/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>11831160
I never.

>>11831160
This is what happens when you put laxatives in a blender.

>>11831166
based if true

>>11831160
when I closed the fridge door I heard a slight thud. one of the 32 oz mcdonald cups that I had my chicken stock covered the bottom shelf, ran to the bottom of the fridge and then ran outside and under the fridge.
I think I'd rather deal with the chicken stock than the mess you had to deal with

>>11831160
i didn't go outside again

>>11831160
I broke the switch on my espresso machine (The switch was cheap back when the thing was made, and the cheap orange plastic covering the LED, and allowing the piece to rock finally gave out). I'm bypassing it for now, and picking up a new switch tomorrow when I get my car back from the shop.

>>11831229
This is the most American thing I've read all day and I'm American.

I cracked an egg incorrectly and I have a few shells in my cake batter that I already rammed into the oven. I'm afraid of telling anyone about it and hopefully nobody notices it when they're eating it later today.

>>11831253
if only I would'f had a few extra peanut butter jars, salsa jars, jam jars this would of never happened.
even more american huh

I haven't fucked up yet but I plan to later. It's going to be forty degrees celcius today and I don't have a air conditioning, so my options are:
1) go and see a movie. But that's only 2-3 hours
2) walk around a shopping center. Again, I could only do that for about an hour before I start to look like a creep stalking on kids of something
3) sit in an adult cinema and let some fag suck my dick. I'm not even slightly gay but at least then I can sit in there for four or five hours enjoying the cool air conditioned comfort.

I'll regret later but oh well. That'll be my fuck up for the day.
That plus I'll probably eat carbs-by-the-slice for lunch AND dinner.

>>11831255
Fuck em.
But I don’t see how anyone can get shells in something.

>>11831290
Spotted the aussie

>>11831160
bought little caesars pizza

>>11831255
I did this making meatballs yesterday, but I threw it out. It was a whole lot of fuckup though.
>recipe takes two eggs
>drop one
>okay new egg
>accidentally get shell in the mix while adding second egg
>try to fish around, can’t find it, already has soysauce and shit in it so it’s dark
>fuck it, toss it out, it’s just sauces
>two new eggs
>one has a dark spot inside when I crack it open, so I toss it
>finally, add two eggs without incident
>it took me 6 eggs to get 2 eggs

>>11831320
>little caesars pizza
that's winning not a fuck up

Made em too fat and cooked them too long. Also dough was too warm so it cracked while twisting the cookies. Bottom right is the only good looking one

i put too much water in my pizza dough

>>11831160
I pulled off the aluminium seal on a bottle of chili sauce and the sauce on the bottom side stuck to it flew all over my shirt.

>>11831160
I got drunk instead of going to work and now I'm going to lose my job probably

>>11831339
They forgot to even color their mascots chest hair fully, and you expect them to fully cook and serve a pizza?

>>11831462
Where do (did) you work?

>>11831160
I took some chicken breasts in a plastic bag out of the fridge and spilled brine everywhere because I didn't realize the bag had a hole in the bottom.

>>11831497
burger kang. you don't know suffering until you've cleaned a bathroom that a 400 pound man(?) has had diarrhea in

>>11831508
go on

>>11831525
i mean its literally liquified grease burgers mixed with milkshakes that has turned into a brown paste smeared all over the toilet seat, the wall behind the toilet, the floor, the fucking walls of the stall, fucking everywhere, and the smell holy mother of fuckamole the smell is so bad that all the grease and smoke in the world could never cover it up, and fuck if being a drunk leech on society isn't 100 times better than being yelled at by an illiterate nigger and given all the shitty cleaning jobs every fucking shift. I really just don't regret not going, I just don't care anymore

>>11831495
>and you expect them to fully cook and serve a pizza
there was only one time I received an under cooked pizza from them.
I just saw they brought back the pretzel crust
was It good?

>>11831543
let me guess, You'r the white guy?

>>11831462
Based

>>11831341
Heh, I thought that was chicken with sugar. Fugg.

>>11831375
>chili sauce
Just admit it's sriracha.

>>11831495
Yeah, shut, you're spot on. The people assembling the pizzas at all their locations are fucking idiots for not filling in a spot with the ms paint tool. Fuck those guys, amirite.

>>11831160
I woke up

>>11831543
im a custodian and have seen some shit, luckily where I work we have an enzymatic odor spray thats bretty good, even took some home
god speed brother

>>11831160
what the fuck were u tryin to make anon

>>11831599
Nah, it's just called chili sauce here, used in cooking.

