/ck/ - Food & Cooking

im a male bulimic of 15 years

this stupid /v/ thread format is shit

I bought this microwave unitasker for £30 and I really like it.

>>13724163
Aren't you the one who should be confessing here, Father?

>>13724194
>£30
>for that
you got taken m8

>>13724194
Nice Barry shill

>>13724163
I ate a bunch of shit food at work yesterday for the third time. At least it's free

>>13724163
I have cooked/chefed for years but regularly fuck up simple dishes.. Usually rushing.. Mostly baked stuff tho.

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned!

>>13724163
i threw up some chips once and ate a couple of them again

>>13724876
i went to a zoo about 15 years ago and there was a gorilla just chilling against the wall and he kept regurgitating food into his hand and eating it again

>>13724858
If you got a pepperoni deep dish with Italian crazy bread seasoning, you could've condensed your order in a big way.

>>13724163
i wish claire saffitz be my wife. I dreamt that claire jerked me off on the kitchen table while filming for BA, then she put my cock in her arse and while i fucked her she licked the cum off the table.

>>13725009
That's a grave sin indeed

I ate taco bell four times this week and i'm about to go back for a fifth

>>13724197
Ngl, communion wafers are delicious. I used to sneak some, that weren't consecrated yet, back when I was an altar boy.

I never salt pasta water. Salt's not that expensive but I feel bad having 99% of the salt I throw in there just going down the drain

I drank potatoes. One Christmas Eve I got drunk and wanted mashed potatoes. I decided a short cut would be to put them in a blender. I ended up with a potato smoothie. Which I then drank in one go. I was so ill the next day I had to miss out on Christmas dinner.

There's a girl I have a huge crush on. It's ridiculous. when she's around me I basically start having a mild panic attack. I get all red faced, can't talk, and start literally shaking. she's the only girl I've ever experienced anything like this with. I'm perfectly normal around all other women. I'm not even a fucking virgin, I just got out of a six-year relationship. I can't understand why this happens to me, I really want to talk to her, but I absolutely physically cannot. It's fucking hell. I basically want to kys myself after I see her. Fuck

>>13725254
Sounds gay. Suck 3 dicks and you are forgiven.

>>13725266
Nah

>>13725273
So you have chosen damnation. You will spend eternity with this guy >>13725009

>>13725210

Based

>>13725231

Neither do I

I've never salted pastawater

>>13725231
>>13725282
You cannot and will not ever be absolved of these sins. You will burn for eternity.

I sometimes drink some of my cooking wine and use the same spoon to mix two different things.

Also handle things with no gloves or spatulas sometimes so my fingerprints re fading

>>13725254
Not food related

ive jerked off into a batch off brownies and served them to a party of randos i met on the internet. good times.

I use a spoon to taste the food and than mix it with the same spoon with my saliva on it

>>13725545
>>13725520
this is fine as long as youre cooking for yourself. why did you bother posting this.

I buy pre chopped onions and garlic

>>13724163
I had sex with my wife's daughter when she was 15. She kept the pfather of her daughter a secret from her mother, and when my secret grand daughter was 12 I had sex with her, too. She didn't get pregnant though. My wife still doesn't know about any of this.

>>13725560
either larp or irony.
either way have an upboat fag.
also, not food related, kill yourself.

>>13725550
I also taste with the same spoon, my husband gets annoyed by me eating or tasting food before it is ready

>>13725254
me too actually

>>13725560
>>13725570
I have a lolicon male relative, this shit may be real, unfortunately.

If it is anon can expect to never see his family again,

>>13724163
I enjoy peanut butter and dill pickle sandwiches.
The PB is savory and sweet while the pickles are salty and sour so you get both the sweet/salty dynamic and the sour cuts the savory richness so it isn't as heavy. Also the pickles had a crunch to an otherwise more thick and gloopy experience.

