/ck/ - Food & Cooking

can you give me an example so i k now what the fuck this means

one time my roommate in collage told me to close my eyes and open my mouth for a surprise so i did and then he popped his dick in

Saw my brother buy meat from a door to door salesman.
>Wanna buy this TOTALLY CHEAP BUT INCREDIBLY HIGH QUALITY meat before it spoils?
Bought $300 worth of meat that was worth maybe $100-150.

>>11066861
>collage
I'm guessing you didn't graduate.
Retard.

>>11066904
What kind of meat? Beef? Pork? Horse? Raccoon?

>>11066849
this >>11066904

>>11066953
Beef. All kinds of cuts.

>Be me
>have celiacs
>"I'm really sorry to ask, but do you have anything gluten free on the menu?"
>Waitress says yes, they have gluten free toast
>Cool, don't usually see that at local places
>Eat the toast
>This tastes way too good to be gluten free
>Tfw it's not

>>11066834
Not really a scam but here' goes
>at gas station early morning on way to work
>card is raped so I go inside to pay
>black guy comes walking in whearing trench-coat
>remember to not relax
>walks up to me
>opens his garment
>"hey man, you wanna buy some beef tenderloin? It's PRIME!"
>mfw whole tenderloin tucked into his inner pocket
>"No"
>"Ok, suite yourself!"
Never saw that guy again, sometimes I wonder where he is and if he ever sold that tenderloin.

>>11067115
Was he visibly on drugs

>>11067115
thats a shoplifter

>>11066922
I went to Florida State University

>>11066922
I bet you didn't either, seeing as you are too thick to figure out that was probably auto-correct fucking up.

american cheese

Door to door meat guy got me once for 50$ steaks were shit.

>>11067401
Embarrassing.

>>11067401
You can't take a second to edit? I mean, shit happens, but why are you so speedy to post? Meth?

I was told scopolamine was a super dangerous, powerful "zombie powder" drug that could make you rich if you used it on the right person. Turns out, all it does is make the victim a bit sleepy and that's not worth a trip to Colombia

>>11067770
What sort of dosage were you using and did you have them ingest it or did you inject it?

>>11067861
Supposedly all I was supposed to do was put a bit of it on a business card and hand it to them; everything swears it's so strong that just a tiny bit entering through your skin is enough to have them hallucinating

>>11067401
look at the butthurt on this autist

>>11068008
you were scammed

>>11068037
Yeah man, it's a good thing I paid them in bananas or this could've been expensive

>>11066834
>What are the times you got scammed with food related incidents?
When I bought this shit for $8.

Every time I go to five jews

>>11067401
>autocorrect chooses collage over college
Huh?

>>11067400
because you couldn't get into FIU

Pretty much most times I ask for recipes from people who arent family or guys - they always leave something out which makes the dish end up worse than theirs

bought a gas station sandwich which was cut diagonally in half with the centres showing them to be full of stuff, only to open it and have it be empty bread with like a cm of topping at the ends to make it look normal
was like $2.50 but still, that's a lot for two slices of wonderbread

>>11068789
this

>>11067399
haven't you heard? the government steals for you now.

A gypsy girl once sold me a bag that she claimed contained a piglet, but actually just contained a stray cat.

>>11066834
One time I ordered fries in Amsterdam. I waited a long time and they never came. They claimed not to know about my order. I guess they forgot.

I'm still angry about it today. I would be more assertive about it now, but I was a 19 year old kid then.

>>11069274
As long as you learn from the experience?

>>11069331
Yeah if I get the feeling my order is being slow, I always check up on it now

>>11068908
That's more about protecting trade secrets

>>11066834
I was told that olives are edible so bought a can of this shit.

>visiting Amsterdam with friend
>pizzeria with billboard announcing "all pizzas only 5€" in big letters
>soundsgood.wav
>actually that's only the cheese pizza lol other pizzas are 6.50€ and up
>hungry so order anyways
>service rude and slow as fuck even tho we're the only customers
>pizza meh
>wait 20min for check
>"dude we should just run off"
> glance inside, no sign of staff
>OK
>run for it
>spend rest of the afternoon scared some mobster will come and break our legs
Only time in my life i dined and dashed, those jerks totally deserved it. If i had payed i would probably feel like a cuck to this day

>>11070722
I dine and dashed at applebee's three times as a teenager. Went to classes and realized one of the waitresses was a year older than me and went to my school.

>>11068796
do you not realize how fucktarded auto correct is?

>go to a Brazillian bbq take out
>order a chorizo and rice
>1 sausage and mostly rice
>$7
I enjoyed their sandwiches but fuck there's barely any meat on the damn things. I'd rather stick with my nearby Kansas bbq place instead.

>>11068789
Why the fuck would anyone knowingly go to Five Guys? Fucking brewpub burgers taste better for less then Five Guys and I can get a beer there too for less then the cost of 1 Five Guys cheeseburg.