>>11831624
Is it the blue stuff? My mom grabbed some from her work and gave me some. She told me it was really powerful so use very little, but it didn't seem to work when I shampooed the carpet with that cleaner and water.

>>11831160
I think my beer isn't fermenting right. I think I should have made a proper yeast starter but I didn't plan right

>>11831326
Jesus Christ anon. If it was really that hard to get it out of the liquid you could have just strained it through a sieve. And there’s nothing wrong with a dark spot in your egg.

>>11831166
Ebic

>>11831160
>plastic blenders
How did you fuck up this year /ck/?

I was bulk-cooking my omelettes for the next week and I messed up one of the flips, kinda tore one of the edges a little bit. No real biggie though. Probably should have used the mushrooms I've had in the fridge this past week. I should really stop eye-measuring the onion and mushroom ratio I add to my eggs. It's always too little onions and hardly enough mushroom.

>>11831229
if you had reduced your chicken stock to a jus or glace de viande you wouldn't be having these problems

>>11831160
I woke up again.

>>11831592
oh shid :D
they are about the size of tenders too

>>11831552
No.

>>11831341
they all look pretty good too me, you're just seeing them through the lens of creation.

I made a bunch of pasta without salting the water first. The sauce was good, but the unsalted pasta made the whole thing bland.

/and I walked in on my sister naked, so dinner was awkward

>>11832267
did you have sex to her anon very nice

>>11832267
Is she hot?

>>11831160
now I regret no taking pictures of all the smoke I produced trying to deep fry Tuna Fish.

>>11832267
Time to break out the toothbrush

>>11832280
no, i sexed AT her

/fucking pervs
//she has a well trimmed landing strip

>>11832706
fucking nice

>>11832706
you know what this means

>>11831160
I let my coffee brew way too long and I wound up with a quart of nearly-undrinkable coffee-flavored swill.

>>11832954
Is this the sick shit you weirdos watch? Fuck my daughters will end up with niggers if y'all don't straighten up

>>11832267
Was she fat?

>>11833018
Brushie brushie

>>11831733
starting gravity? and what kinda yeast?

>>11831939
They don't get gross over the next seven days?

>>11831160
Recent fuck ups
>Forgot to add salt to my rice while cooking
>did not fry the mojarras for long enough
>Added too much salad to my vinaigrette not knowing that my parents would arrive late that day
>Took the Linzer cookies out of the oven a bit too late
>cooked the pineapple marmalade for too long and now it is like toffee (still delicious)

>>11831255
Crack them in another container, a bit more to clean afterwards but you will always be able to check for eggshells

>>11831160
Wait a minute, is that B r O WN?

>>11831239
delet

>>11831255
This reminds me of the time I had to bake something for an event only to learn all my flour had been overrun by weevils thankfully nobody noticed

>>11831160
>SIVOH bread

>>11832628
underrated comment. it tells a story

>>11833136
so it turns out that the dried chilis i got in an unmarked bag at the Mexican grocery store are actually pretty hot and throwing a handful in my stew might have been overkill. next time i'll use maybe 3 or 5 instead of like 20.

also the squash i've had for months finally started to go bad, not really a fuckup but more of an oversight. don't take your squash for granted boys, it could turn on you at any time

>>11831160
>Sunday fuck up
I was in a cooking competition
The timing in the competition fucked me over because all my training had been for 1 hour and 30 minutes continuously, but on that day the organizers said that the 30 minutes would be reserved for mise-en-place and only mise-en-place. Since the updated rulebook said 80% of it can be done earlier, so all I did was stand around like a fool la on that day.

Then 1 hour cooking time comes around, and I couldn't make it in time. Fucking hell...

>>11833018
nothing wrong with fuckinf niggers, wh*teoid.

>>11833018
>Fuck my daughters
Neat Anon.

i once set a pan on fire

I was hungover today making this two ingredient "pancake" which is just two eggs and a banana. I poured it in the pan and immediately forgot I was making a pancake and not just eggs. It began to look like a perfectly runny omelette so I took it out, seasoned it, put hot sauce on it, and took a big old bite of the thing. Pretty disgusting

>>11831255
Just pass the cake through a sieve when it's done. It will filter the pieces of eggshells out easily.

>>11831160
once i dropped a tray of roast beef and the grease went everywhere
the meat was still fine but the cleanup wasn't fun
and there was another time i stacked glass condiment bottles haphazardly because i was in a rush and they all fell and shattered the next time i opened the door

>>11831255
I unironically leave some eggshell bits in my cakes everytime. They're good for you

I was distracted and didn't double-dredge the cutlets. The beading tasted great, but kind of ended up being quite separate.

