/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>13039747
These look fucking great though and the more realistic they look I think the more shocking it willl be for them. I'm having a really hard time finding any recipes or how these edibles were made in the first place.

>>13039747
You can just buy some pound cakes, smash them, mix it with frosting and shape into whatever you want. You know, cake pops or whatever. Although I don't think this is a good idea. Why do you want to do that? Seems rude.

>>13039753
These one are meh, they look dry and not as realistic but still, I have no idea how this is made.

cook the brownies in a poop shape but when they're done using cellophane you should tightly roll them and squish them down so they're kinda smooth like in your pics, and maybe make sphincter rings like a real poop has, like you know different ridges n shit

>>13039762
Ah yes, that's a good idea. That would have a more realistic poop effect. Would they be just as delicious as cookies or brownies though? I imagined the cakes with frosting taste like shit.

Gross, but I guess just cook normal really fudgy brownies and then shape them with your hands.

>>13039764
Yeah I thought something like this. Are brownies that flexable? Should I add a shit ton of butter so it's more sticky? Also I should add a bit of peanut chunks. The 2nd picture in the thread looks a bit gooey I think the maker of this put caramel on it am I right? I shall buy some golden garamel sauce too then.

>>13039786
I googled what fudgy brownies are and it says they're brownies with a higher fat to flour ratio, so more butter it seems. Thanks.

>>13039747
Make sure to add finely chopped peanuts and corn for true authenticity. Yellow Corn is sweet so it will be fine in a dessert.

>>13039770
You can use a ganache instead of frosting

use the spreadable version of this video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_QXdJU93e4

I shall also buy unsalted butter bars. I don't think it matters what kind of brand for the taste. Any tips on how to make my shit brownies extremely tasty or should I fuck off to google?

>>13039810
Add chocolate chips

>>13039810
https://youtu.be/VvJm4pQZ04s

>>13039803
Thanks, I'll experiment with smashed cake and ganache too then. According to the video the ingredients to make ganache are: dark chocolate (compound or couverture doesn't matter) and whipping creme with 35% milk fat. 2 to 1 ratio.

Microwave it, stir, microwave it again. Do not stir too much or you get air bubbles. It's still hot, I guess you can throw in the smashed cake bits and make a log shape or wait for it to cool and add peanut bits and maybe yellow sweet corn.

>>13039853
> It's still hot, I guess you can throw in the smashed cake bits and make a log shape

No. What you want to do is make the spreadable kind of ganache and let it cool so it becomes thick like a paste. Then you mix the cake and use a clean hand or spoon to make it into an even dough. From the dough you make the shapes you want, and then you can decorate with peanuts or candy, whatever.

For reference on how cake pops are made: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afz-uBP4xBg

The guy in the video uses an electric mixer to crush the cake, but if you don't have it, you can do that by hand.

>>13039747
Put a note on the plate that says "Eat shit" with a middle finger underneath it.

Fucking christ is this the true state of /ck/? A bunch of 12 year old magapedes who cant even figure out how to follow the instructions on a box of brownie mix and then mash them into oblong balls?

Put exlax in one of them so they can't accuse you of poisoning everyone only one unlucky roastie.

>>13039852
Mh I see, making it yourself then buying a simple brownie mix bag at the store will most likely be of better quality and taste. According to this video the products I have to buy are:

Unsalted butter
80% chocolate bars
Dutch process cacao powder (good thing I live in the Netherlands so I know which one she means)
Espresso powder or decaf powder
Granulated sugar (regular)
Brown sugar
vanilla extract
kosher salt
6 eggs
All-purpose flower
sea salt

Also slamming it after baking will crack it, handy tip if I want the cracks in my logs.

>>13039877
Ah okay, many thanks I appreciate it. Jesus man you really helped me out.

>>13039886
Yeah that's fucking hilarious. My boss will be there too. He's a jew and fucking worm too and always come's really close, very touchy. He asked me mumbling once that we should go together on a nice vacation together to his factory in Asia, I just pretend I didn't hear it. The last month at my job I've been slacking a shit ton, coming late, putting on earphones, sitting on the toilet, pretending not to hear the roasties, letting others do my work. They can't say shit to me.

>>13039891
I have very little experience with baking and have never even clicked on /ck/ the 10 years I've been on this website. Googling how to make it turd looking leads to nowhere and it's all garbage, unclear websites. I'm trying all sorts of terms, just no luck at finding something that's completely chewed out for me. Making a thread was so much better and more comprehensible for me. Thank you anons for your help. I have faith I will succeed and for you my friend, I will post my creations later in the day. I can already imagine your mouth watering at the sight of these browny bull logs.

>>13039930
What a pathetic little rant.

>>13040512
What rant? What are you talking about?

>>13040562
The entire first paragraph.

Serve it on a kitty litter cake

>>13040673
Not really a rant, but I understand what you mean. Nobody cares. Nobody really does care for me. Just wanted to share.

i don't know... i mean if it's edible and you put it on a plate, they might doubt that it's actually crap especially if it is one of those less convincing ones with nuts.
but if you put it on the floor it surely defeats the purpose of being edible, and they might just run away and think it was actually crap (which could get you arrested)
overall I don't see the point

>>13041744
I bought all the products. Cost me over 30 euros. So fucking cringe and expensive but will be a fun day I guess. Will start experimenting somewhere later in the day.

