Family prefers it when I cook so no big deal, but it's nice to have days off a few times a week from the stove.

>>14879397
One day you will realize you are a bad husbando bro. If she was loyal you may have fucked up so bad you'll think of her in the retirement home 70 years from now

>>14879369
I haven't talked to a girl in like 7 years

>>14879369
IIRC I've only had one meal that my GF made. It was plain pasta cooked in unsalted water, tossed with a cheap can of pureed tomatoes and some ground cloves. I'm the one that cooks all the time. She is a pretty decent baker though, has made some pretty good short bread, cheese cake, and coffee cake.

I cook a lot for my GF and she likes pretty much everything I make. Also, cooking together is a very nice way to spend time with her.

My girlfriend is a pretty good cook. The primary issue is that she wants to try every recipe she finds ever and constantly leaves my kitchen a mess and only eats like a fourth of what she makes. That having been said, she has a very good sense for turning super easy meals into something more exciting. Pork chops and rice? Try red wine infused spicy cajun pork chops with garlicy fried rice.

>>14879470
That's really sweet anon.

>>14887769

>>14879369
My gf is becoming a much better cook. She used to be ok, but has taken it up more since I like to do it a lot.

She is definitely a much better baker than me. She just has trouble with intuition and figuring out why something went wrong. If there aren't very specific instructions, it could go awry pretty quickly.

I think that just comes with experience, or maybe that's why she's a better baker. I like to improvise more and she's more by the book.

>>14887836
Is it a tranny or a stemlord?

>>14887950
No she's autistic

>>14887950
Lol neither, why do you say that? I have actually found that a lot of girls have issues when the recipe is not super specific. They also love grabbing them off of social media sites that are often misleading or just plain wrong.

Instead of doing what makes sense they just keep following the recipe to a fault. My buddies gf cannot make rice to save her life simply because she follows the directions on the bag every time, but they make it in a pressure cooker. So theres always way too much water and it gets too sticky and is ruined.

>>14887959
Lol pretty sure I'm the autistic one. Although if I were really autistic, I probably couldn't pick up on the fact that she was autistic too.

How come you all have wifes and girlfriends? I thought you guys were cool lonely people like me

>>14888289
I just saw a lady who looked interesting one day and asked to buy her coffee. Something just snapped inside me the moment I saw her walking down the street, her hair slightly dampened by the light drizzle of rain, and I felt like I had to know her. She accepted, we got along, fast forward a few years and we're married and planning for children. Easy.

>>14888316
>Easy.
for you

>>14888316
I DON'T DRINK COFFEE
I'LL NEVER BE IN A REAL RELATIONSHIP REEEEEEEEEEE

>>14879369
My bf and I share cooking duties. I cook when I'm off or he's working late, he cooks when he's off or I'm working late. He's arguably a faster thinker and more creative with his cooking, but he can also forget ingredients or steps and has to improvise or just deal with the results. I'm more methodical and detail-oriented, meaning I cook less of a range of recipes and can freeze when faced with unpredictable obstacles, but I tend to execute what I aim for reliably due to my autism. Cooking together is a nightmare unless we designate roles. We both love each other's cooking.

>>14879369
Whenever she cooks i supervise. So she does technically cook for me sometimes, but i don't think i've ever not stepped in at some point.
She doesn't mind because she admits that she's shit at cooking.

>>14889618
Picky eaters will hang when I'm god emperor. First order of business.

>>14879369
something is wrong with that chicken

My girlfriend is an excellent cook. She likes to try making new things constantly. She asked for a southern cookbook for her birthday and told me to pick the one with the fattest black lady on it kek. I’m an autistic retard who eats tacos and salads nearly every day so I hit the jackpot.

>>14886259
I don't need to hate white men. White men hate themselves.

>>14886229
Better girl? In what way? He had a woman who loved him, cooked delicious meals for him, and he dumped her because she cooked "too much". I'm sure he's going to find some hot 21 year old chef girl to cook exactly to his schedule, regulate his macros, and give him beers to de-stress for the rest of his life.


tl:dr there was nothing wrong with his gf in the first place

>>14879369
I was mostly the one who cooked. Goddamn, I miss cooking for people

>>14879369
my girlfriend is a useless lazy shit who couldn't cook before I met her. after she moved in I began yelling at her until she could produce edible meals. now when I'm hungry she scurries into the kitchen before I start screaming

>>14881180
>adding a caption to a pic
>adding a caption to a pic that already had a caption added
butt why

>>14892216
Yeah, it's so awful to have the hottest women in the world dote over you no matter how badly you take care of yourself.