>>13724163
I made flour noodles to go with dashi broth but I didn't have any dashi powder left so I used an ichiban beef flavor broth packet and cracked an egg in there, it smelled and tasted like asshole so I threw it away and gave the noodles to birds.

>>13724163
I eat the sausage rolls they keep in the warm drawers from my local 711 just about every other day
Some days there cold, and other days they’re lukewarm. They’re not amazing, but they’re not terrible and I don’t know why I never get anything else

>>13724163
My Cousin and his wife are both vegans, including their two children.
So whenever I'm looking after my niece or nephew I take them out for dinner and tell them they should order whatever they want.

My niece still orders vegetarian options because she doesn't like the idea of killing animals, but my nephew and I always get tons of wings of tendies together and just chow down until we're sick.
Not really a /ck/ sin but I think I thought I'd share.
I also fucked their mother nine months before they were born but I doubt I'm the father.

>>13725870
That stuff does happen and it's more common than most people realize but I think that anon isn't up to it and they were just trolling for (you)'s cause that's some pretty easy bait since it's not food related.

>>13724163
I farted in my brothers glass of milk when he wasn't looking, and he threw up when he took a sip. He told my parents, but the evidence had wafted away, and they thought he was lying.

>>13724163
I have completely given up and have been living entirely off of liquor and canned meats for the last 8 months. Every morning I wake up angry that my liver didn't self destruct overnight.

one time I sous vided a steak then finished it in the microwave

I've hit a car while in a McDonald's drive thru


l

>>13727514
the perfect crime

>>13724163
No, wait. Confess your sins, Father. How much underage tube sausage have you choked down this week?

>>13728600
I bet she has really smelly braps.

>>13728617
Which one are you talking about? Both, right?

>>13724906
almost audibly kek'd at a library

>>13728621
Might as well be.

>>13724163
I can't stop chewing food and spitting it out. I've gone from a fat fuck to a regular dude but I've just replaced one eating disorder for another.

>>13725216
how often were you raped?

>>13724163
Forgive me for I have let my red wine turn into vinegar.

>>13724163
I don't cook, yet this is probably my third most browsed board.

>>13725797
>Power mode
>Speed mode
kek

>>13728913
Never, thankfully I didn't go to public school

>>13728610
8

On Thursday I wanted two

>>13727557
Please get help.
I was doing but drinking plastic halfgallons of vodka and eating nothing but multivitamins and ??? .
I went to Alcoholics Anonymous and the saved my life. I love you Anon , God loves you.

I cooked and set up a romantic dinner for my pony plushy and I even posted it on the Valentines thread on /mlp/. And no, I don't regret it and I'll do it again.

>>13729103
ho ho ho sure turned that one about
but seriously catholicism and kid fucking are never going to be dissociated.

I cooked and set up a romantic dinner for my pony plushy and I even posted it on /mlp/ at the Valentines day thread. And no, I don't regret it and I'll do it again.

>>13724163
when I dont feel like cooking I just throw random stuff in the rice cooker and eat whatever it ends up as. Usually pretty nasty desu

>>13727598
You put in the effort to sous vide something and then just threw it in the microwave? Why?

I don't enjoy Binging with Babish.

I can respect his ability, I just find he has a punchable voice.

>>13730250
this isn't a sin tho

I love mayonnaise. Slather burgers with them. Dip fries in them

>>13728600>>13725009

for me it is the little mexican granny. i dream of fucking her in her tight ass while kissing her and she screams ''i love it, i'm a puta, i love it'' in her little mexican voice

>>13725870
You prick, are you the reason the police came knocking today? All they told me is they had received an anonymous report about suspicious behavior. I'm not even married, it was obviously a bad "Aristocrats" style joke based on the fact that OP failed to specify food sins.

I had to surrender all my hard drives for screening. They didn't have a warrant, but I'm enough of a cuck to volunteer that stuff to authorities to make things easier. There's nothing to find, but now I'm going to have to wait for them to return my computer before I can finish Commander Keen 6. Nice job, dickhead. It's kind of funny, but mostly annoying.