>>13042379
i hate the dutch
good on you for feeding them turd brownies

>>13042405
Why.. What did we do to you? Is it our silly accent, or do you hate Amsterdam, gay capital of the world?

>>13040512
Why does it have you so shook faggot?

>>13042447
i hate all the randstaad
idk every dutch i've met has been pretty arrogant and unpleasant to be around.

>>13042448
>shook
get out you underage emoji using dickfuck

>>13039747
This is fucking retarded. Just make some normal brownies, drop them on the floor or spit in them or something and then serve them to your coworkers. This is a lot of wasted effort and they're not gonna understand the joke. You're just gonna look like a fucking moron and word would probably spread around.

>this thread

millennial work ethnics, everyone.

My friend Andy makes nice turd logs

>>13042453
I find that the older generation complains a shit ton. They moan about everything and it makes me sick to my stomach when I hear someone complain about the weather or this person did this or that. We're also very direct people, especially in the Randstad so you could mistake this for arrogance. I think the people down the river Maas, very south of Holland, these people are not that direct, maybe more your kind but I find them generally more trashy and I don't understand their carnaval culture. Also every young junky I've met was from Tilburg. That city is one of our major drug center, probably comes close to Amsterdam.

>>13042480
I'm never going to see them again anon. I want to go out like this. They'll never suspect this from me.

>>13042485
Does your friend Andy have a special technique? He makes them of brownie batter right? Bake them and after they are done roll them into turd shape? I really want this first batch to go well.

>>13042494
i believe you, about the older generation i mean. the commie era pensioners we have here are just awful. and about tilburg. a m8 went to uni there, said there were a lot druggies and such. but then again there were a lot of foreigners there too, so idk if you can really pin that on the dutch.
well any way, maybe i just don't like dutch in general, if my options are trashy southerners and arrogant northeners

>>13042481
Ethics you mean. Also I'm a really hard worker, I pride myself on this. When I first joined their team I was insanely fast and did my job very well. People complimented me on how quickly I understood the complexity of the job and how a good worker I was compared to the other people they previously hired. All the other people were slacking at snail pace and you have a ton of people that didn't do jack and never got fired. The year went by fast and the work got extremely boring, everyday I was daydreaming about killing myself. I understood why everyone working there for +10 years was so autistic, time-wasting and slow. I'm going to leave anyways. Why should I still kill my back, feet and hands for this company? They can eat my shit.

>>13039747
I'm pretty sure they'd just physically recoil and have you escorted out as soon as you present them. They probably wouldn't know that they're brownies.

>>13042519
why defend yourself on this website?
is this a sincere post?
manual labor?
why?
neetbux?
family has money?
is this an elaborate shitpost?
are you a bored neet fantasizing about having wagies eating your metaphorical shit?
do you have a good enough relationship with anyone there who would appreciate this joke?>>13042544
^most likely outcome if op is who he says he is.

>>13039747
revenge only feels nice for a moment

>>13042544
That's pure exaggeration. Very unlikely that would happen.
>>13042573
Your post is somewhat confusing, what's wrong with telling the truth? I would never go on NEET bucks or whatever you mean by that, simply because it's too much effort having to talk to these people who take care of that and the whole apply for jobs thing. I am also not a leeching parasite of society. I've saved quite some money from my year of slaving and my mommy is my only family really but she's poor and stupid. She's moving away from this country to be with her lover and I guess I have to find a new home to stay. Don't understand what you mean by " if op is who he says he is."

>>13042606
Not really revenge, just somewhat. I'm doing this to be funny and I hope they enjoy eating my shit. These are the best brownies ever is what I'm hoping and for people to want 2nd and 3rd turd log brownies because they just can't get enough of my fudgy browny treasures.

>>13039747
did it occur to you that people might find it genuinely off putting and that toilet humour is the low tier?

>>13042619
you seem taken aback by me questioning your honesty.
>do you have a good enough relationship with anyone there who would appreciate this joke?
also don't quit your job until you find a new one better suited to your needs.

>>13042619
no one will eat the turd brownies

>>13042632
Did it occur to you to read the whole post and that your use of that reaction image brands you as a newfag?

>>13042643
dont tell me how to use MY images you stupid idiot

>>13042636
I'm not sure what I have said to sound dishonest. I don't know what I said wrong. There's these two chicks that sometimes try to talk with me and make funny jokes. Or one serbian woman goes on and on about spiritualism. Also when I finish off near the end of the day I can hear my colleagues at the shipping section tell the nastiest jokes to eachother and have the most degenerate conversations.

Can I ask you something, why do you care so much about all this shit and my work? Please all I wanted was some tips on how to make realistic turds. I actually started it by mentioning stuff that happend in real life about me and my motivation to make this. Thread would've been of far better quality had I not. I'll just stick to food related things by now.

Anyone made turd brownies before? What can I do to make them as realistic ass possible? I'm gonna start the work now, experimenting. Will post my creations soon.

When I was 4 I begged my gran to make her chocolate truffles in the shape of poo for me and she did.