I get to date really hot vegans because I can cook, and vegans can't.
My gf burns toast and can't even grill vegetables

There's something viscerally unattractive about a woman who holds not knowing how to cook as some sort of point of pride or testament to equality.

>>14879369
>Do your gf

>>14879369
What the hell is that?

>>14881180
is this english?

>>14887800
I'm sorry I meant to say that I rape my girlfriend at least twice per day

>>14879369
>tfw professional kitchen wageslave and gfs always expect a detailed critique with affirmations that don't sound shallow
I just want to be able to grunt appreciation at the fact that I didn't have to cook for myself, and that even a total sloposhit would be welcome.

>>14879397
t. autistic child
you didnt deserve her

>>14879369
I'm guessing that pot of sludge is supposed to have been some poor attempt at chicken noodle soup, and theres no excuse for any chicken or turkey or whatever the fuck that second thing is being that rubbery and watery.

In any case, that first guy. That FUCKING first guy. I get that it doesn't look appetizing but I fucking loathe with an autistic vengeance when people do that "pick up food with a spoon and watch it fall" type of thing. Yes, that substance does seem to be edible and yes it does obey the laws of physics. What is your point? Picking it up and letting it fall is not a demonstration of how good or bad something is "supposed" to be, it just makes you look lie a fucking asshole.

>>14885796
Damn anon, I'm a bit jelly not gonna lie

>>14884024
that's wifey material mate. you fucked up

>>14885008
nice dude

She hasn't cooked before but today she's supposed to be making a pie from scratch

>>14879376
>why I beat my wife NOT the batter
what the FUCK Adam?

I only eat her pussy if you know what I mean.

>>14879369
big ol' bowl of SLOPPA. I've had better looking bowel movements.

>>14893319
what did he mean by this?

She does sometimes but she can only make casseroles and pasta dishes. I do most of the cooking. It's not totally her fault since she grew up with a mother who is a horrible cook, so she actually prefers things like shoe-leather-esque steak and won't eat anything out of the sea. I don't mind taking on the responsibility though. I'd rather eat better food than be a trad household. My job is much less stressful than hers anyways so it's good that she doesn't have to worry about one more thing during the day. Thanks for reading my blog.

>>14879369
my comfy trad fiance loves to cook for me and its one of my favorite things about my life - and I have a pretty decent life all around. My favorite are the special breakfast sandwiches she makes me on lazy weekend mornings (cheez bratwurst with scrambled eggs and sriracha grilled on sourdough) - and she's always asking for feedback to try new things and improve on her cooking. nothing beats a home cooked meal made by your waifu who just wants to make you happy

the bf and i both work from home so we often divvy up the duties and cook together to some extent. i'm better with the stove and oven than he is, so he usually preps the ingredients.

We cook about equally. Each of us thinks we're better than the other. It is a source of subtle conflict. The worst thing is she gets so stressed about cooking. Everything has to be thoughtful. She can't just look in the cabinet and see carrots, beetroot and chicken and say 'oh I'll make a random carrot beetroot and chicken stirfry with italian spices'. Everything has to be 'thoughtful' according to some 'authentic' recipe. Obviously the meal I described isn't great but not everything you eat has to be some kind of masterpiece.

unironically makes the best food I've ever eaten

>>14892468
kinda looks like mashed potatoes with barley groats

>>14892468
Overcooked macncheese

>>14879369
Yes and yes, I taught her myself

>>14879397
This is the saddest post on /ck/ wtf

>>14881591
This is me but without the weird pseudo-human end part

>>14881180
>cookies
>beans
>rice
based

>>14879369
>>14881180
>>14881497
so this is what they call the american dream

>>14879397
>this level of autism
You get what you fucking deserve, bro

>>14894002
OH SAY CAN YOU SEE

>>14891519
Stepping in so that she doesn't burn something is picky?
It was more the technique side of the cooking than the ingredients.

>>14879397

I get it.
I can't stand the smell of cooking. It lingers so long and if she's cooking M-F that's non-stop odors. I calmly asked my gf to stop doing it and I'd rather just bring home food or order something and she always wanted to cook for me. It wasn't the specific reason we broke up but in the back of my mind it was always there. Now my home smells like nothing but dried cum tissues.

