/ck/ - Food & Cooking

That physically hurted to read

>>11551384
I can’t even imagine what you must’ve eaten growing up jfc

>>11551384
>meat looks a little grey
It hurts as if your dead home-euthanized your dog....

>>11551428
Unseasoned overcooked lamb chops with a side of undressed garden salad.

>>11551414
>hurted

>Watch mom make salads
>She doesn't remove the core + water from tomatoes

>>11551538
>It hurts as if your dead home-euthanized your dog....

Your dad's a retard and you are an ungrateful retard. He probably hates you because you tongue men's anus for fun. Grow up faggot

>>11551384
>on the oven
stove, retard

>>11551786
Range actually, but fair point.

>>11551683
>remove water from tomatoes
wat

>>11551749
Hi OP’s dad. Your steak blows.

>>11551863
tomatoes are a vegetable. they have water

>heat Teflon coated pan up without oil
>gets 550 degrees
>add avacodo oil, heats up to 500,
>sear steak

>>11551863
>he doesn't cook with freeze dried tomatoes

>>11551384
>Criticizes dad for thawing steak
>Suggests cooking steak directly from freezer is ok
Painful

>>11552138
It's better to cook the steak frozen rather than thawing it. Just baste the shit out of it.

Thawing is about the worst thing you can do to the meat. It will be grey and tough and lose so much moisture. Use google to find a comparison (I think America's Test Kitchen did some tests) if you never tried it before.

>Roommate makes dinner
>eats his fill but leaves the rest on the stove
>a day later throws away a dried out mess
We own tupperware but he throws out like 40% of what he cooks.

>>11551384
This sounds gourmet compared to what I grew up with, I'll try to muster the strength for a greentext later

>>11552216
No. Pre-pattied burgers are the exception.

>>11552216
Either you cook it right and have a cooler-than-room-temperature middle, or you overcook it to thaw it. nobody here really eats less than 1.14 inch steaks, right?

>>11551538
based strokeposter

Newbie at cooking here, how come when I cook eat it leaks so much juice? Feels like a waste.
For the record I always make rare meat. It's not blue rare tier but very close. Therefore I spend like 2 minutes tops cooking, and even in that small amount of time the meat leaks all over.

>>11551384
kys

Prolapsed angus

>>11552568
4u

>>11551670
Being mixed race is hella tough

is this the ESL containment thread?

presenting dad makes a steak
>dad to lazy to wash pan
>pours water in dirty cast iron pan and turns on stove to hi
>dad pulls out almost green ny strip he bought on clearence a few days ago
>doesnt pat steak dry with paper towel or anything
>adds garlic powder to wet steak
>pan is clean now(apparently)
>takes pan to sink and dumps out water
>brings wet pan to stove and puts it back on hi burner(glasstop)
>pan makes stupid sizzling sound for 5 minutes because water is on bottom of pan
>put bacon and onions in pan
>then butter
>finally steak
>garlic powder burns instantly
>flip steak after 7 mins
>steak is black
>uses steak knife to cut steak in pan
>scratches shit out cast iron pan
>adds more butter
>not enough smoke burning everyone's eyes so he adds tobasco sauce
>takes out steak and leaves all the bacon grease and butter in pan
i have to leave the room everytime he cooks
stay tuned for dad's creamegg on toast

>>11553166
More like special ed

>>11553242
>dad's creamegg on toast
Is that his nickname for you?

>>11551384
>>11553242
Boomers and their consequences have been a disaster for the human race.

incase you dont know that is its pic related
>dad gets pot with water and puts on stove
>water on bottom of pot so it makes that sound
>boils eggs
>boils eggs for twelve minutes
>takes off heat and gets empty pot
instead of making roux he does this shit:
>in largest non mixing bowl we have dad fills with milk and flour
>makes mess because it keeps coming out as he mixes it
>pours mixture into pot and turns on heat
>adds whole stick of butter
>adds i swear to god what looks like two table spoons of salt and garlic powder
>mixes with fork
>licks fork
>stirs again
time to peel eggs
>spends about 3 minutes per egg peeling
>uses those egg slicey thingies to slice eggs
>yolk is almost blue its so green from being overcooked
>mix cut eggs into gravy and then serve on cumbled up burnt toast
WA LA!
[spoiler] my dad is almost jack tier when it comes to cooking[spoiler]

>>11553283
>almost
I think he got Jack beat there, bucko.

>>11552222
show him those digis and put away leftovers
if that dont work show him these digis and he will obey

>>11551384

old cringe worthiness

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JjwUaM3hwps

He drowned in his shower a few years ago, so the world is a better place now.

>>11553310
>all-american cheeseburger
>american
>cheeseburger
>burger
>BURG
>ozersky
what was meant by this

>>11551384
>carefully season meal to taste
>serve grandparents
>grandpa shakes saltshaker over entire plate for 20 seconds then complains that no salt is coming out
>tfw his plate looks like it's been snowed on
Every fucking time.

>>11553338
opposite for me bro
>not allowed to season food because fatass grandpa's sodium is too high
>not allowed to any herbs or spices because he doesn't like them

>>11553343
My grandmother used to cook the same half-assed sort of way as OP's father (and how you seem to have to), literally just put a piece of pork chop in the oven without seasonings and bake until you need to saw it apart. I guess it's no wonder my grandpa always salts the fuck out of everything by reflex but still infuriating to see your careful efforts at flavoring undone by overzealous salting.
I'd still try to sneak seasoning in where I could if I were you, my grandpa dislikes garlic but I've incorporated it into slow-cooking roasts and a few other places where the flavor isn't instantly identifiable and heard only complements on it.

>>11553310

>drowned in his shower

Wut

>>11553370
> my grandpa dislikes garlic
you mean he doent pretend to like it like everyone seems to do

>>11553382
I'll breath it right in your face next time I spot you out, see if I don't m8

My mother has been cooking for 40 years and has never ONCE given a fuck about presentation. Drives me up the fucking wall.

>>11553380
google is a great reference.

