/ck/ - Food & Cooking

t. shitty restaraunt owner assmad that Karen from Scotsdale, Indiana called his shitty service and lame food out on the internet

Zomato here

>want to be a yelpfaggot leaving well thought out reviews for them good ratings from people seeing my review
>nobody ever gives me a rating
>some other faggot posts after mine and gets a couple ratings
What the fuck man, am I not gay enough for yelp? I just want the dopamine rush

>>11699412
(you)

>>11699374
I've been elite for 9 years. I always let the staff at nice restaurants know when I'm being seated and when the server greets me, I let him know that their 10% tip is not guaranteed unless service is better than average.

My meals are always comped

>>11699374
Why do people bother? Just stop going to the place if it is shit.

>>11699374
>go to a good restaurant and enjoy it
>look up reviews
>negative review with obvious lies and exaggerations
>only other review that person has left is a positive review for a competing restaurant
lots of people are trying too hard to seem professional in their reviews now and it usually just ends up with them being less concise for no reason

>>11699374
we dont use yelp in my country

>>11699374
As someone who's worked in the digital marketing business in the world of restaurants for a while, I can tell you that most of the time, Yelp's actually right. Your business is shit, and you refuse to hold your staff to standards because you're either lazy, cheap, or both.

I worked for a small business that owned 15 locations, and a Fortune 500 company, and only the small business was ever like "b-b-b-ut it was busier than expected so that explains the rats and the fact we couldn't serve five tables at once..."

If someone at the Fortune 500 fucked up, we were on their ass in a heartbeat, and they acknowledged that they fucked up, and it wouldn't happen again.

>>11699701
>shitposting on 4chan compulsory
>yelping illegal
How may I join your socialist paradise?

>>11699726
>the middle aged woman leaving a 1 star review only because she got 2 extra ice cubes in her drink is right

>>11699726
& as someone who's worked both low & high end restaurants 90% of help reviews are anal cat ladies who are taking their anger of not getting dicked out on a restaurant for not focusing 100% of their attention on her

>hubby could hardly finish his huge meal
>amazing atmosphere
>friendly attentive staff
>wonderful food
>only half a roll of toilet paper in the toilets!
>1/5 stars, we will NEVER return

>>11699741
>the soccermom who leaves a 2 star review because the shop was closed the day they wanted a latte (it's always closed that day)

>>11699374
Yelp isn't helpful. It's all either "OMG, it's the best" 5-star reviews or "They fucked my mum in front of me" 1-star reviews.

>>11699741
>>11699749
Don't get me wrong, you get those too, and they're bullshit, but plenty of them call out a clearly recurring issue with service/food. You can't see the same problem pop up again, and again, and again, and claim it's just the crazy woman with a complex.

Management constantly wants to complain that it's just these outliers bringing down their ratings. God forbid they claim their business and address some of the issues.

>>11699412
Add photos, dumbshit.

>>11699726
Good to know.

>>11699794
That's reviews in general. Anybody who's actually taking the time out of their day to dedicate any amount of time at all to writing a review has to be significantly emotionally invested with the experience. The only people who fit this bill are people who loved the experience or hated it. Everybody else doesn't care enough to actually chime in.
As for why those faggots that do leave reviews can't actually even say what they fucking ordered I don't know.

I have read post after post raving about an old restaurant that's been around since Jesus was a corporal. Then when I went there, the service was on par with A&W and the food about as delicious as a soup kitchen. I convinced myself it was just a bad day, so I returned after a month and it was no different - with the exception of the prices being raised.

I posted my review (politely worded) crticizing them. I received such backlash from people who probably haven't been there in decades and only remember the good old days.

Unjustified scrutiny pro and con should be given equal attention.

>>11699726
>he thinks f500 companies aren’t also full of dangerously irresponsible idiots

>>11699755
Shit at you home you fucking animals

>>11699374
but where else can I get pics of the food before I order online?

