/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>12286887
you walk through the door

>>12286906
mega kekzorz
>clean up ok aisle OP

>>12286906
Based

>>12286887
Used to work as a waiter in highschool
Had some literal autistic kid come in, dump an entire shaker of salt on the tablenand started drawning in it. Mom just sat their and told him how good an artist he was. Bet you can guess who had to clean it up afterwards

When I was a dishwasher one of the waitresses told me about a table where all four patrons requested specific types of water. One ordered cold water with no ice, one with no lemon, one with ice, and one room temp

>>12286887
My moms husband once did a japanese accent in a chinese restaurant when the chinese woman brought our food. He said, "Ahhh, Ah-thtanka you for-thaa fooood."

I was like 15.

>>12286935
One with ice? That's normal. You sure they didn't order sparkling?

>>12286932
Kid sounds like a total Chad, I bet his mommy blew him later, sounds like you need to have sex

>>12286954
>t.

>>12286932
Clean it up, wagie

I had a sister-in-law literally go mean-girl batshit on the waiter over a lime in her vodka tonic that had a brown spot on the peel. I quite literally excused myself and went to the bathroom to get away from it, because I was mortified. It was in a touristy area of our city, and I'm sure she probably got a little extra ingredient in her food after that behavior.

>>12286887
>order takeout because they give more food
>sit in the dining area and eat it
that was me

>>12286932
Damn dude, you had to sweep the table cloth a few times? Brutal. I'll bet you didn't even let any fall on the floor where you just ignored it because you were "in the weeds"

>>12287601
Retard

>>12287580
If I was working at a food place and someone did that, the most I would think would either be "wtf" and then move on, or "oh his plans must have changed" and then moved on.

>>12287535
Not even a wagie, a literal slave to the consumer class. Begging for scraps from the people who are themselves selling their labor for the scraps given to them by capitalists. Truly a fate worse than death.

A grown ass man ordering Coke in a Michelin started restaurant.

>>12286906
Rek't OP's pathetic existence.

>>12287736
>oh his plans must have changed
I don't have plans

>>12286887
someone eating pizza and burgers with a fork and knife (it was me)

>>12287793
so? they don't make their own drinks, they make their own food.

>>12287793
What's an acceptable nonalcoholic beverage in a Michelin star restaurant?

>>12288489
soda water from the bottle with a plate of sliced limes

>>12288489
pelegrino

>>12287931
Not that bad. I know I guy who
>orders every burger plain
>removes bun from burger
>eats top bun
>eats half the patty
>eats bottom bun
>eats other half of patty
all with a knife and fork

>>12286887
a patron browsing /ck/

>>12288729
i do this with mcdonald's burgers but without utensils

>>12286887

>man goes to planet wings I'm eating at.
>picking up his phoned in order.
>wearing a Vassar College sweater.
>cashier asks about his school, they have small talk over printing out his receipt.
>9.5/10 come from back to hand him 6 or 7 large bags of wings.
>"hope this isn't all for you sweetie teehee".
>college kids face turns as red as ketchup, "n-no, have a nice d-day".
>poor kid leaves without his food or debit card snapping his fingers.
>qt3.14 chased after him to return his debit card and give him his food in the parking lot.
>kid fumbled the pass and dropped half his bags sending wings flying everywhere.
>qt3.14's shoes covered in bluecheese and wing sauce.
>she starts crying.
>can't hear what they're saying because they're outside.
>he hands her money for some reason then tries to hug her.
>she kicks him in the balls and runs back in the restaurant.
>kid drops remainder of food on ground.
>gets into his car and backs over said food tires screeching out of the parking lot.
>qt3.14 comes back inside.
>"H-he tried to R-R-RAPE ME!!!"
>my wife: no he didn't you dumb skank.

>>12286887
we ran an Italian menu to see how it'd take and on the last day had a gluten free come in. bitch was supposedly related to a state representative, so we did a frantic five minute clean of everything for her meal only to have foh come back and ask for more breadsticks for her table.

>>12287793
this pic never fails to make me vomit

>>12286887
>"How does your tap water taste?"

>>12288905
What's wrong with mommy merkel?

>>12288905
some filth ruining their country is one thing. The webm of that girl eating a block of butter in one go without chewing is another.

My Grandmother (we're Jewish) complained to the manager that there was too much ice in her complimentary glass of water

>>12286935
Based

>>12288876
ok.

>>12286940
based dad

>>12288876
There's no way in fuck I'm believing this

>>12288984
And then one day, for no reason at all

>>12287772
At least it's not Communism.

>>12288876
That incel should have been shot.

I saw a guy have a meltdown at a local diner. It was a full blown 'tism tantrum. He comes in and orders at the counter to go. He's mumbling to himself, gazing down at his shoes and counting an assortment of unknown things. Dude sounded like Hoffman in Rain Man.
His order's up, he looks in the bag and starts to make this horrific, inexplicably screeching. It sounded like Tina from Bob's Burgers do her weird whining, but super long. By this point, everyone in the diner is just amused and trying to hold back laughter.
He starts flapping his arms and yelling about something, but he's speaking so quickly that his speech is completely incomprehensible to me. The laughter stops. Except the niggers. Niggers have absolutely no decorum.
People are starting to look nervous, even the niggers. By this point, he's squatting down near the ground like some filthy Slav. I thought I heard him sobbing, but couldn't see to make sure. Management asks him to leave, tells him he can keep the food for free if he just leaves and doesn't come back. Guy starts having a fucking conniption as phones are taken out of pockets and purses. Eventually, police are called. Once po-po showed up, I got the hell out. Left $20 on the table and GTFO'd ASAP. Things rarely end well when cops get involved with someone with a mental disorder.
idk what happened after, if anything. I scanned local news the next few days, but no mention of the diner, so I would hope everything went fine.

Autism isn't funny. It's fucking frightening when you see it IRL.

>>12286887

A family with a literally autistic kid.

>>12289197
>tells him he can keep the food for free if he just leaves and doesn't come back
Ahaha, the amount of times I've used that line.

