/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>10605709
what the heck man whyd you post that

>>10605709
Is this a cultural thing or do they just hate the lil sand nigger

>>10605721
I think hispanic

>>10605709
The person with the first egg cracks it on the chair first lol.

>>10605709
Jesus christ, Mexican cartels are fucking brutal.

>>10605709
I saw people on youtube making bread by creating a volcano shape out of the flour and pouring the yeast water into the middle where they then proceed to mix it into beautiful dough.
I tried to copy this strategy and i successfully poured the water in the center, but when I went to mix the flour into it the wall got weak and the water broke free. The floury, yeasty water went fucking everywhere. The floor, the sink, all over the island. It was a fucking nightmarish scramble to save as much water and shit as I could, but the flour wouldnt mix in fast enough and the mess kept spreading for like 5 minutes. Thankfully none of my roommates saw the ordeal.

>>10605709

What in the hell is going on here? No way that kid did anything worthy of that.

>>10605709

>>10605709
poor kid never saw it coming

Someone post story on this i dont even know what to google

>>10605709
> he still tries to eat the cake after getting shittons of eggs poured on him before they grab it and throw it at him as well

>>10605709
This kid is gonna be scarred for life

>also, you're adopted lol
Happy birthday, Brandon, you little bitch

>>10605709
they hate that lil bastard

that kid probably did something to piss off el chapo

>>10605709
PUNK'D

I was making a seasonal dish from my country called pettole (pretty much fried dough), when an air bubble formed in the dough and exploded, making a wave of frying oil wash over my hand.
It hurt so much, it was the only time in my life I actually turned to God. I was going mad with pain to a degree where I was ready to dedicate my life to a deity if it meant that the atrocious agony would go away.

I remember briefly pondering if hacking my hand off would have been a viable option.
I didn't even feel fear. The scariest thing was how cold I felt, how the overwhelming pain made something as insane as amputating a limb feel reasonable.

Fortunately it subsided after a week or so.
One month later it was the coolest thing ever, the way my hand pretty much shed a glove-shaped version of itself with tender and plastic-looking skin underneath.

>>10605709
>What's the biggest mess you've made when cooking?
This kid is way too tiny and young to understand that level of playing...poor guy.

>>10605756
>I saw people on youtube making bread by creating a volcano shape out of the flour and pouring the yeast water into the middle where they then proceed to mix it into beautiful dough.
>I tried to copy this strategy and i successfully poured the water in the center, but when I went to mix the flour into it the wall got weak and the water broke free. The floury, yeasty water went fucking everywhere. The floor, the sink, all over the island. It was a fucking night
Stir in circular motions with one finger, or a spoon, bringing in a little bit of the wall in slightly larger circles each time you go round, go slowly and you can catch a dam break if needed with your second hand.

>>10605709
What the fuck, man.

>>10605709

>>10605709
what the fuck

>>10605709
This is why they grow up and kill each other lol

>>10605709

>>10605721
>>10605807
>>10605833
They call it "yolking." They trick the kid into thinking he's going to be having a birthday party, and then right when he's about to cut the cake they smash two dozen eggs over his head.

>>10605709
HowToBasic: Birthday Parties

>>10605727
lmfao

>>10606336
;_;

>>10606318
i forgot about this meme

>>10605709
>got drunk
>forgot soup I put on
>wake up the next morning
>pan was covered in black shit and otherwise empty
>black shit and bits of dried up soup were covering the stove
Took a long time to clean all that shit up. Especially cleaning to coils because my stove is electric.

>first time making roux
>can't get the consistency right, keep fucking up
>continues until I can't add anymore to my pan
>end up throwing it away and starting all over
>this happened twice

Didn't make a mess per se but it is amusing.
>put water on to boil
>completely forget about it
>family member asks me why I have an empty pan on the stove with the fire on
>mfw I realize all the water boiled away
>to this day we joke about how I'm the only one to burn water
Which is more amusing when I'm the better cook in the family.

>>10606035
I did similar once upon a time. Got distracted and slapped some meat down in the pan towards me. Right arm was mostly unscathed with a couple burns on my hands, left arm had me rocking an ace bandage to work for the next week or so.

>>10606336
>eating meat is wrong!
>look at the beauty of nature
>you'll know it to be true!

>>10605709

>>10605709
What the fuck

>>10605709

>>10605709
What the fuck

>>10605709
What the fuck
Fucking niggers

Glass blender exploded from temperature shock or something while I was in the middle of blending some salsa. No surface in the surrounding area was untouched by salsa or glass chunks.

>>10605709

>>10605709
>had really bad hangover
>try to make an omelette
>take a bag of peas out of freezer
>start chiseling frozen peas into omelette with knife
>stab through the bad of frozen peas and straight through my hand
>blood everywhere
>spend an hour in the bathroom bandaging my hand
>forgot about omelette
>smoke everywhere

>>10606306

>>10606962
>try to make an omelette
>take a bag of peas out of freezer

>>10606967
i like peas in my omelettes

>>10606969
wierdo

>>10606982

its not normal and feel bad

>>10606053
Yeah, since then I've learned to just gradually add water to a table top covered in flour. It works but it ain't pretty lol

>>10606969
never heard of that before, might be good though. i like brussels sprouts in mine.