>>11700054
Royal oak here :)

>>11700242
Hey!

>>11700063
They are, but our shit was mainly either operated by the company, or contracted in our space, where we wouldn't suffer any shit. You got rid of the dangerously staffed idiots, or we replaced your restaurant with a poker room.

>>11699855
I always add photos, bitchass muncher. I'll rape your shithole until you love me, faggot.

>>11699430
Hahahahaha

>>11699749
It's crazy what happens to women after they finally let themselves go and realize they can't siphon unlimited attention from every horny loser anymore.

>>11699734
we literally dont use yelp here.
how good a restaurant is goes by word of mouth and how recently a TV program has shilled it on a travel/food show.

>>11699374
Does yelp even still exist? Is it 2009?

>>11700054

Miller's used to be very good. Prices have gone up though. You can get some very good bar burgers in Dearborn (the dives not the chains) that don't cost $11, though Ford's Garage has a lovely $11 dollar burger with good service.

Is there anything stopping me from making a Yelp profile pretending to be a bad restaurant's owner to talk shit to the reviewers?

>>11699374
>using (((social media))) for anything but trolling idiots using (((social media)))
Nope.

Shit's cancer.

>>11699726
>digital marketing business
Fuck off with your lies and bullshit, kike.

Rating systems only truly work with high bombers of reviews.
And even then it's susceptible to fraud. Look how the chink junksellers destroyed Amazon reviews.

>>11699385
Fuck off Karen

>>11699458
This. Never knock the place until you try it for yourself. Fuck yelp

whats stopping someone from faking a review on yelp?

if i opened a restaurant and had a competitor can i make a sock puppet and claim that i found roaches in his takeout?

>>11699374
Shitty stupid site that allows morons who know nothing about food to hype or ruin restaurants

>>11701868
>>11702054
Nothing is stopping you but anyone with half a brain knows better than to trust yelp reviews. Only bottom feeding trash that sue for the slightest discrepancy take yelp seriously

>>11702065
I use it and of above-average intelligence. The reviews are full of brutal honesty, and consumers deserve nothing less.

>>11700351
Then perhaps the problem is you're trying TOO hard?

Some of you need to go to a therapist to get to the source of your hatred of women. Wow, just wow.

>>11702541
Just leave the thread alone, Karen.
You're not helping your cause.

>>11699458
Everyone is a fucking expert critic these days because they watched some Gordon Ramsey show or whatever.
Reading poorly written amateur reviews for eternity would be a perfect hell

>>11702055

Horseshit. Word of mouth can make or break a restaurant. YELP just speeds things up. If a restaurant owner wants to ignore the losers, junkes, psychos and meth heads working in his place who alienate his customers, then he can. People will just stop coming to eat there.

>review has nothing to do with the restaurant

For me it's Google reviews.

How do I report multiple posts?

>>11702782
delete your system32 folder

>>11699458
Usually 5 star and 1 star reviews on any food site are bullshit. Its either someone who has zero standards and gets blown away by anything, or has impossibly high unrealistic standards for the small town place they went. I normally only trust 3-4 star reviews that write a paragraph or more about the experience. If someone can't even put together a single sentence in English how am I supposed to trust their ability to determine if food is passable?

Normally when I write food reviews locally I detail the location, seating/parking, food service and wait staff. You need to at least write a paragraph if not more. I tend to not linger on things that out of their control or abnormal during my visit. A waitress dropping a spoon isn't grounds for docking a point. You seeing a tiny particle of dust on a window isn't grounds for docking a point. Generally im fair to restaurants and match positives with negatives while providing suggestions to improve upon. I almost never go below 3.

>Food was good
>Food was served prompt
>Restaurant was clean and well lit
>But my waitress didnt check on me in precise 5 minute intervals so for that im out. 1 star.

