/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>black chicks have pink baginas

>mushrooms taste like meat

>spinach will give me muscles like PiePie the sailor man

>>13753164
>PiePie
do americans are so fat they think people are food items, what a cursed race of "people"

>meatloaf will give you a huge peenor

>>13752968
>Duck tastes like Chicken
That's a lie alright, it tastes much better

When I was a kid my parents never succeeded into making me eat broccoli so my father tricked me into doing it by telling me that they tasted like dick.

They didn’t.

>eat your veggies or I'll beat your ass

That's when I learned that my parents were a bunch of pussies.

>>13753216
Am esl so fucktard hamburger salad?

I was a little fatty and I didn't need to be talked into eating anything. I ate my beans, my greens, I even loved the shit my parents wouldn't touch like fish or organs.
But knowing how we were poorfags mom probably had us eat slightly expired shit and wouldn't tell us every once in a while.

>>13753252
>so my father tricked me into doing it by telling me that they tasted like dick.

>>13753252
Damn, hope you found out that brussel sprouts are the ones that taste like dick.

>>13753272
Huh?

>>13753252

>>13753288
At least they tried to hide it, growing up my mom's motto was "cut the bad part off and it's fine", didn't matter whether it was bread, cheese, or produce

>coffee will stunt your growth/make your dick small
Jokes on them, 6'1" and about average in the package.

>>13753252
your dad knows what dick tastes like anon

>>13753216
does coffee good for your

>>13753420
If the cheese is hard that's actually a legit strategy most of the time.
I cut mold off of my cheese and keep eating it all the time and I'm fine.

>>13753420
You survived. How was she wrong?

>>13752968
>no anon, this Jurassic Park ride at Universal Studios is not scary at all, we just ride in a boat and see dinosaurs.
>no anon, those boat full of people smashing into a water river from a deep dark steep are on a different ride!

>>13753743
I hate to be that guy but the joke (?) was that the anon tasted his father’s dick. His dad was a pedophile.

>>13753857
Huh?

>>13753216
It's PotPie, right?

>>13753906
no it's Pol Pot

>>13753699
What if you would have been 6'4 and packing heat?

>>13753857
What the fuck are you talking about you sick fuck

>>>/b/

>>13753921
You’re mad because you have an IQ of 90 points.

>>13753939
>story about teaching kids to eat brocoli
>you come in with some sick baby raping garbage
literally kill yourself what the fuck is your problem you sick faggot

>>13753216
when to how have the people curse you say?

>>13753956
>t. His uncle played “the magic finger” with him when he was a kid

Do you remember anon?

>”Hey anon, come here on my lap and tell me: can you feel the finger in your popoo?”
>”Yes uncle!”
>*shows both the fingers*
>”What about now?”
“I still can feel it uncle, wow! It’s magic!”

>>13753985
enjoy your ban

>>13753956
>t. His uncle played “the magic finger” with him when he was a kid

Do you remember anon?

>”Hey anon, come here on my lap and tell me: can you feel the finger in your popoo?”
>”Yes uncle!”
>*shows both the fingers*
>”What about now?”
>“WOW I can still can feel it uncle! It’s magic!”

>>13753985
>>13753996

>>13753857
>>13753939
>>13753996
wtf is actually wrong with you?

>>13753996
Fucking Kek

>>13753993
Seethe more faggot, also back to >>>/r/eddit

>>13754028
>>13753996
samefag yikes

>>13754049

>>13754052
so he just greentexted some reddit comic? hmm hmmm no, not cool

>>13752968
Bread is good for you

>>13754052
funniest part is i didnt even understand the original joke, it was that cringe... also is this what redditors call humor?

>>13754061
I didn't know someone made a comic about it, but this is an ancient joke. I heard a version about 20 years ago, but the setup was a guy meeting a magician in a public washroom after watching a magic show.
The punchline is anal sex.

