/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>11317060
My grilled cheese started sticking real bad to a pan, I went and bought a new pan, they went from being ripped apart to looking like this.

+1 for the Lum pics, BTW. Gotta love a classic.

>>11317060
I tried frying some chicken in a pan once
Burned all over the outside but raw in the outside

I love how you occasionally try to get people to discuss your literal boomer anime on /a/

>>11317060
For the longest time I couldn't make a proper pancake.
I'd either fuck up the batter, make it too thicc, thin or burnt
But I can cook a proper turkey extended family argue over taking leftovers for.

>>11318007
pancakes are like the easiest things ever

Not me, but my roommate tried heating up a pan before adding oil. It immediately started burning, setting off the fire alarm, so he tried to cool it down by mixing it with a plastic spatula instead of taking it off the heat. Half the spatula was melted off, and the pan was ruined.

The canned soup I burned two days ago

>>11317060
accidentally put skinless chicken in a bag filled with salt. thinking it would make it crispier

>>11317060
Slightly less pleasant than usual

>>11318612
lies, lies, lies

>>11318571
Just scrape off the black parts

>>11318621
Nah it was still pretty ok

>>11318571
>>11318631

>>11317060

When I had that half used package of instant potato dumplings powder and thought I make gnocci from it... oh boy what a fucking mess that was

>>11318571
how

>>11317070
how many times have i seen that picture now

once boiled some dried beans that I forgot about and then the pan and beans went black

actively fucking up - at about 16y/o used baked beans in a chinese chicken stirfry
bad idea, never again

>>11317060
i was drunk and i tried to make mashed potatoes from flakes in a blender, drunk me reasoned "hey nobody ever said this wouldn't work" but instead i ended up making glue

>>11317060
>be making pasta naked
>bf comes downstairs with a bike pump
>notagain.jpg
>starts filling my ass with air
>beg him to stop
>doesn't listen and keeps pumping
>belly is now full of air
>too full to move
>stand there in agony as my stomach has expanded into a big pregnant belly
>he wraps his arms around my stomach and begins to squeeze
"NOOOOO!!!"
>pump shoots out as air escapes my colon
"BRAAAAPPP!!!"
"STOP PLEASE!"
"BRAAAPPPP BRAAAAAPPP!!!"
"WHYYYYY?!?!"
"BRAPPP PLOP!"
>he yells at me for making a mess and makes me clean it off of him with my tongue
>the pasta got overcooked

>>11317060
For some reason I can never make nasi koening work, even though I can pull of a variety of 'harder' dishes with no problem. Last time I had the rice burn 3 times before I gave up and drowned it in water, overcooked it and ate watery shite rice. Ffs this was supposed to be a festive side to a nice rendang

>half-ass improvise a creamy vegetable soup
I don't remember what I fucked up, but it was a mess. I froze a few portions, but eventually just threw them away because I couldn't bear the thought of eating it again.

Any attempt I make to grill chicken ends in fucking disaster. Either the grill gets too hot and it cooks the outside too fast while the inside stays raw or it sticks to the grill really bad and I end up losing chucks of meat

>>11317077
This isnt Reddit you fuckwit.

>>11317060
I've tried to make hashbrowns probably ten times, each one just ended up being a soggy mess of overcooked potatoes and other ingredients that I had to slather in ketchup to make palatable. Eventually I realized I wasn't grating the potatoes thin enough and some of the ingredients (like mushrooms) were keeping it too damp to fry properly.

>>11318931
>implying this isn't Reddit

Made Muddy buddies, but accidentally used flour instead of powdered sugar.

>>11318931
Did you also wring the potatoes out?

Don't know but if I was your father I'd say you.

I was making pasta and when I burnt the civ it fell through the hole and I had to take the door off

>>11318571
t.Squidward

>>11319319
Fuck you for making me imagine that.

>>11318864
>plop
What happened, BikePumpAnon?

>>11319452
He made me clean it all up with my tongue >~<

>>11317060
Boiled chicken, when I was just starting to get /fit/
It turned out exactly as you would expect

>>11317060
It was a batter recipe for fried meat.
Way too much flour, fell off in doughy clumps.

