/ck/ - Food & Cooking

just toss that fucker in fuck you faggot

Put it in the ocean where it belongs

>eating bugs is fine if they're from the water
They are bugs. Humans do not eat bugs.

>>13868953
This. Boiling an animal alive is China levels of degeneracy.

use the rubber bands they put on the claws to fasten a knife to the underside of your wrist, assassin's creed style, then whisper something to the lobster as you slide the blade into its brain

>>13868979
Gamer is right. As a chef, this is exactly what we're taught in chef school, although it is more professionally called the "langostino assassinito" technique.

>>13868943
consider the lobster

>>13868943
Stop eating sea bugs.

>>13868953
>>13868945
The duality of man

>>13868953
what about a boiling ocean?

>>13868943
Knife in brain first. No reason not do it.

>>13868943
Knife the brain pussio

>>13868943
Tie a noose around his clippers, suspend him from a pully above the pot of water, slowly descend him into the water tail first.

Throw him into bin because seafood is yucky.

>>13868943
Put it in the freezer for 10 - 15m. Then straight into a pot with boiling water. Wait until it boils again, wait 2 more minutes. Done.

Just get a big fuck-off outdoor burner and a steamer pot. Get that bitch rippin hot and throw in the bugs. They'll be dead in less than a minute.

>>13869529
They scream and try climb out the pot, you fucking chink.

>>13869535
They don't scream and everything fights to live. Even plants

>>13869585
>>13869535
>>13869296
>>13869128
>>13869263
Make sure water is boiling BEFORE you put it in

>>13869598
Apply the same methodology to your next annual bath

>>13869128
>>13869263
Doesn't that start the decomposing process immediately?

Put them in the freezer, to induce a coma.

>>13868943
>eating the insects of the ocean

>>13869633
You dont stab the fucker and wait around an hour before cooking it.
Stab and Ross in pot

>>13869600
I used to cry about the lobsters too when I was a kid. It sucks having a lot of empathy sometimes doesn't it? Cutie

>>13869671
Not him but fuck off back to /b/, edgelord. Boiling an animal alive is the height of degeneracy.

>>13869677
It's a lobster, dude.

>>13869684
It's a lobster not a rock

First reach down and rip its dick off. Then find the third and fourth segments of the shell, slide your two fingers between them, then go to the underbelly and jam hard up. This will make it easy for you to extract the lobster's small lungs. Now the lobster can only breathe through its gills, so you should put it in liquid. I suggest apple cider vinegar, slowly giving it chemical burns. The eyes of the lobster will shrivel and dry out, as it lets out pathetic tiny squeaks of horror. As the acid eats away at the shell, the brain of the animal will begin to pickle. At this point, start screaming at the lobster, "No one ever fucking loved you, you little shit. You're a fat stupid bug. Your children are ashamed at you." Flick the top of his head with your finger, in an annoying way. Poke toothpicks into its face. Eventually, you will see the beast begin to transition to the afterlife. This is when you should start burning it directly with a lighter, so it can get used to the Hell it's going to.

>>13869712
Big meanie

>>13869712
Still less traumatic than my childhood

>>13869712
> its dick
RULE 34 ON LOBSTERS PLOX

>>13868968
mmmm tasty bugs dipped in butta

Crabs are friends not food

>>13869827
Jesus. If true, poor little lobster guys. I went to Marseille once and went to some fancy restaurant by the harbour where they were famous for their bouillabaisse. It was like a whole thing where they bring out different dishes before the soup or whatever. Anyway, they then bring out a platter of shellfish they want to put in the soup that we have to approve or something. All kinds of shellfish and this poor looking bastard live lobster on top. Looked at my gf and could see she was thinking the exact same thing as me. Said to the guy “that’s a nice looking lobster mate, where is that from, did you fish it out of there?” pointing to the harbour. He grins and nods yes, from there. So I picked it straight up off the platter he was holding, got up and walked over to the harbour edge and chucked it in. He then goes, this fucking frog, “you must pay! you must pay!” and I said, not skipping a beat, “I’ll pay for it, mate, but that’s how me and my missus like our lobster done”. Paid for the whole meal which was otherwise great (no poor bastard boiled alive lobster needed), and left. Got the best head of my life that night. Thanks based little lobster guy. Hope you made it.

>>13869855
Seems unlikely

>>13869855
>has no problem with crab and langoustine boiled alive

>>13869855
test

>>13869855
Fucking based.

>>13869858
I don’t eat anything boiled alive, friendo. We didn’t realise they were going to present live lobsters to us as part of the whole faffy process.

>>13869866
Then why didnt you throw the whole plate in the ocean? Huh? What what?

>>13869870
Nothing else alive on it. It was a whole lot of dead shellfish and then this poor little bastard on top. Well big bastard. He was pretty big.

>>13869877
Ok, youre a good guy. Fucking frogs.

>>13869893
Well, I don’t know if he made it. I plonked him in as gently as possible but no idea if the harbour floor was ok for him (for what it’s worth, I don’t think he was actually fished in the harbour). So who knows. If he died, at least it was where he belonged and not squirming around on fire in some retard’s kitchen.

