/ck/ - Food & Cooking

time for a /ck/ay thread

>>14338555
what the fuck, i want to know how anyone could conceive this as a smart idea

Luv me some crunchy rice.

>>14338515
>lasagna with bechamel
must be dry as fuck

>>14338392
Is she taking the piss?

>>14339088
Without VARIETY we would all be the SAME

>>14338392
I actually thought she was on the verge of making something half decent there. All it needed was the cheese and then 10 more minutes in the oven and pizza fries would be looking good.

>>14338635
its beef soup, good for ya

I see Jack having a tub of sourcream in his cookin vids and when he scoops it, it seems to have texture of icecream and like its hard and shit. Sour cream where I am from (estonia) is very creamy and porous u scoop it and it starts kind of melting... What is wrong with american sour cream?

>>14339732
Americans don't eat real sour cream. They eat some sort of artificial, chemical flavoured abomination.

I'd kill myself before eating any of these

But how does he get the eggs out?

HAHAHA I'M POSTING LE FUNNY JACK WEBMS AGAIN

>>14340994

>>14340994

>>14340967
I can't look at mark's face for more than 2 secs
jesus why is this faggot so bland?

>when the bros start jacking again

>>14340994
At least it's better content than the eggs.

>>14341086
what's the fucking point

>>14340994

>>14341063
Tbf Jack's was cooked fine, his presentation is just shit and the runniness of the eggs wasn't intentional.

Imagine this being the first result when you Google your name

https://downwithjackscalfani.wordpress.com/

>>14340994

>>14340986
what am I supposed to do in this situation? get rid of the skin then score the meat?

>>14339398
Was this supposed to be a pancake?

>>14341154
You love to see it.

>>14340906
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOH SAYYYY CAN YOUU SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>14340991
literally one of the first thing i learned when i was taught how to cook eggs was that they have a mind of their own.

It's the same dumbass always making these threads. Why dont you ever post any new content?

>>14341601
Well your new content is very compelling.

>>14338635
I'd say 80% of her recipes include her boiling beef mince

>>14339316
undercooked potatoes covered in sauce would ruin the texture of the cheese and prevent anything from cooking
as soon as the sauce hit that shit it was ruined

>>14341094
So he doesn't arouse suspicion when he's child trafficking

>>14340994
Kys kpopnigger

>>14339902
>CHUHEASE PRADUCT

>>14340986
I hate him so much... literally everything he does is wrong.

>>14338392
>>14338515
>>14338544

you gotta be fucking kidding me

>tfw Ja/ck/ will never be able to use his right arm normally ever again

>>14340967
How could this happen

>>14338758
Unless you either properly burn the rice grains or cook them, they will swell in your stomach or intestines and you could actually die from that.

>>14339398
>Has maybe 5 times the oil/fat needed.
>Pours his ingredient into a cold pan.
>Does not realize this is obviously going terrible.

What generation of parents stopped teaching their kids to cook?!

>>14339732
Sour cream starts to separate a bit if it sits for a while because of the acidity, he probably drains it off instead of mixing it back in so it ends up thicker. Some sour cream has a little bit of a thickener in it so it stops separating too, which he might be using.

>>14340986
Ffs.
Rage is building up.
Okay if you're not a pro as a youtuber enthusiast dude but did he actually not even sharpen his knives? Does he actually not rehearse his videos? Does he actually think his videos will aide ANYONE's cooking attempts??

He should honestly give up.

Full-blown adults that keep making the same, very basic, mistakes over and over without any progress being made are a fucking waste of potential.

>>14341154
It shocks me to see how many people avoid learning that you jever throw a burning pot or pan under running water after about 16 years of people repeating it to you through school and at home hopefully the flames will claim people's lives more efficiently from now on.

>>14341617
>here's your quad-vod bro

>>14341535
If you’re not jack you probably own a knife sharper than a bowling ball, so you shouldn’t have a problem.

