/ck/ - Food & Cooking

come bake bread with me anon

>>13894933
Sorry Op, but im a cook, not a bakery type. I cant even make a fucking Pizzadought right. And the worst part is i have to deal with an broken Oven and cant get me some Weedcookies. My Oven knows only two options. "Off" or "Supernova".

>>13894933
m-mommy

>>13894933
I am addicted to marijuana. I just had a marijuana intervention and my youngest son handed me a special pair of underwear that said drugs are for sinners. I have disgraced myself and also my family. I need to travel to a shaman who is also a Catholic pedophile and have my foreskin and small pink balls drenched in holy water.

>>13894933
Is that the retarded pancake girl?

>>13894933
heavy heavy bububas

>>13895017
why was this my first thought as well?

>>13894933
>she will never be yours
it hurts

what is so sexy about a girl cooking? huge turn on for me. i basically can't date women that don't cook. is it a subconscious nurturing thing or what?

>>13895161

Those are some big udders

>>13895166

>>13895074
she just had a kid

>>13895166
>baked steak

>>13894933
wait a minute. who is this and why does she seem so familiar?

>>13895333
wat

>>13895333
>it's not mine
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

>>13895419
my imaginary cerebral palsy gf. She married chad and recently had a baby. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=idMz-2nXwB0

>>13895017
It's Alice 36DDD

>>13894933
I can't bake bread, but my loaf is leavening right now if you know what I mean.

>>13894933
Got 2 loaves retarding in the fridge right now

>>13895603
Lol

>>13895166
I'm so upset.

I was gonna make a webm of this whore and her big fat tits making pancakes but then couldn't find her youtube channel, then I lost interest

>>13895494
is that legal?

>>13894933
Haven't bought bread in about 2 years after I really stepped up my baking game. Since quarantine has me working from home and doing fuck all else, I've been trying more experiments and new baked goods. Made croissants for the first time today, and they were really good despite being really ugly. I think next time I'll cut larger triangles and change the rolling method slightly so that they're more conducive to using as a sandwich or something, they were a little small for that this time around.

>>13896109
Why wouldn't it be, you retard? CP is a physical disability, not a mental one.

>>13896177
You might get that shakey baby syndrome

>>13894933
yes but it's pain to make.

>>13896204
try the no knead

>>13894933
Actually, yes. However, it tasted like yeast and didn't rise very well. I'm guessing that the "2012" written on the yeast pack didn't help.

>>13896204
Big brain humor.

i think she did reduction

>>13896521
i don get it.....

>>13894968
https://www.potsandpans.com/recipes/cuisine/american/stovetop-skillet-chocolate-chip-cookies/

>>13896535
neither does he anon, there is nothing to get

>>13896535
>>13896656
There really is something to get, but less intelligent people might have to think about it.

>>13895002
>reblogged
>thanks

>>13896204
kek

>>13896535
t. autolyzed brain

>>13896535
it isn't that funny

>>13896669
You define intelligence as rapid recognizance of inter-lingual puns?

>>13895494
>be physically disabled woman, albeit with a moderately cute face and not fat
>reproduce

>be me, supreme gentleman
>not reproduce

why life be like this

>>13895161
cooking is a basic ass survival skill. if she can't cook, she's retarded

>>13896794
not who you replied to, but i'm bored so going to opine
the pun was quite elementary french, most remotely cultured / read / educated / curious english speakers will be aware of it
as such, it is somewhat a sign of a lack of intelligence if a person was not able to immediately recognize the pun
recognizing the pun doesn't indicate that one is intelligent, but not recognizing the pun is a reasonably clear indicator
to assume that this was the poster's sole judge of intelligence indicates, to me, that you are low intelligence

we have the choice lads as to whom we want to learn from

>>13896814
ew get taste

>>13895342
broiling steaks is the traditional way to make them

>>13896197

>>13896811
F>>13896811
>curious english speakers will be aware of it
thats in your head mate

>>13896878
Wow I had no idea Facebook was this based.

