/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>11635859
looks a little under cooked my friend, I'd par boil a little longer were I you

Op this is food and cooking.
Pictures of Pompeii are off topic here.

>>11635859
Jesus Christ, it looks like a fucking dinosaur holocaust. Got a greentext?

>>11635859
Jesus nothing I've ever done has been this great of a fuckup. I think the greatest cooking failure I've been party to (although not exactly my fault) was when my uncle was making Greek salad, he grabbed what he thought was apple cider vinegar and poured it over the salad. What he didn't know was that I used the bottle to store oil I had used for deep frying. I failed to strain the oil properly and a result it became rancid. It was seriously disgusting.

>>11635859
Did you try to make diamonds in there?

This was fucking years ago, in my late teens.
No one was home and I wanted to bake some pita to make chips to eat my salsa with.
So I put the oven on broil and tossed the pita in.
They caught fucking FIRE. Luckily by the time I opened the oven door and ran to the extinguisher, they were all burned out, but the house was full of smoke and the oven full of ash.

>>11635859
Is that a dragon fossil?

>>11635895
How did he not notice it's oil from the viscosity?

>>11635859
Chicken feet?

>>11635859
Actually frightening, op good job

OP here
> be me
> get a wild hare to cook chicken feet after eating them at dim sum
>put pressure cooker on low, time planned 40 min according to some recipe
>head back to grocery bc I forgot fresh ginger
> return to see my entire house full of acrid yellow smoke
>burner that pressure cooker is on is glowing red like a thousand suns

>>11636173
What kind of pressure cooker doesn't have a timer?

Also
>chicken feet
I've never had them before and never really wanted to. All you're eating is scales, skin, and tendon

>>11636173
continued
>I was only gone 15 minutes, but somehow the burner on the ancient electric stove went to high, despite being set on lowest setting
>pressure cooker bulging
>fuckwhatdoido.jpg
>Iainttouchingthatshit.gif
>call firepeople (post in a sec)

>>11636195
Fucking retard. I fucking swear to god you women are useless pieces of shit

>>11635859
I don't have a picture but once I was baking and got the idea to put some water under my bread to improve the crust. part way through I noticed the water was going low so I went to put some fresh water in. this would have been fine except I had my water in a glass tray instead of metal, and when the cold water hit the hot tray, it shattered all over my feet and oven
that was a fun cleanup

another pic

firepersons

the melted aluminum coil

>>11636236
>actually melted

>>11636200
I'm confused....what part is retarded? The part where the stove malfunctioned? Or the part where I got back with 30 min to spare on the cooking time? Or the part where I'm not a woman?

>anyway, senior fire dude says GTFO, and picks the bulging pot, takes it outside, hoses it off, and the pot cracks
>then he looks inside...
>"what in the fuck are you cooking here, anon????"

>>11635951
Lmao I asked the same thing, I think I also asked how he didn't notice that there was no stench of vinegar. He didn't want to accept that he fucked up and said it was my fault for not labelling the bottle, which was fair I guess. I accepted partial blame.

>>11636229
Were any of them useles women with gaping cunts? No. Its firemen dumb bitch dont include people that arent there. Youre probably a fucking nigger broad too.

>>11636189
pressure cooker, not Instapot

>>11636246
The part where you started the thread with an issue only a dumbfuck would have.
>lel im just a ditzy gurrrl i thought i could leave the stove on unattended. I didnt know better xD.
Fucking kys.

>>11636256
/point to spot on the doll where daddy touched you....it's ok, we're here to help

look, /b and /pol were only offline for about 2 hours...feel free to head back OR, as an alternative, infinity chan is looking for janitors

>>11636286
What the fuck are you talking about idiot? Lol dumb cunt. Im probably the most successful chef on this board and for sure in this thread. And i only browse this board. How about you go bavk to where you came from stupid whore?

>>11636221
This would make a nice lo-fi metal album cover

the time when my roommate left a burger patty burning on the pan, set off the smoke alarm, and then had the balls to say "I don't know" over and over. I promptly beat his ass out of rage, and he called the cops on me.

>>11635859
Did you cook jews in there?

>>11635859

>>11636294
OOOH! we have a REAL chef on here, boys! please tell us all about your success, chef! thank god....the rest of us have been hoping to hear from you, so you can share your wisdom, and point us in the right direction

Christ, I'm fapping so HARD right now....

>lol wagecuck, boasting about being a wagecuck...my fucking sides

>>11636338
That's why you use an open palm to beat your women

>>11636340
Not even Jack can give his grinder hemorrhoid sharts

>>11636271
>I thought I could leave the stove on unattended
This nigga here doesn't braise or confit anything

>>11636294
Stfu druggie line cook.