>>14339902
O B S E S S E D

>>14341601
Literally every webm thread I ever make is with a newly made webm specifically for the thread. Choke on a dick, fag.

>>14342053
>did he actually not even sharpen his knives?

no

>>14341816
yeah but Im not sure I would have done a much better job scouring that roast, and it looks like he kind of got it right at the end

>>14341320
this fatass knows what she's doing, damn. up unto the part where she pulls out the chocolate shit.

>>14339888
>literal horror trips

>>14340967
wiensposting should be a bannable offense

>>14342546
Honestly the main part of this that confuses me is why he tries to cut it still in the packaging.

>>14338544
I've been watching her videos recently and she's so lovely, the embodiment of the stereotypical good mum from up Norf. Then I realised she gets really offended by mean comments on her videos.

Can we please not bully Kay? She doesn't deserve it. I wish I had a mum like her.

>>14341239
>cooked fine
>runniness of the eggs wasn't intentional
uhhhhh

>>14342867
Because /jack/

>>14342867
I do that a lot for things like sausage, butter, cheese
Anything with tight plastic packaging

I want to impregnate Kay!

>>14338544

>>14342902
she sweet but dont post on the internet unless you can take the heat

>>14340994
they are the only reason I come to this board

>>14340967
>WHERE ARE THE KIDS MARK?!?!?!

>>14342059
>jever

stop making me thirsty anon!

>>14340994

>>14343185
How does Ja/ck/ prep the bull with one arm?

>>14343547
Mouth

>>14340906
Is that Big Smoke?

>>14339107
Sounds like a perfect world. No more idiots having car accidents or slowing down queues for the sake of their individual expression.

>>14341919
Not so fast.

>>14342059
You assume everyone has decent education and grows up with people who teach them anything. I always thought everyone (except in black ghettos) must be raised with similar education as myself just some going to less "intense" schools but still with parents and adult figures with basic education and common sense. As it turns out, this is not the case.

>>14342902
>>14343112
It's gonna be /lit/ all over again isn't it?

>>14338392
italian poutine with pep and salami?
sign me the fuck up. but a better version than that tho
poor execution/10

>>14341919
>>14344527
what happened to his right arm

>>14345410
Stroke

You can clearly see his bad arm already starting to atrophy.

>>14345504
Okay then... I'm stroking, will you tell me now?

>>14338392
>pizza fries
>no cheese
wtf

>>14339088
At first I thought that bt I guess that's just typical bong cuisine

>>14345602
Lee can't 'ave cheese

>>14344917
/ck/ already had their Katie moment with that homely girl who did "cooking for one" or whatever it was called.

>>14341919
Further proof thatJack has zero clue how microbes work.
>Uses same glass and water for both eyes
>Wipes eyes with towel and lays it on the counter
>Hands that touched his eyes all over everything
This is the most cringe video itt.

Holy jesus. Jack turns all comments off on his cooking videos. This man is a lost cause

>>14344527
Only 59 minutes ago? This is so exciting. I can't wait to see him make more progress.

>>14338515
>>14338555
>>14338758
>>14339398
>>14339888

Does this woman have a mental illness? There is no way any sane person would actually show off this trash.

>>14345527
God that arm looks like it's turning purple

>>14341320
she's just opening ingredients to eat them right there.

>>14338392
You know what? I'ma try my hand at this, this isn't a bad idea.

>>14344917
I'm not a nerd so I don't visit that board, what happened?

>>14340991
what did he eggspect would happen

>>14347327
What is the purpose of your file name?

>>14348190
sounds like its ripped from a youtube vid off of some journoposting "trendy" news channel like vox etc

>>14341460
what the hell is wrong with this one? it's baby's first recipe.

>>14341154
this is why curtains dont belong in the kitchen

>>14348190
What's the purpose of asking that question?