>>13868953
Then you eat it raw?

I can't believe some of you faggots won't boil lobster alive. You're the kids that cry and tattle when the middleschooler microwaves a frog

>>13869827
top fucking kek this had me crying

>>13868943
They actually cook best on the BBQ. Have them split & cleaned. Place them on the grille with the claws on low/med heat & the tails on med/high. Flip every few minutes. Usually 10-12 minutes depending on the size.

>>13869677
>Not him but fuck off back to /b/, edgelord. Boiling an animal alive is the height of degeneracy.
No, eating it while it is alive, riping off claws, legs and tails and eating it in front of it while it watches in agony and terror as you bite and chew it's flesh out of it's carapace is the true height of degeneracy. Bonus points if you do it while the others are in a glass jar watching in horror as their friends get picked one by one to undergo this terrible fate, knowing fully well that the same will happen to them soon.

So yeah, nothing is quite as cruel as the way chinks eat them.

have people really been conditioned to kill the lobster before boiling? what’s your problem?

>>13869855
This is so based.

>>13870004
Edgelord idiot who doesn’t realise empathy gives you leet skills in being able to manipulate others and get what you want. Lurk life more, dumbfuck.

>>13868943
Burn the eyeballs off with a lighter, lolololol!!!

Put it tail-first down the garbage disposal.

Or else microwave it.

>>13869855
It hit a fucking rock you cunt

>ctrl+f "hypnotize"
>no results

Filthy land-lubbers, the lot of you.
Gently stroke the lobbie down the middle of his back until he completely relaxes. If you do it right you should be able to prop the little guy up in a headstand without resistance.
Now he's completely numb and you can boil him alive without guilt.

>>13869827
Wearing my cleats. Lost it

>>13871765
Maybe. But at least it died where it belonged.

>>13869665
Okay scoob

The chinese way.

>>13871088
You do not need empathy in order to manipulate others. In fact, it only hinders you.
t.sociopath

>>13872358
Low t idiot, you mean.

Someone explain it to this infant.

>>13872352

>>13871088
>>13872358
both seem believable. which one of you is right?

>>13872388
I’m extremely intelligent, handsome, and personable. I also enjoy manipulating people to get what I want when I want it. I’ve banged gurls the day their parents have died. Empathy is fine, but it’s not for me.

>>13872358
No lol.

See, people who have empathy are naturally fantastic liars. The more empathy you have, the better you are able to lie. Lying effectively means you need to be able to read other people's expressions and emotional responses. And you can only do this if you have either normal or high levels of empathy. I've got every job I've ever applied for because all I need to do is walk into the interview and I can literally, by the second, read every single thought the interviewer is expressing before they even say a word. I modulate my responses and adapt to their every need because I know exactly how they feel. I can fuck any girl I want because I'm able to relate to whatever her thing is at the same level she experiences it, and while I'll never be hurtful, I'm able to shift my behavior to what's better for her anyway. Life is a game amirite. The problem with idiotic little edgelords like you is you've bought the whole Hollywood 'pscychopath' trope thinking it makes you so kewl when, in fact, it just goes to show how subpar you truly are. Most 'psychopaths' in films are based on variations of Bundy and that guy only coasted so far as he did because the normal people around him (who, like most human beings, have natural levels of empathy and yet sadly consider them irrelevant) let him do so.

In truth, psychopaths generally score terribly on lying tests. Most people around them report how they "told the strangest lies", or "he was nice but always said the most fanciful things". And etc. Because, again, they don't trust their natural empathy alarm system. It's not just some coincidence. Having high levels of empathy means you are not only able to navigate and conquer all the things you want in life, it means you're naturally able to deal with the antithesis of a human being: shit like you and all the other 'psychopaths'.

You're not 'better' or more 'superior' - you're just simply incapable or afraid of being an actual based human being.

>>13872405
>I’ve banged gurls
Lol. Of course you have, little sperg. Go finish your homework.

>>13872405
this, on the other hand, not so believable

>>13872405
>>13872440
oh youre both troubled

>>13869688
Lmao its a lobster it doesnt have a central nervous system!
Oh wait..

Lobsters don’t even notice they’re alive. Just put in the freezer for 10 minutes, cut the brain (instantaneous death) and boil

>>13872488
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/whats_good_about_lying

>>13872448
What is so unbelievable about doing something as ubiquitous as sex? If you aren’t already bored with sex, I question your age and or experience.

>>13872677
Because of your whole 'imma blah blah sociopath' shit. You never pulled a woman in your life. Of that I am absolutely sure.

>>13872685
I don’t fuck boys, anon. I’m just telling you now so you don’t ruminate on the prospect.

>>13868943
Same way you do these.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L2c9q6zVp-I&feature=emb_title

>>13872739
What an idiotic 'comeback'. Way to prove my point.

>>13872749
Fuck off, animal cruelty chink cunt.