>>10606964
>it's real

>>10606990
i usually do peas, bacon and sun dried tomatoes. its like carbonara but in omelette form

>>10605709

>>10605709
This shit is why some children grow up and shoot their parents

>>10605709
If this is how mexican's are raised no wonder they become psychopathic human butchers.

>>10605709
poor kid cant even understand what is happening. fucking animals...

>2 years ago
>Decide to make some chicken stew in a slow cooker
>Watch a documentary on North Korea while waiting
>Hunger becomes overwhelming because I'm drunk
>Decide to lift the ceramic pot out and cook it on the stove
>All is going well for about 20 mins
>Suddenly, the bottom sides crack and stew pours out
>Fucking hell
>Manage to clean it up and salvage some chicken and vegetables that don't have ceramic shards in them
>Eat my shitty meal while glad that I'm at least not a North Korean citizen
>That burner on my stove still doesn't work

>>10605709
im mexican and this disgusts me

>>10606962
I did something like that once. I was mixing up some spices for a rub and there were chunks of rock hard brown sugar in it. Was mixing in a plastic bowl and the closest utensil to break up the rocks of sugar was a knife. Sugar was harder than expected, plastic bowl was much much thinner than expected. Knife went through the bowl and sliced my finger open. Thankful the sugar was on the side of the bowl, if it was in the center the knife would've went right through the center of my hand because of the way I was holding the bowl.

>>10605709
they just fucking keep going

>>10605709
At 18 seconds you can actually see the moment their soul permanently breaks.

>>10607314
>mixing up some spices for a rub

Story time
>Eons ago, working for Bennigan's as prep cuck
>We mixed our own fry salt. Equal parts salt, pepper, garlic powder
>It ain't complicated
>Mix it in large bucket
>5 pounds of each ingredient, cover and Shake to mix
>Slowly shaking the bucket, Waitron walks by.
>Bumps me, I drop bucket
>Fucking thing explodes, shooting 15 pounds of fry salt all over, most into ice machine.
>Burn all the ice, scrub the machine FML.mp4
>Three months later, all the ice still smelled of garlic

That was a bad day.

>>10605709
what the fuck man

>>10605709
The child just shut down. No resistance, no screaming, just completely shut down. It's really too bad this appears to be in a third world country where there probably isn't a CPS to come intervene.

>>10605709

>>10606962
I cut an avocado right into my finger when I was hunger as fuck trying to make a salad. Drunk/hunger and using knives is a mistake.

>>10607127
>ruining food while watching others starve
You were right to still eat it.

>would you like to donate a dollar for food for third world children?
No thanks.

>>10608084
>hunger as fuck trying to make a salad. Drunk/hunger
Er, meant hungover.

>>10605709
>his joie de vivre and enthusiasm: gone

>>10605709
I'm Asian. The teenagers and people in early 20s celebrate their birthdays like this over here.
Basically, friends buy you 2 cakes, one for plastering over your face, and the other one actually eating.
A few months ago, it was my friend's birthday, a bucket of soap water was poured in him, then a couple of packets of yoghurt on his head. Then a carton of eggs broken on his head, face plastered with cake, someone poured vegetable oil on him, and finally he was beaten and kicked to high heavens
Coincidentally its my birthday tomorrow. Gotta get ready for the ass whooping

>>10608231
Don't forget to lube up your boy pussy you frogposting faggot

>>10605709
And here is how you bake a le 56% white supremacist.

>>10608231
This is what happens in the country of Asia, is it?

>>10608268
They all look the same so it might as well be all one country

>>10605709
the fuck is going on?

>>10608268
I'm from Vietnam

>>10608282
They're whaling on the runt of the family. Every community needs a scapegoat to look down on. It's how people feel good about themselves.

>>10605709

Its a toss-up between braising three whole pig heads overnight and setting the burners too high and making ginger beer with lock top lid glass bottles.

It was my day off when i got a call from chef telling me that he got a call from the vietnamese nail salon woman next door saying that our restaurant “smelled like burning”. Pig heads were fucking FUCKED, all liquid that we usually strain and reduce to a sort of demi was scorched and acrid. Our tiny 26 seat restaurant smelled turrible.

Another time, we made some ginger beer. Long story short, our lock top bottles werent left with enough empty space to properly ferment and build carbonation, and when our chef/owner was there one night late af cleaning he hears a gunshot. But its not a gunshot, its sticky ginger beer and glass fucking covering everything in a 15 foot radius. But then he makes a dire realization: there is a second corked bottle made on the same date with the same ginger beer in the same container. He grabs it and runs to the dish pit and tosses it in there and it also explodes.