>>11553396
>not using bing or duckduckgo
amirite magapedes

>>11553406

i used altavista just then. seizure in shower . fuck. RIP fat burger man

>>11553406
Bing is for porn
duckduckgo and startpage are best for notrack

>>11553407
altavista was god-tier

>>11551384
You're just as bad if you defrost steak in the frying pan.

>>11553382
Don't discriminate against humans, you vampire

>>11553394
if it tastes good otherwise, presentation can take a hike

>>11553394
Good. Cooking is about making food, not painting pictures. You retarded woman.

>>11552249
Why insist on being wrong? Just because you messed up cooking a steak doesn't mean it's hard.

Frozen steaks are easier to cook because they won't burn so easy. You only need 60c internal temperature for medium rare, it's so easy to hit that while caramelizing the outside.

Again, just baste it.

>>11553281
What a shocker that rejection of traditional values lead to a generation of men who are expected to cook but were never taught, and women who prided themselves in not being able to cook.

>>11555204
>he didn't learn to cook at camp with his dad
sad.

My roommate a few years ago
>meal prepped by baking chicken with no seasoning
>when he wanted to eat the chicken he would pull it from the freezer then cover it in ketchup and microwave it.
then
>he bought a panini press
>he used it to make steaks that all looked like old leather

>>11551384
My pops understands letting the meat rest at room temperature, and seasoning beforehand. He also prefers to make them on a grill instead of a pan which is delicious.

For some reason I cannot understand he burns his meat beyond well-done. Growing up I had to eat the lump the coal he made, nowadays when I visit we compromised on letting each other cook the meat to our own taste

>>11553281
>Boomers

ex gf.

>microwave scrambled eggs
>2 eggs in a dish, scratch a little with a fork
>nuke for 2 mins on high
>comes out a slop
>"eggs are ready"

>supermarket chicken rotisserie
>in freezer
>cuts bits off and heats up in microwave including skin

>coffee
>beans first
>cold milk
>drips of hot water
>nice lumps of solid moccona clumps

>>11555200
I've never used a turkey baster ever on a steak. Who you trolling?

>>11555572
Stop being so American. Thanksgiving is over mate.

>baste
>/beJst/
>verb
>pour fat or juices over (meat) during cooking in order to keep it moist.

Add a few tbsp of oil (or butter) to your steak while cooking, tilt the pan and use a spoon to scoop up the oil, pour it on the steak. I'm sure you can google for more info about basting.

>>11552534
pan not hot enough
you need high heat, get comfortable with this fact and experience. hot enough to fucking vaporize that water basically, not let it slide around and collect in the pan
you just cook it for less time

>>11552534
Get the pan hotter and rest the meat for a at least a few minutes after you take it off the pan.
Melt a little pad of butter in the pan while the meat rests and use that for dipping. No waste.

gf
>puts pasta in cold water
>doesn't salt the water
>doesn't clean leeks
>never season, ever

>>11553310
I loved ozersky. RIP.

>>11555551
So close to >>11555555

>>beans first
>>cold milk
>>drips of hot water
>>nice lumps of solid moccona clumps
What? Was she using instant coffee or pouring cold milk over ground coffee in a filter?

>>11555845
>Melt a little pad of butter in the pan while the meat rests and use that for dipping. No waste.
Oh, so I should use butter instead of oil?

>>11553380
I imagine that went down something like that story they tell about turkeys drowning in rain because they look up with their beaks open.

>>11555893
Butter and oil, but that's not your problem.

You can also cook stuff in the juices, or pour in some wine or stock to make sauce.

>>11555950
I see. It makes sense that the pan is not getting hot enough. I usually throw the meat on it after the oil starts "sparkling", which is very early on.

>>11555200
>Frozen steaks are easier to cook because they won't burn so easy
>it's so easy
>caramelizing the outside.
100% stupid idiot's guide to cooking

>>11556064
Other anon indeed seems like a stupid idiot, but I seem to remember an America's Test Kitchen segment involving frozen steaks, and it worked out pretty well. From what I remember, cooking isn't the problem. The problem is the what happens to meat left in a freezer for XX months.

>>11552222
leftovers are gross

>>11556064
>implying overcooking steak isn't the way most people fuck up
>implying cooking steak is hard

Though you are right that maillard reaction isn't the same as caramelizing.

>dad buys hella expensive filet mingions at Costco
>fires up shitty 1989 propane grill that has never been cleaned
>pulls the meat straight out of the fridge and throws it on a cold grill, with zero seasoning
>leaves the grill totally unattended to go back inside and drink his 6th scotch and soda of the evening
>comes back in 10 minutes, flips meat
>grill is so shitty that it probably only hits 250 degrees F
>"cooks" another 10 minutes
>he stumbles out to turn the grill off and take the steaks inside
>one side is totally burnt and the steak is still cold in the middle
>I look on in horror as he pre-cuts the entire steak into bite sized pieces and then drenches the entire plate in A1 steak sauce
>he inhales his meat, making animal-esque cartoon chomping and groaning noises, stopping only for more scotch

I hate boomers

>>11556464
more dad cooking

>2 pieces burnt toast
>1 package stouffer's creamed chipped beef
>1 can of jolly green giant peas
>heat the peas up in a pan, microwave the fuck out of the creamed chipped beef
>half assedly drain the peas and dump on toast
>cover pea/toast sludge with creamed chipped beef sludge
>grind about a teaspoon of black pepper on top
>inhale like a starving somali child

>>11556498
breakfast

>cook bacon until it's extra krispy
>remove from pan
>crack 3 eggs into the grease
>add hashbrowns to corner of pan, cook the fuck out of em
>add literally a tablespoon of black pepper to eggs/hashbrowns, with practically a handful of iodized salt
>dump entire contents of pan onto plate (grease and all)
>proceed to coat the ENTIRE PLATE with ketchup

It's a fucking miracle he hasn't had a heart attack yet

dad cooking

>cuts up leftover steak
>puts a bunch of veggies
>sticks it in a pan and makes fajitas
>they are decent but i generally dislike fajittas

If only blastoise were my dad.

>>11553283
at least he tries

>>11555551
>microwaving eggs
sounds like she wanted to mask the smell of her braps

>>11556545
no
venusaur is the best dad

>>11555786
Other anon. non-english, I was actually wondering if you meant pouring the butter over the meat or beating it with tenderizer.