But yes, sounds like a low-functioning autistic who couldn't get a handler. Wouldn't have worried about the police, they would have just dragged him out and sat him in the car until he calmed down enough to talk.

the other day I was in a restaurant and there was a late 20s early 30s manchild with his boomer parents in the booth behind us. This manchild brought his psp and when the waitress asked what he wanted he asked for a steak but "as well done as possible, seriously I cant stand pink in my steak"

>>12289008
>>12289017
>>12289019
>>12289103
>>12289154
>>12289168
>>12289176
no one asked for your shitty was commentary you fucking mongoloid

I worked at a barbecue spot and we had smoked wings on the menu, some dumb fuck asked a server with a straight face if the wings were pork.

>>12288939
*shudders*

>>12286887
This one guy was constantly making loud "mmh" "yumm" sounds and frequently made everyone else around him know how good his food was by moaning and saying it's the best food he's ever had.
He was eating a fucking pepperoni pizza

>That one loud whitey that needs everyone in the restaurant to hear his hilarious joke about how Mcdonalds has touchscreens now cos they're lazy, even if he has to repeat it because nobody acknowledged him the first time.

>>12288876

>tries to hug her

>>12290360

>That one black kid who breaks one.

https://youtu.be/wNbwkjPer6k

>>12286940
>>12289019
>my moms husband
>based dad
>dad

>>12288959
She does what?!?!

Tip with a rip

>>12290457
Swallows a block of butter and then pokes out her tongue to prove it's gone. How new are you? Check out our webm threads. You'll love the egg guy. How does he get out? Nobody knows.

>>12289197
Jesus fucking Christ.

>>12286887
>Out with the wifes family, brother in law turned 16 and ~14 people came out to celebrate
>Autistically picky eater, literally everything is tendies, Kraft mac and cheese or Sprite but still demands to go to restaurants to eat it
>He isnt actually retarded, straight As in high school and all that just spoiled/coddled so hard he thinks his behavior is normal and justified
>Hides his face for photos unless its a snapchat selfie
>Wont open any gifts in front of people, will throw out unopened gifts if he doesnt like the people giving them
>Dinner ends, he finishes his tupperware dinner before we finish our food and they bring out a cake for him with sparklers
>He grabs the sparkler by the sparkling lit part and starts shouting and crying about how he didnt know it was going to be hot
>His mother who has enabled these behavious for the last 10 years demands the waitress be fired for not warning them the sparklers would be hot
>Arguments start about him being a dumbass that should know fire=hot
>Nothing actually came of it, that waitress still works there and he is still a little shit 2 years later

>>12288876
and then ben shapiro clapped

>>12287895
Well you might not but I would be none the wiser.

>>12288876
I mean, it's a stupid story, but I don't doubt it happened

>>12288905
wtf, it's hot

>>12289277
Type in English please

>>12289197
>Left $20 on the table and GTFO'd ASAP
Why? That could've been a great show to go with your meal, and as a principle you shouldn't let others dictate your actions like that.

>>12286887
>just finished working out of town in a remote location. scenic national park area, lots of tourist shit on the 4-hour drive back home
>pick a lodge/restaurant to get lunch back on the way
>the lodge is one half of the building and the restaurant the other half, but when you walk in, the lodge's front counter is right in front of you
>open the door
>walk in
>the girl looks up and asks "can I help you"
>Somehow I can't piece together the words "I'm just here to eat at the restaurant"
I can't imagine what she saw me do for a solid minute, I was saying words and then stopping myself, making pained expressions, and looking more and more like I was either going to shit myself or cry, I'm sure
>finally say "forget it" and turn to leave
>she says "wait"
>finally I manage to tell her I just wanted to eat at the restaurant
>"Oh, it's.. right over there"
>the entrance is right next to her
>the sign says please seat yourself
I don't even remember what the fuck I ate there, just that I ate as fast as possible, left a 20% tip, and left quickly while making intense eye contact with the floor

>>12295347
Based.

>>12294494
Maybe because
>things rarely end well when cops get involved with someone with a mental disorder

>>12288876
That girls name?
Albert Einstein

>>12288984
>Kicked out of 109 countries
>It's never their fault

>>12296872
go back

>>12286887
>was a sushi chef
>mongoloid autist lady who is always rude brings all her rotten toothed friends in for a bday.
>serve them all, annoying orders, one person can't possibly stand a single molecule of fish product in her food.
>serve seaweed salad, doesnt like the taste of seaweed bc it reminds her of fish
>make a chicken sushi roll, just rice, chicken, and nori. She said she can eat nori.
>picks apart the roll. Scrapes the rice off the nori. Leaves the nori om the plate

Great

>>12286906
fpbpfppbfapfpbppfff

>>12286906
fpbp
OP eternally btfo

I asked for a side of chilled bacon and they had no idea what I meant, thought I was asking for uncooked from thr freezer. I assumed they'd have some cooked bacon in a cooler or something for putting on salads, but nope.
Anyway, bacon is a meme and chilled is the only way I eat it.

>>12298049
So the most embarrassing and autistic thing was you

>>12294055
dumb mongoloid poster

English currency contains animal products, and as a good vegan, I refuse to accept English notes in my change.
One time I was in Sainsburys and the slef-service machine gave me an English £5 note. I got the assistant and asked them to change it for a Scottish or Northern Irish note instead.
I suppose some folks may consider that a bit spergy.

>>12298088
Congratulations, you managed to read somebody's post and summarize it for other readers.

Ate food with a Jew at a German restaurant. He complained that the butter was not warm and about the quality of the fries. My friend and I now joke about that kike “Are these.... SYSCO FRIES?!?”

Will never eat with a Jew again.

Not autistic, but I swear on my life this actually happened.