Lol fuck.

>>10605709
>kid starts quietly sobbing
>brown arm reaches in and wipes the remainder of the cake off the plate before smearing it into his face for a good five seconds
That's what you get for being born, you little shit.

>>10605709
He still tries to cut the cake after all that but they just keep going. Why would anyone do this to a child?

>>10606318

>>10606318

>>10608343
They're men. It's all men understand. Pain, both the inflicting and receipt of. There are no women in that video because they have this little thing called empathy.

>>10608389
>empathy
It's also secreted by the vagina

>>10608389

Im drunk and im a man and was gonna say that youre shitty but idk.. How many female rulers/leaders/important people have there been?

Empathy isnt a female trait like how loyalty is a male trait.

>>10606318

wow niggers are ruthless

>>10608404
Yeah, I'm not sure what you're getting at. Obviously people more willing to inflict pain and push other people down are more likely to successfully sit themselves in positions of power.

>>10608404
There have been lots of Queens over the centuries and a somewhat recent study actually shows that they started more wars than the Kings, on average.
Also noteworthy how so many people here clearly empathise with the child. I wonder if that other idiot thinks they're all women.

>>10608231
Fuck you he's not a fucking kid nor a baby

>>10608286
What backwards ass fucking village are you from? I've visited my village I'm from multiple times even when it's someone's birthday and that shit never happens.

Holy shit, the place you're from is full of hicks.

>Work in a shitty snack stand at a pool club: burgers, quesadillas, slushies, fries, mozarella sticks, candy, ice cream, that kind of thing.
>Last day of the season
>Stand owner says he'll give us a bonus is the place is spotless that night
>Get whole place looking fresh except the fryer, saving it for last to let the oil cool down since we normally do it in the morning
>Open up fryer valve to drain into the 5-gallon Home Depot bucket we usually use
>"Man I hope this works out".
>It doesn't
>Bottom corner of the bucket melts through and fails
>Four gallons of used fry oil coats the entire floor
>Me and retarded buddy spend three hours struggling to clean this absolutely fucked mess
>employees at the club have to kick us out so they can lock up
>didn't get the bonus

>Making mac and cheese with GF
>Have to get cheese at Trader Joe's because reasons
>They don't have normal American cheese, try out this weird "yogurt cheese" whose packaging assures me that "It Melts!"
>Cooking in dinky 2-room apartment galley ktichen with little counterspace
>Make big pan of veggies to mix in with the mac and cheese because we like that
>GF working on the same counterspace starts showing me that the "cheese" in the macaroni is an absolute disaster: greasy, seizing, clumping together, tastes awful
>reach over to try and help
>lose grip on the veggie pan
>falls to the floor, mixed vegetables fly everywhere
>also broke the dog's food bowl
>order pizza instead

>>10605727
haa

>buy natural peanut butter
>waifu trying to mix it to make her sandwich before work
>gives up on mixing with puny woman arms and gets the electric hand mixer
>everything going as normal until a paper towel roll falls from the counter
>GF instinctively grabs for it and lets go of the peanut butter jar
>peanut butter catches on the mixer and the whole jar begins spinning at incredibly high speed
>splatters all over the kitchen, the GF's work clothes, into the bathroom, EVERYWHERE.
>Spend twenty minutes trying to simultaneously comfort her and wipe up as much of the mess as I could
>smell like peanut butter for the rest of the day

I made her a peanut butter jar lid with a hole in it for the mixer now so this never happens again.

>>10606318
I was gonna post some laughing anime reaction image, but honestly that's a really cruel thing to do to your child.

>>10605709
This was one of those things that was funny to begin with and then just got... super depressing. The worst part is, I'll bet his parents said something like "it's just a prank bro" after.

>>10606035
Had that happen making dried chicken once. Air bubble in the skin popped, got 325° oil all over my arm.

Healed up with a sweet lightning bolt shaped scar.

>>10608896
Yer a line cook, harry

>>10606318
You think it's funny to make a little kid cry over a few broken eggs on his birthday? I HAVE A LITTLE GIRL AT HOME YOU SICK FUCK!

>>10608415
>no sources

>>10605709
lol, we did this to a friend once, but he was 16 and it wasn't so brutal

>>10609081
Not that guy but just look it up, faggot.

>>10608923
kek

>>10608389
Women aren't very empathetic. They just fear retaliation and pain more than men. They happily murder children(can't defend themselves) at a much higher rate than men and they often coax people into suicide.

No idea why people have misconstrued womens cowardice for empathy but I suspect it's a womans doing.

>>10605709
I'm guessing this was not in the US.

>>10605709
I mean, my family would push my face into the cake a few times but idk what the fuck all that egg shit is.

>>10606318
good meme

>>10606964

>>10606964

>>10607135
Jesus fuck, I'd rather be the kid in OP.

>>10609081
http://odube.net/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Queens_Oct2015.pdf
Now don't ask to be spoonfeed again, you fucking reddit cuck.