>>13727456
I don’t see any sins here.

>>13724163
I watch all sorts of cooking shit on youtube but never apply it. I basically know how to make chicken soup from scratch(except broth), steak, grilled cheese and sugar cookies.

>>13724163
I once spent $55 for someone to deliver me Buffalo Wild Wings while I was stoned.

>>13725009
>>13731906
you guys are fucking pigs

>>13732546
Yeah, it's the people who aspire to monogamy who are the pigs. Keep telling yourself that.

>>13724163
Whenever I make a soup soup I "taste for seasoning" for about 10 minutes at the end but really I'm just eating a serving's worth straight out of the pot

>>13724858
You're a big guy aren't ya?

>>13729340
Are you my brother in law?

>>13725887
not a sin man its good

>>13732955
For you.

>>13732981
Now you have to tell the story, anon.

Not me but my brother had $20 worth of Popeyes delivered to my mother’s address because he forgot to update it. He used her address once while visiting to have food delivered. He lives about 4 hours away. My mother took one bite of the spicey chicken sandwich and threw it away.

>>13733899
I like to get subway sandwiches consisting of just onions and a few cookies. Just those two things and that's it. I don't know why i get strange looks for this, I think the flatbread, chocolate and onion combination is honestly great

>>13732546
Shut the fuck up you stupid broad

>>13732168
elmo

>>13733826
There isn't much of a story
My brother in law is a huge brony, spent like 600 bucks on a single plush once, showed me the commissions he paid for to fap to and more nasty stuff so I wouldn't be surprised he did that too

>>13733899
but it's so good

>>13724163
any pasta with just buttter salt and kraft parm is delicious

>>13724163
I have been using a cowboy recipe for sweet and sour sauce for years, everyone compliments me but I can't reveal what it actually is to them.

>>13724163
I source good Italian ingredients and follow traditional recipes to the letter and then intentionally fuck it up by adding absurd ingredients until it overpowers the flavor profile and leaves the dish unrecognizable because it personally amuses me.

>>13724163
im from texas and i like beans in my chili

>>13724181
pretty sure it's from /fit/ actually
polite sage for non-contribution

>>13724163
>spent $55 on a single medium pizza delivered from mountain mikes, because i wanted triple extra bacon and double mushrooms
>pizza still had barley any bacon on it

I made chocolate cake and meringue based on adam's recipe and all the meringue shriveled, there's nothing in the center. I guess the sugar didn't cook the egg whites or something? Or the cake just fucking absorbed it. I don't know. I'm just gonna throw it out and stick to buttercream...

>>13724858
>41 dollars at little caesars
Who does this

>>13732168
kek post proof

>>13724163
I've eaten rabbit food and I want to try bird seed because I heard it's safe for humans to eat

>>13724858
>a dollar for sauce
absolute criminals

>>13725797
but you cant buy jacked anymore :(

>>13724858
How did you make this a meal???

>>13735086
I tried out every flavor in one of the variety packs of Milk Bone dog treats. They mostly all tasted the same, but they definitely had light hints of the advertised flavors.

>>13734663
do you eat it afterwards or just throw it away?

I can't into dough. It always turns out tough and flavorless.

Went to McDonald's today and had a filet o fish, a cheese burger and a small fries. Washed it down with a diet Coca-Cola and then took a nap in the park.

>>13724175
you're a male beluga of 15 years?

>>13724858
So do you just give them an extra six dollars and then they come to your door and tell you it's a meal?

>>13732168
Wow anon very cucked.

>>13724163
last week i had so much kfc and had to shit so i went to a 24/7 grocery store and the bathroom was out so i shit in an isle and never looked back

>>13735406
BASED

>>13735415
it sucks cause I would usually go there to shoplift or have dinner( just picking up the hot meals and eating them as i shop) so now i cant go back

>>13735406
do you not have a bathroom at home?