Are you 4 anon?

This is one of the most delicious things I've ever tasted. Holy shit.

>>13042786
>tfw never had a grandma that baked brownies for me
Anyways how did she make them btw? I bet they didn't look realistic.

>>13042721
Are you Dutch or something

>>13042805
They did to be honest, chocolate truffles are quite moist and you can easily roll and mould them with your hands. I can’t remember the recipe, I think it’s mostly melted chocolate, butter and crushed digestive biscuits

I tried

>>13042817
Looks like shit

>>13042817
>you spent 30 euros on this

>>13042819
Isn’t that the whole point?

Looks like shit, tastes like heaven.

This is fucking stupid, don't do it. in time when you outgrow your autism a bit, you will cringe for the rest of your life about this experience.

>>13042827
Thats not me. This is my first try. 2Nd time ever in my life I've cooked. I'm going to try and mold these into turds later on. Hopefully they are flexible enough. I can make a couple of more batches to experiment.
>>13042817
That looks nice. Did you just made this? What's in it?
>>13042810
Why? If you scroll up you can already conclude this.

>>13042861
Here's the square I will cut them from. I realize now theyre way too wet and I needed a more dough like brownie. Next batch, I'll try. Have about 600 grams of choclate left and that ganache shit is cooling in the fridge.

>>13042872
if it's too wet and you don't care about flavor just add cocoa powder until it dries enough to work it. it'll make it more bitter but who cares. some cunts like pretending they like really bitter chocolate anyway.

>>13042865
I was joking, they’re not chocolate brownies, it’s a meat dish called cevapcici/cevapi.

Mixed ground meat (pork, lamb/beef), paprika, garlic, onions, salt and pepper.

>>13042876
Ah okay thanks dude. These ones are setting up to be complete fucking failures. It's my 2nd time baking. I baked a cake once 10 years ago or so.

Just eat the shitty mess, buy a nice cake and leave your colleagues thinking “anon was ok after all”.

>>13042922
Nah sorry man. Not going to do that.

I have somewhat of a problem though. My first batch of 4 turds. They've been warming up at 180 celcius degrees for about 15 minutes. I tried shaping them in some plastic but my problem is they crumble. How can I make my logs more strong? So when someone picks them up they don't have multiple pieces of a turd? Should I add more cacao powder? Should I take them out of the oven sooner? Should I make them smaller? Will try and experiment with this but if anyone has any knowledge please do share. I will appreciate.

>>13042936
>Nah sorry man. Not going to do that.

You don’t need to apologise to me. It’s just that you really are going to make a total arse of yourself like >>13042861 said

>>13042948
Dude please I don't care. Just help me how to make this ass realistic ass possible. How do I make my Brown Logs more stronger and less crumbly?

>>13042936
what reaction are you expecting to get from this, exactly?

>>13042948
I think if OP succeeds it will be funny

>>13042972
How do I make my Shit Log sturdier and that it doesn't fall apart that quick? Even if I had a poop dough mold it wouldn't properly go in there and have the shape because it's too sticky.

Any experienced bakers know what I can do? I think I'm going to start my 2nd batch and this time add a lot of cacao powder to make it doughier. I need to find the perfect consistency. Not too doughy or it looks fake, but still mushy enough to have that human faeces look. Still have about +12 hrs left before I go to work. Had a day off today.

>>13042976
Would you call this succesfull? Does it look poopy enough or you have some insight to make it look shittier? It crumbles apart when I pick it up and this is not what I want if I'm going to give it to my colleagues.

I ate two logs already. They taste normal. Not mind blowing taste like the batter was. I could actually taste the salt in the batter and feel the crumbles. Maybe I added too much salt but fuck do I know, I can hardly smell or taste anything because I have hyposmia kek.

is op some kind of retard or something

>>13043010
Going to try and do something with this Frisian rye bread I saw. Mix them with brownies. Saw it in the store and thought it could help my cause somehow. Good luck to me.

>>13043029
My spreadable chocolate goulash is also ready. It's really hard though. Will mix it with the poundcake.

>>13043048
Its turning up all right but it doesnt look that shitty compared to the brownies.

>>13043086
Better view. That one was a bit foggy.

>>13043006
The colour looks right. The consistency is the issue but desu I'm not sure how to do any better. I'm more a hobbyist rather than a pro unlike many on here. My thoughts would be to bake them as a regular brownie then try and shape them after removing them from the oven while they are still warm. Good luck. Hope they see the funny side, it will be talked about for years at the office. "Remember the poo brownies guy haha" people will say. They will tell every new employee for years. It will become a thing of legend if done properly. One day all the current staff you work with will move on and try to top it with their own wacky cakes, then they will tell their new coworkers. Eventually there will be offices full of people who weren't even there telling your story as a funny anecdote. In fact I have a coworker who is leaving my work and I'll tell him your story as if I knew you personally. The poo brownies story will become a hilarious myth everyone can laugh about. Especially if you pull it off. No pressure.

Aren't you eeriefag? i think i recognize you

>>13043136
No, I've never posted on /ck/ before. To the anon that recommended me spreadable goulach. You have my thanks again. Putting this baby in the freezer. Looks very realistic. Also fuck captcha.

