/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Great post

>>11535647
based

>>11535647
Nice blog post

>be me
>23
>newly married and just home from the air force
>parents take us out to dinner
>love seafood (Dungeness crab and steamer clams are my two favs)
>go to an all you can eat seafood buffett called tugboat annies
>there for 3 hours
>level the place
>people start coming out of the back and pointing at our table
>feel like Homer Simpson
>waitress comes over and offers me prime rib
>decline and keep eating
>wife gets uncomfortable so I say we can leave
>could have probably stayed a lot longer
>dad tells us a story when he was stationed at Whidbey Island on the Navy base and they had an all you can eat buffet on Friday nights.
>said I did so much damage one night that they tried to charge me as an adult instead of a kid. I was like 10 years old
Yeah... I have a history.

Did you eat your wife's Dungeonous Crab?

>>11535668
I've been with my wife for 10 years now. We met in high school, and I got her pregnant. She is and always has been a lazy person and a shit cook. I wouldn't even mind eating shit food if she at least made it on time. But she rarely did.

We'd get into screaming arguments constantly about how lazy and worthless she was. I felt like an asshole for it, but goddamn she was a real piece of work. The only reason I dealt with all this was for the kids, and also because the sex is great.

But one night, I got fed up. Not only did she get drunk, neglect the kids, and made me top Ramen for dinner, but she decided to give me attitude too. She was being real fucking bitchy. So I told my grandparents to keep an eye on the kids and told my wife we were going to go out and have dinner together. I drove maybe 3 blocks to a quiet area (we live in Oregon, it's not hard to find a quiet field) and I got out of the car, went around like I was going to open her door for her and let her out, and I just beat the shit out of her while she was still seatbelted. After a few punches, I asked her if she wanted to go back to her parents. She started screaming and yelling and said yes, so I beat the shit out of her again. Then I asked her what she wanted to do. She finally got smart and said she wanted to go home. So I took her home and dared her to start trouble. I even handed her my cellphone and dialed her mom's number on the drive home. I made her talk to her mom, while daring her to fucking say something.

Before that incident, I had never laid a hand on her. But I had always threatened it. I told her "one of these days, if you don't straighten up, I'm going to lay hands on you."

All my meals have been on time, and she just recently tried to make a meatloaf. It was mediocre, but I was just thrilled that she tried.

Do with this information what you will.

>>11535647
Nobody likes you when you're 23

>>11535647
Has it been a month already?
>copy pasta

>>11535676
Sounds like a true blue military man if I've ever heard of one.

>>11535676
Lmao how many more /ck/ pastas do you have?

>>11535647

>>11535676

i read it everytime

>>11535647
I will never understand this pasta but I will always enjoy it.

I love crabs. Pic related is my wallpaper

>>11535647
thanks for this
>>11535658
good call

https://foodblogposts.blogspot.com/2018/11/food-blog-ii.html

Im looking for a bento box, it cant be pinku (thats japanese for pink) or any girl color. It has to be of 2 or more kotoba (thats japanese for 2 compartments) and has be be chibi (small) sized. And has to be really kawaii (cute). Also It has to be about 10-20 bux. And you have to post pics of it first (i want to make shure it's kawaii [cute]). And it would be nice if it came with matching chopstick holder (WITH chopsticks). OH! and it CANNOT have any cartoon pictures, or be made out of plastic. It has to be made of ceramic, or something like that. Also it would be nice if it was made in japan. and not in china or corea (korea) or whatever. I have found a bento box similar to the one im describing in e-bay, but it was 1 kotoba, and i dont want my gohan (rice) to touch my other things (it can get wet and i would not like that, plus 2 compartments looks more kawaii)

>>11536622
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L343dzWizmk

>>11535696
It's years old newfag

>>11535647
idk senpai ur just like the most degenerate and unfunny on here
idk how to make u think im being genuine but i think this is the first genuine comment i have put on 4chan
just seeing your posts makes me cringe and want to not see u anymore. in fact, this has disapointed me so much that i am closing the thread after i post this
goodby

>>11536697
What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I'll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I've been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You're fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're fucking dead, kiddo.