>>13896906
>Facebook

>>13895166
Usually, I would be really upset witnessing this. But I just cooked an entrecôte to perfect rare and seasoned my cutting board just like famous autist Adam Rag told me. It tasted amazing and I'm just in a good mood right now

>>13896795
I know you're being slightly sarcastic but it truly is a redpill

Men will fuck a literal retard that needs assistance holding a spoon as long as it has fat tits

>>13896795
>why life be like this
Because you have no vagine anon
Feminism has derailed enforced monogamy and you are one who loses
Sorry
Fight feminism when you can , its all you can do

>>13896878
wow that's some fucking nice banter

>>13896811
Holy autism motherfucker. You just know a French word calm your tits

procrastinating on buying a scale and loaf pan

>>13894933
What's it like to come home to a mommy-wife? How does it feel when she presses your face into her soft pillows, pats your head and whispers softly that it's gonna be okay?

>>13897907
Incredibly comforting and castrating. You feel like a little boy: you sacrifice your agency and freedom for passive gratification

>>13895166
>Takes steak from the oven
>Puts cheese on top
>Microwaves it instead of putting it back in the oven
>Cheese doesn't even melt

>>13897648
Funny thing is I'm the one who made the original post and I just made a grammatical mistake, it wasn't intended to be a joke.....

>>13896535
pain is french for bread

I've made decent sourdough bread before, but honestly it wasn't worth the effort.
If I can't buy it, I'll just go without.

>>13897993
It needs patience and minimal kneading

>>13898002
>It needs patience
Yeah, that's what I lack.
If I have no other food I would make it, but the reward of spending a few hours prepping and making it is not significantly greater than eating simple fruits + canned/frozen veggies and meats + rice if it comes to it.

>>13894933
>>13894949
Well... are you going to post the fucking source or what?

>>13895494
I have goblin fetish

>>13894933
Sauce me up big boi

>>13896109
sure

>>13896527
how do you look at this and say Capitalism works?

Rate my onion rye loaf

>>13898597
pretty gay honestly.

>>13898597
Put a oven-proof dish filled with water in your oven next time; when the outside of the bread dries out too quickly, it doesn't rise properly in the oven.

>>13895074
Would you do her dishes, /ck/?

>>13896795
It requires one to engage with another human without being an asshole. Go try it sometime and you might be surprised.

I'm positive theres single females within a 1 mile radius of where you are right now who would be happy to have someone who doesn't put others down, takes pride in their work and hygiene, and does their own dishes/laundry. You should go talk to them, for their sake. The ones that survive the chinavirus, that is.

>>13897041
>be charisse
>successful youtube channel with worldwide acclaim despite being disabled
>be anon
>nothing wrong genetically but still unfit, sole social interaction from internet
>looks at memes about cooking as an inadequate attempt at self-improvement
cope

>>13895074
>>13895333
I'm really happy for her, that she's living a regular life. A lot of people with physical disabilities aren't able to. Good for you, pancake girl.

>>13898655

This, except just that won't produce enough steam at once. Best you can do at home is a Dutch oven. Second best is a metal bowl inverted over the loaf with a preheated cast iron on the rack below the loaf with boiling water poured into it after the loaf goes in. 3rd best is that minus the inverted metal bowl.

>>13894933
I would but there is NO FUCKING FLOUR anywhere

>>13898783

Nothing personnel, kid

>>13897695
Buy a big loaf pan. Like 11x6. The ones they sell in stores are for coffee cakes and shit, not sandwich bread.

>>13898783
same anon, it's fucking stupid

I made cinnamon raisin bread tonight, haven’t tried it yet though

>>13898982
Now I can't get the sound of him accidentally swatting the microphone out of my head.

>>13899036
post results

Yes I learned to bake breast

>>13898783
Why don't you have at least 10kg of flour in your cupboards at all time?

>>13899105
Was it the breast idea you've ever had?