>>13753216
yes, we do can fat sometimes

>>13754071
Huh?

you have to wait an hour after you eat before you can go swimming

>>13754052
That guy's comic is aggressively bad

>>13754079
he will be arrested for a CP stash soon

>>13754075
It's classic boomer humour. The kind you'd get in an email from your dad titled RE:RE:RE:RE:FWD:LOL, DON'T LET THE KIDS SEE THIS.
Alright, so after seeing a pretty shitty magic show, a guy goes to go take a piss. While he's standing at the urinal, he looks over and sees the magician taking a piss, too. He figures he'd give him a piece of his mind, so he tells the magician that the show sucked. All of the tricks were obviously fake.
The magician asks the guy if he's like to see a real magic trick. The guy says sure, may as well get his money's worth. The magician shuffles over behind the guy and tugs down his pants.
"Can you feel my thumb up your ass?"
"Yeah."
The magician shows the guy both his hands.
"Can you still feel my thumb up your ass?"

The punchline is anal sex. Don't ask me why old dudes find that funny.

>t-thats spilled y-yogurt

>>13754079
I guess this is the most embarrassing comic I have ever seen

>>13754109
look up irwinc for more cringe

>>13754078
What the HECK was that even?

>>13754078
it can make you puke if you're of a pukey persuasion, like a lot of kids are.

>>13754097
Thank you for typing this out but alas it was cringe

>>13754148

hahhahah so fanny

>>13754078
>>13754159
Stomach cramps from indigestion. Allegedly, a couple kids died like that, but really a lot of swimming pool deaths are caused by lack of adult supervision. The adult is probably to busy cleaning up after the kids eating to be watching them at the same time.
>>13754277
I posted it for posterity. I didn't really consider it to be funny.

>peas taste good

They never have, never will, and everyone who likes them are pretending.

>>13753216
freerent

Not so much what I was told but what I was served. Growing up every time my dad made steak he always cooked it well-done. I just assumed this was the only way to cook steak.

Had my first medium-rare steak when I was 19. It was like a Shokugeki no Soma moment with my clothes blowing off my body.

>>13753216
i can sense yes right

>>13753857
retard much????

the non-verbal lie of poverty. every day between 2 and 15 i ate crepes, buttered bread and cabbage soup with croutons

i didn't realise how fucking poor i was until i moved with relatives to go to school in a city. i am amazed i grew to a normal height and stature eating nothing but flour, eggs and milk. i'm not mad at anyone, honestly bless my mom and sister for making life comfortable and normal in spite of it.

>>13753062
Fuck off reddit

>>13755412
>fucks black chicks
>calls others reddit

>>13753252
So I take it by that, you tasted your fathers dick to have something to compare it with.

>>13753290
Fuck off frog-poster, we're better off without arseholes like you here.

>>13753301
>American detected

>>13753699
Sure you are anon

>the food pyramid is healthy

>>13754064
Actual real bread, not the American White Bread, is good for you.
Rye bread or bread that has oats baked into it for fibre, is good for you.

>>13754662
Bollocks,
Fresh peas are one of the most nutritious foods one can eat.
Have you never experienced fresh peas from a garden at home?

>>13755413
Wtf?
Where did I say that I fucked black chicks?
Evidence?

You are a fucking redditor, by the fact or the way you replied.
Just fuck off.

>>13755456
Why are you so angry you soft boned bitch

Pay attention lads
>>13755456
This is a perfect example of an outsider thinking he understands “4chan culture” of being rude and outlandish as he is trying to fit in from another community such as Reddit. Notice how brutish he is, a complete incoherent outburst of rage over a simple joke. You are not suited for this place.

>>13755456
oh no no no no no

>>13755456
yikes dude relax it’s just a food board

>>13755456
Take a joke, Adam.

>>13752968
I was "vegetarian" for most part of my childhood, so my mother gave me "tofu". Obviously, she lied.

>>13755456
You have to go back.