>>14347127
holy shit is that sped up? thats fucking amazing

>>14347327
neat

>>14348387
>NOOOOOOOOO YOU CAN'T QUESTION THE NARRATIVE

>>14348442
breathed air out my nose

>>14346481
It's all an elaborate troll done by her son.

>>14339902
Not all of us. Some of us know that sour cream is just cultured cream

>>14342546
stupid ass looking knife in this one baka

>>14343092
why did he try to cut into a spoon?

>>14340967
That looks absolutely disgusting yet being passed off as good, unlike the meme webms posted above it.

>>14340967
>poo in the loo cuisine
>good

>>14348450
>breathe air out my nose.

>>14344527
>Thank you Jesus for my healing
Holy shit, how can anyone be this retardes

>>14349048
retarded*

>>14349048
>retardes

>>14349048
Jack is legitimately a sub-80 IQ idiot. That said he still managed to reproduce twice

>>14349018
huh?

>>14347327
>Chili is red
Wow no fucking kidding

Can someone please post the egg lord

>>14346481
I like to think Kay was a genuine, bad cook at one point. Then /ck/ discovered her, she cottoned on and now she purposefully makes abhorrent shit for the internet fame it brings. She was never a GOOD cook, but you can tell there's a noticeable wacky factor and decline after /ck/ made her popular.

>>14349650
My guess would be that Kay has some genuine degenerative mental issues and trying to make meals for Lee is one of main ways of coping/clinging to her sanity and past. Making a cooking show is just a logical extent to that. Not sure whether she's always been a horrible cook or it's a result of her decline, but on some level she does acknowledge that much of what she makes is kind of crappy.

>>14347327
oh so that's why the rooster, that's a neat info

>>14347682
>>>/reddit/, and never come back

>>14340967
Wow, it's egg-foo-yong.

>>14349650
She doesn't want to get bullied so she's prostrating herself
It's pathetic and boring but what can you expect from a 80 iq Northumbrian dole case

>>14340996
That looks like something you'd find rotting in the seaweed at the beach.

>>14351281
should've baked it after it came out for a nice crisp skin on it

>>14341617
I like that low key serial killer energy he has.

>>14341039
Wtf is that and what's he doing??

>>14342059
Some of it is a lack of general life skills but some of it is just people panicking when faced with fire and immediately going to water = no fire without thinking.

>>14341601
Hey, I enjoy these threads. Fuck off and make your own if you think you can do better

>>14341460
The "bread crumbs" that look more like croutons are the only thing I see wrong with this.

>>14342902
Bless her, apparently she's a widow. That's probably why her son isn't moving out, she's all alone otherwise.

>>14344839
My Mum was terrible in the kitchen and with food in general. She'd never reduce sauces so they were always watery. Never drained pasta either so you'd have a pool of pasta water on your plate. Always forgot to season meat. When she went shopping she'd buy more fresh vegetables and salads and just dump them on top of the old stuff that was already in the fridge drawers.

Every so often I'd pull everything out and find whole unopened bags of carrots or entire heads of cabbage from three months ago.

>>14348935
Looks like he was testing a new knife? He says at the start that if it isn't good it's going back [to the store?]

>>14351514
>I like that low key serial killer energy he has.
Go back.

i hate all of you egg posters and jack posters and kay posters please just die die die die die die die

>>14347327
>no matter what you do success is not guaranteed
>if you havent succeeded yet, you havent worked hard enough

>>14352144

>>14340996
ngl, that kinda looks good. like a veggie omelet pocket

>>14341239
right? If it had been folded right, would have made for a decent omurice.

>>14342047
That sounds like bullshit

>>14341154
anyone have that one where the pot blew up, shattered the stovetop and everything was burnt brown?

>>14347368

>>14341227
How does one man so consistently fuck up literally everything he does?

>>14352544
what the fuck
I am equal parts confused and disgusted

>>14353033
>shaped to resemble a flaccid penis
>is fully engorged with the head visible
what retard wrote this?