Tried Chef John's falafel recipe and I dicked it so bad

Had to use shitty ingredients because nowhere in my town sold the better versions of the stuff he recommended. Didn't make the mix thick enough, the balls just fell apart in the pot and disintegrated, tried flat patty shapes in a pan after and they burned and were too salty anyways

i had to replace my barbecue and splurged on a pretty good one. im used to my barbecue not getting super hot even when closed, so when i tried to use the new one i thought id celebrate by grilling some venison. ended up burning the absolute shit out of it and it was more like charcoal at the end. felt bad

>>11318544
>heating up a pan before adding oil
what's wrong with doing this????

>>11320043
Doesn't your bbq have a gauge to monitor the temp inside?

Was poor so I made queso salsa macaroni. It was pretty gross.

I once accidentally mixed up cayenne for paprika and then threw it in with some shrimp I was pan-frying, which instantly fumigated the entire house in addition to ruining the dish.

>>11319449
At least you didn't actually have to eat it. I was too much of jew to just throw it away.

>>11318571
>>11319429
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9P71GbihXc

>>11320267
cayanne shrimp doesnt sound too bad though. Did it burn?

>>11320096
yup but i was so used to my old shitty barbecue that i didnt think twice about it. new one actually cooks food so fast its insane, my old one sucked at retaining heat and took like 10 minutes on the bbq to get a steak to medium it was ridiculous

>>11318659
howd it turn out?

>>11317060
A casserole doesn't cook in 1 hour 20 minutes. I found that out last night while eating crunchy vegetables. Taste was nice though.

>>11318902
>Making chink peasant food
I think I found your problem

>>11320069
Absolutely nothing and this is the proper way to cook

>>11317060
Last time I made honeycomb candy I burned it to the point where you couldn't stand the taste of it. A few people liked it so I left it out for a few hours and it melted into a sticky hardened chunk of despair.

>>11320992
wew, was second guessing myself for a bit.

>>11320069
My best guess is that he heated the pan up too much.

Leek and Potato Soup. Each spoonful was like a milky, useless misery

>>11317060
For some reason I thought it would be a good idea to mix tomato juice and sparkling white wine. I now have a conditioned taste aversion to tomato juice.

>>11321349
I made a vichyssoise with what I thought were ramps but I know think were poison lilies. That wasn’t great, but worse was the mullberry sorbet I made with berries from an invasive mulberry tree, those things are foul

>>11320964
It made me even more gay.

>>11317060
Gumbo, it was my first time making a reux, I probably fucked that, also made it too salty

>>11317060
I was making steak soup one time and thought I could replace celery with a few tbsp of celery seed. It was inedible

I put mustard on a home made pizza. Would've been at least half decent if not for the damned mustard.

>>11317060
I tried to use up a hickory farms gift basket as pizza toppings. Summer sausage and cheap spread cheese make a pizza that tastes like pure sadness.

>>11317060
I tried to make a Japanese curry and I burnt the roux I was making and accidentally melted a spatula. Also the second time I did it correctly but I put too much water in the rice maker. Third time I did it right though

not food but I brewed some kilju with Baker's yeast and tried removing it with gelatin. ended up with a lumpy, disgusting slime.
would not recommend, but still drank it all

when i was in college i put a thick frozen chicken breast on my george foreman grill. the outside got nice looking grill marks on it so i pulled it out and put in on a sandwich roll. took one bite and it was still frozen in the middle.

made a dish a bit simular to blanquette de veau once. but way more difficult it had shrimps, A+ meat and expensive mushrooms in it. cost me around 40 euro to make and it was utterly shit.

a crustless zucchini quiche one. Too soggy. Tasted ok but still

>>11324254
Lame and shitty writing. I'm glad that idiot killed him- or herself

My dumb ass tried to make hot cocoa for my sister once, as an apology for being a dick to her.

I used 100% cocoa powder.

As it happens, cocoa powder is VERY different from hot chocolate mix. Ruined a pot. Will also not that I was the older sibling in this situation.