>>11553310
>kosher salt

>>11555429
my way of doing chicken

>get the chicken thighs, make sure they'ren't frozen
>season with basic chicken seasoning
>apply butter and maybe a bit of water if chicken is too dry.
>put into preheated oven at ~220C* for a hour
>baste it every several minutes
>after the hour turn off the oven and let the chicken rest inside for several minutes
I gotta admit I like my chicken more than when my mother does it, she always insists on using pleb-tier vegetable oils, putting it in unheated oven, adding water during cooking "to pretend it from burning" (ruining the already kind of shitty fat) and she ends ups often burning the skin a bit.

How bad am I at cooking?

>>11556518
>It's a fucking miracle he hasn't had a heart attack yet
Animal fats aren't bad, anon, embrace the keto.

>>11555850
think you meant "exgf"

>>11556464
This is standard alcoholic cooking for all ages

>Visiting parents
>Meal is any kind of pasta or dough-based food like pizza
>Dad proceeds to dump mayo, ketchup, cheap mustard, and shitty pre-grated "parmesan" cheese on his plate without even tasting it
>Every
>Fucking
>Time
>Doesn't understand why mom or I say he has no taste buds, or just plain taste, for that matter

Alternatively,
>At a friend's house
>His mom is visiting
>Friend's mom dumps half a salt shaker on the food before even tasting it
>Complains the food is salty
>I see my friend's soul die a little

>>11553310
Holy shit, that beginning. He and Marie have the same way of speaking!!!

>>11556644
Chicken is good, but dubs are better.

>>11555850
>puts pasta in cold water
You mean like soaking dried pasta before actually cooking it? It works though, as long as you don't leave it in for too long, and it cooks faster. Probably not going to get it al dente, but al dente is for hipsters. Super tender pasta is fine.

>>11555882

instant coffee man she has no concept of any other coffee unless it comes from a cafe and is a 'cappucino'.

>>11557777
>Mush that was once dry pasta is fine
Sure it is.

>>11557841
>as long as you don't leave it in for too long
You almost managed to read. Good job.

>>11557854
>al dente is for hipsters. Super tender pasta is fine.
OK, retard.

>mom invites guest over
>asks to try my scrambled eggs
>make them like pic related
>they complain that it's undercooked
>mom puts the eggs back on the stove
>cooks them until they're rubbery and browning
>says that the eggs are good
>>11557777
Terrible opinion but checked.

>>11551384
I've got a steak horror story, too
>went to BJ's Brewhouse/Brewery(idc I'm never going there again)
>it was lunch and a bunch of people from class were going so I thought id tag along and feel like a normie
>wanted the best cut of steak because I was feeling good for almost being done with school
>"im sorry we only do that on x days"
>i work in a kitchen so i comply with their house rules and dont act like an asshole about it
>get the ribeye
>person next to me got a strip or something im not sure
>his food came first and it was on a very basic plate of fries some bland broccoli and a piece of meat the size of my fist
>im not kidding
>fifteen bucks down the drain
>i get my food
>no other seasoning on the asparagus aside from a heap of salt
>my ribeye looked like it was cooked on a flat top with grill marks seared onto one side only
>take a bite
>all I taste is salt
>scrape off the "seasonings" with my knife and it all comes off as a congealed mass the size of my knifeblade
>grill marks are gone kek
>finish my beer return the food(since I didn't eat it) pay my tab for the drink and leave

>>11551414
>hurted
you must be 18 to use this site kiddo

>dumbass puts way too fucking much olive oil in the water when boiling the pasta
>he's planning to put a cream based sauce on it
>on fucking pappardelle
>it all just slides off and has no ability to adhere to either the pasta or the grilled chicken and mushrooms and there's just oily naked pasta and a plate of rapidly separating alfredo underneath it

>I don't like white wine and I don't have any, I'll just use white wine vinegar instead

Semi-related
>Step-mom doesn't know how to cook, has boring palate
>Occasionally offers to cook spaghetti, although she supposedly makes sauce which I can never see or smell cooking
>Company's coming over and I feel like cooking straight-up spaghetti and meatballs for some fucking reason, offer to
>Make meatballs and meat sauce from scratch, fill kitchen with tasty aroma, everyone compliments cooking because no one else cooks
>Next week while I'm out of town my sister mentions to me that she cooked spaghetti and meatballs with "a bunch of ingredients"
>tfw accidentally dabbed on my step-mom's cooking
AFAIK the only other things she cooks are eggs and unseasoned chicken and whitefish.

>>11559042
When you say from scratch how from scratch are you talking in regards to the tomatoes, a canned of crushed or did you go all the way from whole tomatoes to finished sauce?

>>11553283
>incase

Incase is a porn artist who draws a lot of futa content. You are looking for in case.

>mfw someone completely fucks up a meal and says "i like it this way" because they are incapable of admitting mistakes
These are the same fuckers that will break something of yours and hide it instead of telling you about it. I swear they are mentally 9 years old.

>>11559066
>not wanting your eggs a nice crispy brown around the outside with a bubbly foaming texture because they were cracked straight into still splattering bacon grease

>>11551384
I'm so sorry.

>>11559049
I use a little tomato paste, a can of crushed, and a whole tomato cut up, so it isn't "from scratch" from scratch. I don't mean it in the granular sense.

>>11559092
Ah okay, I was just wondering because my mom did the same thing at home just about (no paste though) but she would have never described it as scratch. I think "from scratch" has a bit of a warped definition where everyone has a different concept of what qualifies.

Not disrespecting the sauce of course, sounds great.

>>11558905
I tried making alfredo once and since I made a bunch for lunches I though I was clever doing so. The next day at work I heated it up and it turned all into oil. I tried eating some and patting it down with paper towels but it was awful how soupy it was with oil.