>>14347127
his arm is even worse now

>>14353107
i just feel bad now

>>14353107
I can do it on my owwwwnnn

>>14353135
Keep up with his live streams and Facebook posts and you suddenly won't

>>14343092
jesus what a fucking retard

>>14343096
>>14342546
>wanting to consume plastic

>>14338544
>>14338544
what?
how?

>>14341089
egg white pls fall
pls fall
pls

>>14349061
It's french

>>14353107
:(

>>14343092
>Why am I not getting sponsors?

>>14342059
spent 2 years learning foreign languages and calculus in highschool. I was never taught anything about cooking

>>14338392
This entire thread is causing me to become irrationally angry.

>>14340906
Big Chungus? More like Big Chugus.

>>14353107
If it wasn't Jack I would feel some empathy but he probably deserves worse

>>14338515
>when your oven is in your shower

>>14353649
>>14353135
Don't be,jack is a massive piece of shit. He deserve his 2 strokes

>>14353681
Remember when he was sued for being a retard who can't read basic instruction ?

>>14345504
I think at most he's had three.

>>14338544
what the fuck

>>14353063
>>is fully engorged with the head visible
the head is always visible and if it was fully engorged then it'd be a lot longer you femcel dicklet

>>14353955
If it was fully engorged, then it wouldn't be flaccid

>>14353635
no it's not, espèce d'attardé.

>>14338392
>>14338515
>>14338544
>>14338555
its like she tried to learn cooking from scratch by trial and error alone but she cannot recognise an error

>>14353738
>Remember when he was sued for being a retard who can't read basic instruction

[citation needed]

>>14345358
Make it fried gnocchi instead of chips. Even better.

>>14346481
>Does this woman have a mental illness
she's welsh

>>14354579
1. https://www.pacermonitor.com/public/case/23415647/TELEBRANDS_CORP_v_GIVEME,_INC_et_al

>>14354505
broke welsh people who never had the heart to say her cooking was awful.her family enables her behavior, it's both heartwarming and incredibly sad because the food they eat would not be fit for the prisoners of hell

>>14354723
ah yes, kay's delicious tuna tacos

>>14354779
only the best for big man lee

>>14338544
>>14339398
>>14339888
>>14341320
Physically recoiled

>>14351812
crutons in baked pasta sounds good

>>14341154
did someone say eggs?

>>14354860

>>14354851
Smaller breadcrumbs are more effective for forming a top layer crust

>>14341320
:15

>>14352004
Why

>>14353140
He's got the heart of a champion!

>>14353107

Jack made another chili monstrosity

>>14353033
>drizzled with semen resembling dipping sauce
uhh... im gona have to pass on this one

>>14353622
i would pretend that it looks disguesting and that i wouldnt eat it... but because i have my anonymity, i can gladly say id eat the fuck out of that.

>>14338758
I don't understand how this happens.
My very first thought, for a split second, was something like "maybe if you have only heard the term fried rice but never tried it..." but that's not good enough.
You'd have to have never cooked rice in any way at all to think this would work. Possibly you'd have to have never even eaten rice.

>>14355296
Kay's done pretty much the same exact thing in the past already. I don't get it either. She even commented that it's pretty much unpresentable.

>>14340967
The fact that he's acting like that isn't a complete pile of trash means he's either too retarded to know or so utterly dishonest that he'll praise literal shit if it's served to him by a brown person in a foreign country. And I don't care that he's brown too; it's blatant exoticism with no actual critical thinking involved at all.

>>14342902
nobody is really mean to kay on her comments so just dont mention it cos youll give anons idea

>>14354723
shes northen english not wesh but other than that you are entirely correct

>>14355328
>Wah, wah, other people can't like things that I don't like because I said so
I legitimately wish to know how it feels to have autism like this. I saw Rain Man for the first time last night, and thought to myself, "damn, it must feel so fucking awesome to live in a fantasy world of your own making, not having to give a shit about other people". Please tell me anon, so that I can damage my brain to be on your level too.

