/ck/ - Food & Cooking

A lot of tea of coffee I guess. Not really sure why you would want to do that, though.

>>11104646
Why not water, british cunt

>>11104651
tea makes you pee

pantalon mouillé

100ml water
2 pantalon

1. pour water onto pantalon
2. wa la

>>11104635
a big slop o' shit.

khalia but mix the stew with opium

Something that wont cause to her to be shitting or farting when you are railing her in bed.

>>11104782
>railing her in bed
OP is asking us what kind of recipe will wet her pants. I don't see that happening.

>>11104635
something light with bacon, finished with chocolate. if she's feeling all bloated she's not going to feel sexy

>>11104635
>Alcohol
Seriously, though. That's it.

Make something light so that you're not both bloated by the end of the meal. So, like a simple pasta dish or something, you can add either an appetizer, a side OR a second course of meat.

Do this, and have a large bottle of wine on the table, nice glasses and keep filling it up. Then fill her up.

>>11104635
If it were me:
>Make a nice tomato ragu, boil with meatballs, italian sausage, and hardboiled eggs
>Cook some orecchiette (or pasta of choice), and serve with the sauce. Add grated parmesan
>When you both finish your pasta, surprise her with the meats and eggs as a nice second course. Easy because you can just serve in the same bowl.
>Finish with a store-bought dessert, like a pie or some shit. Cooking dessert is too much trouble, and too "try-hard", but bitches will always appreciate it if it's there.
>Accompany with a couple nice bottles of red wine
>???
>Profit

>>11104655
>2. wa la

My fucking sides.

It's voila. lmao

>>11104878
kill yourself mobileposting gamergate invader scum, you ruined this website

>>11104878
Yes anon, that's the joke. Lurk moar.

>>11104878
Inb4 "i was only pretending to be retarded".

>>11104878
helloreddit.jpg

>>11104878
based master troll

>>11104882
>>11104883
>>11104886
>>11104889
blue pilled af

>>11104899
>I was only pretending to be retarded

>>11104899
>here are the posts that i want to upvote and downvote

>>11104931
epic damage control bro

>getting her wet
>not throat fucking to puke

Shiggy diggy dooooo

>>11104635
I am now actively monitoring this thread. Please proceed, anons.

>>11104937
>when all else fails, double down and say "no u" a lot

>>11104899
get out

Rohypnol always works for me

I no longer cook for people, I cook with people; it's a lot more fun.

She arrives you have the music on, and the kitchen somewhat ready and clean, and the glasses ready. Open the wine, and start drinking as you catch and prepare the entree. as you do that you can nibble on the appetizers; then once the entree is ready, you sit and have the meal.

My favorite dessert is served in the bedroom and is "having each other for dessert" (aka: sex).

Shrimp Scampi
INGREDIENTS
4 garlic cloves, 2 grated, 2 thinly sliced
1 teaspoon kosher salt
3 tablespoons olive oil, divided
1 pound large shrimp, peeled, deveined
¼ teaspoon red pepper flakes
¼ cup dry white wine
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
¼ cup (½ stick) unsalted butter
3 tablespoons chopped parsley
Warm crusty bread (for serving)

>>11105603
You cook this and you'll get this <

>>11104635
I would never sleep with a man or woman on a first date that cooked me a meal unless he cleaned up his kitchen afterwards. Even then its questionable. You can tell how good of a
Cook someone is by how they manage their own kitchen.

If you wanna sex her then maybe just order a pizza, some drinks and watch a movie at home and find out if she's someone even worth your time before you go through all this trouble. A woman isnt going to jump your bones on a first date because of you cooking.... unless she's a horny skank of course.

>>11105603
>My favorite dessert is served in the bedroom and is "having each other for dessert" (aka: sex)

thats hot anon!

>>11104872
"Oh wow anon, I am so surprised by these hardboiled eggs after I just finished eating! Please fuck me!"

>>11104635
Drink some liquor and smoke some weed bud and make some grilled cheese or pasta or some shit buddy. The food doesn’t really matter you gotta make her moist on your own bud.

>>11105741
>he's never had eggs boiled in meat sauce
You poor, poor uncultured soul...

>>11104635
Heaps of water. Just don't stop giving her water and forcing her to drink it. Lock all bathroom doors.

>>11104878
>imagine being this new

>>11104635
Here’s my 2 get laid recipes

1) poached salmon.

Get 2 salmon fillets or steaks. A bottle of Chardonnay (Charles Shaw is fine) a bunch of dill a bunch of parsley an onion and a lemon.

Make a bed of dill and parsley in a pan add a cup of wine and a cup of water. Turn on medium high abs wait to come to temp. Throw a sliced onion in too. Now rest your salmon (seasoned with s and p) on the herbs. Cover and cook for 10 min.
Serve over pilaf or something like that.

Girls love salmon.

My next option is farfallee with pancetta mushrooms and chèvre.

Render fat from pancetta (or bacon) sautée sliced mushrooms in the fat sontge sane with onions or shallots. Add in a package of chèvre and a container of heavy cream reduce it down and toss with the farfalle. Garnish with cracked pepper and green onions

/ck/ needs a 'How to hide a bottle of vodka in two portions of tiramisu' challenge.