>be a Canadian on vacation with family in Mexico
>in a touristy part of town eating lunch
>waiter comes over
>"Hey, if you guys want anything else you better order it now"
>"Oh are you guys closing for the afternoon?"
>"No, but the Americans are coming"
>Points over towards a street
>Cruise ship has just come in and dozens of obese American tourists waddling into the square

I saw an autistic person

>>12298202
yeah how dare he criticize an american food megacorp

>Working at robins donuts
>Woman who barely speaks english orders large french vanilla
>She gets the drink and takes a few sips
>Autistic NEET looking guy walks up
>Creepiest eyes ive ever seen think of the new pennywise
>Asks her what kind of drink she got
>She just smiles and doesnt say anything
>He grabs the cup out of her hand and drinks like half of it and gives it back
>Says he likes it
>She just walks away

>>12288876
Maybe next time you'll write a believable story. Or one thats absurd enough to just be funny and not believable at all. Just don't do this again.

>>12292152
Hah.

>>12295347

>I can't imagine what she saw me do for a solid minute, I was saying words and then stopping myself, making pained expressions, and looking more and more like I was either going to shit myself or cry, I'm sure

>>12298480
You found a Chad in the wild.

>>12286935
Fucking boomers

>>12288876

>>12288876
>Things that Totally 100% Actually Happened in Real Life: The Post

>>12288489
Un Vishy

>>12288876
fuck off

Not something I saw but did. I thought it was funny but I realize it probably just made me look like a fucking sperglord
>go to movie theater to see the new DBZ movie
>get a medium popcorn and soda
>they have self-serve butter machines
>stand there for like 30 seconds buttering the absolute fuck out of my popcorn
>guy behind me asks if I "think that's enough butter"
>look at his forehead as I open my soda and start drizzling butter into it

>>12299845
ps I had to throw the soda out because buttered Sprite tastes pretty fucked up

>>12299860
>>12299845
Fucking idiot

>>12290607
>how does he get out?

He doesnt.

>>12298244

>>12286940
kek

>>12288876
crying

>>12292152

Fuck me I hate autists

>>12299845
That's not autistic, that's alpha as fuck anon.

>>12286887
Some retard got flustered after the staff at a nice Italian place refused to ruin his seafood dish with parmesan cheese

>>12286887
Mostly people that waste food. At my restaurant we used to have automatically included sides like bread, fries, salads etc. Recently we've adopted a no waste policy that people have to explicitly order sides so we don't throw away as much. Even then we still have people that insist they want a lot of sides and then don't eat them, resulting in you dumping 6 full bowls of fries and salads down the bin.

Not really autistic, more fun is when families come in with mentally disabled kids, and instead of just ordering from the kids menu they let them order exactly what they want to eat. So stuff like a bowl of peanut sauce with 3 scoops of vanilla ice cream and fries. Or plain spaghetti in chocolate sauce. Best thing about those orders is figuring out what to charge for it and telling the order to the kitchen.

>>12298141
For every cheese you don't eat, I will eat three.

>>12286940
Did he squint his eyes while doing it?
https://youtu.be/qqCV75qklvI

>>12288876

>>12286887
>notice new fry cook about to reach into deep fryer to grab dropped tongs
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING???"
>Customer boots open door to kitchen
"How dare you yell at your employees like that, what kind of asshole are you?" etc.
>Tongs still in fryer
"Trying to save them from serious burns. Be a doll and pass him the other pair of tongs to his right, so he remembers where they are."
"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TO DEMAND..."
"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU IN MY KITCHEN? IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE FOOD OR THE SERVICE, FUCK OFF AND COMPLAIN ON THE INTERNET LIKE A FUCKING SANE PERSON. I HAVE WORK TO DO. JIMMY! Use the tongs man, that will burn your skin right off. YOU! PUT ON AN APRON AND GET TO WORK, OR GET OUT OF MY KITCHEN!"

Yeah, yelling match with a customer in my own kitchen over an idiot kit liking tongs better than the skin on his hands. I took silver in the special olympics that day.

>>12286887
Me walking through the door

Went to a diner with my extended family and had the worst service imaginable, but they're all boomers so they were fine. I wanted to leave right after the waiter introduced himself and it just kept getting worse so I was real fucking aggravated and spent the entire meal SEETHING. It was embarrassing and awkward and I haven't gone to a family event at that place ever again.

>>12296834
>Not living in America where you can just shoot the fucker if things get hairy

>>12300755
It's really just a waste of money

>>12286887
My friend went to India and made the hotel chefs make her fried eggs on toast every morning. They only had curries for breakfast so she wanted a fried egg but kept complaining when it came out "too raw" or "over done" the next couple of mornings they were rushing around trying to cook enough eggs to satisfy the egg beast. My friend and the rest of his family just had curries.

>>12286887
A kid with autism playing quietly on their iPad for 30 minutes?

>>12292152
There's nothing wrong with not wanting to be in photos. It's the people constantly trying to take photos who are the rude ones.

>>12286906

now I remember why I keep coming back to this place

>>12287580
I always do this at McDonald's now because they want to do table service now but I go to McDonald's to not have table service.

>>12287793
damn, Merkel looks like that THAT?

>>12288876
Least funny thing I've ever read on 4chan

I work as a cook at an Italian restaurant in WA I didn't see it happen because I'm back of the house, but it was the ticket that came in.
Everything they ordered had several modifiers, mostly to make it more spicy and oily. I'm looking at this absurdly long ridiculous ticket wondering (how the fuck do I make this oily? what do they even mean by that)
>waitstaff comes in
>they want it really fucking spicy, they never stopped talking about how oily and spicy they were
I asked
>what was their race (immediately had a moment where I thought normies would reee)
>fucking gypsies
>I made a sauce out of pic related and marinra sauce
>in making the sauce I basically create a mace and everyone in the kitches starts coughing and shit like they've been pepper sprayed
>seriously half a bottle of pic related, we only ever keep this around to prank each other.
>30 minutes later
>they fucking loved it anon, they couldn't stop complimenting the chef.
I know that the story isn't that good and more of a you had to be there type of things, but all anyone could talk about for the next hour was how weird the ticket was and how ridiculously I interpreted it. I saved the ticket and gave it to my executive chef who started dying laughing the second he started to read it.