>>13039762
>Why do you want to do that? Seems rude.
Xhe has crippling autism, please don't disturb it or it will ree loudly until appeased

>>13039747
>I'm planning to make brownies that look like turds to shock them
This is advanced autism.

>>13039930
>10 years
Unless you tell me that you've browsed /r9k/ exclusively I don't believe you

>>13043191
What do you think? Brownie ones look better though but they're too crumbly.

>>13043242
Yeah it’s grim. Well done.

Post follow up tomorrow of how embarrassing it was and how we told you so.

Are you going to acknowledge that they look like turds or play dumb? I think playing dumb is the better option. It might be embarrassing but in a way that you can laugh about in secret. If you go in there all LMAO POOP you're going to look like an edgy faggot

>>13043253
I’m under the impression that the “follow up” won’t be OP writing here what happened at work, we’ll just hear in the news about a shooting in a office and then we will realise...

>>13042721
The shipping section boys sound pretty based if you ask me, but I am also a degenerate manual laborer.

>>13043301
They really aren't. They constantly speak about girls (underage) and women, cheating and sex while they have girlfriends/wives or boyfriends/husbands. I'm disgusted each time they show unfaithful behavior. They smoke, have tattoos. These people are not your friends. They are normies and with the beta uprising they will perish.

Anyways I made these smashed cake with choclate spreadable goulash turds on it and I don't think they're tasty at all. Quite heavy on the stomach too. The brownie turds are so much better. Going to make another batch of brownies. Hopefully no crumbley ones.

>>13039891
yeah, this site, and this board especially, has been declining in quality.
it's just TRANNY KIKE JEWS everywhere, it sucks. /ck/ used to be comfy.

These are not tasty at all. I'd rather eat fucking haitian dirt cookies. To the guy recommended mashed cake and spreadable chocolate goulash I take back my thanks. You've wasted my time and money because these do not taste good at all and brownie turds look way more realistic. I'm sure you were not in it to fool me, but for the next person. Do not try it. It's a waste of time.

>>13039747
>getting fired for being a white male
>no discussion about this fact
why did you make this thread?

>>13043534
Nah m8 they still sound based to me. I'd be laughing and smoking with them if I worked there.
I think your just an autistic that needs to loosen up. Good luck with these shit brownies I guess.
>beta uprising
I laugh everytime.

I'm on my penultimate batch of brownies. For my last batch I have about 200 grams of chocolate left. Please god, i hope these come out well. I've been trying all fucking day.

>>13043909

>>13043918
Thank you man.
>>13039803
Fuck you again mother bitch. This took me at least 7 euros and one hour of my time. They taste like like shit but do not look like poop. Again I advise anyone to recreate this DO NOT USE MASHED CAKE AND SPREADABLE GOULASH CHOCLATE. THIS IS NOT TASTY OR GOOD!

>>13043928
Wait, now that I think about these are good to feed my co-workers with but I literally don't have the balls to do it. I'll see how it goes. The new ones are coming along nicely.

>>13043936
Tired of this shit. Guess I'll have to do with these unrealistic looking ones. Mission failed boys. I gave up and another mistake of mine was not starting earlier with planning this.

>>13043936
are you kidding me you were talking so passionately about feeding them shit dont back off now anon they'll remember it for a long time

>>13043994
My mother came home suddenly, thought she was gone till monday. She got quite mad at me. She threw the cakey logs away and said only the brownies could stay to give to them. I don't care anymore. They don't look realistic, if they did she would not be non compliant. Tasted a bit of the Final Product, the Brownie Logs. They're quite chewey and make me thirsty. They're dry I think. They don't look like shit and they taste crappy. My goals, I've failed them. Taste could still be good because I am a bad judge since I have hyposomia and very little appetite for food.

Well in 8 hours I have to go to my final day at work. I am happy for this, best decision I have made this year. Going to clean the kitchen and then shower. Wash the filth off I've collected the past two weeks on my body. I am a dirty whore.

I wish everyone a good day. May God bless your soul. Poopydicky out.

>>13044134
Kys you fucking mongoloid.

>>13039747
Wouldn’t it be better to make delicious brownies with your shit so you can make them eat your shit? Or are they black coworkers you’re trying to disappoint with actual brownies

>>13039747
You seem like a total fucking weirdo. Makes sense that you were fired.

>>13044257
>fired
>last day
Based sheltered bully anon

>>13044134
>She got quite mad at me. She threw the cakey logs away and said only the brownies could stay to give to them.
Lmao

>>13044134
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA MOMMY TOOK YOUR BROWNIES
WHAT A PATHETIC MOTHER FUCKER

>>13044134
Still can’t tell if the most autistic femanon on the planet or just one of the weirder blokes from r9k

>>13044257
Not fired idiot. I quit myself. My other boss desperately wanted me to stay because I'm a really good quiet employee and never caused any trouble. Also I'm very cheap and I do work you actually need a degree for. I even got paid less then minimum wage because here in my country people under 22 get like 50 cents less an hour. The younger you are, the less you get. Some bullshit rule. I think next decennia though, january 2020 the age is going to be set at 21 years or older. I just missed it. Sucks. Could've made +800 euros was I born one year earlier.

