/ck/ - Food & Cooking

got super drunk/high/had a wee bit of DMT the other day and bullshitted a carrot+tumeric+coconut+vanilla cake, turned out pretty damn good more like a custard square than anything though which I think was due to the load of tapioca starch I vaguely remember dumping in

>>14005287
I got super stoned on marihuana and left a pot on the stove which caught fire and burnt my parent's house down. Insurance then denied it because I had been doing iellagal drugs I was sent to juvie
Dont do drugs

No

Got drunk two years ago and burnt my arm on my oven while fetching my frozen pizza. I still have the scar.

>>14005287
>got super wasted
>got all crazy
>cooked a bunch of pastas
>heated up some jars of sauce
Shit was so cash

I was drinking while friend did mdma, wanted to fry myself some sole while she kept rubbing herself like a fish against me from behind. Tried slapping her without turning and finally hit her, she kept sitting on the floor and laughing while my fish turned out perfect. Ate alone in the living room with her laughter in the background.

>>14005479
>marihuana

Based esl retard

>>14005287
Happened to a guy living next to me, shit makes me laugh every time I think about it:
>stationed in Coronado
>dude next door gets fucked up everynight
>he makes some shit in the microwave and little George foreman he has
>he finishes cooking, puts his shit in the sink to wash
>wake up the next morning and see water coming out his door and pouring down the walkway and into the courtyard
>it’s early and the building manager isn’t there, I could wake him up and tell him his shit is flooding, but he is such a dickhead I decide to keep walking
He ended having to pay the Navy a bunch of money for fucking up their carpet and got kicked out for underaged drinking. Anyway fuck that guy.

>>14005496
What the fuck is up with you people that do MDMA and stay at home? The fuck is wrong with you? Go to a club or something. Also MDMA doesn’t give you laughing fits. This is is gay as it is fake.

>>14005287
I made an entire cartons worth of eggs, then passed out. I woke up to 4 plates worth of eggs on my coffee table.

>>14005547
Not him. I've never done MD alone, always with at least one friend and we jam out to music. The laughing fits? Never experienced them, never heard of them.

Ill never forget the sound and feeling of being woken up by the smoke alarm and smoke from my oven

When I get drunk i'll put sour cream/sriracha/mumbo sauce on pretty much anything. The End.

Woke up one morning to find that I smeared shortening all over the walls.

On several occasions I've eaten soup/stew out of dirty ashtrays filled with cig butts.

I once microwaved a plate with nothing on it.

The lid to my coffee can was missing one morning. I later found it outside in the yard.

Used half of a jar of jelly for one pb&j.

Dumped an entire container of Mexican take-out onto my bed.

Made instant ramen drunk as fuck (drank a couple bottles of wine and was 3/4 through a 1l bottle of gin) and also fairly high (smoked a few joints and also had a small handful of shrooms). Poured the entire boiling hot pot of ramen over my feet when I tried to drain them in the sink. I was so drunk I literally just cleaned up and went to sleep, I didn't run my feet under cold water or bandage them or anything, and weirdly I didn't feel any pain (probably due to shock but idk). Woke up, had my socks on. Took off my socks and my feet were horrifically scalded. A huge blister had burst on my right foot in my sleep and my sock was basically a soup of puss and melted skin. Obviously went to the hospital, had second degree burns on my feet and they could have easily got infected, I was very lucky. I have discoloured tops of my feet and toes to remember the occasion.

few years ago i got super wasted and microwaved chicken tenders, thinking they were precooked. they weren't, but i was so drunk i still made it through a couple before i realized they weren't cooked. resulted in extremely awful stomach problems, raw chicken is no joke.

>>14005287
Drank all my roommate's beer one night, got hungry and decided to have a full pot of mac and cheese. After about an hour later my stomach doesn't like what's going on and I throw up a solid log of mac and cheese in my sink

once found my entire knife set stuck into my front lawn.

Apparently been throwing them at the ground from my porch

Drank a half beer filled with my cig ashes and butts, only realized it was my ash tray when I fished a butt out with my tongue

>>14006041
>tfw one year ate a whole chicken breast raw in hopes to stay home from school and iron gut didnt get sick

>>14005287
If you leave a cinnabon in the microwave for a few minutes and fall asleep. Prepare for a house full of smoke.

>>14005287
Got drunk as fuck one night and made quesadillas after roommates went to sleep. Corn tortillas onna nonstick pan with some slutty non-virgin olive oil, best fuckin' things I've ever had while drunk. I didn't burn anything down because I'm not a fuckup.