>>12304115
sorry pic related

>>12286887
At a Wendy's a while back and I saw a worker come out of a side door behind the register. He had to have been 5.7ft but he tried to hop the counter instead of lifting up the part of the counter that lets people go in and out. Naturally, he flops. I saw him get up and then go back through behind the counter normally. Didn't even laugh I just kinda sat there confused

>>12286887
I saw an actual retard throw a knife at a wall at Mach 3 speed once, he also used one hand to lift an entire solid-wood chair and probably would’ve killed one of his family members or annihilated a table, but his family restrained him before it was all ogre.

>>12286935
>cold with no ice
>room temperature
What do you fucking do in this situation? Microwave it for ten seconds? Tell them to wait?

>>12290607
ive been here for years and never once seen the butter girl

>>12288876
It’s like you purposely tried to write a story that would be funny in theory but is actually just bad

>>12298244

>>12292152
just know that those retarded genes run in the family
your son will be just as, if not more, retarded

>>12304280
its been posted in every second webm thread for years, ive seen it a hundred times at this point

>>12287793
what would you order to drink from 'Tyre Company' star restaurant anon?

>>12288719
that shitty bottle of water that costs like $5 (in a store)? fuck off faggot. if theyre selling coke, they can have it ordered

>Saw someone order a bowl of pasta
>Waitress comes by with a bowl of cheese
>He asks for some
>She says, okay, just tell me when that's enough
>10+ spoonfulls later, he tells her to stop

I wish I took a picture. One third of the bowl was cheese.

Some fucktard ordered salad at a pizzeria and sent it back 3 times before storing out of the place.

lamest story here, but true, and happened this week:
>go into new Hawaiian food place (huli hulu chicken, saiman, loco moco with two scoop rice, etc) and just as I walk in i hear this screeching in the thickest country fried accent imaginable “I don’t want NO sauce on my teriyaki!!”
>hole up
>poor little lady behind counter tries to understand what’s being asked of her
>“no sauce on teriyaki chicken... so just chicken?”
>“no godammit, teriyaki chicken with no sauce!!”
> Walmart-era lady turns around to park her fatboy scooter to wait for a teriyaki chicken with no teriyaki sauce
I place my order
>teriyaki chicken with no teriyaki sauce comes out on tray for Bertha the Whale
>”where’s my side sauce???!”
omg jesus
>”you want sauce??”
>nice lady behind counter fills plastic ramekin with teriyaki sauce and places next to chicken
oshitnigga
>”the sauce is touching my rice!! i can’t eat any of this!!”
slams tray on counter and food falls off toward counter lady (who has earned her way into jesusheaven now)
> mfw amerilard wants teriyaki chicken with no sauce, except sauce on the side, but sauce can’t touch food

I cry for our children

Well it was a bagel shop but still the best I can think of.

>At my favorite bagel place already have my order, sitting on the patio eating it and doing the crossword
>Indian family, mom dad and two little kids sits with their order a table over
>They eat their food and drink their juice for a bit then suddenly panic
>I don't hear their conversation but the dad takes the bottle of juice back inside and tells the owner that there are mold spores in it
>Owner says no those aren't mold spores that's just pulp (it's one of those Nantucket necter type things and it's totally just pulp)
>dad keeps insisting it's mold spores and his kid might get sick
>Owner goes to drink fridge and pulls out 3-4 other bottles and shows him it's just pulp that settled
>Dad triples down saying I'm just trying to warn you that you got a bad shipment you should call your supplier before someone gets sick!
>Owner is telling him even across different brands if you don't shake up juice shit will settle out of it, offers to refund him his money or give him a different drink no charge
>Dad accepts another drink and issue seems resolved

It wasn't all that bad but I never saw someone not know about a pulp in juice before and this fucker was for sure from India...do they not have fruit juices there?

>>12304292
>genes
Yeah, right. Just avoid vaccines and do not allow your child to drink town water during his formative years and everything will be fine.

>>12304873
I liked the twist at the end when you reveal she's your wife.

>>12304873
you should have called her fat, whale ass on that shit, bro

>>12287931
> (it was me)
no...it was me, if the food is normal then i eat it normal but if its a giant sloppy mess that i got to rub on my face then have fall apart anyways Fuck you i'm eating with a fork

>>12286887
Some guy started yelling loud as fuck and crying. Started yelling out "momma" like a retard because he shit himself. He was 2 years old

>>12287931
>>12305125
When I ordered pizza at Italian restaurants in Italy (I went to Italy one time, that's how I did that), they would always serve it with a knife and fork. I was confused the first time so the second time I asked why, and they said it's because some customers prefer to use a knife and fork to eat pizza. So it's probably not weird, but I don't do it myself.

>>12305126
what a fag

>>12304356
Water and wine, you diabetic fat fuck.

>>12286887
Me, taking a picture of my receipt and looking up and obsessively calculating what percent I should tip on my phone and probably looking really suspicious doing it, then realizing I had no cash, then realizing that the cashier had asked me if I wanted to add a tip with my debit card while I didn't really hear them and was really nervous and said no

>>12288876

>>12298244
>tfw my family are the obese american tourists getting off those boats
how can i make them see that being fat is disgusting

>>12305387
yeah i'll take one water and a baby Jesus, Mr. Michelin Man.

>>12305806
>he can't divide by 10 and multiply by 2

I was in china at this buffet place, after I ordered my meal then placed it down at a table
Then this Asian woman grabbed my meal and placed it down in front of her baby (he was crying I think)
I was like wtf and grabbed it back without saying a word

>>12286887
>just yesterday at my job
>working fry at a nicer-than-average restaurant
>ticket comes in for fries
>SPECIAL INSTRU LONG PIECES
>me and other fry guy laugh and scoop fries into fryer like normal
I understand when someone asks for their fries extra crispy, no seasoning or all flats in their order of wings but I'm not gonna waste time obliging autistic orders like long fries.