>>13044297
You are a cuck at work and a cuck at life.

>>13044297
>is under 22
>claims to have been posting here for over 10 years
Fuck off.

>>13044317
lol have you seen some of the quality of the posters on this site?

Fuck you OP, it could’ve ended like this but you chose to be a pussy

>>13044349
Oh no, that looks very very real. It is isn’t it?

>>13044317
Why would I lie anon? I've been addicted to the internet since we first got a computer with internet at home. I was 8 or so. 3/4 years later I'm on Newgrounds or YTMND or whatever the fuck. I see dead baby gore being spammed and all this talk about 4channers being cool and edgy. I finally go to the hacker website, end up in /b/. Lurking, wanting to see moar gore. That's my story. How long have you been here? Why /ck/ out of all the boards? You guys honestly seem a bit softie or something. I would compare you guys to rural people far away from the city and the more popular boards being city folk.

>>13044383
>rural people talking 24/7 about fast food places

>>13044383
You literally spent hours and hours trying to make shit logs for a ridiculous reason that that your mum then threw out, and you seem to think it was time well spent.

Yeah I am alright with you thinking we’re “rural” whatever the fuck that means, you are profoundly ridiculous.

>>13044389
I honestly think fat americans make those threads and click/react to them. Fast food makes me nauseous. I feel like vomitting when I hear the word taco bell.

>>13044395
She only threw out the mushed cake logs with goulash spreadable chocolate on them. I turned around and she was already throwing them in the garbage bin. Should've just taken them out and served them tomorrow.

They were really disgusting though and one bite would make you full. They were like lembas turds.

>>13044383
>You guys honestly seem a bit softie or something.
You are an utter fag who has food taken away from you by your mother, your argument is invalid.

>>13044520
Not you, don't take it so personal stupid cunt. Other people. I'm sure you know what I mean. They're only on 4chan for the /ck/ board I think. You have these people too in other less popular and more obscure boards.

>>13044556
Popular boards are kanker. If you woke up you'd see /ck/ and other small boards are where the magic happens, then it leaks outward from there. Though for some reason "wooow dude ur so pathetic doing THING and posting about it on the Maltese classic wow leveling forum" posts are really popular right now. These niggers don't see their complaining is feminine faggotry if they don't like the site they should leave. Nobody gives a fuck if you think you're better than some other anonymous fuck we're all equal under the LORD here =)!

Had to rant, just say OP is a fag and move on instead of getting assblasted, dunno why soyboys can't handle that they must be from r*dd*t.

>>13044635
>Popular boards are kanker
This. Boards like /b/ that attract people who think it's all of 4chan, or /pol/ serves that purpose now, attracting boomers and redditors to spam normie shit and boomer memes.

>>13044349
Me 2nd from the right muzzling those massive tits.

>>13044635
>If you woke up you'd see /ck/ and other small boards are where the magic happens, then it leaks outward from there
Oh piss off dude. You're the one being asleep here. Don't assume. How am I assblasted? I really enjoy my exchange with most and I'm happy I made this thread.
>>13044684
Yeah these normies are so annoying! AHA fucking booomeeeer!!!! Reddit maga!!! You have a very basic understanding of it all. I guess you should keep to simple things or it gets too complex for your tiny shrinken brain.

>>13042502
What? No, idiot. He shits them out.

>>13045915
Well it's too late for your tips man. I've made them already and I'm on my way to work with them. Really wish you would've come sooner. Your words truly are golden knowledge.

just bring a shitload of uncooked minute rice, they'll be pissed.

>>13039930
being a /pol/tard must be excruciating

nothing like pure unbridled autism only to be squashed by mommy throwing away your poop sugar meant for your coworkers

>>13045887
>Yeah these normies are so annoying! AHA fucking booomeeeer!!!! Reddit maga!!! You have a very basic understanding of it all. I guess you should keep to simple things or it gets too complex for your tiny shrinken brain.
t. cancerous redditor

>>13046129
Can't you fucking read, she only threw away this little batch. Holy shit, fucking read brainlet. About to serve them my poop.

>>13044317
I’ve been 4chan since I was 12/13, mostly lurking though.

>>13046370
On 4chan*

Nobody is fucking reacting to it. I think out of fear of insulting me that it looks like a turd. What a shit day.

>>13046389
should have put candy corn in the turd brownies dawg

>>13042632
This. Toilet humor is shit.

What the fuck is this thread
holy shit

>>13042989
seek help

>>13042989
>Even if I had a poop dough mold
everyone has one ;)

>>13046604

/ck/ gives its two weeks notice

>>13046604
He wants to know how to make food that looks like realistic feces, ha ha, you know like as a joke, not coprophilia.

Honestly, I applaud OP for his efforts.
It's sincerely one of the most entertaining threads on this board, since god forbid us from having anything other than stupid fast food threads and general international shitflinging.

>>13045887
Hello regedit!

>>13046828
Yeah that's all the words you can throw at me. Kill yourself by eating crushed apple seeds dumb nigger faggot.

btw this is a cockroach eating cum. I'd give him a home, food and spare it's life before you if that wretched day comes where you are starving and homeless. You are worthless to me and you may die in your own faeces.