>>11553310
>Ozersky drowned in the hotel shower after suffering a seizure disorder, and his death was ruled an accident.
jesus christ, what a way to go

>>11559114
Did you fucking microwave alfredo

>be kid
>dad is a lazy piece of shit
>mom abandoned us
>seldom made breakfast, was lucky to get frozen waffles on weekends
>for lunch was a peanut butter, mayonnaise bologna sandwich or something equally as disgusting
>dinner was frozen pizza, tendies, or tiny, almost burned burgers that looked like hockey pucks


It's no wonder I grew up to be a fat piece of shit
Shit was good when I visited my grandparents couple times a month though

>breakfast was omelette made from fresh eggs (they lived on a farm and had cattle, chickens, garden ect..) with green peppers, onions and a side of toast made with homemade wheat bread
>lunch was usually just a sandwich, nothing special but it sure as hell beat whatever my dad made me
>lot of variety with dinner. usually had a nice juicy roasted chicken with potatoes and salad or fresh steak from a cow we slaughtered


i wish i could go back....

>>11559140
Yes. It was all we had at work

>>11559192
You MADE IT YOURSELF, and you didn't foresee that happening?

>>11559195
I didn't expect it to separate?

>>11553310
>drowned in the shower
Holy shit anon, I haven't laughed at a video like this in a long time.

Pic related is my mom's Thanksgiving and Xmas gravy. She thins it with a bit of chicken stock. Not joking.

>>11559198
Cuz ur gay haha lol

this is the best thread on /ck/ for a long, long time.

>>11553310
im sorry for your loss

>>11555385
based yukihira poster

>>11555138
>>11555134
You eat with your eyes first, plebs.

>>11558826
Here's your problem. You expected nothing but shite out of a chain steakhouse.

>>11559285
Cooking with these shits is peak boomer.

My mom used to make something she called "tuna mush"

>combine cream of mushroom condensed soup with a can of tuna (drained)
>heat
>serve with rice or pasta

She finally stopped after my dad and I complained constantly. She still combines it with rice and pan cooked chicken in a dish, then bakes it. I refuse to eat it.

>>11559490
I hate it when my mom reaches for cream of whatever soup. It literally looks like cum in a can. This thanksgiving I took a quick lesson from Babish and made my own quick easy and delicious cream of mushroom soup to go in my green bean casserole. Big hit. I'm still beaming from the pride.

>>11552568
like this?

>>11559673
>no caramelized onions

>>11553382
>t. Dracula

>>11556644
checked those quad dubs

>>11553283
learn how to spoiler nigga

>>11559103
Tinned tomatoes and tomato paste are fairly standard for tomato sauce.

Don't glorify 'from scratch' too much. You are very rarely going to make anything 100% from scratch the same goes for even very good restaurants.

>>11559742
Cool, my family eventually taught me the recipe and it's usually a can of crushed tomatoes and then roasted peppers, basil, bay leaf and diced onions, very light on the tinned peppers. Usually reserve the paste for doing a sauce we intend to bake like a lasanga or pizza.

>>11559673
>a litre of olive oil
>half dozen cloves of garlic
>dip meat
>leave 95% of oil and seasons in pan
???

>>11559673
every time i watch one of these cooking videos i know what im going to see. every time i know ill get mad. every time i get mad
fucking hell, WHY would you do this

>>11559774
Grilled cheese, on the rocks?

>>11557200
>>Friend's mom dumps half a salt shaker on the food before even tasting it
>>Complains the food is salty
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EddX9hnhDS4

>>11556579
T H I C C

>>11559489
I don't know where I said anything that would've implied anything about me expecting shit from a steakhouse, other than food I could eat. The beer was alright, they made it themselves.

>>11559042
what'd you use for the meatballs? I've been using pork shoulder, eggs, fennel, salt, red pepper, and a little cold water for mixing. I also make a pureed "slop" of seared red onions and garlic(in white wine) that I throw into the mix.

>>11555551
>microwave scrambled eggs

My mom loves doing this, but she adds milk and nukes it until its rubber. I've never seen her make scrambled eggs any other way. It's so gross

>>11559993
I make microwaved scrambled eggs with margarine, nutmeg and milk.
Just gotta watch it like a hawk watches prey so that it doesn't overcook.
Hell, stop heating it before it's ready because it'll keep cooking from its absorbed heat even when it's out of the 'wave.

>>11559469
i don't care much about presentation, when the single items look good and tasty in themselves, if they look bad, no presentation can save them

presentation is the least important part of cooking, i mean when you cook for yourself at home and not for pretentious fucks in some fine-dining establishment

>>11553310
he made a pretty good video on cooking a steak

>>11556644
next time pat those bad boys dry, then cook them 4-5 minutes each side in an ovenproof pan. then finish in the oven 20-25 minutes at 375.

>>11551384
its good to see where your retardation came from

>>11551876

Tomatoes are a fucking fruit you absolute imbecile

>>11560287
Fruits are vegetables, but regardless being a fruit or a vegetable has nothing to do with whether a vegetable has 'water'...

>>11560149
Those better be turkey thighs or you're overcooking the fuck out of them.

>>11559673
I still don't get why it has to be inside out. Once you've made the cut can't you just shove your meme pork into the cut?

>>11552216
No it isn't. Just take the steaks out in the morning, let them thaw throughout the day on a plate, and when they are thawed, salt and pepper them bitches and use a hot skillet to cook them to perfection.

>>11551384
>eating dinner with in-laws
>they're great people, but mother in law is scatterbrained and a control freak
>everyone, even she, knows I'm the better cook but she wants to try to show off by wanting to have a roasted duck for dinner
>doesn't score the fat
>cooks it on a baking pan instead of a roasting pan on a rack
>doesn't periodically baste it
>duck comes out greasy, skin/fat are soggy, and meat is grey and well done
>father in law constantly "mmmm wow, Linda...SO GOOD" throughout the meal
>my wife and I later agree that mother in law had no idea what she was doing
>mother in law actually laments that the skin isn't crispy like she wanted
>kept my mouth shut the entire time because she is sensitive, but seriously wtf how do you not know about scoring the skin/fat, basting, etc...it's not a chicken

>>11559490
We call that tuna casserole here in the midwest.

I think it's okay.