>>13894933
i learned how to bake last year so im ahead of the curve
comes in handy since all the stores are sold out of bread meanwhile i could just come in and grab some flour from the shelves and make bread at almost half the cost

>>13899408
>and grab some flour from the shelves
Unfortunately a good chunk of the masses had that same thought 1-2 weeks ago.
We're not running out of flour as a whole, but all the store-packaged stock is quickly out in the hardest-hit areas.

>>13899197
Tit's up there

I want her to enrich my bread with her milk

>>13894933
Look at those fucking bonkers! Ahoooga ahooga!!!

>>13899408
>not buying staples in bulk as a general rule

>>13899450
Only in supermarkets. The retarded fairweather preppers don't even know about specialist stores.

>>13894933
LINK ME PLEASEEEEE REEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>13895166
that's a british face if i've ever seen one.

>>13897041
>retard
people with cerebral palsy generally dont have reduced cognition but i get your sentiment

I know how to bake bread
I just got some flour last week
My problem is I can't find yeast

So I don't have a sourdough starter but I do have a Kombucha culture that is overrun with yeast and I might try to bake bread with it, wish me luck.

Man, fuck trying to make whole wheat bread

Yeah. Like 2 years ago.
If anyone is unironically interested in getting into baking bread, start here.
https://www.abreaducation.com/content/lesson1-first-loaf

>>13894933
Jup. 50% white flour, 50% wholegrain flour, no-knead, Dutch oven baked.

>>13894949
Well I've prepared some kind of batter...

>>13895166
is this come dine with me uk or usa?

i have to watch this

>>13895166
>>13900433
cardiff, season 43

I can't find any FUCKING flour.

>>13896906
Tbh normies can be fucking viscious at times. Gives me hope

>>13894933
yes of course

>>13899451
What are bosom of your other good ideas?

>>13900821
Juicy milk buns

>>13894933
have

I like bread

My wife and I bake bread every other day. 50% white floor, 25% whole wheat, 25% rye. Molasses sweetened . Absolutely amazing bread.

>>13895161
Seconded.

>>13894949
Link me

>>13894933
Who is this? I want to learn how to make bread

>>13894933
>random bitch #485,308,228 sticks her tits in front of a camera for attention
>junior high beta virgins shit up /ck/ as a result

Being a fawning beta male lead around by the dick by any random bitch is no way to go through life, kid. Man up already, learn self control, and quit letting some random slut manipulate you through your biology.

>>13894933
Nope but i would like to. Gonna take it as spring project making my own bread. I love country style bread and dark bread of all sorts.

>>13895494
>C-section
>6 pounds 1 ounce
Fucking hell, imagine if I was her baby, I was a C-section because I was just shy of 14 pounds

>>13896939
Be glad he thinks it is

>>13898597
good job dude

>>13900397
I'd eat that, straight out of the oven with actual butter smeared over it not that gay fake butter spread

>>13901189
I ate it with whipped salted butter. It was good.

>>13901095
seethe more, homosexual.

>>13898783
parents saw it coming and bought 150 pounds of wheat, I just toss it in out mill and its great for breads.

>>13895166
>steak americano
Wait, do Americans really do this?

>>13901414
>y-you're s-seething, not m-me!
Why don't you see if you're baby sitter will take you to the park, kid, and take a break from 4chan for the day.

>>13894933
Yeah check out this loaf I made the other day

>>13899159
Weevils and pantry moths. I predict we'll be seeing a lot of photos of them on Facebook in about six months.

I'm having borgers tomorrow.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2dMVxqynlg

>>13898539
What do you mean?

>>13894933
ive got a bread maker, does that count?

>>13894933
Druther make plum cake.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sgYAkt3SiuM

>>13896120
please have sex with me

>>13897555
>those digits

>>13898597
Your scouring is too shallow so it won't do anything but it doesn't matter because your bread wasn't proofed correctly in the first place.

How hard is it to maintain a bread starter culture?