>>12296966
How sushi managed to take over the world, I'll never understand because it's clear nobody likes the taste of raw fish. The lengths at which people will go to fit in will never cease to amaze me.

>>12304115
Where are gypsies from?

>>12306314
Romania

>>12306330
Huh, I didn't think romanians or europeans in general would like spicy food very much.

>>12288876
And then everyone clapped, the end.

>>12288939
Everything

>>12288876
>my wife

Believable up until that part

>>12292152
Anon, that sounds like literal non-meme autism.

>>12286887
>Me, my mom, my brothers and my dad are going out for dinner at a pizzeria.
>Wesit down to order.
>I order a sea carbonara, my mom and brothers get a pizza, and my dad orders plain tomato pasta.
>But not any good old tomato sauce.
>"Waiter, can I please have my tomato sauce raw? Y'know, blend salad tomatoes and pour It on my pasta."
>"No can do, sir. That's a health code violation, methinks."
>My father pouts and huffs, accepting normal tomato sauce but complaining about not getting it "raw" as he liked It and calling cooks retards for it.

Sad thing Is, he's an old-ass guy who pulls this shit in basically any resturant ever. Makes me want to force-feed him ready-made sauces.

>>12290157
oh god i hope that really happened

>>12299845
>I open my soda and start drizzling butter into it
lel

>>12289197
>guy has mental breakdown
>let's take out our phones and make it worse

>>12306382
>>12306382
dad is picky af but based, but if the waiter actually said
>no can do
and
>methinks

then he is an absolute glorious-winged faggot of the lamest proportions.

If that was your way of paraphrasing what the waiter said, you're an even bigger faggot and I hope you stop using such faggoty language.

Maybe you get the fagginess from your father.

You guys sound alright though, I'd love to make your father his raw paleo gluten free vegan pasta sauce (he's prob a closet vegan afraid of parmesan) and you, a nice vegan carbonara with imitation fish directly from china's freshest warehouses.

tl;dr you're a faggot and i have FHowmework TO DOk eoD 23

>>12306448 GET!!

>>12306415
What the fuck does this mean? Do pidgin words that have been part of English for 200 years bother you because they are derived from Cantonese language structure?

>>12302305
He saved calories

>>12306423
It's just extremely faggoty and corny. People that say shit like that are the type to talk about things being 'inappropriate' and listen to NPR. Idt there's anything wrong with being well spoken but you have to be autistic if you don't see why that just makes everyone who's not you/your type just cringe inside.

It's almost on parr with saying m'lady or some shit like that, or saying "[Name] and I went to the store today" rather than "Me and [name]"

well i gotta admit the last example isn't that bad but just like holy christ dude idk it sounds gay sorry

i know i sound like the biggest just fucking like brainlet douchebag tittysucking small wienered troglodyte rn but it's just always how i've felt about that. i'm just weird

>>12306458
>>12306423
this is the guy i picture when i hear people say 'methinks'

it's also on parr with saying 'draconian'

>>12306460
>>12306458
>>12306423

Forgot pic

>>12306458
>or saying "[Name] and I went to the store today" rather than "Me and [name]"
I agree with you about the other shit being faggoty but that's just speaking correct English.

>>12306468
well it's really formal though. that's like if you're in court, "your honour, my wife and I would like to press charges against Tyrone Biggums" or like "My brother and I would like to thank you for all your help"

But i wouldn't say like

"Hey ma I'm going out, Mike and I are going to go to white castle"

You say "hey ma im goin out, me and mike are getting white castle"

I pissed my pants at a PJ's once. I was 30 at the time.

>>12306415
>>12306458
>>12306465
>>12306477
>"No can do" Is faggy/formal
>"Methinks" Is faggy/formal.
>Complain this badly about words.

>>12306477
>"Hey ma I'm going out, Mike and I are going to go to white castle"
But that's perfectly correct and casual grammar you goddamn retard.
Formal would be "Mother, I am informing you that Michael and I will be making our leave soon, and shall be traveling to the dining establishment known as 'White Castle' with haste."

>>12306465
where did you get that picture of me?

>>12295347
You might actually be unironically autistic.

>>12306458
>>12306477
fuck off with putting a space between every single sentence

>>12286887
me handing the menu to the waitress at skyline after I gave her my order. The menus are already there on the table standing behind the salt/pepper/hotsauce when you get there. "just go ahead and put that right back there anon :)". It was like saying you too to the barista

>>12305107
>avoid vaccines
Looks like the genes do run in the family.

>>12306139
15% is normal. I'm not falling for this bullshit where servers are trying to bump the standard tip up to 20%. Soon enough they'll be demanding 25%.

>>12299845
Literal Chad

>>12304064
Moreless do that at most walk in fast food places so all my food is all bagged up so i can just eat a little of what i want to eat & decide if its worth saving for later or just tossing it & walking the fuck out without making a scene

>>12306458
Jesus Christ, it's just fucking grammar. Pretend this is a restaurant, and you win the thread.

>>12288876
Imagine writing this thinking about how epic the epic anonymous members of the epic deep web epic hacker site known as 4chan are gonna think you are but then they all immediately regard your epic story as the made-up bullshit it is epic style

>>12286906
>haha i know who OP is so this works
what

>>12306314
There isn't a clear answer from what I understand.
It's believed that they were a nomadic people from northern india.

>>12286932
It's literally water soluble you nigger.

>>12286906
Can you refrain from using ebonics grammar? It's so hard to get the meaning as a foreigner.

>>12306341
The balkan part of eastern europe does eat a lot of spicy food, also Italy. For example goulash is traditionally spicy, and in Italy pepperoncino is a somewhat common ingredient. Turkey borders balkans and they also sometimes eat very spicy down there.

>>12306879
nah not really, it's like a reflex move to hand it to the waiter. If anything it makes you look like a chad eater, like you're used to fancy restaurants.

