/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Cum

Make protein bars with oatmeal and molasses

Honestly I always thought of Lembas bread as being like those shortbread cookies but with an even higher butter content to give them extra calories, maybe pressed to keep them extra dense. I know that the name is an homage to Melba toast but that stuff is neither dense nor filling.

>>13988748
Not a bad idea

>>13988769
Yeah, most of the recipes for "lembas bread" online are basically short bread made really to imitate how they look in the movies and actually taste good

So I'm thinking potential ingredients; beans, nuts and seeds, dried fruit/veg, dried meat, honey, molasses, animal/ vegetable fat, corn meal/ whole wheat flour

>>13988836
Thats pemmican

pemmican. dried meat mixed with animal fat, and fruit that contains vitamin c and various antioxidants. dried orange or kiwi pieces, blueberries. add some flax for fiber. thats all we need anyway: protein, a bit of fat, and vitamins and fiber. if you need a carb rush, just eat some kendalls mint cake.

I bet you could make a hard take with a meal supplement powder like Huel and be pretty close..

It already has a recipe for huel pancakes

>>13988724
Where do hobbits get ti leaves?

look up the shortbread they used to eat around the civil war times

For something like Lembas bread that's calorie dense and good to take on a trip It's gotta be something akin to a sweet and spiced baked good, likely with nuts and fruits baked into.

hard tack, yea

>>13988724
Modify this and you got it.
Ryebread or rugbrød in danish (then you can translate recipes)

>>13988724
It's already figured out and it's called Nutraloaf

>>13990765
They're going hiking, not to prison.

I feel like it would be like a mix of a bunch of things and then dried or baked into a dense bread or short-cookie thing.

Like multiple ground up seeds, or even just whole seeds. Multiple dried fruits and nuts. Probably has some kind of protein-like substance in it like beans or bean paste, but could probably just use a few scoops of protein powder. And maybe blended up with dates to make it sticky and dense and so it all combines together.

I don't know how good that would taste though. Might not be so great. So maybe I'd just do like a short-bread cookie (but way less sugar so it isn't that sweet) with blended up dates/fruits and seeds as well as some nuts like almonds or pistachios and add in some flavorless protein powder. And if it's supposed to be healthy (not sure if it is) you could try and find flavorless multi-vitamin powder and add that as well.

Also thinking about it, those japanese snacks remind me of lembas a little bit. CalorieMate blocks.

>>13988724
Maybe pemmican mixed with oats and dried cranberries

I only eat things in bar form

Reminds me of those vietnamese banana leaf sticky rice cakes. Basically a big handful of rice with something in the middle as filler, wrapped tightly in a banana leaf and cooked on coals or steamed or whatever. The idea is to get a little parcel wrapped in a fresh leaf. Some carbs and whatever filling you like. Banana, fruit, pork, fish etc. Makes a nice portable all-natural meal that you can make anywhere for cheap. I forget the name. Bahn tet?

>>13988724
Buy caloriemates.

>>13990616
Is a hard take kind of like of like what Jack Nicolson was talking about in A Few Good Men?

It looks like soda bread to be honest

Made my own soda bread. Was pretty nice

>>13988724
Dates

>>13991340
I love that shit

If it was made out of uranium it could power a man for a 100 years

>>13991230
Lemper

>>13988724
Probably a lot of dairy and meat mixed into it, maybe organ product as well, in addition to nuts and fruit. I can believe it’s possible to make a bread that could sate one’s appetite for a day with a single bite, it would just have be time consuming and expensive to make.

>>13991340
I too enjoy bicarbonate of soda

>>13992807
2,000 calories packed into one bite would be denser than gold.

>>13992935
Melt-in-your-mouth it is

>>13988724
Be sure to add some petrol for the calorie boost. Maybe swap out any other wet ingredient for it

>>13992951
A gallon of olive oil is also about 31,000 calories.

>>13992971
if you drink that you'd just immediately shit it out right?

>>13988724
Remember that they were talking about elves, who ate very little to begin with.

Sort of like a kendal mint cake with more breadiness to it?

>>13988724

>>13988724
Id say something like a "power bar" but a home made version packed with nutrients instead of corn syrup and bullshit (do they even make those anymore? Used to eat them daily but just realized I haven't even seen one in years)

>>13992978
Most likely. You definitely wouldn't be able to utilize/obtain all 31k calories.

>>13992990
this looks like the best option, if one gram has that much in it surely you could just lick it once a day?
No need for cooking or anything

put suet into something like parkin or pemmican with extra oats

>>13988724
Vitamin balls

>>13992978
You would digest several thousand calories before you started shitting oil.

>>13993018
>Vitamin balls
is this actually a thing?
i've been looking for food alternatives that will help me not have to rely on "traditional" food

>>13993025
what
why are you trying to avoid "traditional" food

>>13993028
because food tastes good so i'd rather eat one small something per day that will give me nutrition and suppress my appetite

>>13993034
You can diet and still eat nice food

>>13993034
Just eat eggs and orange juice.

>>13993043
the problem i'm trying to solve is not one that can be solved by simply dieting

>>13993052
ominous
Are you trying to get rid of a body by eating it

Grind up multivitamins, mix with honey, butter, and protein powder. Yum.

>>13993005
Shit in a bucket and drink it a second time third time and so on. Voila.