>>11560525
Learn how to greentext. If you're going to write in sentences, just write normally, fucks sake /ck/.
>...
kill yourself

>>11560584
>no u

>>11551749
Hey OPs dad, Get a gas stove you kretin

>>11560584
End your life

So, what is actually wrong with people like this? Is it low IQ? No self-awareness? What do normal people have that people like this don't?

I'd get given some great elk sausages sometimes and when my sister lived with me I came home to a dinner of boiled to shit elk
For fucks sakes I don't get these all too often but bless her heart I suppose
I felt like smacking the bitch

My old roommate would stock up on overproced pre-made spaghetti trays from the grocery store for the week and microwave it, he also microwaved a chuck steak for 30 minutes from raw and shared it with his dog. My current roommate made sausage gravy with vegetable stock, and the other argues there's no better way to prepare ramen than on the microwave

>>11560666
satanic trips checked
>>11560673
>I'd get given
nigga what

Yeah the cambpells canned cream soups and instant mashed potatoes, what is wrong with people. Like I get convenience but i still cant believe how fucking impressed peolle are when you make your own mashed potatoes or potato soup. Rice even, I told a gf i was making fried rice and when she came home she was fucking floored I made it out of ingredients and not from a bag. People are incompetent

>>11560666
These are the normal people

>>11560666
normal people don't have autism. well their idea of it.

>>11560385
Vegetables are fruits, not the other way around, you nimrod.

>>11553310
>drowned in the shower
Kek'd

I didn't want to make a new thread for this:

Hey /ck/ first time poster. I'm a neet with a lot of time on my hands and I have chosen to learn how to cook food, I'm going to assume a lot of you know what you're talking about. Are there any basic things you can tell me about right off the bat, or any basic foods to start off with or how to make (good) food on a budget? Do you guys recommend any cookbooks to read? My kitchen is pretty small too, any tips to keep it as organised and clean as possible? Are there any essential things I need to have? Any information from experienced chefs would be appreciated, thanks in advance.

>>11560835
Heat splash of olive oil in pan, med-high
Season chicken breast with salt and pepper
Add to hot pan
Flip after three minutes then cover pan and turn heat to low
After seven minutes remove breastvfrom pan and serve
Wa la

>>11551749
>herr derr having standards is faggotry
Go back to /r9k/ little boy

>>11560835
The internet is your friend. 4chan is not. Do some research on your own. Just like any craft, you will get out of it what you put in.

>>11560854
It's gonna be your fault when I'm laying on a hospital bed dying from salmonella.

>>11560835
1. Food Wishes on youtube
2. Kill yourself.

>>11560835
>I'm going to assume a lot of you know what you're talking about.

>>11560878
Thanks my dude, I'll be sure to check him out.

>>11553310
Wasn't as painful as op but still.
Never seen that video before.

>>11551538
Yeah!

>>11560867
>I'm a child
>It's everyone's fault but mine

>>11560896
>He thinks I was being genuine
heh

>buys sausages
>dump on grill with nothing else
>poke holes in it so "the fat runs out"
>dry rubbery sausage ready
>dump on a plate with nothing else
>wa la

>buys imitation crab meat and a lot of other frozen fish
>thaws it
>God awful smell of fish permeates the kitchen and then some
>throws it in a tray with cream, white wine, random spices (saw cumin, garlic powder, and some unidentified "grill spices")
>into the oven for an hour or more
>comes out as disgusting fish semi-submerged in a white-clear liquid
>literally no consistency to the "sauce" and it's full of chunks
>dumps it on a plate with some plain boiled potatoes
>wa la

Boomers are a fucking menace.

>>11558905
Your post implies that you should ever put olive oil in the water you use to boil pasta. Please correct this, thank you.

>>11560915
>poke holes in it so "the fat runs out"
You're not supposed to do that?

>>11560929
You can do that, if you want your sausages to be dry and lose a lot of flavour.

>>11558905
It actually does nothing. It won't lube up your pasta, oil floats to the top. Your pasta is already set so the oil will just slide off.

>>11560941
How would you cook and serve your grilled sausage?

>>11560929
>You're not supposed to do that?
Nope.

If your sausages are bursting then put them on lower heat.

>>11560724
Get given, as a gift, ya know

>>11560950
>How would you cook and serve your grilled sausage?
Don't poke holes in it first. Grill it or pan-fry it until it reaches the correct internal temp, 155F for pork-based sausages, or 165F if they contain poultry.

If you are having problems with your sausages bursting then your heat is too high. Fix that instead of poking holes in them.

>>11559066
>roommate tries to cook chicken fried rice for the both of us
>looks alright, try a bite
>salty as fuck, overpowers every other possible flavor or seasoning be might have also had in the dish
>can only taste salt and soy sauce, extremely disgusting
>tell roommate that the food tastes pretty salty
>he says "well I generally prefer salty food"
>I then ask "did you use any oil when cooking" since I use a bit of peanut oil and sesame oil along with soy sauce
>"uh no"
Do people really not understand how food is generally fried?

Oh I can contribute to this, my mother has absolutely no cooking skills whatsoever, I started cooking at about 13 so I didn't have to eat her food anymore. Didn't stop her though, one time she made chicken by taking a skinless, boneless chicken breast, putting it in a pyrex bowl, pouring water up about halfway, and then cooking it for about 40 minutes. No salt or seasoning or flavouring of any kind.

>>11560835
Look up Basics with Babish.

>>11561066
Cooking it in what? Oven or microwave?

Two.

>grandma cooks slow cooked lamb
>for some reason it is always black, dry and crumbly
>never ate lamb again after being forced to eat this for years
At least she admits she hates cooking.

Also
>roommate sucks at cooking, tries to make keto meals but they always look terrible
>stores them in enormous containers in my fridge, barely any space which would be fine but..
>doesn't even end up finishing it, containers sit there for weeks
>last one had fish in it

I hate living here

whats wrong with mexicans?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQlWU7o1KGQ

>salt
>salt
>more salt
>beans and fruit
>splash of beer
>more salt

>>11560835
Bread is flour, water, salt. It's super cheap and tons of macros.

Good fun to make, very flexible.

You can even raise your own yeast. Catch some by mixing equal parts flour and water in a bowl, throw out half of the mixture every day, and top the rest up with equal flour/water. After a few weeks you will have a nice yeast culture.