>>11832954
wtf why is this hot

>>11834553
WHY MY PP HARD

>>11831341
While not aesthetically the best I've seen this looks nice and I would love to have one. Well done anon.

>>11834553
Tsukihi is made for lewd

>>11833382
I mean it's easy to buy squash and figure it will be there whenever you decide to use it since it's got such a long shelf life

>>11832954
I have so many questions

Didn't let my corn bread dry / cool off enough before putting it in the bag. It's mushy now. I'm sad about it.

>>11832094
Ye. It looks like super dry burnt tendies with some sugar sprinkled on.

Pretty good today. Went shopping, saw my total was messed up, got $13 for it. Lady called it a super refund.

>>11832954

>>11833342
>weevils
I still have them in my sugar but I'm too lazy to buy more and so I have been ingesting them for some time now

Tried to make cheddar broccoli soup but i didn't account for the fact that the aged cheddar was real salty and i put a bunch more salt in. I mean, now I'm eating it as a savory dip for crackers but still..

I stepped away from a batch of pastry cream I was making and it fucking burned

Ate dark chocolate-covered raisins. Dark chocolate is a meme that needs to die. No, preferring dark over milk chocolate does not make you more mature or refined, it means you are subhuman.

>>11837510
>Some people like overly sweet things
>The other people are adults

>>11831624
Sounds a bit like the stuff i used when i worked in a museaum. its those gigantic airspay cans that smells of orange. one small hit of it was enough to have a whole room smell of orange. apparently they use this stuff in hospitals.

>>11831160
>ordered a hose for work
>measured it and (allegedly) did everything right
>about $400 later
>went to put it on the machine I was working on
>all the ends were right but
>it's 20 inches too short
>had to go back and get another short section of hose to make up the difference
>another $120 down the drain
At least I got some chicken.

>>11831160
didnt do the dieshes

I took a shit while I was boiling some eggs to take with my lunch the next few days/make some egg salad, and i got started on an interesting article and forgot about my eggs for a minute. They all got overcooked with ugly gray yolks so i had to throw those out and make some more.

>>11833981
You got that from te Brother's Green, didn't you?

>>11831326
I'd recommend getting a carton of the stuff if you're this clumsy.

>>11831170
shut up

>>11831326
Yo Anon I feel your pain. If you never want this to happen again, just crack eggs one at a time into a separate small bowl and then dump them into the meatball mixture/cake/batter/etc. This way you can easily remove shell fragments or discard bloody eggs if you decide to.

(Thanks Hiro-san)

>>11833071
About 1.40, and I was trying to use washed US 05 from the last batch. There was hardly nothing going on when I posted before, but it's actually foaming up nicely now... time will tell. Learning experience no matter how it tastes

>>11831160
I didn't tell her how I felt about her. Again.

>>11838957

>>11831326
The dark spot is nothing dangerous — just an undeveloped embryo. If you really don't want it in (nobody would notice) just strain the egg like someone suggested.

>>11831160
Yesterday a can of energy drink burst on my desk, fell down from the pressure propelling it and sprayed the liquid all over my living room. I'm still finding sticky spots where the energy drink has sprayed to, the walls are stained blue and the carpet is ruined. Gonna cost me some to paint the walls and replace the carpet.

>>11837041
It's free protein.

>>11839521
>carpet
It's okay, evidently you've been trash for some time now. Keep your new caffeine graffiti.

>>11839614
I live in a place where even during summer the average floor temperature is 12°C, with carpet I can avoid athlete's foot from wearing socks all day.

>>11833136
>Forgot to add salt to my rice while cooking
Why would you do this? Unless it's spanish rice, pilaf, risotto, or something like that. Normal rice is find plain.

>>11840333
>baiting this hard
You gotta be a bit more subtle with your bait if you want to catch any (you)'s

I made leftover stew and just threw in there what the fuck ever I had lying around. Some of those things happened to be a medium sized eggplant and a zucchini, which proceeded to thoroughly liquefy into slimy mush.
I don't know what the fuck I was thinking. Still ate it because I was hungry, but it wasn't nice.

>>11831290
>go and see a movie.
Do this and bring snacks and just sneak into movies after the first.

>>11840370
oof

>>11831508
Managers are supposed to handle huge shit messes as it's a biohazard. They might fire you for refusing with some bogus excuse, but it's BK.
If you're in the US fucking every fast food place is hiring right now. Unemployment is way down and they're desperate.

Got too drunk, fell. Broke my glasses and got blood on my pillow. :(