>>11107148
I'm on it

750g strawberries, hulled
1 1/2 cups (330g) caster sugar
2 vanilla beans, split, seeds scraped
1 1/4 cups (310ml) vodka
3 cups (750g) mascarpone
2 1/2 cups (600g) creme fraiche
4 egg yolks
350g savoiardi biscuits

infusing vodka with vanilla pods/seeds over low heat should do the tri/ck/

>>11104878
Actually it's "voilà". I know that you didn't get the joke, but if you're correcting someone, do it right, fuckwit.

>>11107222
Trips checked. Bon app the teeth.

>>11104878
Ok Stefan
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlJ_pjwBYxY

>>11105631
You sound like you need to get laid

why do you want her to pee in her pants?

>>11104635
42 replies
No one suggesting lobster
It’s supposed to be a romantic dinner for Anon and his bish
>come on /ck

>>11107698
lobster?
might as well go full on oyster sex cvlt

>>11107795

1: stapler banana
2: drawer banana (banana in drawer)
3: El Cock-o-Rachha (penis in mouth, watering)
4: Des Pacito (Monster Energy Black mixed with water and salty seltzer)
5: Hui Papayatama (russian vodka "Stolichnaya", water, 90-95% ethanol, dragon fruit's purple skin and cayenne pepper)
6: Colorado Chimney (Pepsi mixed with Cherry Pepsi and Vanilla Coca-Cola)

>>11104850
>>11105603
Based and redpilled.
>>11104872
>>11105882
>that amount of food
kys want to throw up while having sex?

>>11104635
London here. I get horny when i drink. Make sure it's consentual, don't sneak alcohol into her food.
Recipe for rum peaches in custard is bomb.
Impres her with a good wine pairing.
Don't skip desert, bitches love desert.
Also think of an activity for after dinner, don't make it like obvious booty call if you want to keep her around. General fun experience will make it more likely to come back for another dick ride in the future.
Also shop for breakfast, no-one likes leftovers

Women value imagery of food more than the taste. Make more effort into plating than the actual cooking. Also, try to do pastry.

>>11104899
>blue pilled
I hope you realized the meme funds hyper liberal tranny Hollywood hack job of a pair of writer-directors. In fact, I don't think you watched any of Matrix or was born when it came out.

>>11104635

>>11108051
patrician advice
>>11108296
fortunately, contemporary plating is all about drizzling saucy stuff on minuscule portions of food, i.e. serving OP's cause

i once read about a baked tomato cheese toast, but with smegma instead of cheese.
Apparently girls love that shit

>>11104878
Good bait Anon, look at all these dumb angry faggots

>>11105603
>shrimp scampi
I love that dish. Other favourite dishes of mine are cow beef, pig pork and noodle pasta.

>>11108051
>Make sure it's consentual, don't sneak alcohol into her food.
What are you, some kind of PC, SJW pussy?

>>11104878
Better troll than barqposting

In a relationship. First date was a tomato risotto with a white fish fillet braised in brown butter. Bottle of wine, obviously.

Only problem is it sets the standards high for future dinner dates.

>>11104635
Sundae Ramen

>>11104872
literally all food that will make you fart

great idea

>>11110554
You never learned how to make cooking the basics fun and delicious? It's not the food's fault anon.
>>11104635
You find you a girl who can REALLY eat, and you just order some Chinese delivery, or a pizza. Get a couple of things on the side that she probably hasn't had before. Girls don't deserve your full effort unless it's a real special occasion, like an anniversary or a new job.

>>11104635
anything with a little flunitrazepam usually gets them going

>>11105603
sure, if she likes insects

>>11107680
>he doesnt want to watch his crush pee her pants from the comfort of his own home

Jack has a Valentine's dinner that always works for me

>>11105603
literally every woman ever loves shrimp scampi, like what the fuck . That and some white wine? you're gold. either make that or just aglio y olio. Anything heavy or cream based is too much and will turn her off from sex since it'll make her feel bloated.

>>11114679
>bloated
Ffs, then she's in her moon cycle and there's no hope for you.

>>11105603
If you made that for me I'd suck your dick no homo

>>11114745
>moon cycle
her period?
or are you meming about some horoscope bs?
Cream in general is a bad idea for most girls if you're planning on going to the bone zone, pal.

>>11107810
this is why i came here.

>>11114813
>28 days
>same as moon cycle
>same as womyn period cycle
B-but we're not earth creatures, our skypilot said so, ok?

>>11104635
>wet her pants
I guess you can follow what I did

>make gf take diuretics
>she doesn't question me cause she does what she's told
>tell her to make something spicy for dinner
>she drinks like 4 glasses of water to get through the meal
>diuretics kick in
>she jumps up to go to the bathroom
>grab her
"Wh-what are you-"
>start tickling her
"Hehe!~ S-stop it! Nooo~!"
>starts peeing herself
>tries to get away
>slips and falls in her pee
>starts crying on the floor in a puddle of her own piss
>unzip dick
"You better suck my dick after what you just did"
>mfw

>>11114939
Umm, anon I....

>>11114939


its worked before...

>>11114975
I'm not sorry for what I've done

>>11115255
Salem pls go. Your show was shit

>>11104850
This, a light meal plus alcohol is the way to go for a dinner date in which you're hoping to have sex afterwards. Once you are together for years though food just becomes a bonding experience and you generally eat things you that make you happy together.

>>11114939
I wish my BF was this interested in me to plan out something like this.

>>11116364
Move down to Texas. You'll get all kinds of surprises

>>11114939
Absolutely patrician.

>>11104878
I saw this in other threads. Is newfag-trolling the new thing or what?

>>11105603
Use langoustines