/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Drink. Alcohol always gives me the shids

Receive anal. You should be able to shit after that.

>>12519739
you look like a pedo

Eat some kfc

>>12519739
Boss hoss enjoying his strawberry coolata

>>12519739
This stuff gives me incredibly satisfying shits.

Coffee and some fiber

>>12519739
Magnesium

>>12519739
Exlax or try some of mother inlaws anything

Unironically prune juice

>>12519799
were you worried someone might ironically drink prune juice?

>>12519739
Forget oral remedies. What you need is a good dicking. Nothing unclogs those pipes more efficiently.

Try beets or radishes

>>12519739
Prunes, coffee and a smoke.

>>12519799
lmao why did you have to say unironically?

>>12519754

>>12519739
Who took the picture? He has no friends.

>>12519799
>>12519802
>>12519824

>>12519739
Taco bell.

>>12519873
>OMG xDD taco bell gives me like the shits all the time haha dood i eated a taco from there and i was on the toilet all fuckin night lmao

Weakness in the bowels disgusts me. I've never had the shits from taco bell, and I was a fat fuck when I was a teen and consumed their food twice a week, minimum.

>>12519739
A lot of water (it’s essential, if you’re not hydrated enough you absorb more water from colon and your shit becomes even more stiff)
Fiber (all sorts of vegetables, fruit, legumes)
Probiotics (yogurt, kefir)
Coffee

>>12519739
If it's really bad near your rectum/anus, you might consider an enema, it will help with blockage. If you have a long tube you can try pushing the tube all the way to the blockage, to irrigate that dry ball of shit.

tablespoon of olive oil with your next meal

>>12519739
Burger King Soy rings

>>12519739
GO TELL THAT LONG TOUNGE LIAR
GO AND TELL THAT MIDNIGHT RIDER
TELL THE RAMBLER
THE GAMBLER
THE BACK-BITER
TELL'EM THAT GOD'S GONNA CUT'EM DOWN

Psyllium husks

some old store bought sushi. Food poisoning usually helps getting everything out of your body

A whole box of spinach

>>12519739
Pork will help.

>>12521179
storytime?

>>12519739
You don't need food to fix that
Chug down a bottle of pic related.
You're good to go.

Sauerkraut, mein Freund.
Einen Haufen Sauerkraut

>>12519739
yerba mate or coffee

>>12519739
metamucil
coffee
fermented food, a lot

Black coffee on an empty stomach.

>>12519739
holy shit is that the midnight rider?

Anything sweetened with erythritol.

>>12523453
Dave?

>>12519739
Water and cruciferous vegetables like cabbage or broccoli. Just eat a shit ton of fiber and drink water

>>12519774
caffeine makes you dehydrated which makes constipation worse

Reminder that he did nothing wrong

Haribo Sugarless Gummy Bear. They will make you shit uncontrollably.

>>12519739
fiber makes things worse. Avoid anything with fiber for a few days and drink lots of water and you'll be fine.

>>12523700
This guy is lying. Fiber is what makes you shit. You need to eat lots of fiber.

>>12519739
I'll give you a poop transplant

>>12523453
Sure looks like him...RIP.

>>12519739
Alcohol--specifically really shitty alcohol. St. Ides or Steel Reserve should do the trick.

Dominos pan pizza, sub red sauce for Alfredo, do chicken, bacon, extra cheese. Eat as much as you can and your tummy will be a grumblin

>>12523741
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3435786/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/15654804

I bet you think eating fat is what causes obesity because that's what the TV told you to think

>>12519739
kombucha makes me shit, pretty much anything fermented

>>12523802
I bet you think people are born gay cause some faggots on tv told you that

>>12523741
https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1590865813001163

And here's another one. 5 minutes on google scholar.

>>12519873
Taco Bell does nothing to my stomach. Kale on the other hand...

>>12523833
KEK

>>12519739
I suggest some Mexican. Doesn't have to be good Mexican, just Mexican enough to do the backstroke across the Rio Grande.

>>12519739
>CTRL+F 'eggplant'
>zero results
Ffs you guys.

>tfw I finally shat after like four attempts this day
>feeling like shit all day with the urge to crap and unable to do so until just now.
>who knows how many days worth of shit went there, provided I shat it all cuz the sensation of not shitting it all is always present
Chronic constipation is SHIT

>>12519739
Try all of the following:
>drink a ton of fucking water in general
>tablespoon of olive oil every morning
>warm lemon water
>flaxseed
>take a stool softener
t. got constipated bad this past winter and made it through

>>12523470
>Dave?

>>12519739
lentils, beans, kiwi with the skin on, laxatives, just tons of leafy vegetables and fruits rich in fiber

>>12522646
this. it's the stuff they give people that need to completely evacuate their bowels for colonoscopies

after you do that supplement your diet with psyllium husk fiber

>>12524267
Earl?

A large bag of Twiglets.

>>12519739
Alex if you're in here, we're going to Belair at noon

>>12519739
Coffee, tea especially black tea.

Or just take laxatives dummy

>>12519739
Cayenne pepper always works for me.

>>12521560
There's fiber in spinach. Fiber helps you shit. I'm not sure what else there is to say, summeranon.

>>12519739
Put 5 tablespoons of instant coffee into a 1 quart glass, add just enough boiling water to dissolve it, mix it thoroughly and then fill the rest of the glass with milk.

If you are capable of shitting that will do the trick.

>>12523557
Yes, but it also stimulates your intestinal peristalsis, which makes you shit. That happens in the short term. Dehydration is not immediate.

>>12519739
coffee, pho, then walk around an area where you don’t want to take a shit, like a store or something