I found bread to be very fun when I first got in to cooking.

>>11559285
if you are making poor mans steak it can be used for the gravey with the remains in the pan from searing the meat

>>11561371
>gravey

>>11559673
At 0:11 I was really hoping to see someone pop that thing onto their head like a meat beenie.

>>11551384
I want to fuck that meat pocket

>>11560929
Why would you even buy sausages if you plan on ruining 90% of the flavor to avoid "muh fats"? Just grill a corn cob or a shoe or something you fuck

>>11552216
Why y'all nuggers freezing your steaks? Eat it on the day it's butchered, cook from room temperature you incomplete rubicons

>>11555204
Fuck off retard

>>11556579
_ ____ __ ____ ____ ____

>>11561709
>Eat it on the day it's butchered
Good job outing yourself as a retard.
Good beef needs to age, you fucking faggot poser.

>>11559050
20 keks

>>11553343
>What's this green stuff
>*Wretching noises*

>>11551384
>mom cooks every dish the same way
>canned tomato sauce, with mustard, and Goya brand adobo
>she's been cooking this way since I was a kid
>every dish tastes the same
>try introducing other recipes to her
>buy a full array of seasonings for her to use
>buy olive oil, sesame oil, soy sauce, worcesterchire, etc
>she insists on her old way of cooking
>she never uses garlic or butter and anything else
>just canned tomato sauce, mustard and Goya brand adobo

>>11561729
not good beef, top beef. you have some weird standards

>>11552222
I know that feeling breh

>>11551538

>>11560835
Pick up a copy of The Joy of Cooking. Essential for every home kitchen

>>11553242
Absolute unit

>>11561716
>t. seething 37-year-old boomer

>>11553242
Do people cook poorly like this so they can be impressed at restaurants?

>>11553281
Based unaboomer poster

>>11553338
Old people’s palates are fucked and they can’t taste shit. It’s not his fault anon.

>>11551384
>roommate makes Tuna Helper
>thinks he's a cook and can improve it by adding things
>adds a can of corn (with liquid)
>adds a can of mushrooms (with liquid)
>adds a can of sliced black olives (with liquid)
>adds garlic powder
>onion powder
>red chili flake
>a whole, sliced white onion
>a bag of frozen peas
>10-12 slices of Kraft American cheese
Our largest, deepest pan is now nearly overflowing with his tuna helper soup
>makes a huge bowl of his slop
>covers it in Little Caesars parmesan cheese packets
>eats 1/4 of it
>puts the rest in several large Tupperware containers
>sits in fridge untouched for weeks
>thrown away when it starts to mold

You fucking faggot, Caleb. I hope you're reading this you fat loser. Also, it was me that told the apartment manager you had guns in your room. That's right, I got you arrested and I would do it again because you're such an entitled dipshit

>>11560835
Cooking your own food is like a million times cheaper than eating out every day. Get a nice pan first and learn to season meat.

>>11551384
>roommate makes Tuna Helper
>thinks he's a cook and can improve it by adding things
>adds a can of corn (with liquid)
>adds a can of mushrooms (with liquid)
>adds a can of sliced black olives (with liquid)
>adds garlic powder
>onion powder
>red chili flake
>a whole, sliced white onion
>a bag of frozen peas
>10-12 slices of Kraft American cheese
Our largest, deepest pan is now nearly overflowing with his tuna helper soup
>makes a huge bowl of his slop
>covers it in Little Caesars parmesan cheese packets
>eats 1/4 of it
>puts the rest in several large Tupperware containers
>sits in fridge untouched for weeks
>thrown away when it starts to mold

You fucking faggot, Caleb. I hope you're reading this you fat loser. Also, it was me that told the apartment manager you had guns in your room. That's right, I got you arrested and I would do it again because you're such an entitled dipshit

>>11562482
Lol nice

>>11553242
your dad is literally the monster drinking boomer guy

>>11562490
commie shit

>tfw used to have qt azn roommate in college
>always cooking bomb ass noodles and other tasty chink food
>can't remember her recipies
>didn't fuck her when I had the chance

>>11562490

>based faggot

>>11562490
Caleb sounds fucking based; you’re the faggot here

>>11552216
Can confirm, I’ve read the test kitchen article in question. Haven’t tried cooking a steak that way though because I’m poor

>>11562787
>Can confirm
Go fuck yourself

>>11551384
My gf cooks like this. It hurts even worse because my mom is a great cook and I'm not even a great cook, but still better than her.

>camping with family
>uncle is making burgers
>mom is hyping them up, apparently he's good at making burgers
>adds eggs to the patties
>adds breadcrumbs to the patties
>adds a shitload of hot sauce to the patties
>Eat hockey puck meatloaf sandwich with strained enthusiasm minutes later

>>11561066
At least she cooked for you. A lot of women won't do that these days. Ungrateful cunt.

>>11551384
At least your dad doesn't think a fucking steak will melt.

>>11563231
What the fuck he's made of meat too does he think he melts?

>>11563257
I'm sure you've tasted your dad's meat

>>11563199
Shut the fuck up mom

>>11552534
- buy better quality meat (most meat you find in supermarkets is too fresh - not aged at all - and it will pour juices like a motherfucker after you cook it, no matter what)
- cook it on a very hot pan
- let the steak rest at least 5-10 minutes before cutting it

>>11559673
>cool, Proxy Paige has a new scene coming out
why wasting half a bottle of olive oil for that

>>11553283
from the photo alone it looks almost edible

>>11552534
I buy supermarket steak, but make a point to set it out on paper towels. Not to "come to room temperature" (new old wives tale) but because from the package it's going to lose moisture. I change the paper towels every 15 minutes for 45 minutes, pressing lightly every towel change.
preheat skillet, once you've got the steak in one hand and ready to put in, use other hand to pour some oil in the skillet, set oil down, swirl skillet to coat surface, put steak in. once done (i like mine very rare/nearly raw) use tongs to move it to a resting place, i use a ceramic plate that i'll eat it on. it'll let out some stuff but i tilt the plate to the side and put my potatoes or asparagus on the juice that runs over

>>11560385
Veggies have water in them, fruits have juice.