>>11636294
>Most successful chef on this board
Post food cost with pmix and timestamp faggot

>>11636348
Why do you type like a fucking sperg? Reported.

>>11636221
Why did it turn to silver

>>11636407
>projection

>>11636396
so anon, and please correct if I'm wrong, you stand there, open mouthed, staring at the Dutch oven for the 5-8 hours of braising time? like, literally don't ever walk away? 'cause that makes you a fucking moron....
100% of the rest of the civilized world, minus you, walks away from their cooking when the cook time is more than a few minutes because we trust our tools to do the job without constant monitoring......

>>11636415
lel....you're precious

>>11636417
it was high heat/low oxygen environment, so it fully carbonized...just looks silver bc of light (like graphite from a pencil)

>>11635859
I do my chicken feet in the crock pot. Much safer

>>11636450
Why?
Is this an "ethnic delicacy" thing?

>>11636435
How fat are you? Legit question.

>>11636239
no its merely pretending

>>11636477
"Hi kids! On today's lesson on Interweb trolling: when you don't have a cogent thought in your brain, or have trouble following a conversation because of your fetal alcohol syndrome, try to redirect the conversation with attempted insults

next week: how to copy/paste clever maymays to make yourself feel smart"

>>11635859
>GM starts making a four cheese starter.
>uses a two foot tall stock pot that is wider than our burners.
>the GM leaves for the day barely starting the recipe. I didn't know the recipe
>two pounds of butter in the pot
>It gets busy so I move the pot to the corner of the stove that doesn't get used
>new saute cook turns on the burner under the pot full blast when trying to turn on the burner in front of the pot
>we couldn't see the flame under the big pot
>all of the sudden smoke is pouring out the pot
>me being there longest on the line, thinks quick to get it out of the open kitchen
>grab pot and take two steps into the dish area and the area fills with smoke so quick
>start to just take it to the back door and set it outside
>as I turn the corner where the ice machine is, I slip on ice/water
>burnt butter all over the inner part of my right forearm
I had to drive myself to stat care, and the doc peeled off all the second degree burns, by wiping it forcefully with gauze (weirdest feeling ever)
that was the only time I was injured cooking

>>11636542
? How does this answer my question? Imma guess really fat since you didnt even address the question.

>>11636552
Did you fucking sue dumbass? I really hope you did.

>>11636462
>he's never been to a proper dim sum place
):

>>11636582
I actually have.
But I've never seen chicken feet.

>>11636572
Oh, you want to know more about my body? Well, that's a little creepy, but I guess we all have our kinks. DM me, anon. I'm happy to send you a very recent picture of myself. Can you send me one of yourself too? <winkyface>

>>11636589
>he thinks he went to proper dim sum place but he did not
)':

>>11636610
>he goes to a poorfag dim sum
The one I go to authentic as fuck. They'd kick you out for speaking Cantonese. No poorfags allowed.

>>11636423
I would never be a professional cook.

>>11636294
You're losing your shit in a thread about a pressure cooker on an anonymous image board. You don't need to prove anything to us dude we don't give a shit.

>>11636552
that burnt cheese smell never left, did it?

Who the fuck leaves their house with the god damn stove on? Are you retarded

>>11636623
>Real dim sum
>They'd kick you out for speaking Cantonese.
????????
Can't tell if you're a peanut for brains mainlander or just a dumb gwailou. Sad faces all round either way.

>>11636690
Can't understand dog language sorry

>>11636579
hell no, we were smoking 10 inch joints with the managers every night. It was the funnest job I ever had, and the managers boyfriend would always come by with a bowl of kind bud for desert. servers would come in on they're night off with a box of franzia just to hang out. there was no telling who would come by for the nightly smoke sessions. plus I was usually cooking at lunch and serving at dinner. I had to take a week off work from the injury and it took 6 weeks to get comped for it. but I did not need to take a drug test because of it. I don't even know if they put a mat down in front of the ice machine after the accident

>>11635859
Reminds me of the boxcar full of dead aliens on X-Files.

>>11636667
the only thing the GM had in the pot was 2 pounds of butter. I have no Idea why he left before weekend dinner started

>>11636676
look, I know reading is hard, but please scroll up and try to make an effort

>>11636604
Shes breaking down

>>11636727
good reference....you win today's internet

>>11636340
Reminds me of the ending scene in Fargo.

>>11636286
they're really not even worth responding to imo
they only act out to get attention, like children.

>>11636552
is your arm better now?