>>11703336
>5 and 1 star are bullshit
MY BROTHER OF AFRICAN AMERICAN DESCENT
3 is supposed to be average, a majority of restaurants should be 3 star
4 is better than average, quite good
5 is excellent
too many people hand out 5's and 1's, not nearly enough 2's and 3's.

>>11700054
I hate seeing reviews for old hole in the wall places that only get visited by boomers and grandpas. They have no standards and give it 5 stars all day long. I go check it out and the place is falling apart, dark, greasy and generally cluttered. I get blasted by the owner and other posters because its "just not my style" as if younger people aren't allowed to have standards.

I kind of want to just make an account so I can go around calling out people's bullshit, but it would probably get banned too many times to get worth the effort.

>I had to wait over 10 minutes for my meal
>I asked the manager to give me food for free and he HAD THE NERVE TO SAY NO IM NEVER COMING BACK

Yelp is literally a scam to extort restaurants.

>>11703476
This but unironically. You ever notice how Tripadvisor and Zomato have hundreds of reviews while Yelp typically has single digit even for bigger establishments? They basically call up restaurants asking if they want 'endorsements' by Yelp for a price. If you say no, Yelp starts taking down positive reviews of your place to persuade you into paying them for good reviews to be kept up. Its also why generally you see vastly lower scores on Yelp compared to other places.

>>11702392
>I use it and of above-average intelligence.
Not sure if perfectly calibrated troll or yelp elite imbecile. 8/10.

>>11702392
See
>>11703557
Go to the other two sites for real reviews. Theres a reason almost nobody posts on Yelp these days.

>>11703476
>>11703557
WOW!

YOU GUYS ARE SERIOUSLY UNIFORMED!

If you had even bother to check https://www.yelp.com/extortion you would know that Yelp does NOT extort local businesses.

Idiot Russian trolls.

>>11699749
1 in 10 of those being real is pretty bad

>>11703616
I think its hilarious they have to put up a page like this in the first place.

>>11703616
>we don’t extort business
>if you don’t pay us we won’t put your restaurant in search results
>we don’t bully restaurants
>allow reviewers to slander restaurant staff and trash your business for gibs
???

>>11703616
>it's fucking real
Jesus, they might as well put a ;^) in there

>>11703612
>>11703557
>>11702779

Yelp stock will be worthless soon. (((Anyone))) still holding it is going to take a bath.
https://www.marketwatch.com/story/yelps-post-earnings-stock-plunge-exposes-a-fragile-business-model-yet-again-2018-11-08

>>11703616
Why are the Russians working to harm good ol' American restaurant review businesses?

>>11699385
>>11702043
>>11702554
Why did you do that KAREN? We needed that KAREN. We were dependent on that KAREN! That's all we got!

>>11703736
Since the dawn of time, Russians have worked to undermine their host nations. Russians control mass media yet are very skilled at hiding Russian control of mass media. When Applebees refused to acknowledge 72 different genders on their menus ... the Russians destroyed it.

>Had to ask for a straw and extra cup of dipping sauce instead of the waitress reading my mind
>2/5

>>11699374
I go to places, not limited to restaurants, with some really recent bad yelp reviews that talk about "how mean" or "how cold" the customer service is, I always find that those kinds of opinions are very subjective and I find the staff not necessarily friendly like I feel like those reviewers expect, but just kind.

>>11699430
Literally every time you’ve said that in a restaurant you’ve eaten boogers

>>11699374
Re: OP pic
Like what, exactly sucks your dick then dies? The cheating gf? The veal calf you were raising? Grandma? Seems like an odd combination of activities.

>>11703814
Everything you've ever loved.
t. Rust Cohle

>>11699374
You hate yelp so much that you have to shill it here on 4c? How much did you get paid for that shill job?

>>11703969
>posts your mom getting fucked by a bbc
>why are you shilling BLACKED!

>>11703975
Good response. Did I touch a nerve? Now go shill somewhere else.

>>11703969
>4c
neck yourself

>>11703982
Oh wait you're actually retarded, I'm sorry.