>>13735428
I wasnt at home, i usually drive around listening to recordings that i get off youtube about vampires and other supernatural creatures and park in an empty place and listen to them

>>13735427
>the chad degenerate fattie

>>13725870
>>13725797
>>13725570
This makes me very curious as to what he posted but 99% of the time its an image that just says “I’m going to delete this pretend it was something crazy” anyways

I committed crab genocide in my kitchen recently

>>13735444
This is definitely fake and gay

>>13735483
no, i listen to la by night for a couple hours eating takeout in a parking lot and come home

>>13724163
I'm Italian and I can barely cook a decent meal. In my defense, my region has probably the worst food in Italy (amazing wine though) and my family isn't really good at cooking either (the only one that knew how to cook was my grandma, but now she has dementia so it's all lost knowledge).

I fucking love Marie Callender microwave pot pie. I could eat that, the Jimmy Dean sausage egg and cheese croissant sandwich, and the Pierre angus steak and cheese sliders every day. I get all that shit every time I go to Costco regardless of the last time I bought them.

>>13735518
Good taste in junk food desu

I eat most of my meals alone in my car. My center console is full of sauce packets and napkins.

>>13724163
I put tabasco on everything and go through the extra large bottles in about a week.
I mix bang with black coffee for extra caffeine and drink it out of my waifu mug.

i used to think you could boil things "faster" if you used a higher heat, even though water literally can't get any hotter once it starts boiling

>>13724858
>a dollar for sauce
fucking what

I sometimes eat cold ravioli straight out of the can and i love it

>>13734648
Based

>>13735370
What kind of dough are you trying to make?

>>13735639
You can make the water boil faster though, and if you’re dumping stuff in after the water is boiling it helps maintain the heat.

>>13724858
Yeah it definitely seems like you wasted a lot of money by being a retard and not using combos, definitely a food sin and a retarded one at that

I love stale Cheetos Puffs.
Also kraft powdered macaroni and cheese is better than the real thing.

>>13736022
Raviolipilled. I cant eat it warm anymore, straight from the can or nothing at all. It's just better in almost every way.

>>13725652
Sorry but thats stupid thing to get mad at. its literally how you make sure food turns out good. What a fucking idiot

I drink the remains of strangers drinks at parties and bars when I’m hammered.

the only thing i like sexually is women getting pies thrown in their face like the old slapstick bit. i haven't even tried to use regular porn in ages.

i instantly lose my appetite and throw out any food if i find a hair in it

>>13724858
>veggie pizza has more calories than a pepperoni pizza
Do Americans really?

>>13728600
NO GLOVES WTFFFFFFFFFFFF

>>13736734
Based alcoholic

>>13729103
lmao

>>13734648
>kraft parm

that's not cheese it's cellulose filler

>>13735518
pot pie veggies, and chicken are shit but fuck that crust and sauce is so good

>>13729337
But not gays and pedophilia right you hypocrite lefty

>>13724163
I pretend to eat healthy and restrained but binge on fast food during lunch at least thrice a week.

>>13737068
Homosexual men don't enjoy pedophilia because prepubescent humans are always basically female physically. We like having sex with actual men, not girls with tiny dicks that can't even get hard.

>>13724163
My cat forces me to feed her at 2am every fucking night

A friend and his girlfriend invited me over for a homecooked dinner with wine. When I went to the bathroom, I saw I had horrible wine mouth, so I used one of their toothbrushes. She called me out on it and I had to leave.

>>13737413
autismus maximus

>>13737413
I think I might have had sex with your friend's girlfriend once, and you as well. Do you remember saying something weird about a mole on a sexual partner's foreskin? That would have been mine.

>>13725652
your husband is a retard.

>>13724858
kek

how much alcohol did you drink with it?

>>13727456
Doing the Lord's work.