>>12307665
It's not ebonics, my ESL friend.
>>12286906 is insulting the OP. Responding to "What's the most autistic thing you've witnessed" with "you walk[ing] through the door"
is calling OP incredibly autistic.

>>12289019
not a dad

>>12306458
>or saying "[Name] and I went to the store today" rather than "Me and [name]"

But "[Name] and I went to the store today" is correct. Remove the other person. "I went to the store" versus "me went to the store".

>>12288925
'tistic but reasonable.

People taking crying children out to a family restaurant. Take that shit to Chucky Cheeses

This is why we used to have no-kid communities until that got struck down in courts, and then even more exclusionary 55+ communities became a thing.

Fuck you, irresponsible parents and your enabling ways. You ruin both our restaurants and communities.

>>12307827
"Me and [name]" together act as a substitute for "we"

If you removed one the meaning changes entirely

Probably when my mum told the whole table (in front of the summoned manager) "LET'S JUST GO, BURNT HAMBURGER BUNS IS JUST PATHETIC, WE SHOULD BE GETTING PAID BY -THESE PEOPLE- TO EAT THEIR FOOD".
Really opened my eyes to how retarded some people can be, especially since she asked to have a 'slightly more toasted than usual' hamburger bun so that 'it's not soggy and limp by the time I get it'.

What a total bitch.

>>12308848
Had like 5 crying infants in Avengers Endgame that the workers wouldn't/couldn't do anything about. Boggles my fucking mind, of course your kid is going to be screaming at some point through a deafeningly loud movie that's 3 hours long and ends at midnight.

>>12309409
Subject vs object. Only cartoon cavemen use "me" as the subject of an action.

>>12306458
>saying sorry when you're not actually sorry
who's the fag here

>>12306477
>correct grammar is formal
Fuck you. Is saying "I'm not going anywhere" instead of a double negative also cringy?

>>12288876
Then Jordan Peterson applauded and gave you a million dollars.

>>12289277
aww, what's the matter? triggered because no one believed your shitty, /r/the_donald tier story?

>>12292152
>His mother who has enabled these behavious for the last 10 years demands the waitress be fired for not warning them the sparklers would be hot
>Arguments start about him being a dumbass that should know fire=hot
>Nothing actually came of it, that waitress still works there and he is still a little shit 2 years later

are there really people this self-deluded out there?

>>12295347
The only story in this thread that got a real reaction from me. Based as always.

>>12309521
>are there really people this self-deluded out there?
Well, /pol/ exists, so.

>>12306298
fuck you i love raw fish

>>12306415
better than being illiterate like you

>>12304096
have you ever been to >>>/s4s/

>>12306298
>doesn't understand why someone else could like something
OP I have my answer

>>12305099
>He never dealt with Indian customers
He knew it was pulp, anon

>>12306415
>reddit-spacing
>calling others faggots
Your lack of self-awareness is neither surprising nor impactful. Methinks y'oughta' consider suicide.

>>12288876
haha

>>12306314
It is believed they were all originally a bottom tier caste in India who got kicked out and eventually wandered into eastern Europe

>>12307588
>>12309745
I'm convinced that nobody would care if gypsies just disappeared tomorrow.
Like they are the one group of people on earth that absolutely NOBODY likes.

>>12298141
Plastic is made from dead animals. Enjoy.

>>12309507
>here have this steak, ill go and tidy your room for you

>>12309430
based infants

>>12286887
not putting a knapkin on your lap

>>12309745
Well, their own folklore says that they used to be artists and performers in India, until a ruler kicked them out because, after he had hired the whole caste for his wedding, he realized that the performance's "bill" was way too high and didn't want to pay. So...

>>12309961
Thats pretty zany if they actually believe that.

>>12309797
Not all plastic. And the notes he is talking about are made from the plastic that does, so obviously he is already aware that some does. In the end you have achieved nothing, just like your mother always said you would.

>>12309773
Lots of pedophiles like them, actually.

>>12286935
I fucking hate picky people. I'm helping my parents out right now, because of medical issues, and holy shit they are pickier than most children.


After driving to 4 different fast food places, my mother settles on McDonalds. She wants 2 cheeseburgers, but nothing on them only meat and bun, fries with no salt, and half and half ice tea with no ice. Of course they fuck up the order because they're retarded. She gets pissy because her sandwiches have cheese on them.

I don't understand how I came from these people. I'm the least picky eater on the planet.

>>12286906
Basedpilled

>>12288489
water or juice

>>12310178
Was more refering to every other product in existence that people use every day than notes.

>>12295347
>left a 20% tip

>>12306341
Theyre basically Turks

>>12309550
/esfores/ is the bestest board on this entire website

>>12309797
petroleum is mostly degraded from dead plants and algae

i worked at a mid-level restaurant that was masquerading as a gourmet restaurant for a summer. it was the only "good" restaurant in town because it was in a northern canadian "city" and 95% of the clientele were old burger boomers doing an alaskan cruise / bus tour combo. anyway one time this weird cyclebro comes in wearing his fruity neon bodysuit and ordered an omlette. the exchange went something like this:
>I will have an omelette
>Ok, which one? (go on to list the 3 or 4 kinds of the menu)
>*blank stare* I want an omelette
>Well we have these 3 or 4
>I presume you have vegetables of some kind in the kitchen?
>Yes...
>Well, what kinds? (getting visibly irritated at this point)
>I guess I'll have to ask the chef for a complete list
>Then go do that.
*after returning from the kitchen and dealing with some surly alcoholic day cook*
>We have carrots, broccoli, peppers ... *etc*
>I will have an omelette with all of them
>That's not on the menu
>This is ridiculous, what kind of restaurant is this? I am leaving *storms out*
later i ran into him in the parking lot and he was asking me where the nearest bicycle shop is because he had a flat tire. i told him to fuck off. i don't understand how he was so confused that he had to order off the menu, like is this is a thing in american restaurants? you can just order custom things based on the restaurant's current supply? it wasn't the worst interaction i ever had but it was totally bizarre

Not autistic or that interesting but I'll remember it forever:
>be me, at Golden Corral
>in line for steak
>the person on the grill is asking everyone "medium or well done" (hint they're all well-done anyways)
>small Mexican kid comes up
>"medium or well done?"
>"small"

>>12298244
No one can tell Canadians apart from Americans. I know for a fact that most Americans at least cannot tell the difference.