>get invited to dinner by aunt
>she always overcooks the shit out of everything
>she made roast chicken, or veal roast or whatever
>it's super tough and dry as usual
>"do you like it?"
>"y-y-yeah... it's a bit overcooked though"
>"we don't like raw meat in this house"
>mfw

>>11563487
you could also put the steak on a wire rack in the fridge for a day without covering it to make it lose a bit of the excessive moisture

>>11562490
Tell us more Caleb stories

>>11563501
>>"we don't like raw meat in this house"

>>11559922
Basic bitch stuff: ground beef, bread crumbs, one egg, dried oregano and basil (fresh basil sprigs in the sauce), rotating seasonings and fixin's in addition to the requisite salt and ground black pepper.
>Onions, garlic, and fennel
Sounds pretty good, although I wonder if you could do it with caramelized rather than seared onions. I'll try that next time I feel like making some.

>>11563501
shut the fuck down

>>11563487
Autism: The post

>>11559673
>no freshly ground peppercorns

>>11551384
>Work with fob niggers who think they know everything about coffee
>Ask one to make a pot for the boys
>Watch as he opens the basket
>Throws the filter out
>Dumps half the bag into the basket
>Fills it with the shitty tap water instead of the bottled we have right next to the coffee maker
>Brews it
>comes out as black fucking tar loaded with grounds
>Says "good coffee right?"

my mom:
>use to cook pretty good white trash food like tater tot casserole and shit
>became vegan
>literally can not cook a damn thing if she's not reading a recipe
>uses shitty health food meal planners for white suburbanites with no taste buds
>constantly leaves food unattended on the stove while she reads christian self help books on her kindle
>refuses to salt anything she cooks
>"your tastebuds get accustomed to not having so much excess sodium, anon"

>>11555204
>"traditional values"
>only existed since the 1900s
Lol

>>11563769
Based historical revisionism poster.

>implying women haven't been the household cook for millenia
Why learn history when you can make things up to suit your agenda?

>>11561729
yeah "aging" it in the freezer sure works lmao

>>11551749
based

>aging your meat
It's not cheese, why would you do this?

>>11551538

>>11560942
It stops the foam from boiling over.

>>11561709
Based and true

>>11552222
Digits are nice af there son.

>>11561709
some retards like me live in the middle of buttfuck nowhere Alaska and freezing steak is basically required if I want to have it for a reasonable price.

>>11560928
>>11560942
Olive oil retains more heat than water without boiling and floats to the top, where it absorbs heat and keeps the whole pot from boiling over.

If someone told you it was to lube the noodles they’re fucking retarded.

>>11560835
Is this post intended to be a mockery of the fact that there is no sticky on /ck/? Trying to send a message, anon?

>>11562644
>female roomate
>didn't eventually fuck her

I think that's harder than just getting a normal girlfriend.

>>11562845
Of all the things to get triggered by, that’s what you picked?

dad making scrambled eggs
>cracks eggs into a bowl
>adds too much skim milk
>puts olive oil in pan
>low heat
>adds eggs
>slow stirring for 5 minutes
>heat up to HIGH
>walks away
>eggs start smoking
>"That quick! That's how quick it'll get away from you, anon! Remember that."
>chops up omelette
>still some liquid in pan (water from skim milk)
>covers eggs with paper plate in pan
>heat back up to high until all liquid has evaporated

>>11564296

wew lad all that story needs is a metal spatula on a teflon pan

Man I'm glad I grew up in a household where people knew how to cook. Even my dad can cook and he's a living Boomer meme without the Monster

>>11551384
This might have been posted already but I didn't read the whole thread:

>Boil pasta
>Drain all of the water
>Jarred sauce right off the shelf
>Maybe heat the sauce in the microwave
>Pasta in bowl, Sauce over it, Top with canned 'Parmesan'

I resonate with the cosmic sperging of the Italian peninsula.

>>11551384
it does need to be defrosted, it would have remained frozen. only problem i see is not preheating the pan.

>2 uncles (no homo) barbecuing boneless ribs
>Fill weber with match lite till maybe 2 inches from grill grate
>Throws ribs on as soon as flames die down
>"Cut" into ribs with side of spatula every 20 minutes to check for doneness

They also then get mad when nobody is impressed by burned, dry meat. He has not even tried to get better since.

>>11560835
The transient and hostile nature of an imageboard makes it a poor resource for beginners. /lit/ doesn't want posters that haven't read hundreds of books, for example. The problem with /ck/ is that the site is mostly used by Americans and Americans don't really cook. So you get an outlier where /ck/ doesn't want posters that haven't eaten at hundreds of fast food restaurants, instead of made hundreds of dishes at home or in industry. This makes it doubly frustrating when a decent thread with seemingly decent cu/ck/s gets shitted up with your retarded /r/ post.

tl;dr lurk moar or gtfo

>>11563487
>45mins of paper towel autism
Might as well use the oven then sear it. Retarded name but google "reverse sear".

>>11553406
I want to like DDG but their results are fucking garbage.
You’ll search for some site and have to scroll through six unrelated articles before getting to the actual thing.

>>11564106
I fucking hate Alaska, you feel that Earthquake bro?

>>11563199
Typical female response. AT LEAST I DID IT WHO CARES IF IT WAS BAD. Basically an excuse to be shit and guilt trip others.

>>11561066
>he doesn't know about poulet au eau
>she didn't activate the chicken before boiling the water
Please tell me she at least used mineral water.

>>11560287
> he took the bait
oh, sweetie...

>>11561709
I go to Costco and buy meat in bulk. I'll buy a whole beef tenderloin, bring it home and trim it up, cut the tenderloin into 1.5-2" filets and use my vacuum sealer to remove any air. Then boom, I have about 10-12 filets individually vacuum sealed in my freezer. There is nothing wrong with freezing your steak as long as you use a vacuum sealer.

>>11564023
For tenderness and flavouring. Aging the way anon said is fucking retarded though.

>>11555204
i know that feel

>>11556464
costco meat is overpriced garbage

sometimes I just go into costco to watch the boomers graze. they're so fucking pathetic.

leaded gasoline was a communist plot

>>11553338
Based sodium gramps!

