/ck/ - Food & Cooking

I hide from my captors or die trying.

acorns

No. Nothing grows there. Alaska is a wasteland. There's a reason why the Russian Empire sold it for next to nothing.

>>12690362
Oh shit I could have murdered them with poison, I just realized.

>>12690355
first i hunt, then I make a fire

relevant
https://imgur.com/gallery/FisuH

>>12690355
Spend 12 hours setting up elaborate trap for men. Kill them and use their transportation method to get some real food and get the fuck out of Alaska

>>12690355
I would literally die of alcohol withdrawal in that situation.

>find wild grain
>grind it into dust with rocks
>combine with water to make paste
>throw paste on sun-baked rock for the rest of my allotted time.
the best i could come up with

>>12690440
This.

But, on the off chance that withdrawal didn't kill me, I'd do 2 things.
1. Collect cattail root and cones for making bread. Look for any wild grain to help it along. Look for bird nests to collect. Look for edible fungi.
2. Look for purposely poisonous materials (plants and fungi) so I can bake one loaf to kill the fuckers that want to kill me.

>>12690355
Ye i was a boy scout

Can prob manage. We did trials like that

>>12690355
An ocean of trees with hidden dangers. I'd get rid of the matches since just having so few would be taunting me with convenience as they dwindled away. Into the trash they go. I'd bundle in dirt and foliage for warmth up in a tree. No sleeping on the ground for me in case I turned into a meal. I'd forage for plants to eat. Most plants are edible and one can survive quite nicely. Wild plants are extremely healthy. Rivers would be a risk if I wanted to drink as you're most vulnerable.

>>12690355
Jokes on you, I smuggled a loaf of bread so I’ll spend the next 12 hours relaxing and jacking off and when the men come....wa la...it’s a loaf of bread.

>>12690462
>the exact details of how I earned the “make a loaf of bread in 12 hours in the wilderness” merit badge escape me at the moment

>>12690355
>12 hours to make bread
Fuck no you cant for different reasons
1. Wheat doesn't grow in the middle of a fucking forest
2. Refining Wheat into Flour is a god awful task that is hard to do
3. Where are you going to find the Sugar Cane which doesnt grow in temperate forests?
4. You don't have a bowl, so wheres the dough going to go?
5. I hope you like eating bread that has a billion parasites in it from the nasty water your using
6. You need to hope to GOD it's humid, or no yeast is gonna find its way into your bowl
7. It'd be impossible to know if your bowl even has yeast until it starts to rise
8. How are you gonna cook the bread? You don't have an oven, nor do you have an instrument to cook it
9. Even if you could cook it it's not going to cook evenly to even be bread

Literally EVERYTHING is against you in this. You'd have a better chance at killing your captors then trying to make bread

>>12690506
You know how easy shitbread is? Just make a "dough", toss it in a rock oven and cover with mud. It wont taste good but with mud and rocks i pass the test.

>>12690355
Can I have a fucking knife instead of some matches? Jesus Christ.

>>12690535
And for the dough, find seeds, smash them with rocks, add some dirt filler and some smashed insects for binding, then spit as much as you can into it and knead, because we are assuming theres no water anywhere near

Anythings possible my friends. But with some more tools youd be living the high life

>>12690535
Post details of how you make this dough in the wilderness

>>12690355
It takes like six hours to make bread at home with flour and yeast without added sugar. Dumb post is dumb. There's no way anyone is making wild grass sourdough in twelve.Those seeds are tiny.

I could make acorn "bread" if I had several days to rinse the tannins.

Tubers are often the best bet for calories, if you can get a fire going. Cattails are plentiful here, so I'd go for those if I were truly lost. An otter I used to fuck has been trying to get lost but hasn't been able to because he's too clever and knowledgeable.

>>12690559
Are you retarded? It's not hard. Find wild wheat. Grind it with rocks. Find a chicken and harvest its eggs. Collect some yeast from the forest. Mine a few teaspoons of salt. Milk a goat for butter. Done. Bread requires very basic ingredients, it's not rocket surgery.

>>12690574
based ironic post

>>12690510
protip fagboy: you don't need yeast to make shitty flat bread.

>>12690581
These slow ass niggas really trine think how they make wonderbread in the forest nigga oml. Ctfu

>>12690496
>wa la
Please listen. Definition of voilà — used to call attention, to express satisfaction or approval, or to suggest an appearance as if by magic. The many misspellings of Voilà: Vwa-Lah, Wa-Lah, Wa-La.

>>12690595
what the fuck does a musical instrument have to do with expressing approval you tard

Throw rocks at birds to kill them. I ought to be able to get at least one in twelve hours. Take out the pancreas, or just every internal organ, since I don't know what the hell a bird pancreas is. Boom, sweetbread.

