/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Not too long ago I was performing the act of fellatio or, less eloquently, I was giving head. I had given oral to this particular person several times, and there had never been a problem. However, during this one particular incident there was a mild issue: his cum. Yes, his cum, his man juice, semen, ejaculation, whatever one wants to call it was absolutely foul and rancid. I was shocked; this had never ever been an issue. To quote Samantha from Sex and the City, “it’s never been a trip to Baskin Robbins,” but this particular, er, flavor was one for the record books. Having the type of relationship I have with this person, one of open communication and any chance to ridicule each other, I told him. When I did, a realization was made: asparagus. Specifically, he had eaten it at dinner.

i like them

my parents brought home some wild asparagus they picked in croatia,a little bitter but good

>>11516353
This is the type of information that usually books doesn't give. I did know only the afrodisiac effect. Ty for sharing anon

grilled asparagus drizzled with hollandaise is heavenly

grilled asparagus and anchovy pasta with optional black pepper

>>11516301

It's one of my goto sides that get the gf's panties wet.

Probably the most aesthetically pleasing vegetable desu
Instantly makes any dish look better

>>11516301
Steamed asparagus with garlic butter drizzled over it is a side dish fit for a king

>>11516301
Itsa little early isn't it? Is Australia good for growing asspearagus?

>>11516301
how does one cook asparagus? Can you eat it raw?

Dear /ck/, white female here. Just taking the day off work to garden. (admin thinks I'm sick) :^)

Anywhooo, i was busy tending to my asparagus when I became enthralled with the size and thickness of them all (greens pictured).
the rain had to fall just right, and the genetic makeup of the seeds produced from the parent (these were wildly sewn from a nearby asparagus fern two falls ago) must have been perfect that year.

I had all but fallen into a catatonic vegetable state from sheer awe. I was flanked on all sides by these huge intimidating green rods.

Then I saw it. The stalk which put all others to shame. A dark rich pole which stood firm and commanded the very winds to break and soil to rupture for it's headway.
At first I thought the green asparagus that came before it were sagging under their own weight; seeing the purple passion standing proudly erect however made me realize all other stalks were simply bowing to it's superior prowess.

My mouth watered and fingers twitched as I grasped the long dark thick stalk with a trembling hand.
I cut it low as I could and tossed it in the basket with the others: it's massive frame becoming even more apparent mixed in with it's scrawnier cousins.

The taste was beyond anything I could have hoped for: smooth, bold, silken, as if I were guzzling cup after cup of heavy wipping cream; while the green brothers put on quite displa of power, their taste left a bitter note in the back of my throat.

>>11517428
WHITE MEN BE BTFO

>>11517428
jews are really special people.

>>11517428

Cool story, bro.

>>11516301
I dont eat it cos it makes your cum rancid

>go to brothers house for Thanksgiving
>hear sister in-law say they have asparagus as a side
>look at plate, it's boiled

>>11517428
huh

>>11519829
asparagus cum. it's like cilantro

Ho Ho Ho, Green Giant

>>11517293
Baking pan with aluminum foil.
Cut off the thicker parts at the bottom of the stalk.
Arrange on pan.
Drizzle with olive oil and roll em around
Salt, pepper, parm
Broil for 10-15 minutes or until crispy but not burnt
eat and be happy

You can make a delicious risotto with the white ones
For the green just salt-pepler them and roll them with some spek (or very tasty ham) and put them in the oven.

>>11518328
I can feel you Anon

>>11517428
Lol?

>>11516353
This is an often overlooked benefit to asparagus. No more will I be disappointed when a girl manages to swallow my cum without a look of disgust.

>>11517293
Don't listen to these guys telling you to cook in the oven, it never turns out as good as this method.

Saute in a pan with a generous amount butter until it is tender enough to leave a slight indent with a wooden spoon press. Then drizzle a little lemon juice (maybe 2 tablespoons if you have a full pan) and stir it around to let it coat everything. Serve with just a bit of the pan oil over the top.

Asparagi are shit and I can't believe threads about asparagi are allowed in a christian board

>>11521902
You're clearly a protestant heretic

why does Asparagus make me pee smell weird

I don't care about the pee stink really, I care about the gross texture.

>>11522880
To clarify, not the texture of the asparagus, asparagus is pretty good, but it's hard to guzzle down your own piss knowing that it doesn't have the same feel as usual.

>>11522886
it tastes different too?

>>11521902
Begone you misbeliver

>>11524085
I guess, but I'm not doing it for taste.