>>14343084
>jakatak4@2strokes.com
Fucking kek, i forgot about that shit

>>14351281
literally 1 coke product away from powerade chicken

>>14354864
man, i wish i could take a dump log like that, best feeling ever

>>14342546
The cheddar is sharper than the knife.

>>14341617
isn't cochineal like, dried beetles?

>>14338544
God that is infuriating to watch

>>14354671
Damn what an idiot

>>14340967
At 7 seconds notice the big fly walking inside the bowl with black shit

>>14352004
>that'll be 89.99 plus tip, sir

>>14340994
better than kay, that schizophrenic hag makes me ill
>>14340991
imagine the smell

>>14341601
I like how they have been the same for 6 years because I am autistic

>>14356483
You just know that he never cleaned up that egg

>>14340991
this is your brain on bbq

>>14340996
jack is a shitty cook but i'd murder that omelet after a night out

>>14356456
Is this good, it kinda doesn't look like it'd be good.

>>14352747
/lit/izen here, she ended up posting ''art'' nudes too but i dont have pics.

>>14352747
Based

>>14353738
>jack is a massive piece of shit
What did he do that was terrible enough to deserve 2 strokes?

>>14347127
>what a show
>taste like sweat

>>14343185
>ywn have a cute american pork wife

>>14353955
>the head is always visible
t.mangled dick

>>14355267
>tumeric
now he's just fucking with us

>>14356801
it's probably great but not for whatever they're charging

>>14354671
so what was the lawsuit about? who the fuck has a pacer account

>>14356010
Cochineal beetles, yes.

>>14356815
Woah there, you can't just mention that and follow it up with nothing.

>itt: people who haven't suffered through Kays Cooking
Welcome to hell, fu/ck/bois.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WhZvyrSeNA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kT5llaBYrQA

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BKcjBaKRkk

>>14345533

came here hungry
leaving angry, thanks you cu/ck/s

>>14341227

>>14347127
And it tastes like shit.
I got this old kebab guy, he takes forever to make one but god fucking damn. You feel so fucked afterwards and after another 10 minutes, you want to go again.

>>14348432
White people can be so fucking disgusting when it comes to their pets holy shit.

>>14351281
This is avant-garde as fuck

>>14356861
https://www.courtlistener.com/recap/gov.uscourts.njd.364019/gov.uscourts.njd.364019.1.0.pdf

>>14347127
Imagine getting this good at something so unimportant and unfulfilling

>>14346481
>>14349650
No this is what sub 80 iq looks like

>>14357476
why even film your cooking if you're just going to use premade shit

>>14341086
what an idiot. soft boiled egg ruined.

>>14341039
Takes a crane to get it out

>>14354860
That guy is so punchable

>>14356007
Beat me to it, Mr. Bond.

>>14357154
Cope harder nigger

>>14356815
sause or bullshit

>>14352144
>says the cancerous frogposter

>>14342010
He ate too many kids

>>14355701
>>14343084
>2strokes

>>14351281
Why not fry it after the coke bath?

>>14356456
obviously a joke video. even highbrow "restaurants" do shit as simplistic and stupid as this.

>>14357754
It reminds me of those joke videos that Food Network put out, where they took a Pop-Tart or a Twinkie or something and covered it in a bunch of bullshit and gave it a really silly French name. At least, I think it was Food Network; I can't seem to find the videos.

>>14353033
> penis

Someone post the non-Euclidian batter that Jack made

>>14347127
>merchandising his product harder than Star Wars and Kiss combined
>"hurr, it's not about making money"

I don't blame him for wanting to make some dosh, but he should at least be honest about it.

>>14357838
I'll post it if you promise to stop using Big Words you don't understand.