>>11535676

>>11535647
This troll shit doesn't belong on 4channel

>>11535647
>>>
this is as old as 4chan wtf

>>11536713
Is that it for the /ck/ pastas :(

What you need to understand is that I'm all about the stimulation of the palette. When I buy a bottle of wine, I don't think "Man, I can't wait to fuck this thing when I get home." You need a little mystery, a tiny flash of the ankle. You have to flirt with the wine. I fill my eyedropper full to bursting and set it on the edge of my plate. When my palette needs a little something, a little 'thrill' to compliment my cuisine, I allow myself a single drop on my outstretched tongue. Often, this is enough. I let it slide down and around my tastebuds in microscopic rivulets, my eyes closed. It's like a wink before bed--an almost-forbidden frisson. And while it doesn't happen often, sometimes a wine will stimulate me beyond what is expected. I think "Ok, this is really something." At this point, my hands are usually clenched and I can only think about that little kiss, that splash. No point in eating now, so I simply throw my food in the garbage. I will bring the bottle to my lips and, after a deep breath, take a sip and let the liquid swim in my mouth and rush to the back of my throat. But, as any wine enthusiast will tell you, you don't swallow, unless you're some kind of idiot. You let the wine make itself comfortable, put its feet up. Chat a little. Gargle it around, push it through your teeth, splash it around with your tongue, mouth open. Often I can't keep from laughing with ecstasy, and it takes all my willpower to keep the tantalizing fluid inside my quivering maw. Once or twice my palette has actually been so overcome, that I've spit out the wine, started screaming, only to suck it back up again. In this case, and only in this case, will I allow myself to swallow the entire sip. I feel sorry for people like OP, some engorged hedon who stupidly slurps down wine and burp it up all over their McDonald's uniforms. It's not easy to get into, but anyone willing can learn to appreciate wine.

>>11535662
Thanks for making it actually legible

It looks raw, under cooked and absolutely shocking. Quite frankly it's an embarrassment, and you should be ashamed of yourself. I mean honestly, I wouldn't even serve it to my dog. It's garbage, it's trash. It's fucking abysmal. Is that really the best you can do? Is that the kind of quality you're aiming for? Really? I don't know why you even post here. Why do you even bother. You might as well give up. Though based on this monstrosity, you've already given up, haven't you? What is it, are you depressed? Are you done? Just look at the pepperoni, it's not even cooked. The raw fucking onions. They're not even sliced properly. I mean come on, you know this. You know this isn't good. Yet here you are, posting this shit again. Have you even looked at the crust? Or the cheese? I mean, what is that? They're snow fucking white. The dough has barely been cooked. Did you even put it in the oven? Did you forget to turn it on? It's just sad. This isn't a fucking pizza, it's a travesty. An absolute shambles. I don't know what else to say. It's just not good enough. Throw it in the fucking bin, and just stop. You can't cook. You're useless. Utterly useless.

>>11535873
Is this what peak performance looks like?

You sound like a working class chump. I bet you thought it would be a great "investment", how you would wake up to a warm, healthy breakfast to start off your long day. Maybe, you even had a couple thoughts about all the other nifty little uses you could find for the thing, how it would help you cook healthier meals in general, shed a couple pounds off the old gut, boost your confidence around work and with the ladies. Yeah, maybe that slow cooker would start your life cooking again, wouldn't it? I can see your strained hands holding the box and reading through it carefully at the store. A little bit pricey, but you're the type of guy who thinks everything is more than you can spend, aren't you. And look what happened to you. Look what the slow cooker did to you. Fucked you over, and made you clean it like a useless bitch. You don't even fucking like oatmeal. Piece of shit, you've been repeating those three words your whole life, haven't you. Yeah, how was work after that piece of shit fucked you over? I bet it was on your mind the whole day, you probably didn't say shit to nobody. Can't be telling people about your mistakes. How your little fix yourself plan, failed you. Don't want people to start thinking you're the failure. You're the piece of shit, all along. You don't want that do you? You don't want to be the piece of shit everybody secretly whispers about, do you? Was your father a piece of shit like you? I bet he never had a slow cooker. He had a woman, a house, a damn good job. I bet it's slow cooking you the fuck alive, isn't it. Comparing yourself to him. How one day when all the steam runs our of your life, you'll discover how you're nothing more than burnt shit to be scraped off and thrown in the trash.