/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>13631985
Clean your stove, dude

Level 1: Sauce

I used some canned San Marazono tomatoes because I am an utter tool devoid of originality. I add a basket of button mushrooms, some parmesean cheese and mix and mash with fingers.

>>13631985
>1990s stove

>>13631994
Fuck you. Everyone says that. Just gonna get dirty again.

Anyways, here is the slop.

>>13631985
This board hates chicken parm for some reason.

>>13632004
Fuck. Forgot to upload the pic. Well, imagine a bowl of red and white crap like a Polish flag in a blender. Oil and garlic in a pan, til it smells. Dump this shit in...

>>13632010
looks great lad good job

It takes forever to boil down the sauce. So get to the chicken. I use tenders, more surface area to savory breading and soak spots for the sauce. Cheaper too.

>>13631999
pecorino is not parmesan. also why the fuck did you buy pre grate? also why did you put it in the fucking sauce? you won't be able to taste it in there.

It's a bitch to clean em but so worth it. If you don't de-vein the tenders you are a monster. I did it a million times as a kid working at some shit resort. Take the time damn it.

>>13632030
Bitch, I told you to stay in the car.

And if your discard pile looks less than this, you are a cheap exacting cunt. It's only meat.

>>13632030
>why did you put it in the fucking sauce? you won't be able to taste it in there.
Wow, wrong. It will add body and a richness to the sauce that will help balance the acidity.

Okay, the next pain in the ass part. Breading and dredging. Don't believe the hype you only need three dishes to do it. Just learn to free your mind.

>>13632043
Thanks babe. Some people don't even know why you have to preheat an oven.

Let's check the sauce, but hurry up, the chicken is getting dried.

Okay, breading we are ready to step into danger zones.

Level 2: The Chicken Cooking

Don't crowd the pan? HA HA HA HA fuck you.

Crowd it. Fucking mob that shit. Fuck you steve.

Bonus Round: Clean As You Go

From all the bullshit I ever heard spouted about cooking, this is the one thing that is always true. There is something about a bunch of dirty shit in the kitchen that vexs the mind. Not just saying that as a former dishwasher. I can't stress enough how this is number one.

Level 3: Layers

A little grease from the sauce on the bottom helps lube things and adds a circumferential coating of savory without pooling in blobs of red shit you won't enjoy but feel forced to mop up with bread anyways because god damn it.

Extra chicken! Sandwich material. It looks perfectly done. Fuck. Means I over fried the main course... Fuck I am tense now...

Okay.

Level 4: Baking

Pray for me. See you on the other side, /ck/.

Holy shit, it's working. I am fully erect.

Level 5: Crisping

I-I-I don't know... To melt it into place I put it on 325 for about 40 minutes, took the tinfoil off and cranked it up to 375 for about ten. I think it came out okay... Not too overdone. Maybe.

Oh god

End Level

O-okay, here I go

>>13632200
Very nice but seriously please clean.

>>13632207
Now where’s the pasta?

>>13632039
would rummage your bin/10

>>13631985
dude you really need to clean your kitchen holy fuck

>>13631985
>jarred garlic

that is gonna be a yikes from me dawg

Epilogue: Final Post

Wow. I was scared it would be burnt-out or dry but, no. This was a slice of pure perfection. I'm not trying to break my arm jerking myself off but damn it came out good. Too good. I kept going back to eat at it even though it's supposed to last me a week. The cheese crisped just perfect to give it that nice mouth feel, the chicken was juicy and seasoned with a coating of good tomato infused panko with the right amount of give to the acidity, all cut thanks to the mushrooms. I am very happy with this. I woke with a bad hangover, forced myself to clean up after and go shopping, remembering that I promised to make this or tacos. Y'all chose wise, now I get to wake up Sunday hungover, in a mess, but with primo leftovers. Ahh.

>>13632248
Great, I’m happy for you. Now go clean that god damn kitchen anon.

>>13632288
I'm fucking tired, I'm full, and I am nearing drunk. There is a fat cat sleeping against me as I lay in bed and I'm done. Saturday is done. Sunday is for cleaning.

No promises this time, though.

>>13632306
CUTE. TELL NAME AND POST MORE PUSSY PICS

>>13631985
Clean that stove, you disgusting pig.

I would eat it.

>>13632248
Looks good.

>>13632306
Next time make cat Parm.

>>13632341
Sure, he's Meowseph the wonder cat. Had him since he got pawned off on me 10 years ago. It was that or abandonment. So I took him in. He was sick recently, but I got him some help. He's getting old but so am I.

I will not be cooking him.

>>13632519
Here's back in the glory days. Notice the VHS player.

good thread i appreciate you

>>13632717
And I you, fellow traveler. Here, have another cat. I'm not quite sure how his little paws don't get burned, but there it is. AA Meeting soon, must go. I have to show up drunk again. I will admit cooking as a hobby kinda works, but not really. :(

>>13631985
>Cento tomatoes
Ever since I switched to them rather than whatever cheap cans of crushed I can get, my sauces have gotten a lot better. I don't think they're "DOP certified" or whatever but I feel the quality is evident.

>>13632536
>VHS player
it's called a VCR kiddo.

>>13634587
Gotta adjust for your audience, man.

>>13632248
>>13632248
I liked this thread and your writing style until you used the made up term "mouthfeel"
Eat shit you pretentious cocksucker

>>13632034
i think you might be retarded. you hold the tendon with your hand, and run the blade toward the meat with the other. it's like filleting a fish

>>13634773
Tell me the mouthfeel of my cock you hot little bed fart.

>>13634779
I don't think so. It's chicken. You pin the tendon down with the a dull ass blade and use your fingers to pull the flesh down like a sock.

Also, I've cleaned my stove. The grease is NOT coming off the walls though. Advice sought.

>>13632004
Do you not wipe your ass using the same reasoning?

>>13632207
good cunt, proud of you

>>13635140
I already admitted I need help on this. It's to the point shit is not coming off. You do NOT want to see the floor next to it. Maybe a de-greaser or something. I don't know. I care enough to where it bothers me but not so much that I will actively do something about it.

>>13632207
Nice lasagna

>>13635372
It's a lot of prep to make chicken parm, so why not casserole it? You can eat like a king for a week, rather than one meal you can't quite finish. This wasn't a date, this was just cooking for myself. Ah, you purists...

>>13634847

There's a cleaning product called Awesome.

I use that shit on everything. Spray the grease and wipe with a towel. If not coming off with some force, and the wall can take it use a fucking hard sponge. DONT DO IT IF ITS PAINTED. But seriously that Awesome stuff is good shit.

>>13635418
Will look into it. But I think I'll just have to paint the walls, they are fucking done. I should really just move out of this rat's nest now that I have some money. But then I have to commute, can't buy a house this close to work. So convenient living downtown... And shit. Uh, getting off topic.

Will see about this 'awesome'. Thanks, bro.

>>13635223
Just clean the damn stove you fat lazy fuck.

>>13632023
>>13632034
>washing chicken

>>13635549
You fuck. Read the thread.