>>13047505
Didn't read lol

So if anyone is interested on how the people at my work reacted; I didn't notice anything other then a few sniggers when the big plate with a mountain of brownie turds got placed on the table. 50% or more grabbed a log and a few women told me it was delicious and thanked me. Also this one anorexic roastie told me she can only eat one if she eats another one she's going to vomit. Poor phrasing of her and I took it as an insult. People just continued talking, I didn't react on her words. It was friday and people are generally in a better mood and chat/joke a lot this day.

I was glued to my phone trying to look busy and pretend chatting during the break. Checked my mail over and over again, opened my apps again and closed them. I don't know why.

Halfway through the break the woman next to me said hers looked like poo and I immediatly reacted in somewhat of an angry, raised voice that I DID not do this on purpoise, it doesn't look like poop at all I said and said in a jokey way she should watch the way she speaks but they didn't laugh at my joke only smiled. Not sure if the others heard me. I made somewhat of a fool of myself, I wish I had come over differently. If the turds were more realistic I probably would've been more based.

Day went by, quite boring and people said their goodbyes to me. Boss gave me a lot of gift cards and like 50 euros in cash, somewhat informal but all right. Thanks.

After work, going home I walked a bit with some girls and I asked what they thought of the brownies and one woman said a few people commented how they look like turds. I had not heard this at all and her words brought me some joy. I then asked what are they going to do with the rest because there was still another plate full of the turd brownies and it's weekend. She said there's a big group coming tomorrow for a cursus and they're going to be given the brownies. I smiled again.

Not sure how I feel now. I miss the people a little bit. Back to my pathetic life.

>>13047505
>this is a cockroach eating cum
Now I know why there were always cockroaches in my bedroom when I lived with my parents.

>>13047932
Your ejaculation is highly nutricious. Mushrooms grow very fucking welll on it and insects love it.

From google: The average ejaculate contains aboutonia, ascorbic acid, blood-group antigens, calcium, chlorine, cholesterol, choline, citric acid, creatine, deoxyribonucleic acid (DNA), fructose, glutathione, hyaluronidase, inositol, lactic acid, magnesium, nitrogen, phosphorus, potassium, purine, pyrimidine, pyruvic acid, sodium, sorbitol, spermidine, spermine, urea, uric acid, vitamin B12, and zinc. The caloric content of an average ejaculate is estimated to be approximately 15 calories.

If anyone wants to experiment with growing mushrooms with their sperm please do and share your pictures with us. There's only 3 strong documented cases of these 'cumshrooms'. I shall post them after. This image you see here is the latest one. It's a stinkhorn anemone, some french guy managed to grow in this tissue.

Anyone interested in becoming the 4th person who photographed their cumshrooms and put it on the world wide web for us all to see?

>>13047968
This one's from 2015. Was first posted on le leddit.

PLEASE I beg anyone to copy these people and document the whole experience. You can buy some mushroom spores online or grow kits (I will reimburse you for this), it's autumn too and there's mushrooms popping out you can use. I will PAY you for your service and the keks I will get from your fungi children you photographed and put on the internet.

>>13047981
The very first photographed cumshrooms that were uploaded to the internet, 4chan. This was back in 2014? Al thought of this one I'm the least certain they're cumshrooms since they were just called mushrooms growing out a towel. If these shrooms are not made by coom then the 2015 one is definitly the first and the king.

>>13048001
It's an Siberian Ink cap or coprinoid mushrooms but just seems to be growing near the laundry pile. If you're interested in mycology and mushrooms try this website: http://www.mushroomexpert.com/coprinoid.html

There's something special about these guys. They can be eaten but not with alcohol. If you don't listen to this though you'll get poisoined and one of the worst fucking hangovers ever in your life. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coprinopsis_atramentaria

Quite interesting. But yeah, can't be certain these are cumshrooms. The one in the tissue bin though are 99% certain. It's not just ejaculation these mushrooms grow of, the tissue itself is basically dead wood. So yeah I guess your children would be actually a hyrbid of dead wood and semen.

>>13039747
>haha poopoo peepee for the meanies!
Absolute manchild, no wonder you can't hold down a job. Pathetic.

>>13048181
>you can't hold down a job
and you can't read or care to. Don't want to explain myself again for the 3rd time. Fuck off, you contribute absolute nothing only wasting your cancer time.

>>13047904
>I made somewhat of a fool of myself
We told you so. Fucking retard, go get tested for autism

>>13048193
I don't care to read this stupid shit, fuck you faggot go back to playing with shit and cum you fucking loser.

Grow the fuck up.

>>13048228
Then why click on this thread if the image looks like shit? Says a lot of the kind of person you are honestly haha XD. I still have some ingredients left to make some more brownies. Have some CBD oil too. I wonder if I can od on cbd brownies but you can't overdose from cannabis. I'd probably get bad diarrhea. Actually it's a shit idea now that I look at the bottle. It only has 0,3% THC. If these things had large percentage I would've done it.

Put me in the screenshot pls

I'd eat your turd brownies OP, but only because you're severely autistic and I feel so bad for you.