>>14881473
I've been with my wife for 10 years now. We met in high school, and I got her pregnant. She is and always has been a lazy person and a shit cook. I wouldn't even mind eating shit food if she at least made it on time. But she rarely did.
We'd get into screaming arguments constantly about how lazy and worthless she was. I felt like an asshole for it, but goddamn she was a real piece of work. The only reason I dealt with all this was for the kids, and also because the sex is great.
But one night, I got fed up. Not only did she get drunk, neglect the kids, and made me top Ramen for dinner, but she decided to give me attitude too. She was being real fucking bitchy. So I told my grandparents to keep an eye on the kids and told my wife we were going to go out and have dinner together. I drove maybe 3 blocks to a quiet area (we live in Oregon, it's not hard to find a quiet field) and I got out of the car, went around like I was going to open her door for her and let her out, and I just beat the shit out of her while she was still seatbelted. After a few punches, I asked her if she wanted to go back to her parents. She started screaming and yelling and said yes, so I beat the shit out of her again. Then I asked her what she wanted to do. She finally got smart and said she wanted to go home. So I took her home and dared her to start trouble. I even handed her my cellphone and dialed her mom's number on the drive home. I made her talk to her mom, while daring her to fucking say something.
Before that incident, I had never laid a hand on her. But I had always threatened it. I told her "one of these days, if you don't straighten up, I'm going to lay hands on you."
All my meals have been on time, and she just recently tried to make a meatloaf. It was mediocre, but I was just thrilled that she tried.
Do with this information what you will.

>>14886165
>>14892223
I mean I get the hate here to some degree... but I'm pretty sure she's still hung up on me, and she was getting fat. I didn't really like her cooking and only got into better shape compared to when we first dated because I was committed to staying in shape for my GF. I never felt like I had the freedom to eat what I wanted to eat.

>>14886588
We weren't married. She was very loyal. I don't miss her, unfortunately. I miss lots of other girls in my past, but not her.

>>14892679
If you can find her, you can have her. She's a library sciences professor or something now.

>>14893698
Sorry, but I'm very happy with my choice.

>>14894010
>You get what you fucking deserve, bro
I guess I deserve happiness then.

>>14894855
Thanks. It was so fucking frustrating to come home from work and be expected to gobble down whatever sloppa she'd made, when maybe I wanted to order in a pizza and some wings later, maybe watch the game with some beers. Or, god forbid, since I was making a ton of money, we go out to a nice restaurant instead of spending another night in front of the TV. God, that fucking relationship was SO boring. I've been single longer than I'd like now, but at least I get to do something other than go to the office and sit in my house.

>>14893347

I'm at a point where I can't even fathom being in a relationship or having someone love me back. People say I'm a really good cook and baker which is nice I suppose

>>14879369
>looks like mashed potatoes, oatmeal porridge and mac and cheese mixed together
>figure it'll stick to the ladle like glue or something like overcooked rice when he scoops it
>it just roll clean off it like it's water on a duck's back
What the fuck

>>14894921
>supposedly so broken can't imagine someone loving them
>still social enough to be in positions where people eat their cooking and complement it
Yeah fuck off unless you're a professional chef or something

>>14895365
it's my mom and sister desu
or people at work who smell my lunch

>>14880579
There's nothing wrong with that. It's quite hyped up and I wish I can take my virginity back.

Wife cooks a fair bit.

Sometimes it's really good; sometimes it's barely ok.
She can't tell when things have the right amount of seasoning; I have to taste and tell her how much of what to add. We're working on it; she's improving; the kids agree.

You must be honest and fair when critiquing. Very important to give a bad review in a way that is not unkind, lest the next thing she cook for you taste like poison.

I'll still cook my own breakfast most days; I'm better at it than she is, and the whole household generally prefers my breakfast sloppa to hers.

>>14887007
I think 12 for me. I don't remember anymore. It doesn't matter. I am no longer human. I am a werewolf or something.

>>14892521
It's AAVE
>wavy
References a hairstyle worn primarily by african-american men that requires care and attention. The desired effect looks like "waves" of hair, so "wavy" = superlative, excellent
>jawn
Philadelphia slang for any concrete noun, usually a thing, sometimes a person, very rarely a place
>shawty
Phonetic spelling of "shorty," an affectionate term for a woman, usually a significant other or potential sexual partner
>Badd
Sexually enticing

>>14894907
>If you can find her, you can have her. She's a library sciences professor or something now.

Most be trolling. You have the perfect comfy gf who wants to spend time on you as a man, and not waste your money on soulless garbage. Instead of cherishing this amazing gift, you kick it to the curb.

>>14894905
brb gonna go post this on /r/AITA

>>14894010
is it really that hard for anyone on this board being able to choose which woman they wanna be with? dude obviously made it clear he didnt want dinner ready right when he got home and she kept doing it, would piss me off too. Its like making someone a decaff coffee everyday even though they drink regular and being mad when they arent greatful. Theres billions of people in the world why does he have to stay with this one person just because shes well intentioned.