>>11703984
It's easier than writing 4chan or 4channel especially when they can't their ticket shit correct, seems like a scam or scheme to make people buy two, one for each.

>>11703986
You're the one that's a fucking moron yet blaming me for your problems. You can piss right the fuck off.

>>11703969
>Arachnophobia? I bet you secretly wanna fuck spiders!

>>11703996
What are you even talking about? Learn what shilling is your fucking idiot.

>>11703984
how about 2.ch

>>11704002
But spooders are cute, there's a jumping spider that likes to hang out on a desk next to my computer and sometimes jumps onto and runs over the one I'm using. They're smart little buggers.
They watch us and know that we watch them too.

>>11704003
I know exactly was "shilling" means and you're the one doing it, making stupid posts.

>>11699726
Nah, I've been to incredibly mediocre, sometimes dogshit restaurants with nearly perfect scores while some of my favorite spots have middling reviews, usually consisting of nitpicky nonsense.

I have a personal soft spot for mom-and-pop family owned restaurants, and unless my experience in one is egregiously bad, I would never think to ever leave a one star rating, (which can be a serious blow to a small establishment). So it absolute makes me fume when I'll see some nasty cat lady cunt drop one stars over the pettiest shit. It's legitimately disgusting.

I have over 120 yelp reviews

>>11704003
I guess I pissed you off by calling you out on your shilling bullshit.

yelp is 90% restaurant owners trying to drive eachother out of business. useless.

>>11704036
Good times were had by all?

>>11704026
t. shelob

>>11704036
And you post on FORCH. Has the sacred gift of life ever been so profoundly squandered?

>>11699374
yelp is helpful when you are travelling and have no clue where to eat tbqh
if you are eating in your hometown though obviously just try it and figure out if you like it

>>11704299
yelp is bullshit since it's shilled out. They're suck paid off scum buckets that it's worthless.

>>11703739
based

>>11704299
Did you get paid to shill that? If you were working for a proper company that's what they're paid for, not some shit yelp.

>>11704318
yelp is a stupid faggot name too, what does that even mean except faggotry and shill shit?

>restaurant has over 2k reviews
>wait is over 2hrs long
Yea fuck this bs

>>11704345
So they paid a bunch of shit smelling indians to make positive reviews? That must make it true, they also hire people to stand in line outside that restaurant. That's not new, that's shit's been going on since the 1980's with clubs, they hire chicks to go in to draw in others.

>>11704351
I don’t wait in line, that’s the NPC thot mentality. I just find it amusing that most restaurants with large reviews have absurd waiting lines.

>>11704363
It's actually true that people get paid to make some shit place look "popular." If you don't understand that then you're either a naive faggot or just lying to protect your own business interests.

>>11704372
I don’t doubt you nigga lol

When I see some assholes standing in line in NYC outside of some new restaurant then I suspect that some dodgy shit that people are paid to stand in line for and the faggots at the new york times are paid off to write about.

That shit is as old as payola and conversational advertising.

If you can't detect shit from asshats that have marketing or advertising degrees, the bottom of the barrel then you shouln't call yourself a human being.

Ungh.

Trip Advisor is pretty bad too. In several cities I've been to, the top rated/most visited restaurants have been dives. It teaches you never to trust the opinion of random retarded tourists.

>>11699741
>t. jewshit manager who sends the average worker home early 2 of the 5 days they're scheduled to increase profits

>>11704363
>>11704372
This is conspiracy theory tier stuff my guys. You literally cant imagine a popular restaurant existing?

i wish anything and anyone would suck my dicky desu..

>>11705935
That will never happen. But you will die eventually if that helps sweetie.

>>11699430
L I T E R A L L Y C O M P E D

>>11705930
They come and go like tumbleweeds, they exist one day then are gone another. That's the nature of them.