>>14344527
>Dad hugged me

>>14357391
holy kek
>"In the video, Scalfani alleges that he is using the RED COPPER 5 MINUTE CHEF product to make an omelet. After adding the eggs and other ingredients into the well and closing the well, Scalfani turns the unit over, and, after some time, the unit pops open and the omelet comes out. The unit does not explode into a ball of fire."

Let the record show that in the eyes of the law Onehand Jack's cooking is so bad what he creates can only be allegedly be called an omelet.

>>14345533
the stroke poster strikes again

>>14341617
what will it taste like though?

>>14357895
mmm yes I want my food dipped in heavy petroleum compounds

It's sad that posting a webm that isn't disgusting is considered sad nowadays, like that Martha's Mac and Cheese webm

>>14357838
It's non-Newtonian

>>14338515
This is closest thing i've seen to this woman actually making food, and it still turned out disastrously. Why didn't she just use more sauce???

>>14338758
This is undeniably the most retarded thing I've ever seen this woman do. I pray it doesn't get worse, but i know better.

>>14357689
Why are they putting hot plaster on my sandwich?

>>14341617
uuuuuhhh can i have a diet coke?

>>14347127
>he hinks thart what he is doin is special

>>14353107
after wha he did to his son watching this only brings me pleasure
i hope he dies very slowly

>>14341154
This is why US education is a joke, literal children graduate with no concept of reality and get their own fucking houses

>>14341617
I'd slam that and shrug just to spite him and knock that shit eating grin off his face.
It does look like it would be an interesting taste however.

Vintage Jack

>>14357548
a series called "lazy man dinners"

>>14359517
whoa, hold the fucking phone here
The pizza dough smells like PIZZA?!?!?

>>14338758
the one time she should add a bunch of water she doesnt lmao

>>14360056
wait nm this is fucking jack

>>14352439
same

>>14359517
my favorite part of ja/ck/ has to be his obsessive pizza autism

>>14352439
twitter zoomers unironically find this to be toxic

>>14359517
california BLOWN THE FUCK OUTTTT

>>14360429
the verdict??
perfect.

>>14351357
retard

>>14360330
what is he doing to that pizza
The day of reckoning will come for this transgression

>>14356984
That ex-nonstick pan.

>>14341320
Definately sucks a mean one. I'll give her that.

>>14347127
That's actual autism. I have high functioning skills in a factory. You basically try to think of something as a whole, and reduce the amount of movements it would take to complete the task quickly and proficiently. Looks weird but that's how it looks when someone actually applies themselves and doesnt milk the clock.

>>14360404
I guess toxic is one word for it, but it's basically the very definition of the bluepill.

>>14361003
But there are so many wasted motions there. It's more like he's trying to compose his actions in a form of physical music. That's what I would do, and I'm not autistic. I can even hear the associated music in my head as I watch.

>>14342867
If I only need half a block, I'll do that, but I actually have a sharp knife so it's super easy. I mainly do it because it's quick easy, and I'll remember which cheese in my cheese drawer it is without playing cheese detective.

>>14339732
US American here. There's "light" sour cream that has less fat, but is filled with "stabilizers" to make it thicker. Of course, we have pure sour cream containing only cream and cultures in the same aisle, but dumbfuck Europeans like to pretend otherwise.

>>14340991
Literally just use a cast iron skillet on the grill if you want to cook fucking eggs you fucking brainlet.

>>14348369
It wasn't the curtains.
They put water on an oil fire.
that makes the oil fire worse, in case you didn't know.

>>14344527
unironically happy for him

>>14360429
literally me

>>14356817
Not changing his diet that caused them. Hocking his sauce on a barbecue show where he didn't do any barbecuing, and crying up a storm as if he was being wrongfully attacked when they kicked him off.

>>14359517
why is he smelling pizzas?

>>14362335
Ancient fatass mating ritual

>>14357689
I'll be honest, I don't know what the fuck it's supposed to be but I want sum.