>>14887176
Cozy anon

>>14879369
I had two of my [now ex-]girlfriends cooking for me. One of them was decent but boring, and the other... well, let's say I'd rather not see her in the kitchen, and that the only decent thing she could cook were the ones I taught her.

>>14895577
>Instead of cherishing this amazing gift, you kick it to the curb.
Every time you think a woman is desirable, another man is sick of her shit.

>>14894907
>Getting fat
Your were right to dump her, anon

>>14879397
Eat and then decompress. Boozing until you're craving junk is a deficiency on your part. Like everyone else said, you didn't deserve her. WAKE UP

>>14895577
>Must be trolling
Why, because I have a different opinion about what I want to do in life? I want to get out and explore the world, spend time with people, try things out of my comfort zone.

>you have the perfect comfy gf who wants to spend time on you as a man
If you just want to stay inside for eternity, sure. Do you have no greater aspirations than watching TV at home and experiencing people pretend to live life? Escapism from videogames or something? I really don't get this. When I was a kid playing house on the playground with girls, things were more dynamic. Is food all you want out of a relationship?

>>14895642
Again, thanks. I can't understand how people are in any way content just living their lives in a house for eternity and never exploring life with someone. It's like eating nothing but big batches of chili from the crockpot... forever.

>>14896141
Amen to that.

>>14896224
A belly full of casserole or something means that having drinks is basically pointless and just empty calories. Won't feel shit. Also, did I say I was always craving junk? Eating at 5 PM is ridiculous. It's like 5-6 hours before bed. It's so wild that people are so mad about this. Chubby girl makes food all day, dresses like she's Hillary Clinton or going to church, drops her clothes and expects me to want to fuck.
>B-but anon, what about the foooooood?
I'm assuming anyone who is pushing this shit is fat or ambitionless.

>>14896268
It's not that I'm mad, but trying to stop you from making a mistake with the drinking.

Oh well.

>>14879397
you truly deserve a beating for having such a shitty attitude

>>14881140
tcm is trash but ginger helps if you have a cold you sick fuck

She does, but she's afraid to handle meat so it''s always some bland mush with a lot of some kind of bean and like a jarred curry kind of sauce. She's not vegan, but touching meat and bones and shit freaks her out for some reason

>>14896327
Ah, well then no big deal, but I wasn't saying this was a nightly thing, if you thought it was like that. It was more like "left the office, battled traffic, stopped for a couple beers, just barely made it home in time to sit down for Monday Night Football."

And then... "anon, welcome home, let's eat! I made 6 lbs of food"

>>14896340
Fight me IRL

>>14884024
very cute cat

>>14896387
>stop for beers and home in time for football
lmao you fucking loser

I've been with my wife for 10 years now. We met in high school, and I got her pregnant. She is and always has been a lazy person and a shit cook. I wouldn't even mind eating shit food if she at least made it on time. But she rarely did.

We'd get into screaming arguments constantly about how lazy and worthless she was. I felt like an asshole for it, but goddamn she was a real piece of work. The only reason I dealt with all this was for the kids, and also because the sex is great.

But one night, I got fed up. Not only did she get drunk, neglect the kids, and made me top Ramen for dinner, but she decided to give me attitude too. She was being real fucking bitchy. So I told my grandparents to keep an eye on the kids and told my wife we were going to go out and have dinner together. I drove maybe 3 blocks to a quiet area (we live in Oregon, it's not hard to find a quiet field) and I got out of the car, went around like I was going to open her door for her and let her out, and I just beat the shit out of her while she was still seatbelted. After a few punches, I asked her if she wanted to go back to her parents. She started screaming and yelling and said yes, so I beat the shit out of her again. Then I asked her what she wanted to do. She finally got smart and said she wanted to go home. So I took her home and dared her to start trouble. I even handed her my cellphone and dialed her mom's number on the drive home. I made her talk to her mom, while daring her to fucking say something.

Before that incident, I had never laid a hand on her. But I had always threatened it. I told her "one of these days, if you don't straighten up, I'm going to lay hands on you."

All my meals have been on time, and she just recently tried to make a meatloaf. It was mediocre, but I was just thrilled that she tried.

Do with this information what you will.

yes. and yes i do she's a professional chef she's pretty good.