>be me
>drunk as hell
>leftover dollar burger
>try to deep fry it
>no clue how to do so
>wet slices of bread and mold it around borg
>fill pan with vegetable oil
>nuke it on max heat
>pan almost fucking orange
>ease burg into it
>oil explodes onto sides
>melts the fucking tupperware nearby
>turn stove off
>grab pan handle with gardening gloves and take it outside
>toss everything in street
>go back inside and eat thawed pizza rolls
>mfw see the pan and lump of burger on street getting mail next morning

>back from party, very drunk
>very drunk and very hungry
>read some Gordon Ramsey recipe, can´t process shit of what he´s talking
>turns on the oven and boil some water
>throws in, soma Buccatini, olives, carrots, a ful potato, peper, salt, and lettuce
>heats up a leftover kebab that I made for lunch
>eats it all with 2 cans of coke
never cooking drunk again

>>14005547
What is the point of clubs? I hate random strangers and being on drugs would just make that hatred stronger.

Got drunk as fuck one night and cooked some pasta when i went to drain the boiling water out it slipped out of my hands and i ended up with boiling water all over me

>>14005914
That's just depressing, anon.
Please, stop.

>>14007566
Its literally other lonely retards trying to socialize with other lonely retards or people with their friends going out to overspend on liqour and pretend that dumping a ludicrous amount of money to spend packed in a room with shitty music is somehow worth getting an STD just by looking at the slags that occupy that sort of deal.
Normies don't go to clubs other than to get a rush because they're idiots that fell into the meme, and people that make it a habit to go to clubs are literally just drug addicts/alcoholics that don't like being alone.

>>14005287
Cooking drunk is fun as hell although nothing to exciting happens most of the time, except that one time I got blackout drunk and went to bed with an empty saucepan on a stove that I left on. One of my roommates gave me shit about it.

>>14005547
>My experience on drugs is the only real experience!

Fuck you. Of course you like clubs you fucking cum guzzling faggot.

>>14005287
>stove in apartment is ancient and slow is fuck
>put nonstick pan on stove to heat it up
>forget to put timer on
>get distracted in my room down the hall
>eventually smell something funny
>o shit
>race to kitchen full of smoke
>had to throw away shitty ikea nonstick pan

>>14005287
>go to drain the ramen water with a colander
>forgot to use colander, all the noodles in the sink
Almost cried because i was looking forward to it, you know.

burns and cut fingers aplenty the last several years. pain usually isn't realized until I wake up the next day.

>>14005547
MDMA at a club or music festival is great and all but doing it in private can be even better. At a club you kind of waste the energy just leaping around and dancing which is great but in a more private setting you can enjoy listening to whatever you like, rubbing on random stuff, sex, or just talk talk talk talking your heart out.

>>14006147
yuck... i once drank bong-water soda before... not too bad but i wouldn't swig it down in any meaningful amount

>>14005287
put a frozen pizza into oven while it still had the plastic wrap

coal for breakfast

>>14005842
Try a layer of sour cream and then pour a combination of mild chili sauce mixed with sriracha and use it as a dip for nacho chips, it's amazing.

>>14009006
Fucking Gaben

>>14005287
>maybe drunk
>maybe just stoned
>first apartment
>midday
>never cooked with oil
>wanted to cook with oil
>FILL pan up with oil on stove
>pan catches fire
>uh-oh.jpg
>no fire extenguisher
>put pan in stove
>stove now on fire
>run up and down sidewalk on street full of apartments
>yelling FIRE FIRE FIRE
>latino from across the street comes over
>grabs bag of flour or sugar from cupboard
>covers flaming pan with dry goods
>puts out fire
>blame fire on bad electrical in stove
>get new stove!

>>14005842
sourcream, cheese and hot sauce (yucateco green, here) goes good on or in just about anything.

I once burned my dick on oven hatch while cooking naked. I might have been drunk too.

>>14007491
>mfw see the pan and lump of burger on street getting mail next morning
made me think of ATHF; the burger and pan in the street getting mail from the mail man.