>>13755456
Grow some IQ and lurk more. Maybe don't be a 12 year old.

>>13752968
Why would they try to convince you that duck is bland and tasteless?

>>13755456
>Types and talks like a redditor
>Calls other people reddit
I swear it's fucking summer already.

my parents in general are pretty on the money about most food (the mom is the better chef by far but i honestly think my dad might have a slightly better palate) but im certain at some point or another one of them told me that olives were worth eating so there

>>13755238
Based fortification agents

>>13755456
Based reddit

>>13753216
are skinny you peeple because communism food got steal?

>>13757702
>>13757729
These are both me btw

My mom was/is a pathological liar. If she didn't know the answer to something, she'd make it up. Then later, when you'd call her out for her bullshit, she'd get really evil and angry and explode on you so that you back down and "let her win". She'd escalate shit from 0 to 100 in the blink of an eye. She lied about everything and it took me years of re-educating to understand what horse-shit she was as a parent.

"Drinking milk right after orange juice will give you an upset stomach."

"You can't eat artichoke hearts. They have spikes in them that feels like swallowing needles."

"Bleach is safe to wash your dishes with."

Stupid shit like this.

>>13753216
Verdammte Scheisse, Anon, haste nen spontanen Hirnschlag erlitten, wa?

>>13753996
lost

>>13753911
Based manlet killing off all the urban and intellectuals

>>13758312
Is that a xenomorph?

>>13755450
Doesn't mean they taste good and yes I have. They might be good for you but they are not good tasting.

>>13758312
Like always, I only understood the curse words.

>>13752968
>steak is for adults only, children can only eat sausages

>>13752968
>If you don't eat your veggies you will die when you turn 18
Look at me now, almost thirty and I'm still alive.

>>13759791
If you call that living.

>>13759791
>>13759800

>>13753216
obsessed

>>13752968
Stop eating so much, we can't afford it.

>>13752968
>if you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding.

>>13760274
YOU
YES YOU
STAND STILL LADDEH

>>13759766
whoever told you that is the worst
steak is great and so are the literal thousands of different sausages out there

>>13753301
brussel sprouts taste farty, not dicky

>>13753420
>>13753766
>>13753788
if bread has mold on the surface that means there's mold on the inside of the bread too
that shit can make you insanely sick

>>13754078
>>13754167
>>13754650
>>13754159
i have to do this nowadays
seawater makes me nauseous as hell and if I've just eaten i definitely will puke

>>13753420
When bread goes stale toast it, when it goes mouldy throw it out. With caheese you just cut the mouldy part off and with produce just cut off the brown parts.

>>13754662
yes they do
they're mildly sweet

>>13757625
olives are good, tastelet
get a baking tray, cover in foil, pour on olive oil, dump a small jar of olives, add chicken thighs, rosemary, lemon slices, and salt and pepper
bake at 375 until chicken is cooked

>>13757754
>milk and oj
it literally will, I've yuked like this before
>artichoke hearts
really really shitty ones are like this
>bleach is safe
a half a teaspoon is but i imagine she didn't use that little

>>13759791
based nutritionlet

>>13753216
>do americans are so fat they think people are food items
this is unconsevable

>>13761220
>unconsevable

>>13753216
based

>Milk is good for you
its not

>>13753062
But that's true though.

>>13762544
kurt angle lied to me?

>>13753996
>wow uncle when did you chop off 8 of your fingers?

>>13752968
spaghetti squash is just like spaghetti

>>13762544
it is though

>>13762544
Maybe if you're lactose intolerant it's not good for you.

>>13762641
>parsnips taste just like chips (fries)
>mashed cauliflower taste just like mash potato
just serve me less if you don't want me to get fat dad.

>>13753164
spinach actually does increase lifting capacity. eat a good serving of sauteed spinach and garlic the night before a lift and break some PRs

>>13763052
t. PiePie

>why yes, I do watch and refer to him as "PooPoo The Sailor Man" how could you tell?