>>11560820
when would this fact ever fucking matter.

>>11565156
Bullshit. Unless you bought a membership then you don't just walk into Costco.

>>11565230
I have a useless Costco membership yes. The only fucking thing there that isn't overpriced is cases of Pellagrino water and raw textiles like 50 packs of terry cloth rags.

>>11565243
>a useless Costco membership
You're insufferable. You people on this website are fucking hacks.

>>11551919
This picture is how I feel seeing chinks and nigs in suits.

>>11563199
> At least she didn't abort you. A lot of women won't do that these days.

If you're gonna go to the effort of hatching and keeping kids around you can at least try to properly fucking feed them.

>>11551538
based

>>11563435
I thought i recognised that prolapse

>>11556644
Your digits have now been triple checked fren

>>11557200
How autistic is everyone ITT, just call your family member's out on this shit fuck em

>>11563332
Uh yeah he's very good at bbqing meat.

>>11562490
kys you commie cuck

>>11564209
>Tell me, what else floats on water?
>very small rocks?
>churches?
>wood?
>ducks?

>>11564274
Yep

>>11565533
Checked

>>11563741
>>11563501
>>11561066
Seasonings are immoral. The same way they excite your tastes also excite your loins and they make you more likely to have premarital sex. Eat bland, naturally flavored substances, thoroughly cooked to prevent parasites, and you will find yourself closer to the path of salvation.

>>11563526
>>11562490
More Caleb
>comes from rich family
>is obsessed with a girl that is very obviously only interested in his money
>brings her over to apartment all the time
>encourage roommate and my friends to flirt with her just to piss him off
>Caleb buys her a puppy
>it basically lives in his room and becomes his puppy
>shits and pisses on his bed constantly
>he always holds/cradles the dog in a way that its asshole is resting in the palm of his hand and his fingers are on it's penis
>very weird and uncomfortable
>Caleb comes home from a halloween party one night crying
>says that after spending over $10k on the girl over a couple of years that she never wants to see him again
>he admits he never even got to kiss her
>not even when he took her on a trip to Mexico
>literally chugging Belvedere vodka straight from the bottle while crying

>>11566117
You should repeatedly molest him to launch him on the warpath of a violent autistic serial killer.

>>11566117
Give him a nice length if rope for Christmas.

>>11552222
>roommate is living off of microwave chicken nuggets, nutella, and "butter noodles"

side note: His "butter noodles" consist of boiling noodles in saltless water that he throws a tablespoon of butter in.

>no idea how he's fucking alive
>known him since high school, we're now 20 and he looks 6 months pregnant
> one day he asks me how to cook spam
>it's fucking spam but if it gets him started on maybe eating a little healthier I'll show him

>Show him the basic concept of cooking until done and getting a crust on the meat slabs he's given me to use

two weeks later
>he's moved up to those kirkland burgers from costco
> doesn't cook anything but spam and burgers and rice, of which he never stores his leftovers
>Offer to show him other basic stuff, like fried rice and stir fry
>tells me he "doesn't eat any vegetables"
>constantly doesn't clean the pans he uses
>doesn't wash the oil off immediately because "he's scared of getting burned"

>his only nutrition is from what I assume to be cookout sauce packs.

he wonders why he's depressed.

>>11565476
>be me
>expert American grillmaster father
>kid asks for ketchup
>tell him this is real texas beef I bought in a tube at walmart, ketchup and cheese is just to mask inferior beef , now finish your fourth helping so you can be a strong american boy like your old man
>"but dad I'm a girl"
>mfw I've somehow raised this ungrateful commie shit

Gf can only coon out of the microwave, and defrosts with hot watee

>>11566264

the only remotely amusing or whimsical part of that nonsensical bullshit was the implication that all texans eat a lot.

>3/10 would not reply again

>>11566222
>tells me he "doesn't eat any vegetables"
Put two bullets in his head. He wants to die, so give him what he wants.

>>11560835
Look up “cooking with Jack” on YouTube.

>>11556644
With those digits you can cook it however the hell you want

>>11564296
Jesus fuck

>Roommate buys popcorn kernels in bulk
>Everyday at 9:30-10pm, he leaves the stinking cavern he calls a bedroom, measures a cup of kernels, pops it, and pours a literal handful of sea salt on top
>Proceeds to gobble it all up in the next 30 or so minutes
>Rarely, if ever, drinks water
>Has constant headaches, complains all day long about dry mouth and chapped lips

I've tried educating the fat bastard on hydration to no avail; if something isn't carbonated, sodium-laced, or beetus-inducing, "it ain't a drink".

He probably thinks I'm a fag for occasionally having my popcorn with olive oil and herbs/spices. Joke's on him, so do I.

>>11564296
dear god. im so sorry anon, thats terrible.

>>11565860
Go away, Graham. Don't you have some rotting to do?

>>11553380
My friend died this way.

He slipped, fell, hit his head and was paralyzed face-down in an inch of water.

>>11566724

that's a shit way to go

>>11559673
>grated mozzarella

Somehow this annoys me the most. Good mozzarella will NOT grate.

>>11558826
I love BJs but then again by the time dinner actually arrives I'm drunk enough that everything tastes delicious

>>11551384
I have a bunch of friends who can't cook, the only one who can cook cooks so weirdly that I am usually disappointed with what he makes. My friends will fuck up basic cooking shit like
>Adding food to a cold pan
>Cooking eggs and leaving a burnt residue that forever becomes one with the pan
>Not adding salt to anything, or any seasoning
>Afraid / unsure of how to use the oven so everything is cooked on a pan or boiled

It blows my mind honestly how they live, in order to cook they will find a recipe, go to the store, and have to buy every ingredient in preparation because there's literally nothing in their pantry / fridge except leftover takeout. Meanwhile here I just buy cheap ingredients and then try to use them in something before they go bad. Spontaneous cooking is the best cooking though.

>>11566350
Jack? Is that you?

>>11559673
>that Tasty / Homemade food spin at 0:07
wow

>>11565391
If they get the calories they need, then that is perfectly fine.