Look into churchhella

just write to tolkiens children and ask for the secret family recipe

>>13988724

>>13988724
Flapjacks

>>13988724
My sister and her husband hiked the Appalachian Trail a couple years ago, they really appreciated jerky because it lasted a long time, it was lightweight, and had good protien. I'm not sure you would want anything too calorie dense in the form of bread though

>>13988769
>>13990616
Tolkien based lembas on hardtack. An unlevened bread more akin to eating a dr shoals shoe insert than bread. Make hardtack and add some bodybuilding protein powder and some crushed up oats and shit and wala!

>>13994234
No, he didn't. Cram is based on hardtack. Lembas is a version that tastes good.

I wonder how long graham crackers or digestive biscuits keep. I know matzoh keeps forever if you keep it dry, because I bought a bunch (on post-passover sale) for emergency rations about a decade ago.

>>13988724
Look up pemmican if you really want to see a in real life equivalent to Lembas Bread.

>>13988728
Yes

Bumping this thread.
1/?

>>13994506
which would you prefer. orc or half orc ration?
2/?

>>13994515
>tfw lembas bread is just cinnamon swirl bread
3/?

>>13994523
4/5

>>13994531
>>13994531
reminder if you can't ID that large brown lump then you don't belong on /ck/ :)
5/5

>>13994506
Look like meat's still on the menu, boys.

I'm assuming different races have different nutrition and caloric needs, but speaking as a human, I'd probably prefer the elf or dwarf ration. Those look to me like they strike the best compromise between being nutritionally varied while still being high in protein and fiber

>>13993034
This makes absolutely no sense at all. Is this some kind of deep depression thing ?

>>13994506
they have nigger toes in middle earth?

>>13994689
i just don't want to be burdened by my body's need of sustenance
i also can't ever be bribed with food if i never have to eat
>deep depression
i don't remember what not being depressed is like

ITT: recipes for cram

>>13994533
Looks like blood sausage to me

>>13994533
Looks like blood sausage to me

>>13988724
Are you European? Good.

Europe has a huge influx of African migrants who came in by boat through the Mediterranean Sea and then travel through the continent to reach places like France, Germany and Sweden above all.

The first logical step would be to start from Italy (Malta would be even better but it’s not well connected to mainland Europe), this is where you would build a factory for what we’re going to do.

The idea is simple: refugees in, edible food out.

Refugees are taken into custody in concentration camps near our factory, there they receive medical attention and are fed, the women who are expecting can comfortably give birth to their children.

Now we move to phase 2.

The adults are separated from the children and they’re put into stables where they receive food and impregnate every other woman until they give birth in a long cycle, then when new fresh refugees came in they’re moved to the actual factory.

The male children are bred like cattle until they’re big enough to be moved in the factory with the adults as well as part of the female ones, because some of them are kept to become future mothers.

And here’s the phase 3.

The well fed and sane refugees are now processed by sophisticated machines that turn their bodies into an edible paste with a high protein content and eventually make bars and cookies out of it.

These products will be packed and shipped to Africa to keep the refugee-biscuits cycle in motion, we will actually profit from it because we will make Bono and the United Nations pay for them because it’s a sustainable and eco friendly food who helps the underprivileged.

I hope this has been helpful OP.

Are you European? Good.

Europe has a huge influx of African migrants who came in by boat through the Mediterranean Sea and then travel through the continent to reach places like France, Germany and Sweden above all.

The first logical step would be to start from Italy (Malta would be even better but it’s not well connected to mainland Europe), this is where you would build a factory for what we’re going to do.

The idea is simple: refugees in, edible food out.

Refugees are taken into custody in concentration camps near our factory, there they receive medical attention and are fed, the women who are expecting can comfortably give birth to their children.

Now we move to phase 2.

The adults are separated from the children and they’re put into stables where they receive food and impregnate every other woman until they give birth in a long cycle, then when new fresh refugees came in they’re moved to the actual factory.

The male children are bred like cattle until they’re big enough to be moved in the factory with the adults as well as part of the female ones, because some of them are kept to become future mothers.

And here’s the phase 3.

The well fed and sane refugees are now processed by sophisticated machines that turn their bodies into an edible paste with a high protein content and eventually make bars and cookies out of it.

These products will be packed and shipped to Africa to keep the refugee-biscuits cycle in motion, we will actually profit from it because we will make Bono and the United Nations pay for them because it’s a sustainable and eco friendly food who helps the underprivileged.

I hope that this was helpful OP.

>>13995718
*jazz music stops*

calorie dense you say?

>>13995718
a modest proposal

>>13995718

>>13995718
>B-But think of the holocaust

Something like that would overshadow the *other* tragedy

>>13992935
Well, we're talking about the craft of elves, spending thousands of years getting good at making shit. It's not really the same thing as our idea of technology (there's probably a handful of particular elves who have this skill from doing a shitload of nothing but baking for millenia) but maybe it's plausible? Some kind of hyper-compact polymer which unfolds/reacts in the gut into digestible proteins/carbohydrates/whatever?

>>13992982
Retard.

>>13995718
it doesn't rhyme with soylent green.

>>13995696
>>13995700
Are you talking about the kidney in this one >>13994533? or something from this one >>13994531?
Either way, what blood pudding are you seeing?

>>13994533
I think I see barley and oats in there.
Haggis?
I mean, fitting, if we're going with the whole "Dwarves = Scottish/Celtic/Vikings" trope.

>>13994234
>wala
It's wallah, bro

>>13995597
shit man I'm sorry to read that. hopefully you find some food that you like and that will make you feel better.

>>13988724
Something like pemmican probably comes close. Has to be very fat rich. Take a big bite, and you're done for the day.