>>11705930
Some of them exist for the purpose of money laundering. Doesn't mean that they're not popular or not, and popular doesn't equate to good. I used to do a lot of AML stuff and they're pretty easy to detect.

>>11703616
>Find: literally any food
>Near: Somalia

>>11703686
Why did I laugh at this?
Anyway, Yelp is such a fuckstick of a site. They filter out a lot of legit reviews for reasons nobody can fathom, while obvious shilling either for or against a place by people who are either that place's competition or have never been to said place at all get featured. Pajeet's working overtime on that site.

>>11705976

>>11699741
>serving softdrinks instead of just water and alcoholic beverages
Why is that place even allowed to call itself a restaurant? You call McDonalds a restaurant as well?

>>11706020
Somebody does.

>>11706018
>A three star review that still calls the place okay with a 2 paragraph description of his time there? Thats just indecisive
>A 1 star review that claims the water had dirt in it from someone who doesnt even live in that state? Thats what the readers need to know!
>Ill put it right next to the 5 star review that claims his wife literally orgasmed tasting their world famous fries

>>11706020
What are you, some kind of conspiracy nut? Nobody is standing with a gun at your head forcing you to buy sodas or anything.

>>11706020
Maybe it's flying saucers and lizard people forcing you to buy sodas, they came from billions of parsecs away to make you buy sodas.

>>11706041
Why aren't you buying more sodas!?

I know you drove 30 miles to get to work but the restaurant is really slow tonight so I need you to clock out after 3 hours and do a double tomorrow, Easter Sunday.

>>11703616
top kek

My sister-in-law fucking lives and dies by Yelp. My wife and I tried a new place (for us) last weekend an neither of us had even one negative thing to say about our entire meal, we liked it that much. She was looking for a place to go with her husband so both my wife and I recommended it since it wasn't far from their house either. The first thing she does is go on her yelp app to research it and sees that the place has 3.5 stars. I say well what are some of the more negative ones?
>place was crowded on a Saturday evening
>portion size was large enough to split/take home
>didn't like that the specials were shown on an ipad
>some other table's kids were being loud
>place says it's gluten free but didn't list what is actually gluten free (turns out the entire menu can be made GF if you just ask)
>didn't like the location of the table they were at
>located in a strip mall
So after these complaints are read, I say to her that's all trivial bullshit because people are fucking retarded. If you read about the actual food, everyone pretty much is in consensus that it's great. My wife is even telling her to give it a shot, as it'd be a great little place for a date night and the food was excellent. Her reply was that she just would feel more comfortable going to a place with better reviews if she's going to try someplace new. It's ridiculous. I'd hate to own a restaurant just because of this type of crap that could potentially hurt your business just by some random asshole's word of mouth.

Follow up: Sister-in-law wound up going to a california pizza kitchen with her husband instead.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pDlR_ccnZww

>>11706036
>>11706041
Not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is they shouldn't even have it in house.

>>11705980
underrated comment

That food has been comped, alright.

>>11706237
She sounds like a real npc idiot. You definitely got the better sister.

>>11706237
Your sister sounds real fucking annoying.
Kind of like a person who watches a movie, but doesn't say if they like it or not until they look at the rotten tomatoes score.

>>11706784
>>11706795

Yeah it's my wife's sister. And more to >>11706795
's point, she actually refuses to go to see a movie unless it's rated a certain score. She pretty much lets every other random person decide shit for her instead of coming to her own conclusion. I even tell her that it's ok to not like something popular or like something that others don't, like I'm talking to a fucking child. Going out with her is a fucking chore that I just pretty much avoid doing now. Her husband is a cool guy though, if not a little pretentious. That only seems to be when he's around her though. By himself away from her, he's a bro.

>>11706822
>she actually refuses to go to see a movie unless it's rated a certain score
Jesus Christ. I take back what I said about her sounding annoying, she sounds insufferable. How old is she?

>>11706834
30, and it really doesn't show any signs of getting any better.