>>11636828
yeah. second degree burns hardly scar. and the amount of third degree was the size of a half dollar coin

>thread about cooking failures
>one quarter of the thread is failures
>two thirds is a bunch of mouth breathing tryhards acting edgy and calling people wimmin because it gets their dick hard

I'd contribute but all I have that's even vaguely interesting is that I baked bread for the first time and it was dense, hard, and while my wife and I were stabbing the rock hard crust with a knife and laughing, I burned myself on the hot pan.

>>11636900
My god. I can't even count. I deserve the mockery that's going to come from this.

This is what I get for posting on 4chan with three hours of sleep.

>>11636913
your right the other 3/32nds was me

>>11636717
>this post
Your dumbass deserves a dumbass life. I fucking hate losers like you so much.

>>11636913
Youre probably a dumbass woman. Csnt do ahit

>>11635859
Looks like some fine artisanal charcoal. Have a recipe?

>>11637305
so does everyone else. but I never cry.
but at 21 years of age, having fun is a priority to many

>>11637347
Youre an idiot. Dont blame your stupidity on age blame it on lack of wisdom. Perhaps youre lucky and are with a cool grouo of people who.wont snitch you out to save their asses but maybe not. Never mix business and pleasure. Dumbass zoomer.

>>11635859

>>11637356
snitch, what the fuck are you talking about. the GM toked with us too. the owners were in a different state. yeah my mom was 15 when I was concieved 40 years ago.
don't hate me because you want to be more successful than I do.

Barehand removed a pizza from the oven while it was burning. I realized I needed a glove too late, distracted with thoughts of pussy because my girlfriend had been teasing around a better part of the day. She was watching me as I was already sticking my hand in the oven and tried to stop me but I didn't want to look stupid so I just grabbed the thing and quickly slid it into the oventop, pretending I didn't even feel it while she screamed.

Wasn't too bad, my hands are calloused to fuck and mostly just thick skin, didn't even get second degree burns.

My most recent was when I was melting some lard in water to make hot water crust pastry at a party (as you do). Went off for a piss, leaving the pan on a back burner down low. Got talking to someone on my way back, but assumed it would be fine as I'd only been gone five minutes and the water wasn't anywhere near boiling when I'd left. Next thing I know the pan blasts its lid off with a small fireball and sprays superheated pigfat all over the kitchen.

>>11635895
If you’re not lucky you might get a serious case of botulism, I warn you

>>11636294
LOOK AT HIM! REAL AND MOST SUCCESSFUL CHEF ON THIS BOARD!

>>11636189
chicken feet remind me of chicken wings but with more bones. also way fucking cheaper

>>11636221
Gotta do a little better to make diamonds.

>>11636739
Your both fat and pathetic

>>11636286
If you think people on /b and /pol talk like that you need to leave /ck every now and then. It's a bored autistic kid and you're taking the bait. Stop giving the underage faggot (yous)

>>11635859
what the fuck were you trying to cook? metal chains?

>>11636189
so, it's chicken wings without the shitty parts.

>be me
>be around 11-12 y/old
>hungry so i decide to boil some eggs
>3 should be enough
>put them on the stove and go play some games
>forget about them
>BANG
>check out what happened
>all the water boild away and eggs exploded
>one stuck to the bottom, one hit the wall and the last hit the ceiling
>mfw eggs are overcooked

my girlfriend's cooking

oc

>>11638769
I hope she's a 10 or at least really fucking rich

>>11638776
Shes a solid 8. Should i post feet pics?

>>11638815
Does she have 8 toes?

>>11638815
You post those feet and I'll show you a solid 8.

>>11635859
About ten years ago, right around the time my grandmother stopped cooking (you'll see why) she tried to make a simple meal of leftover cut-up roast and diced potatoes fried in some vegetable oil. She's got dementia, and wound up using kero corn syrup instead. My poor grandpa ate it, too.

Not exactly huge failures but:
>be me
>first time living on my own, new to cooking
>think to myself how easy it would be to make some bbq chicken
>cut up some chicken breasts, grab some olive oil and bbq sauce
>put a pan on the stove, turn on the heat to medium
>wait about 10 seconds, throw some olive oil in pan, wait 10 more seconds, then throw in the chicken breast
>about a minute later dump half the bbq sauce in the pan
>stir it up for about 5 minutes
>dump it out on a plate, take a bite, immediately spit it out
>no dinner for me that night

>>11638026
I didn't know that, thank you for looking out anon.

>>11635892
If you want.
>be me
>be simmering chicken feet
>fall asleep
>wake up to this