>>11324106
I could see the summer sausage being ok if you used thin slices and the rest of the pizza was solid, I imagine the shitty cheese was what really killed it

>>11326877
Naw man, they were equally as bad. There's a reason no one serves summer sausage pizza.

Since you posted Lum i was wondering if i should get this deck

>>11328504
>skateboarding
Degenerate

>>11317060
Made homemade gnocchi, while shaping them i put away a whole bottle of white wine, tossed em all in a bowl together and took a nap.
Of course they fused back together and became an overfloured inedible mess.

>>11317060
For some reason the celery in a stir fry I made once came out absolutely disgusting. I have no idea what was wrong with it because it looked completely normal, but it had a near vomit inducing gone-sour taste to it when I tried some. Had to completely start over the vegetables.

>>11320069
I'm guessing he just turned it on high and walked off for half an hour to smoke a bowl or some stupid shit

>>11318931
>can't even make hashbrowns
>puts fucking mushrooms in hashbrowns
>calls other people fuckwits

>>11329437
it's fun though

>>11329572
If you skate in areas that does not bother the general public and does not damage the property of others, I'll take back my statement

You damn kids always seem to prove my point when I see you in public though

The first time ever that I tried to cook when I was young I somehow messed up a flourless cookie recipe.

first time i tried making meatloaf i did a really nice mixture and everything came together well until i put it in the oven without searing the outsides. Hours later it was still pink and i spent ages trying to figure out why it hadn't cooked right until i realized what i missed.

Had a good laugh about fucking up something so simple and threw it out. The second one i made came out so nice i ate the whole thing by myself.

In high school my faggot friends and I tried making dangos. We spent a lot of time researching different recipes and how to do it properly. They just tasted like shitty weeb playdough.

>>11317060
I tried making Chef John's Honeycomb toffee but I burnt that candy trying to get it to the right temperature. Failed.

>>11330679
Test

>>11330715
1 2 3

>>11330715
i tested ur mama's anus lol

I live in a very old, not well ventilated apartment with a sensitive smoke alarm that's too high up for me to reach and remove the battery

Every time I try frying rice I fear setting it off so I just eat mushy rice every time. I don't know why I keep doing this to myself.

>>11326877
Summer sausage is too sweet for that

>>11318571
If I'm asked an image depicting cancer I would chose this one

>>11331902
>summer sausage sweet
The fuck kind of summer sausage you eating? I make my own and while it has 10g dextrose and 5g sugar per kilogram of meat most of it gets consumed by the lacto bacillus during the 24 hour fermentation. If anything it has a slight sour tang from the lactic acid. Stop eating the corporation bullshit packed with HFCS.

I literally cannot bake cookies and I don't know why, they always come out tasting like chemicals and salt. It's only cookies I can't do though, other biscuits are fine

I tried making carribean beans in rice all in a pressure cooker and it turned out pretty shit. I still have it in my fridge but honestly I think I'm gonna toss it.

>>11317060
>be few years ago, living in uni dorm
>be making curry in large pot
>have the brilliant idea to cook the rice with the curry in the pot
>dump rice in at max heat
>go outside for a cig
>see friend smoking too, start chatting
>suddenly it's 10 mins past
>smoke starts coming out of my dorm window
>then bf who lives in the room next to mine bursts out the door and drags me back in
>entire floor stinks of burnt corpse
>curry turned into lumps of charcoal
>pot is emitting blackbody radiation
>mfw

>>11332974
Did he use a bike pump on you afterwards? I bet you deserved it

>>11333017
Why do people keep confusing me with the bikepump anon?

>>11333025
Why do you have to get in trouble all the time you little slut?

>decided to lose weight
>wanted to cook all my own healthy meals
>found a recipe online for shakshuka
>didn't know what the different ingredients actually were
>specifically was confused by tinned tomato, red bell pepper and cumin
>thought that tinned tomato had to be 'seasoned' before hand, so poured the tin into a bowl, added a few tablespoons of sugar and a lot of salt and some BBQ sauce (unironically it was Jacks brand)
>couldn't find a bell pepper, thought they tasted like regular black pepper for some reason, so soaked a tablespoon of pepper corns and crushed to use instead
>didn't know what cumin was, ended up using protein powder as a substitute
>cooked it all up
>taste it
>it is a disgusting sugary salty peppery mess
>eat the whole thing anyway out of shame

>>11317060
bread everytime

>>11333112
i don't get it
why do you add the sugar, salt, and barbecue sauce?