>>12309430
>Avengers Endgame

>>12309529
>t.

>>12310342
Restaurants in the states will barely stop short of sacrificing their employees to moloch to make customers "happy". In general 95% of customers are normal, but their is always a handful of customers that walk into the restaurant dead set on causing a scene.

>>12286906
kek

>>12290368
Those things are pieces of shit. Can't believe the jews at the top honestly believe they'll replace people anytime soon.

>>12288876
How'd you get your right hand to speak?

>>12290323
It was a good pizza.

>>12310626
still better than whatever you like.

>>12286887
>Be vacationing to Amalfi with parents.
>Stop at a resturant for dinner.
>My father asks to the waiter if they can make him a Caprese salad with anchovies dripping.
>The water says that they don't have that.
>My father asks of they have plain anchovies.
>Waiter tells him no.
>Father points out that they serve a couple of pizzas with anchovies
>Waiter points out that the cooks cannot just take a handful of pizza toppings and slap them in a salad willy-nilly.
>Father's face actually gets red and moves the chair away to then waddle out to the door (he was and is a landwhale), yelling for my mom to get up and go.
>We stand out ground and refuse for several minutes, by now the whole resturant is looking at us.
>Another waiter decided he has enough and shoves my dad out of the resturant.
>Father almost loses balance but managed to hold on a nearby streetlamp, screams at the water that he can't roughouse handicapped people like that.
>Mother looks like she wants to kill herself and/or my father's, I just sigh at the retarded scene.
>We manage to avoid to have the call the Police, fetch the car and go back to the hotel, where we drop him off for the night as I and my mom go look for something to eat.

>>12286906

Absolutely rekt. Amazing work

>>12289197
That's not autism anon. Maybe some schizoid spectrum disorder or drugs.

>>12305126
Funniest one

>>12286935
Well at least the one who asked for no lemon wasn't autistic

I was at a Culvers once and a soccer mom got the wrong order and her reaction in full scream mode:
>WHO DO I HAVE TO KILL TO GET THIS ORDER RIGHT
I swear if it had been anyone other than a soccer mom they'd have called the cops. Instead they apologized and corrected the order.

>>12310848
>not leaving with your father
Fag

>>12310190
Ordering fries with no salt is the best way to ensure the McNegroes give you fresh fries. Just ask for salt on the side. The look on their faces is always hilarious.
That other shit is retarded. Just let your mom die.

>>12310388
Kek. Cute.

>>12311075
Pretty sure the dude was a legit 'tist. He didn't make eye contact, he sounded like the main character does in that tv show where Norman Bates is a doctor and he was fucking counting shit under his breath. He seemed fairly obviously autistic to me.

>>12301399
>shooting cops is legal in america
I thought it was blacks.

>>12286887
A guy started screeching because his steak was medium instead of medium well.

>>12286906
>video footage of OP entering dining establishment

>>12294494
Not that guy, but if things got ugly you could end up getting a witness subpoena, which could waste a lot of your time. I also try to get the fuck out of bad situations that I have no way of personally resolving. I'm not going to court for being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I do try to help people when there's no one else around to, but I never stick around to watch a trainwreck.

>>12310416
I try to trick them into saying "out" or "about".

>>12311644
HAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAA

Ok. That South Park shit exists, but it's rural Newfoundland, Nova Scotia, Ontario and Manitoba... the kind of places where the fahkin tim's can't even hold 'er down bwaud.

>>12306382
what is wrong with Murrica where raw tomatoes are a health code violation? What kind of shit pizzeria doesnt have fresh tomatoes in the kitchen?

>>12309430
>Avengers Endgame

>>12310770
So nothing at all

>>12287580
10% gratuity on carry out.
>I laugh at you faggots

>>12286906

>>12298480
based autistic penny pincher

>>12288876
Why did you bother typing this up

>>12288925
It's kind of understandable if the place has hard water and uses a water softener.

>>12300921
>Based obese carnist
>>12311765
They can totally do that for the guest but the waiter probably just didn't want to, and usually if you say it's a health code thing people stop asking as it's shifting the blame out of the establishment's hands

>>12314055
I hoped to get more men believing false rape allegations are a real thing.

>>12310243
So I guess you didn't understand what you were talking about at all? That's OK. Everybody grows up eventually, even if they have to die first.

>>12290323
i'll have what he's having

>>12306587
*taking our leave

>>12289277
>>12288876
kys butthurt faggot

>>12301399
>>12294494
get out kid

>>12309529
>>12310770
Holy fucking soy

>>12310190
>She wants 2 cheeseburgers, but nothing on them only meat and bun, fries with no salt, and half and half ice tea with no ice. Of course they fuck up the order because they're retarded.
>She gets pissy because her sandwiches have cheese on them.
A cheeseburger with no cheese on it is a hamburger, anon. Has it occurred to you that you might also be retarded?

>>12314641
I should have specified that she requested the "two cheeseburger" meal.

>>12286935
>water cold with no ice
Ok what the fuck? I understand the no ice thing if you want a soft drink because having no ice means you get more drink + you don't get watered down if you decide to take your time with the drink. But with water? Ice is made from water, you can't water down water. You can't put less water in the cup with ice in it because the ice will turn into water and take up the same exact amount of space it took up when it was solid. This just confuses the fuck out of me.

Also, whenever I get a soft drink at a place with ice in it I always feel the need to chug it down fast, before it gets watered down and gross, and then they see my glass empty and bring me more which just leads to me getting beetus sometime down the line.