>>11070833
five guys are delicious what the fuck are you high on?

>>11067085
that's just strange

>>11067401
I can't remember the last time I actually used the word collage, much less on a phone

>>11068789
holy god that's a lot

Anybody ever got sold fake food?

>>11070833
the burgers are great, I'm of the opinion they really jew you on fries and milkshakes. And you gotta get a lot of toppings too. I knew a guy who would get them with just ketchup like a moron

I once paid 12 dollars for 2 stuffed zucchini blossoms. It was tasty but I thought there would be more of them. This was at a mid level Italian joint were for instance spaghetti and meatballs was also 12 dollars which is why I was so irate

>all you can eat*
>*not really

In the UK, this simple vegetarian pizza, with just onions, sweetcorn and mushrooms, is over $31.

>>11070990
I don't believe that is the case outside of london but if it is i'm glad I live in America again

>>11068047
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yModCU1OVHY

>>11067401
Dumb phoneposter

>>11069046
What the fug

>>11069046
Why did you think it's a good idea to buy a bag with a piglet in it from a gypsy

>>11066904
My dad did this once but for steaks only. They were the absolute worst cuts of meat I've ever seen and were tough as leather. The worst part is he is a vegetarian so I had to eat them all over the course of a year or two.

>>11072079
I needed a bag

>>11070873
what do you mean?

>Go to the store to buy butter
>Amish man standing by the butter with a giant block of butter
>Tells me I can take the entire block for whatever I was going to use to buy myself the butter in the freezer
>can't lie, tell him I was going to spent at least 30 on butter
>He tells me for 30 I can take the whole block of butter
>Take the block of butter and he stares at me the entire time as I struggle
>It's really wet and melty so it slips out of my hands and lands on the ground a few times
>Got a lot of hair and fuzz from my jacket all over it
>It's fine though, it's so big I can just swipe it off and still have such a brick of butter left
>End up leaving
>Go to bed after lugging the butter into my bedroom on the floor
>Wake up the next morning and there's no butter anywhere
>Go to the same grocery store and they tell me to get out when I go in
Guarantee the guy who sold me the butter wasn't really amish and that he had some kind of melting butter that would melt without a trace and that he somehow implicated me in his scamming bullshit so I got banned from the store

>>11068789
>fellow MKfag
I wish Smashburger was actually up the town centre instead of at Kingston, I'd rather go there than have 2 branches of Five Guys a few minutes walk apart.

one time I paid $16 for some fra gras plate.

>>11070635
Then just say it's "proprietary" instead of making them waste their time only to have to have to have your shit sent out to a lab just to spite you when you cross them with your fake recipe.

I should really start a class on how not to be a stupid stingy self-destructive Jew.

>>11070643
what's the scam?

>>11070990
>sweetcorn on pizza

You are disgusting and I hope bad things happen to you

I was drunk as fuck in Vietnam and this banh mi lady did a swap with the currency. I gave her a 500,000 dong note because I was buying four banh mi. She then did the switcheroo with a 20,000 note which is nearly the same color and then demanded I pay for the rest of the banh mi

>>11066834
Butter choco chips cookie in nicely embossed tin of Disney characters made by a branded food company. Sales guy tells you is a limited editions, kids makes noises. So whipped out the wallet and get a whole set of 4 tins.
6 months down the road in super-mart, lo and behold, same friggin cookies in same friggin tins but only a third of the price!

>>11067115
I laughed out loud reading this, desu

>>11074346
What the actual duck are you saying? This never happened, right?

>>11074346
I'm confused. You just took a big block of unwrapped butter from some stranger in the store, then it disappeared?

>>11074984
>>11074997
It wasnt amish butter it was gypsy butter.

>>11070875
>I'm of the opinion they really jew you on fries
Is one bag full of fries not enough for you? I'm sure they'd give you a second one if you asked.

>>11066834
Wasabi containing 1% wasabi, the rest being horse radish and green dye

>>11067085
Tell them you have celiacs
If you ask for "something gluten free", people will think you are just a fag on fad diet and won't give a fuck

>>11074346
>tfw fell for the Amish disappearing butter scam yet again

>>11074627
>putting can of vomit pills in food section

>>11072935
I once bought some kebab sandwiches from a street vendor in NYC, which gave me the shits for two days to the point I feel like I was shitting out of my toes.
Went to the doctor and she told me I ate some sort of plant and chemical preservative. It wasn't real meat.

>>11066834
I bought a tuna and sweetcorn pitta sandwich in a paki shop before. The very edge of the pitta had tuna and sweetcorn but once you got past it the entirety of both pittas was just filled with raw cabbage. I would have gone back and thrown it in the cunts face if I could be bothered
>>11068017
That was the only Gameboy game my retarded brother ever bought

>>11074346
what the fuck am i reading

>>11066834
motherfuckers at the pizza place forgot my carbonara