>>13724163
I sometimes put ketchup on eggs

>>13724194
As long as you can get proper use out of it I think it's ok.
It's only bad when you buy unitasker that you dont really use, like I did with a rice cooker.

>>13724633
Cheffing where you have to get things out as quickly as possible is like the exact polar opposite of baking though so I can completely understand fucking up.

>>13727456
>I also fucked their mother nine months before they were born but I doubt I'm the father.
I mean, does one of the kids act like you in some way that doesn't resemble the father or mother in any way ?

>>13736825
They're selling hats on a rack on the next stall anon, I don't think that they care that much.

>>13729776
Look into making rice cooker pancakes.
They are so good.

>>13730875
That's pretty common over here (it might just be because we have many types of mayo over here in Holland).

>>13736741
Do you like WAM stuff by chance ?

>>13736798
I lose my appetite even if it's one of my own hairs.

>>13725652
How can he even get mad about something like that.
Next thing you tell me he doesn't want to eat you out because the flavor isnt to his taste or something.

>>13738671
Isn't that a thing that's common in the US ?

>>13736891
okay fag notice how nobody used the word "cheese" until you did?
it's delicious cellulose filler is what it is

I eat in bed out of a deep dish tupperware and sometimes I realize I’m eating out of a trough and it makes me sad

when i get fast food, i will choose the place i want and go to a different place first as a snack. i will decide i want captain d's, so i will stop at wendy's and get a doublestack and a jr bacon cheeseburger as the snack and then eat it on the way to captain d's.

>>13736659
pizza mostly.

>>13724858
Actual lol

>>13740099
that's not a sin, that's just pathetic holy shit

>>13740249
Post your BMI.

>>13725216
It's that weird cardboard-ey wheat flavor that just hits the spot and fills a hole in your soul

>>13735386
>then took a nap in the park

im guessing you aren't a hot chick

>>13735493
you're fucking retarded dude, get a life

>>13735317
I have to lose weight, so I throw it away after taking a before and after bite.
I made fettuccine aglio e olio with everything fresh and got it just right, then dumped three cups of velveeta in it.

i got 2 mcdoubles for $3 and had em put mac sauce and lettuce on em and its real good

>>13724163
I used to put a whole stick of butter in a baguette and eat it as a sandwich

>>13724163
Forgive me father for I have sinned. Jacked off on a corpse again.

I have only just now after two and a bit decades of life eaten a fried spam sandwich.

Specifically the bacon spam.
Fried in olive oil with black pepper. Garlic chives, mayo, sharp cheddar.

It is amazing and I am now mad at myself for not having one sooner.

Give me your spam recipes

>>13740998
I do have a life I design women’s jewelry, paint model tanks and listen to jazz why are you so mad

>>13724175
rip. I'm a chronic depression eater of 26. Don't become obese, kids. It's shitty.

Wanted to make burgers but only had pork breakfast sausage I got from a local butcher so I just made patties out of that and then under cooked them because I couldnt be bothered to wait any longer and I ate a rare pork burger.

>>13724163
I have eaten nothing but frozen pizza for the last 6 months.

>>13724163
I eat food.

>cooked a 1lb rib eye blue because I didn't preheat properly
how must I repent, father?

>>13739200
there is only this one guy who needs to answer everyone

>>13724163
I bought a standalone ice machine for $140 because my freezer doesn't make ice an I was sick of fucking around with trays.

>>13742654
>using ice at all

Had some premade pizza dough which i topped with a can of ragout fin and some raw onion slices

>>13724175
underageb&

>>13731906
She’s argentinian

>>13724163
When I was a kid I went hunting with my dad, uncle, and cousin. Dad and uncle were grilling steaks outside. Cousin and I peed on the steaks while they were on the grill. We sat at the table only eating fries. They were like, "Don't you boys want some steak?" And we were like, "No. That's okay. We'll eat some fries but the steak is all yours."

Dad and uncle were bragging about it too. Saying, "Yeah that's some damn good steak." Cousin and I laughed our asses off for years over that.