>>12286887
Me and my dad went to an Italian deli and the person behind the counter was black so he said "Hey! You're not italian"
It was actually pretty funny

>>12315098
Ice machines are usually the dirtiest place in a kitchen. They harbor mold growth very easily, same with AC systems (especially window units)

>>12292152
Are you sure hes not actually autistic? Autistic people can still do well in school.

>>12315098
You can turn the tap on the cold setting without adding ice

>>12299845
jej

>>12315230
Maybe in a fast food place where you get your own drinks, but in a good restaurant I'm sure they don't have ice machines.

>>12315239
But why not add the ice?

>>12315098
>same exact amount of space it took up when it was solid
>a solid that is less dense than its liquid form (see also: floating) takes up the same space as the liquid
wrong

>>12315280
It's only a tiny bit less dense you asshat. You are arguing over like 1/8th of a sip of water here.

>>12315296
hey I'm not the one misusing words like "exact" for hyperbolic effect

>>12299845
unironically based

>>12286887
My gf says a bunch of teenage girls were checking me out in our local McDonald's and kept pretending to not be looking at me whenever she told me to look at them

I worked in a pub that had a 6x10 foot projection screen, and would host N64 Smash Bros tournaments on a certain night during the month. There were cash prizes involved, and it attracted the smelliest, cheapest spergs you could imagine. They would stomp the competition, collect their money, and then disappear without spending a dollar. The effort was shut down after 3 months.

>>12306204
Classic Chinese degeneracy

>>12314319
>implying anyone sane doesn't already understand this

>>12287793
I wanna slide my bratwurst between her kaiser buns.

>>12290323
Yum!

>>12287580
BASED and FATPILLED.

>>12299845
dare i say,

D E V I L I S H

>>12310190
euthanaisa, for your entire clan

>>12286887
Not really autistic per-se, but here goes
>be aunt
>take immunosuppresing anti-rejection pills for my kidney transplant
>order seared tuna salad
>tuna steaks are cooked to perfection medium-rare
>"uhhhhh excuse me waiter? This is RAW. I can't eat this. Can you tell them to cook this well-done for me?"
>waiter returns, send it back one more time "because there's still a little pink in there"
>eat my bland gray overcooked tuna and then complain about the taste
She does the same thing with her well-done steaks, but the fact she ordered something that was very clearly stated to not be "fully" cooked is what made this one stand out.

>>12304292
>in-law
>genes
Looks like they skipped from the guy in the story straight into you, dude.

>>12288876
>50 year old boomer trying to shitpost on 4chan

>>12314612

You're speaking to multiple people, retard.

>>12295347
This post gave me a Twin Peaks feel.

>>12310190
I was picky as a kid, which was okay because my parents were, but around 14 I started trying things other than plain fried or deep fried meat and baked potato.
The most exotic they go is blue cheese dressing and crystal hot sauce. They won't eat mustard, onions, any animal other than beef, pig, or chicken (no turkey, no fish), and the only way they cook things is to get it to 160º. Absolutely no vegetables other than canned green beans or microwaved ("baked") potatoes.
Cheese gave mom terrible farts though so I can excuse the cheese thing.

>>12295347
>finally say "forget it" and turn to leave
>she says "wait"
KINO

>>12304813
So a regular trip to olive garden then?
>here's your salad, how much cheese would you like on that?
>here's your breadsticks, how much cheese would you like?
>here's your soup, want any cheese with that?
>here's your 4 cheese Alfredo tortacini, just say when, tee-hee!
It never fucking ends

>>12288925
The taste of tap water can vary greatly based on location. This is why anyone who goes
>hurr don't u know bottled water is just tap water xD
are fucking retarded. Like you. Nigger.

>>12311722
Rich, upperclass people from Winnipeg have the strangest accent. I can't really describe it--not British, but maybe something similar to British? It like sounds pretentious. The first time I heard them speak was weird as fuck. American from a border state here.

>>12309745
yes and now we have them here
fuck

>>12310342
A make your own omelet thing isn't that uncommon.

From England, went to Florida -ordered 'Baked potato with beans and cheese'. Waiter was visibly confused, says "that's not something we're familiar with", but complies.

End up getting an undercooked baked potato, with salted exterior. On the side are brown beans in a sauce, with a pot of grated cheese.

>>12315469
god i hate nerds

>>12317116
Why did you order such a thing in FL where if you were homesick for your national pig slop you could have had a very fresh fish and chips?

>>12288876
>be me
>enter thread
>see a greentext with a ton of replies
>expecting some good content
>read the whole thing
>it's fucking nothing

>>12317116
I'm french but you don't see me ordering boeuf bourguignon with a side of topinambour purée when I'm in an american grill, you retard

>>12316588
>/ck/ in charge of basic biology
you're as retarded as the brother in law

>>12317090
asking for "an omelette" when you mean anything except "only eggs" is beyond uncommon. Even then, a well-socialized customer would probably ask for nothing on their omelette.

>>12306298
I fucking love it, but also I got food poisoning last time lmao.

>Japanese tourists ask for an egg to be cracked on their spaghetti.
>Cook laughs at them.
>Go to japan
>Get egg'd spaghetti myself
>It's fucking good.

>>12309797
Oil is made from microorganisms.

>>12300761
I understand this reference.

>>12311415
>Ordering fries with no salt is the best way to ensure the McNegroes give you fresh fries
Stop perpetuating this myth. They literally just dip the fries in the oil again to wash the salt off.

>>12315098
Because adding ice just makes it too cold, especially for people with sensitive teeth.

>>12286906
Will OP ever recover?

>>12288876
so what did you eat after you dropped all your food & tried to rape that bitch?

>>12310342
order FROM the menu. ordering off the menu is exactly what he did

>>12310630
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

>>12306458
>>12306415
dumb genuinely autistic redditfag

>>12318874
off menu and off the menu don't mean the same thing

>>12288876
And then Albert Einstein clapped

The same person came into where I work 2 consecutive weeks asking if we sell milk shakes

>>12287793
You saw that as a customer or were you working there?

>>12295347
>>12306612
Nah, sounds like anon was more tired than they thought and had a massive brain fart.