How is it possible for OP to be so fucking weird yet so mind-numbingly boring at the same time? It’s quite an achievement.

>>13049042
>mind-numbingly boring
Yeah, it really was. This thread needs a quick death.

>>13047904
It's extremely weird to have stuck to that idea of making brownies that look like shit and putting them on the table discreetly being all shy about it. It's the kind of thing you can only go all out about if you do choose to roll with it and even then, you'd have to be charismatic and do a great baking job to pull this off because the main idea is just lame and childish.
I'd feel bad for you but you're so full of hate and under the impression that you're better than others that I can't help but think that you deserve your pitiful fate.

>>13049042
>>13049105
Why fucking insult me? I really hate it when people call me boring. It's one of the insults I take most to heart.
'Meh... you're boring me.
It makes my blood boil. Such a roastie insult. Everything is not interesting to them. They're usually addicts or mentally ill extroverts. Smokers and such. They need constant stimulation, and have little joy. They get their little joy from gossiping about people, bullying them and getting attention themselves. But this novelty wears of very quickly and they need something new and go on to the next person. Continue their stupid, meaningless fucking lives.

I hope the both of you stop fucking breathing and just die. You add nothing to this world.

>>13049136
People call you boring because you are boring. In fact, you are boring to the point of farce. You take it to heart because you know it is true.

Just let this embarrassment of a thread die and go read a book or do something productive you absolute dullard.

>>13049152
I've been only called boring twice or three times in my life in the two decades I've been alive and I'm including 4chan. Fuck off and go mastrubate to mayo dick cheese or something

>>13049173
>says the one obsessed in cum mushrooms

Has anyone told you that you’re a narcissist too? That’s partly why you are so boring.

>>13049200
Playing as a psychiatrist on an anonymous cuban tarantula breeding forum? Seriously fucking hang yourself.

>>13049211
I don’t need to play at psychiatrist, just read your posts back you dismal, edgy, juvenile fool. You are the definition of pathetic.

>>13049218
Pathetic, autistic, narcisstic, boring. You must have been having a bad day to shit on my thread with this garbage. Derailing it even more from Food & Cooking. Fuck you, stop fucking typing and leave this thread.
btw none of those criteria fit with me. Maybe some, at certain moments but I really do not fit these. You're assuming so many things and not understanding that your idea of boring is subjective. Again I ask you to leave. You are useless.

>>13049136
>extroverts shallow and bad
lmao get fucked bruh

Put this on the side op
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hET1yuWS74E

>>13043837
>getting fired for being a white male
Do we know that OP is a white male? I don't believe so.

>>13043837
Are you sure he wasn't fired for being completely autistic?

>>13049563
Not fired and never came close to it. read you monkey.

>>13050587
I don't believe you though because you're an autistic retard. I believe you were actually fired.

>>13047968
>>13047981
>>13048001
>>13048036
Imagine the smell

>>13047968
Once, I had a chest cold so I was spitting phlegm into a glass with a paper towel in it. Forgot about the glass for like 2 weeks and when I found it, tiny flies were growing on the paper towel, beneath the surface.

>>13050748
Well never got fired. A lot of people wanted me to return some days during vacations or something, christmas. They really miss me because I was one of the few who knew the computer system quite well and did all the dirty work.

You just can't wrap your room temprature IQ head around it. Have not been fired and if you cared enough to read my previous posts in this thread you would've been convinced that I left on my own.

>>13047981
they look like cocks.
ironic.

>>13051253
>You just can't wrap your room temprature IQ head around it. Have not been fired and if you cared enough to read my previous posts in this thread you would've been convinced that I left on my own.
Except every post of yours I've read has simply caused me to downgrade my estimate of your IQ even more. At first I thought you were a tree swinger and then I thought you were a knuckle scraper and now I don't even know.

Jesus Christ I read the whole thread, you are one sad fuck. I showed it to some other co-workers as well.

Als ik je nog een keer tegen kom trap ik je helemaal in elkaar.

>>13051253
Maybe you got fired for being an asshole. You seem pretty full of yourself despite your autism

>>13047968

So fentanyl is fat soluble, does that mean I can make fentanyl brownies by replacing the weed in a weed brownie recipe?
In minecraft ofc

>>13052931
Oh godverdomme. Wie ben jij. Maak me niet bang a.u.b. AAAAAAAA IK BEN KANKER DOM.

>>13052835
Well I hope you enjoyed your time on /ck/.
>>13052931
Oh ik realiseerde me nu pas, het is weekend. Je kan het niet hebben laten zien. Ahah ik begon al een beetje te zweten man.
>>13053042
Never got fired. They all wanted me to stay and wageslave there for the rest of my life.

>>13053175
If you're actually a degenerate drug user. Kill yourself. I really despise people like you.
But yeah, you make weed brownies by making cannabis-infused butter. I'm not sure that making brownies with opiods is smart. If you want to waste your precious drugs and experiment with this go ahead. Brownies laced with fentanyl seems like a stupid thing to do and only someone who has experience with pharmaceuticals and preperation of dangerous drugs, who has not fried his brain yet with shit, I might trust on it to be successfully done.