>>13899779
>bulk buying goods that perish quickly

>shops have lots of bread
>flour totally sold out

Wtf

Who panic buys flour but not bread

>>13894933
I wanted to, but I guess everyone else had the same idea and now I can't buy yeast anywhere

>>13905278
It's probably less panic buying and more everyone wanting to use all their sudden free time to practice baking.

>complaining about no flour
dont you retards work in the food industry? just steal a bag from work

>>13895342
it's good nigga, actually the best way to get a great steak.
just sear first and then into the stove with them.
you get a much better and even cook this way.

>>13898982
i got flour, not massive amounts that isnt in a sealed bucket but I can not find live yeast to save my life.

>>13904143
Plums are awful, but I sort of think after seeing this video that I'd like to try this cake.

>>13905381
guilty!

>got a 25lb bag of king Arthur flour just before the chinky flu swept through

Damn it feels good to be a gangster

>>13898700
I would do her on her dishes

>>13898782
just a tip for non-dutchoven-having people, i get similar results with a big tri-ply stock pot (using foil under the lid to make a better seal). Roommate let my dutch oven rust and i've been too lazy to restore it.

>>13895074
this is so sad, poor thing

>>13895074
The sad thing is, even like that, her life is probably still easier than most mens, because simps still wanna fuck her, despite her disability.

Rate pleae

My loaves keep sticking to the FUCKING banneton so it ruins the shape and they get all deflated every time. Other than that, how did I do?

>>13908059
50% white and 50% white wheat started with a biga. I wanted to try some rye but it's impossible to find goddamn flour now.

>>13907202
A "simp" as already made this beautiful woman a wife and mother. Meanwhile you'rte here making fun of her. Who's the simp now?

>>13908068
Looks ok for 50/50. Autolease and bulk it more, whole wheat flour takes forever to get water all up in it.

I knew how to bake bread before this whole shitshow. Now, everyone and their mother is hoarding all the good flour, and I can't get a resupply. Fuck.
Pic is one of my recent loaves.

>>13908352
how do u make it so light? is it the yeast? the flour? the knead? mines get as dense as a rock , every goddamn time

>>13909347
Not him, but you're following a recipe accurately and getting it that dense every time you're probably not kneading enough. But literally every other aspect also plays a role in getting it perfect.

>>13908059
Dust the banneton with white rice flour

i decided try try replacing 1/3 of the white flour in my usual white bread recipe with masa harina. the dough resulting dough feels kind of weird; it's hard to describe

did i goof

>>13909372
That's basically cornflour, right? I've never used it, but don't think there's gluten in it. If you cut gluten content by a third the dough won't develop the same way. Might as well see how it turns out, though.

>>13909536
it's very similar to cornmeal except the corn has been treated with lime. you're correct there's no gluten. that's why, from what i've read, you want to use a mix of wheat flour with masa harina to make bread using masa harina since the wheat flour will provide the gluten for leavening. i've just never tried it before and i haven't found many people talking about making bread with masa harina

the first fermentation stage is done though. while it unsurprisingly didn't rise as much as an all wheat dough, it feels a lot smoother/doughier than it did and really smells quite nice

>>13909347
This is the a sourdough loaf. It started really dense when I started and I got progressively better.
Basically, every step matters but there are a few that made a significant impact.

1. Good start culture. I started my own which was shit. Bought a starter online and it was much better.
2. Good baking vessel. Dutch oven (or equivalent) or nothing. Very important.
3. Flour. Your flour proportions effect the final crumb. The loaf I posted was 100% bread flour. This produces the lightest crumb in my opinion.
There are other things that are harder to control but do have an effect like culture activity, proofing temp, and how you work the dough over the course of the day.

>>13909372
>>13909562
the wheat/masa harina bread came out interesting. the corna flavor is milder than i'd thought, but it's definitely there. the corn flavor really comes out depending on what you eat it with; i tried a little bit of a tangy barbecue sauce on it and it brought out the corn flavor tremendously. it's an interesting bread

>>13894933
>>13894949

>>13904143
w-who is this babe?