>>13724163
I dip my pizza crusts in my cereal

I like to put potato chips inside my sandwich sometimes

I grill my fluffernutters

My favorite cereal is Raisin Bran

>>13732955
his belly will be extremely painful

I love using romaine lettuce on my burgers

>>13736666
no i mean i thought i could make potatoes cook faster if i boiled the water 'extra hard'

After finishing cooking I will act out in my head the actions of handing a second plate to my imaginary wife and perhaps hand feeding her, hearing her comment on the food etc. She playfully slaps me on the arm when I lick the plate lol.

>>13725009
>((((((Saffitz))))))
Come on lad

>>13724175
Same, but probably more like 12 years for me. Goes through stages, sometimes once or twice a week, other times 3 times a day.

Was actually wondering if there was a bulimia or ed threat but couldn’t find anything on fit

I use garlic powder, garlic salt, and onion powder regularly while cooking. I imagine /ck/ looks down on this.

>>13725551
I use no name brand minced garlic.

>>13733954
Do they put the cookies on there for you, or do you order them and assemble when your eating it?

>>13735086
semechki

>>13735466
wait you can delete your own messages?

>>13735552
your kinda cute whiteboy

I never tried Worcestershire sauce before in my life until a few weeks ago and it’s ao good I drank 2 entire table sized bottles almost by itself in small sips, once a day. (Of course I put it on my steaks and soups too....but no I straight up drank a bottle of that shit in a months time)

>>13745555
My favorite cereal is wheat Chex. Plain. Skim milk, and I like em crispy

>>13737320
the majority of homosexual men have been victim of molestation at a young age and i think like 30%? or more of molesters are homosexual

>>13724163
I've never eaten a fruit or vegetable. never even tried them the smell and texture gross me out

>>13746636
Can you...go and do that

Seriously make some sausage n peppers n onions. Throw it all in a pan and fry it up. Guarantee after that one meal you will feel as energetic as an ADHD riddled kid on pervitin at a GameStop

>>13745555
raisin bran and potato chip sandwiches are amazing though

>>13736319

>>13746631
>30%? or more of molesters are homosexual
What the fuck, more than half, up to 70% of molesters are heterosexual? Why the fuck aren't we targeting straights?

>>13745069
Hehehe based retard kid antics

>>13727456
based

>>13724194
Stonkin!

im eating cookout right now when i should be losing weight

>>13725652
americans

>>13736022
If they didn't want you to do it, it wouldn't have a pull tab. If you're too lazy to find can opener, you're too lazy to heat something up.

>>13724163
I always order my meat uncooked and raw at resteraunts and I love to eat raw pasta

I put deli mustard on cottage cheese to eat with salted crackers. Why? I don't know.

>>13729337
>conspiracy gets exposed and routed
>morons think it's ongoing and constant
Leftists who repeat the altar-boy molestation meme should be forced to swallow stones non-stop until their intestines rupture

>>13746617
Only if you do it within a window of a few minutes. I forget the time limit. You can also delete the image alone and leave the message. It's in the bottom right, next to the style menu.

>>13724175
Hows ur teeth

>>13746688
Holy fuuuuuck. I can't even argue with this.

>>13751149
Perfect. I swish bicarb of soda in my mouth and then put on mouthguards before puking. I doubt a single drop of acidic matter touches my enamel.

>>13730250
he feels so fucking vain with the title of his other series, "being with babish"

>>13735552
damn I do that too, I love getting a pepperoni pizza and just drowning it in the stuff, love the vinegar in it

I force myself to drink alcohol I don't like because I don't like wasting

>>13724858
8k+ cal without all the soda you must have downed. Damn.

>>13746277
They put the cookies on, as specifically requested.

Only thing I can think of is wasting bitcoins on getting shitty pizza delivered while I was stoned.

I pay 30 dollars for fra diovlo once a month. I hate I-talians