>>11317060
I made spaghetti once in a smallish pan. I tried the trick where you twist the spaghetti to make it fan out and fit in the pan easier, but I had the heat on too high so it burned onto the dry parts of the pan.
> tfw literally burned spaghetti

>>11333112
This is what happens when you watch ja/ck/

>>11318544
You take it off the head and put a lid on it
Also take the pan outside if it's cold out

>>11318571
We was soup n shit

>>11320301
should have deep fried it - raw flour is disgusting

>>11333112
What the fuck?

>1998, just moved in w/gf
>we decide to explore Azn cooking
>buy wok and bamboo tools. buy assorted ingredients from chink store.
>follow recipe for some umami stir fry thing.
>misread quantity of fish sauce
>use two cups instead of 2 tbl
There aren't words to describe just how awful it was.

>>11318571
Found the hobo.

>>11317060

Alright faggots, gather 'round and let me tell you about the Beef Horchata.

I like to push the boundaries and try things few people have done before when it comes to cooking. Sometimes it comes out magical, sometimes demonic. And about a year ago, I had an innocent enough thought. "I wonder if maple syrup goes well with beef?" After all, both sugar and woody flavors have been historically used with beef, and the internet even had a small handful of recipes.

So I decide I'm gonna go for this woodsy lumberjack kinda steak using primarily things that could be found in a forest. I used maple syrup, juniper berry, cinnamon, bay leaf, salt/pepper and balanced out the sweetness with some apple vinegar. Or so I thought.

I let some flank steak marinade in my witch's brew for like 6 hours and then baked it up. Firstly, it was soggy. It had the texture of beef jelly. Secondly, all those spices didn't go anywhere, so there was still a massive pile of soggy, flavorless cinnamon sludge just sitting on top. And the flavor was so unbelievably, sickeningly sweet and floral that I could only describe it as a beef horchata. I could not eat it, even the smell made me physically gag. I ended up having to throw out $20 of flank steak.

>>11317060
Once I tried to make a giant pot of jambalaya and I was not discerning enough with the rice. There ended up being not enough liquid and nothing I could do was saving it. I divided it up into two different pots so I could add more liquid to cook the rice more, but it just turned into a glue-like rice glob which contained beans and shrimps and sausage and peppers.

I tried so hard to force myself to eat it but I threw it all out and cried instead.

>>11337211
>balanced the sweetness with the sweetest vinegar I could find
lmao wut, who taught you how to cook

Similar to your story, once I fried up the leftover cinnamon-vanilla eggwash after I had made french toast, out of sheer curiosity. It was just that: eggs, cinnamon, vanilla, and a splash of heavy cream. It wasn't puke-worthy, but sweet cinnamon eggs sure isn't something I'm dying to make again.

>making ramen
>hey I have all these dried mushrooms let me add a few
>well I really like mushrooms, why not add like another cup of them
>water boils
>delicious dirt soup

I got the munchies once and decided to make beef with gravy and mashed potatoes
>i used a leftover instant mashed potato powder
>put too much water, looked more like a soup
>decide to add something, anything to make it more consistent
>saw i had some cornmeal and thought to myself "hmm, polenta is made with hot water, just like the mashed potato powder"
>mixed the two
absolutely disgusting, ended up only eating the beef

>>11337278
In case you didn't learn from your mistake on your own, you do know you can just let water boil off until it's your desired level of thickness, right?

>>11317060
tried to make caramel apples last year for Hallowen. the store was sold out of the little caramel cubes so I just bought a tub of that caramel dip thinking it would work the same so I basically had a whole bunch of apples covered in goopy liquified caramel sauce and they sucked. it was a really dumb mistake but I learned my lesson

>>11333025
because you're a filthy weeb and should noose yourself