>>13872752
Thanks for the replies. I’m having fun.

>>13868968
Well I like them so you can suck my nuts

>>13872759

>>13872770

Bowl or some sort of tub full of ice, and tap water.

Their bodies slowly shut down because of the extreme cold, and then the tap water slowly finishes them off, they don't feel a thing.
This takes about an hour. Strange enough, I learned this from a Chinese cook.

>>13872886
They live in very cold water anyway so chances of you replicating and making those conditions more extreme are slim, dope. Don't listen to fucking gooks when it comes to limiting animal cruelty.

>>13873144
They don't live in literal ice cold temperatures, otherwise the water would be... frozen. On top of this, where have you ever heard of fresh water lobster?

It's a combination of the extreme cold and 'fresh' water, that does them in. The taste and texture really is noticeable.

>>13873159
They live in very cold, dark water. And they're isolationists too. That's why when you see them live displayed on ice in supermarkets with glaring lights above them, surrounded by others, that alone is unimaginably cruel to them.

I mean, why even eat them to begin with? Serious question. I'm not a fucking vegetarian to begin with but it seems to be an extraordinary amount of effort to go to to kill an animal that doesn't even deliver that much meat anyway. I just don't get it.

>>13873159
>On top of this, where have you ever heard of fresh water lobster?
They're more commonly called crayfish

>>13872768
Bugeater

>>13873181
>I'm not a fucking vegetarian to begin with but it seems to be an extraordinary amount of effort to go to to kill an animal that doesn't even deliver that much meat anyway. I just don't get it.

Because they taste good? I do not agree with the whole concept of keeping large swathes of lobsters in a small tank. The best lobster I've ever had was fresh from the ocean, bunch of Cubans went diving for them, and cooked right there on the beach.

I try to avoid a lot of seafood because of the massive amount of effort to get them. King crab is a perfect example.

>>13873198
Uh yea, the one in your pic is a highly guarded and protected secret. And probably tastes like shit.

>>13873216
They "taste good". What? The, like, few ounces of meat you get out their tails? Do you not have other food to eat? Again, I'm not a fucking vegetarian and I have no issue with meat-eating (although killing your own meat is obviously ethically better), but I just don't get this. You all post about knifing them in the brain, or freezing them to death, or torturing them in gook-advised slow water baths, or setting them on fire, or whatever.

Seriously. You're all fucking depraved. I can't imagine what you must like be with other people if you think it's just a-ok to do this to a completely harmless, loner animal that never interferes with you whatsoever. For real. Think long and hard about the fucking kind of people you are.

>>13873246
The water bath / freshwater technique isn't even Chinese, it's french thing. Just to let you know.

Either way, you're being hysterical right now. Actually read and comprehend what you are replying to.

Got a little coronavirus cabin fever going on?

>>13873263
Not at all. I'm a functioning, rational human being who feels terrible for these poor animals. As anyone rational, sensible, kind and empathetic would. That you would pretend otherwise just goes to show the kind of person you really are. I mean, LITERALLY about 1 ounce of fucking meat out their tails and you laugh about setting them on fire or knifing them in the brain? For real? Fuck the fuck off. Sick of you cruel fucks.

>>13873272
Any sensible person would use the whole lobster.

You can eat the legs, tail, claws, the brains, etc. if not, make a fucking stock.
I never waste the lobster, I get three meals out of two whole lobsters.

>>13872440
Imagine how dumb the people you interact with must be to fall for this ridiculous mirroring spiel

>>13868943
Just toss it in. It's a fucking sea bug. Do you give a shit when you step on an errant ant?

I worked in a seafood restaurant for 8 years in maine, and easily killed thousands. Ive also killed and butchered a few pigs and sheep.

The latter a felt awful about, and the former i didnt give a shit about (almost lost a finger to one too).

And i hate myself for that fact. Lobsters are just as amazing and cool as pigs, but since they dont have human like eyes and screams i didnt care

>>13870004
Anon i dont think microwaving a frog and boiling lobster for consumption are comparable

>>13873246
You’re the biggest faggot dude for real. I think you’re a lobster and I’m going to find you and boil you alive.

>>13874557
Threats made online are illegal.

>>13873272
It’s a bug. You’re not functional or rational by extending human empathy toward a bug. In fact, you’re so steeped in metaphysical mumbo jumbo you don’t even know what you’re saying. “I eat lobster cause they’re tasty” is as rational and logical as “I don’t eat lobster cause i find their preparation cruel”. Morality is a personal attitude, the only time it’s anything else concerns two or more people in a community (then it’s called ethics). Animals are resources to us. The only reason to humanely raise and kill animals if it that gives us a tastier ir healthier end product, which is why health nuts and hipsters care about such things as grass fed beef or cage free eggs. In the last several thousands of years of history, to extend human ethics to animals you had to have been religious, that is, caught up in a non material metaphysics (i.e “retarded”). Secular extensions of human ethics to animals are in fact illogical, ahistorical, and all based on subjective effects of one’s empathy, which are developed from childhood experiences.