>>14897315
Whats her address? i wanna shove dick down her throat as a parting gift

my gf does shit like dice up fresh garlic and then add garlic powder.
, add salt to canned beans
she will use up a whole container of pesto on like 5 pieces of toast and dumps a tablespoon of honey into her coffee $
shes vegan and never wants to make meatless dishes, always needs to have 'beyond suasage' or some shit reshaped into meatballs or hamburger pattys
BUT
she doesnt mind me cooking with residual animal fat in the cast iron and will eat mac-n-cheese and pepperoni pizza with me :3

>>14879369
my gf is colombian so every meal is 70% queso

>>14896954
I really want to know what her poop looks like.

But I would give anything to see her poop. Can you imagine it? Another cute white girl taking a dump, but it's much much larger than anything you've ever seen. Maybe parts of it are still undigested, and cling to her cute white pubes. And afterwards her hole is just wrecked, and she says something like "thank you for watching!" in her happy white girl voice and then she accidentally pisses herself and gets embarrassed by that. Then the camera just focuses on the poop for the next 15 minutes, getting every angle...

>>14879397
>she made stir fry, and she and I were both getting fat from it.
>couple of beers
>enchiladas
lmao nice cope

>>14897387
just call it cheese, this is an english message board

>>14896387
i get you anon. i generally don't like eating big dinners, most days i just skip breakfast and dinner and have one big lunch, because my job is exhausting and i hate when someone tries to get me to eat something at dinner and makes me feel bad for turning down their cooking. i even offer to just pack it and take it to work with me on the next day, but it's not enough. i can see how that would become a problem if it goes on for months

>>14895579
new fag

She mostly makes breakfast and lunch. I always make dinner.

I've been with my wife for 10 years now. We met in high school, and I got her pregnant. She is and always has been a lazy person and a shit cook. I wouldn't even mind eating shit food if she at least made it on time. But she rarely did. We'd get into screaming arguments constantly about how lazy and worthless she was. I felt like an asshole for it, but goddamn she was a real piece of work. The only reason I dealt with all this was for the kids, and also because the sex is great. But one night, I got fed up. Not only did she get drunk, neglect the kids, and made me top Ramen for dinner, but she decided to give me attitude too. She was being real fucking bitchy. So I told my grandparents to keep an eye on the kids and told my wife we were going to go out and have dinner together. I drove maybe 3 blocks to a quiet area (we live in Oregon, it's not hard to find a quiet field) and I got out of the car, went around like I was going to open her door for her and let her out, and I just beat the shit out of her while she was still seatbelted. After a few punches, I asked her if she wanted to go back to her parents. She started screaming and yelling and said yes, so I beat the shit out of her again. Then I asked her what she wanted to do. She finally got smart and said she wanted to go home. So I took her home and dared her to start trouble. I even handed her my cellphone and dialed her mom's number on the drive home. I made her talk to her mom, while daring her to fucking say something. Before that incident, I had never laid a hand on her. But I had always threatened it. I told her "one of these days, if you don't straighten up, I'm going to lay hands on you." All my meals have been on time, and she just recently tried to make a meatloaf. It was mediocre, but I was just thrilled that she tried. Do with this information what you will.

>>14897377
>honey
>vegan

>>14898520
ive seen the pasta hundreds of times i was just making a joke sperg

>>14879397
Please be bait

>>14879369
No
The other night I got home and my wife was craving some "soul food", baked mac and cheese, beans, and collard greens.
Mind you, I just got off a 14 hour shift, my wife has been work from home for the past six months, and yet as soon as I step through the door the demands for food starts.
I am exhausted. The least she could do would be to start dinner. I don't even expect a full meal for me, ready and on the table, for when I get home. Just start the fucking food.
But no. House is a mess, dishes need to be done. I've had it
I threw everything into a pot, everything. The noodles, the cheese, the canned beans, all the spices and the collard greens. I made her watch as I cooked it.
Knew it was done once the pasta cooked through.
Next thing I did was make her eat her hot bowl of everything soup
She kept crying, saying she didn't want it, that it "tasted bad"
Well too bad, I made her stay at the table for two hours until she finished the whole damn bowl.

>>14899224
Why are you married to a fucking child?

>>14897393
I picked a random meal. The whole point is she gave no fucks about my preferences on what or when to eat. I tried to address it as nicely as possible, and she wasn't having it.

>>14897481
Yeah I pretty much eat once a day, around 7-8 PM. Keeps me from having to go to bed hungry.

>>14899157
Not bait.

>>14879369
Now and then and she's okay at it but usually it takes a bit of cajoling. Women have a tendency to throttle back if they find out you have final boss level abilities.

>>14896378
>gotta gave my meat every meal bro nothing else tastes good
Please. This isn't the board for you.