/ck/ - Food & Cooking

cant fuck up ramen

or spaghetti, just get some texas toast on the side in the microwave oven and it easy as fuck

chicken salad sandwiches are easy as fuck to make too

Ice cubes

salmon is easy to make

make it with ramen or rice as they are also easy to make

>>10674551
My salmon will taste as boring as my rice. What the heck, bro.
>>10674535
Ramen? ow can I impress her with ramen? Here girl, eat your damn noodles and the stuff that I threw in.

>>10674563
you just said that you were inept at cooking so i gave you something you couldnt possibly fuck up

>>10674443
Tube steaks with mustard.

Grilled cheese and tomato soup

>>10674443
She seemed impressed when I fed her my cock.

>>10674443
creampie supprise

Boxed Mac and cheese? Follow the directions because I wouldn’t trust you with a ham sandwich.

If you're a weeb make tonkatsu
Pretty easy
https://www.japanesecooking101.com/tonkatsu-deep-fried-pork-recipe/
Just don't use pork tenderloin though. I think pork ribeye is much better and is usually only 10-40cents more than the tenderloin chops of similar size. the only extra work is cutting the bone out which takes a few seconds

Lasagna is very easy to make and impressive, but it takes a long time to make. You could, however, make a pan the night before and put it in the oven an hour before you expect her to come over.

Oven ready lasagna noodles are your best friend. They taste better than regular noodles with none of the prep, although you'll have to be mindful of the salt in everything else to make up for the lack of seasoning in the noodles.

As long as you don't use premade sauce and follow the damn recipe you'll be golden.

>>10674655
>pay more for a tougher cut of meat that you gotta remove from the bone
also where do you live that pork chops costs more than pork tenderloin?

>>10674636
Never cum in asian women. They get pregnant instantly and I have to punch them

>>10674563
>My salmon will taste as boring as my rice
put salt, pepper, soy sauce, honey on it
fry it in a pan or bake it in the oven
put your rice in a rice cooker with the appropriate amount of water and a chicken stock cube
easy

>>10676445
Voila, you have the most bland tasting food there is.

>>10676463
Why would that be bland? Do you buy your ingredients at Wal-Mart?

>>10674443
shouldn't your gf be impressing you with her cooking skills? A real man impresses her in other ways.

>>10674443
try again, but with more salt and butter

>>10674443
>get a bunch of chicken thighs
>sprinkle on salt, pepper and paprika
>chop red potatoes, an onion and a carrot into big pieces
>cover it in olive oil, salt, pepper and rosemary
>arrange it all on baking sheet covered with tin foil
>put it in a 375 F oven for a half hour
>serve
>get laid
Backing sheet recipes are damn near idiot proof. Just put a bunch of shit on a pan with spices and oil, stick it in and pull it out when it's fully cooked.

>>10676484
too many censoredwords in here

>>10674443
How is it even possible to fuck up a recipe? I can get being bad at just free form picking and preparing foods since you need to know stuff like flavor profiles, herbs and spices, food pairings, portions, but recipes are braindead.

>>10674443
E-z tier
Beef stew
300g shin/shank of beef
A few pieces of smoked lard/bacon (optional)
2 large onion
2 large carrots
1 leek
4 sticks of celery
4 cloves garlic
bay leaf, thyme, rosemary inside a bouquet garni (the green part of a leek tied with string)
1 large glass of red wine or dark beer
Veal/beef/rich veg stock

Peel and dice the carrot
Wash and slice the leek
Finely dice the onion
Peel the edges of the celery and slice
Chop the beef into cubes
Render the fat from the lard/bacon, then rapidly brown the beef in a large cast iron pot (you may need to do this in batches)
Strain this meat, and cook the veggies in it on a medium heat (a little colouration is desirable) until the carrot is giving
Add the minced garlic and cook for another minute before adding the wine or beer and scraping the pot to deglaze the browned bits
Return the meat, add the bouquet garni, and cover with stock
Cook this covered in an oven on low till the meat is almost tender, then uncover and reduce slowly on the stovetop

Serve with pressed potatoes or rice

Seeing as you want to impress, garnish with finely chopped chives, or better yet a chive flower

>>10674443
Medium ez
Salmon with creme and pasta
This shit is really really simple, but done right will get you laid quicker than you can say 'bon appetit'
300g wild salmon filet (get the best, freshest stuff you can find, the neck side is ideal for this dish)
250ml single cream
3 cloves garlic, minced
2 large sprigs lemon thyme
a healthy pinch of saffron
150g papardelle pasta (make this yourself!)

Simmer the cream with the saffron, lemon thyme, and garlic for half an hour, or until the flavours have happily infused, then strain it
Add the salmon to the creme, let it cook out on low (15 mins), then cook the pasta

Plating is as simple as breaking up the salmon somewhat, and topping the pasta with the sauce. Coconut shavings, lemon confit, and dill are terrific garnishes but done right the dish as it is will kick ass

>>10674443
Steak (pan ) +Fries (frying machines)+ decoration , you can panOr make into the oven , some vegetables or sliced mushrooms. look neat is easy taste great.

everyone here will bash buy steak is the easiest to do
throw in some roasted veggies and maybe some mashed potatoes and voila

so for the steak : room temp rub (actually massage it ) with salt pepper put it in a hot pan with oil a minute or so both sides then pour some butter on the fckers an lower the temp( if you have electrical remove the pan altogether and put it back on at aminute later)
now leave the steaks cook until desired texture? usually 2-3min extra

then remove the steaks let them rest throw in some carrots peppers asparagus idk whatever veggie you have on tge pan with the butter at high temp again until roasted ( dont forget to throw in some salt and pepper right before taking them out)

as for the mashed potatoes boil water put skinned potatoes let it boil as you forget about it ... when mushy drain excess water put salt pepper on top of them and mash them with some butter and milk

pair it with some red wine and easy pz lemon squeezy

last advice it is better to go easy on salt and put some salt on while eating than to have some salty shit

>>10674443
How do i acquire this

>>10674443
>impress my gf with?
Salad. Use several different kinds of lettuce (not iceberg). Shave some decent cheese on top. Smoked salmon is a nice addition. A few drained and rinsed capers. Bonus points if you chop a clove of garlic in half and rub the salad bowl(s) with it. Dressing on the side. Serve with decent French bread. You really cannot go wrong with salad.

>>10677216
saving this one...

>>10677961
that cringe compilation is going to be epic

>>10674443
She looks very similar to a girl I knocked up named Tiffany

>>10674443
Not being able to cook is a bullshit excuse unless you're physically or mentally disabled preventing you from following a recipe. Just find some fancy recipe online and practice it over and over again.

Make sure you have ALL the right ingredients and equipment, scales etc for the right amounts and follow it exactly. Instead of trying to make a bunch of easy dishes just learn one or two medium-hard dishes that will actually impress her and other people in the future when she leaves you for your retardation.

>>10674443
Inject yourself with MSG tastelet.

>>10677961
thx bb
I got plenty

>>10674689
>Lasagna is very easy to make and impressive, but it takes a long time to make. You could, however, make a pan the night before and put it in the oven an hour before you expect her to come over.
If you do make lasagna, this is the best way to do it.
It's a casserole, so letting it sit for a day in the fridge after cooking it, then reheating it the following day makes it taste better.