You don't want to od on it for sure. What a terrible chef you would be. It's extremely expensive too and digestion is the least favorable way to get it in your system. If you want to get the most out of your money and the best effect of the drug, absorbing it through the mucus membranes are the fastest method of delivery. That"s why junkies smear coke in their gums for example to test the quality. Eating it, you don't know if you get enough or if the product is good and it takes around an hour for it to have any effect (with weed that's the case for you to feel the effect, opiods are somewhat quicker). Better make tablets or pills. It's extremely stupid, waste of time to make hard drug edibles especially if you're an amateur or normalfag like yourself who gets it from his friends and what not. Participating in parties, smoking, drinking. One day I hope I can fucking snap your neck and piss in your mouth.

>>13053530
Nah I plan on making the brownies with high doses and then feeding them to the homeless. I don’t do drugs or even drink.
Again, in minecraft.

>>13044134
based mommy

>>13048001
I wonder if anon still misses his cumrag.

Im gonna go take out my room's trash bin. Thanks mushroomposter.

>>13054267
nigga where you at i could really go for some free fentanyl

>>13049136
What are your hobbies and interests? You sound incredibly boring.

>>13049136
Yeah but you get your joy from feeding people turd brownies. I get what you're saying about normie-tier interests and personalities, but don't put yourself on a pedestal. They are probably miserable, too and find ways to make their time at work interesting and tolerable.

>>13039747
Just shoot up the office. I’m sure that’s a treat they will never forget.

>>13053314
Stop lying about not getting fired, it's not a flattering look

>>13055591
I don’t actually have fentanyl nor do I know where to get some

>>13047904
>euros
of course

>>13053175
Probably, i have fentanyl lolipops before at a rave and people were getting pretty high from just one.

>>13056897
Why would you drop opiates at a rave?
Also, how do I find a proper warehouse rave near me?

so this is what an autist is like at work...

>>13058046
Imagine the autist at work who shows up on his last day with what looks like a plate of shit logs and asks everyone to eat them.

>>13044317
started going on here when i was 11 sorry anon

>>13058095
So you've been cancer for a long time. By that math you'd have joined right when the site started going to shit. That really activates my almonds.

>>13042936
Wat een mongooltje ben je.

>>13058070
yes they'd just think you're an asshole
it's not exactly a complicated ploy my dear redditor friend

i refuse to believe this thread is real, i must be having a fever dream or something

>>13040770
I care about you

>>13044383
The fact that you chose to inform everyone, who who were already ridiculing you for your autism-tier posts, of your complete failure after your fucking MOTHER threw your shit out instead of making the smart choice of disappearing off the face of this board, shows how much of a fucking faggot you are. You brought this upon yourself OP

>>13042447
>What did we do to you
You aren't pumping out new Ongezellig episodes nearly fast enough.

>>13043191
*raises paw*
10 years is not that much of a biggie. I've been here since a bit before Donate or Die. Staying exclusively on one board for 10 years is a little harder to swallow though.

>>13044635
>/ck/ and other small boards are where the magic happens
>unironically claiming this on a board that has consisted of 99% shilling and retarded lolitrolu/newfag spam like /sip/ for over half a decade
Really now.

Lmao op just chuck some off shit in a container in a microwave and leave it till it explodes making a rancid smell then fling your poopcakes everywhere screaming
>POOPOO PEEEPEEEREEE REEE REE

>>13051290
that's fitting if anything

best thread in a while. coul barely contain my laughter at work

>>13061367
I don’t, the OP literally tells people to kill themselves over the slightest disagreement. Bitter, boring, deeply unpleasant little creep.

>>13047904
youre a fuckin retard

Jesus save yourself some time and just shit on a plate if you trully despise them

>>13047904
There is seriously something wrong with you. Seek help

>>13048036
>They can be eaten
>...your children would be actually a hyrbid of dead wood and semen.
Imagine making a mushroom cum baby and then eating it, lads.

>>13053530
>But yeah, you make weed brownies by making cannabis-infused butter.
Would cbd-infused butter work similarly? I have some CBD isolate powder suitable for mixing into food. I wonder if it would be better to make an infused butter first, or just go straight to adding it in. It's listed as being viable as an ingredient for food already, but I wonder if infusion might improve bioavailability due to lipophilic nature of the substance.

Imagine if one of them was a real poo

you could bring them some pretzels

>>13065235
Imagine if ALL of them were poo

>>13065260
yeah OP is kinda subverting the colourful/decorative food trend, I didn't catch that at first

>>13065260
What is the red from? Holy shit though.

>>13065469
I think it's just white and red frosting and then mixed sprinkles.

>>13039747
I went digging and one person who made these said they used a chocolate refrigerator cookie recipe and then shaped it. That would probably have much better results.

>>13043541
redditfugees go away. u guys r the only ones bringing that shit up. always whining about the evil poltards when no ones even talking about politics but u turds

>>13065617
You pointed out the reason when you called them redditfugees, not like /pol/ is going around trying to force other websites follow their beliefs only

>>13039747
Logging in

>>13039747
Do you know what a "reference" is

do you realize that you don't get one if you do this

>>13066109
Yeah, it's when your joke is a repeat of something that happened in a movie or television show.