>>14005287
>over at friends house
>everyone drunk late at night
>friend decides to make crepes
>he insists on flipping them by tossing it in the air using the pan
>everyone worries as he does it the first time
>is successful
>ok, Ivan, that was cool, but we know you're going to fuck it up, just use a spatula
>nah dude its cool
>2nd time he fucks up and get batter all over the side of the pan and the burner
>everyone laughs at him and calls him a retard

>>14005526
it's not an English word though

>>14005741
this happened to me and I don't know who the fuck got my door open without breaking it. I remember some dudes opening my window while I was wearing absolutely retarded clothes. The whole apartment building smelled of smoke for weeks lol

>Be 17
>My mum and friend have the same birthday
>Mum goes away for the weekend and friend comes to stay
>Fridge is loaded with beer and RTD's
>Get absolutely ripped on Friday night
>Get the hungers so warm up some leftover spaghetti Bolognese
>As I grab it out of the microwave I don't have a good grip and spill most of it in the floor
>Say fuck it, pour the rest on the floor and hand my mate a fork
>We lie on our stomachs and eat it off the floor like that scene in Friends
>Halfway through he gets a massive piece of glass in his mouth
>There's a smashed lightbulb on the ground behind us
>All lightbulbs are in their sockets and working
>Never figured out where the lightbulb came from

>>14005287
cooking drunk? how can i even remember? sometime i put a bunch of kettlechips on a plate with kraft cheese and jalapenos and fried crispy bacon to top of it
but ive eaten worse
way worse

>>14010435
did you ever suck his dick or what?

>>14010424
Based

>>14005287

In college, made hamburger helper and spilled the entire pan on my living room floor. Was so hungry that I got down on my stomach to pick it out and eat from the dirty apartment carpet that we never cleaned.

>>14005287
I woke up this morning and my favorite pan is dirty. I don't remember cooking last night but I also drank like a 750 of vodka. One time I woke up and found a pizza in the oven that cooked all night and turned into a giant black cookie

I microwaved a shit ton of pizza rolls and ate them then fell asleep. In the morning I discovered that I left the pizza rolls out all night and had to throw them out.

i was really craving a pizza while drunk once but didnt have any dough. i ended up mixing flour and beer (for the yeast). the end result was kind of soggy but definitely pizza like

decided to make french onion soup from scratch after watching a 007 film so the entire time i was pretending hunchmen were trying to fuck up my meal and fended them off with knives while badly singing what i thought was a Bond piece but eventually realised it was actually "horsell common and the heat ray" from jeff waynes "war of the worlds" so I thought fuck it this is now a post alien invasion survival onion soup mission! Shit was fun as fk. The only issue is i used WAY too much butter for the initial stage so i had to spend about 20 minutes at the end using a ladle to take the butter layer out. the crisp cheesy graten at the end made it worth it though.

Sprinkle a little dill for looks and wa la I was eating it while watching Goldfinger while thinking "fking gold stealing alien bitches".

>>14009006
dam GabeN is hanging some serious DONG

>>14005479
why did you admit to being stoned you absolute retard.

>>14005287
>be chronic alcoholic
>get smashed at 11am
>want eggs
>get water
>get eggs
>lets boil eggs
>tired
>lay down for a bit
>wake up at fucking 5pm
>hungry want food
>go to kitchen
>stove on
>pot on stove
>no water in pot
>no eggs in pot
>look up
>eggs on ceiling
amazed the house didn't burn down desu

>Got drunk
>Made amazing and nutritious meal
>Washed dishes, wiped counters

>>14005485
Based
Got some shit out of the oven and pressed it against my arm on accident because I refused to drop itover a year ago, still have the scar

>>14012513
>sleeping while cooking

Not even once!

>>14012627
This is quite possibly my favorite cooking related image on the internet.

>>14012634
There was a picture of a pressure cooker that exploded and the lid went through the wall

>>14012654
Like, fully penetrate the wall and exit the building or embedded in the drywall?

>>14005287
not so much a cooking story but
>eat two ribeyes
>proceed to drink entire bottle of Johnny Walker
>throw up all over floor
wasted two good steaks

>>14005287
I'm the designated drunk chef, so my shit works out.
But I've had drunk friends do all kinds of shit.
>friend goes to bake cookies
>twists oven to off
>waiting for cookies to cool
>drunk friend pulls out a half sheet of fire
>Friend doesn't know what to do.
>I throw the sheet back in the searing hot oven while still burning
>OFF is right next to BROIL on old ovens
no cookies that night
>friend goes to get a beer and i hear the microwave kick on as i walk in
>"the beer froze"
caught it in time
>wake up to my cast iron skillet covered in a 1/4 inch thick layer of cheese and asparague

>>14005459
Why would you mix booze and DMT? What kind of fucked up combo is that? "Hmmm, today I think I will take adderall and smoke weed."