>>12690599
o->i
i<-o

yes
>make bowl with my shirt, add water and cattail root
>drain that shit
>add some water back
>find big flat rock
>make a fire, fry bread

>>12690603
>12 hours later
>Where’s your bread?
>Shows small pile of bird organs
>Cletus, get the rope

>>12690611
Hey, at least they didn't shoot me.

>>12690510
>How are you gonna cook the bread? You don't have an oven, nor do you have an instrument to cook it

>>12690606
fuck off with your faggot emojis you fucking furry cancer

>>12690390

thanks man, that is the best shit i have seen posted on this godforsaken board for a while.

cheers.

>>12690355

1. Look for grain. ANY grain that isn't going to kill you if you eat it.
2. Look for nuts. ANY nuts that aren't going to kill you if you eat it.
3. Find a local water supply and begin walking along it looking for ANY kind of useful cooking implements. Glass bottles, soda cans, soup cans, old cast iron skillets, whatever.
4. Use these implements combined with rocks to cut, smash, grind, and pound grain into coarse meal.
5. build a fire
6. wet the dough with water and healthy dose of spit and form it into dough.
7. wrap the dough in my sock and place it within distance of the fire so that it is just warm
8. place flat rocks near fire to get hot
9. wait the remaining time until 30 minutes remain
10. remove shirt from the dough and form it into a thin disc
11. place on the hot rock
12. let it cook until it is done, should take only a few minutes

The amount of meal you could create would probably be quite small, but the question didn't say how much bread I had to make. Just enough to qualify as food.

The wait time for the dough to rise isn't necessary btw, just might make it a little nicer to eat.

>>12690574
And do the quests. The three starter quests give 100 grain, 10 wood and 5 stones each.

Gather wood, and water, and a stone that holds water. Start fire. Boil water in stone. Gather some berries, and big leafes. Make a bowl from the leafes. Smush berries, and add them with leaf water bowl. Place bowl under clothes by moist parts. Boom yeast. Leave bowl by warmth of fire. Gather starchy tubers, mash tubers. Seperate excess starch. Boil mash. Remove mash from heat. Combine starch, mash, and yeast starter. Place dough in leaf wrap under clothes near moist parts. Nap by fire as dough rises. Bake dough. Bread. You can skip the yeast, and rising part for a flatbread.

>>12690437
Home Alone III: Deathtrap
Macauley Caulkin returns in this thrilling reboot. Kevin is all grown up, and this time he's playing for keeps.

>>12690355
Seek out wild rye. Separate the grains by hand, pack into my shirt and roll to separate the shells, Try to dry on a stone over a bonfire, because I don't fucking have several days to let them dry by themselves, you fucks.
Then grind into flour between two rocks.


Since there's no time to make malt and yeast. mix the flour with water into dough and bake on a rock over fire. An archaeologist would define my product as "bread", dating the technology as something around 12,000BC.

Give me another 2 days and you'll have bread as from Christ's times.

>>12690390
wow holy fuck i clicked on the top post from the sidebar
https://imgur.com/gallery/yqxX4bB

goddamn was this boring. what a fucking lameass story, why would you post this

>>12690839
You touch ergot growing on the rye. You die.

>>12690355
I'd beg the captors to kill me

>>12690827
>just randomly find a stone that holds water
>aka a large stone bowl
>in the wilderness
Haha idiot

>>12690990
>basins don't occur in nature
k then

>>12690355
I would live
I know how to make basic breads from tree products, a few roots, and the bones of my enemies

>>12690355
tuber bread

>>12690355
>12 hours to make bread
>If you do not then men will come and shoot you to death.

Spend 12 hours building traps and weapons instead ,then hunt these men and eat their corpses

>>12690572
>dumb post is dumb
ugh

>>12691342
>eat their corpses
>not making bread out of their corpses

>>12690372
Nobody said anything about alaska

>>12690510
I would use the crushed bones of an Englishman

>>12690687
>looking for ANY kind of useful cooking implements. Glass bottles, soda cans, soup cans, old cast iron skillets
>old cast iron skillets
fucking keeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek, you haven't left the city once in your life , i bet

>>12691376
Eat their pancreas, since that's a hell of a lot easier to find on people than on birds.

>>12691553
Birds are easy to cut open and their pancreases are in the same place as mammals. If you can pull out the intestines, you can find the pancreas very easily.

>>12690846
Turn it into LSD instead

>>12691646
Yeah, because it's easy to set up a chemistry lab in the wilderness and obtain the necessary chemicals for processing.

>>12690372

But there are a shit loads of plants and tress in your OP picture.
Prick.