/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>10301937
I bought a package of chicken breasts and decided to brine it by the liquid in the package in my water+salt solution. After 2 days of sitting in the fridge, I decided to boil the chicken breasts because I wanted to make chicken salad. I'll never forget the smell.

>Most technically flawed
Didn't wash my pots thoroughly enough, food tasted like cleaning chemicals
>Unhealthiest
I went to a byo deep-fried birthday party and probably consumed about 5k calories worth of deep fried shit throughout the day. Literally everyone who went to the party puked from overeating. Fun day.
>Ugliest
I make a good picadillo that looks like dog food
>Least effort
The classic microwaved tortilla with cheese

>>10301988
>byo deep-fried birthday party
that sounds fuckin great

>>10301937
Collared greens with vinegar, boiled
Gnocchi undercooked and mushy inside

I saw that eggslut video and I thought the green onion looked like wakame salad. I love wakame salad. So I thought if I replaced the spam with crispy tofu and the green onion with wakame salad I would have invented something new and delicious.

It was not.

>>10301937
who else would bang Kay?

>>10301937

The first time I tried to make fried chicken. Used shitty oil, didn't season the dry mix right, used no wet mix, didn't heat the oil enough, and didn't brine the chicken. It was a soggy, oily mess and the breading wouldn't even stick. I could only get through one breast before calling it quits. My stepbrother smashed the whole thing, though. I think he was high as a kite.

>>10302001
The birthday boy was a CIA New York graduate who worked at a diner and he said that he would cook any food that we brought since we were all poor wagies and he couldn't afford to feed us but the gesture of him cooking was great.
I'm pretty sure I was sweating oil by the end of the day

blueberry omelette

someone told me that the omelette was the "garbage can" of breakfast foods and you could put anything in your fridge in it and it will still turn out good

I thought fruit would work

I still think they're kind of right as long as it's something savoury

>>10302109
>>10302101
Although I've drizzled maple syrup on a plain omelette before and it was actually alright

this pizza I made before cooking became a real hobby and I got good

>>10302101
Some people put fruit jelly on their eggs. I like it on egg sandwiches with cheese and mayo. Not sure about actual fruit though.

>>10302125
The Maillard reaction probably makes cooked fruits more palatable with savory foods than when they're fresh.

>>10302157
duck and orange is a classic combination, sweet and savory has been a beautiful pair since the dawn of food culture
caramelized plantains with arroz con pollo? absolutely

once i was really manic and depressed, and after staying up over 24 hours i tried making tuna bake without a recipe, was really disgusting and had a small bit then threw it out

>>10302198
>24 hours is a long enough time to impair your abilities after an episode

>>10302179
Orange has a pronounced tart flavour though.

>>10301937
Okonomyaki was a fail the first time, I gave up when it turned out like monjayaki. Fine tuning and it will be perfect next time.

does it count if it tasted awesome?

>>10302227
True, but mandarins are way more sweet than tart. Grapefruit takes the tart cake I think

Off brand macaroni and cheese boxes. Tasted so fucking awful.

>>10301937
made up some cheeseburgers with expired hamburger and slightly moldy cheese and bread. Tasted like shit, but I still plowed through three of them. Vommed hard like ten minutes later.

>>10301937
is it ok for dogs to eat absolute shit on a plate?

In college, I figured that the concept of activating THC in weed through would work the same in anything like making brownies.

So I tried to make "weed eggs." I just ended up with green, watery, marijuana tasting scrambled eggs, that I choked down.... and of course didn't get high.

>>10301988
>>Least effort
>The classic microwaved tortilla with cheese
I see you and raise you a hamburger bun with tabasco sauce on it, or hamburger bun with two slices of cheddar cheese

i tried to make risotto once, the rice was hard and there weren't much broth left so it was dry.

>>10301937
Barley and canned crab meat with some other shit in it, can't remember.
I just remember that I didn't even manage to eat a full bite before I almost puked.

>>10302343
Scratch the microwaved tortilla, I’ve eaten ketchup and mustard sandwiches

yogurt

Tarragon lemon chicken

Never had tarragon before. Didn't follow recipe quantities, just looked over ingredients. Dumped a shitload of tarragon in. So very herby.

About 20 years ago, when I was about 10, I tried making fried chicken. Except I was out of flour for the breading, so I used pure cane sugar.

You can guess how it turned out.

>>10302618
>caramel chicken

hmm..

>>10302118
To be fair I'd still eat the shit out of that.

>>10301937
I've cooked some dumb shit in my time, but the standout has to be deep fried bok choy. I tried to make it work, wasn't happening.

But then again I did learn not to fry vegetables with a high water content, so lesson learned. P.S. do not deep fry bok choy.

>>10301937
Kay is comfy and I think you know that, anon.

>>10302618
Blacker than your dad's morning coffee?

>>10302101
For some reason my brain kept replacing "omelette" with "pancake" and I kept wondering why this wouldn't have worked.

I once made a chocolate bechamel sauce, then poured it over pasta and ate half of it before I started feeling queasy and realized what a retarded experiment I had just performed.

>>10301937
supermarket sausages

Don't remember eating it because I was on an Ambien sleepwalk, but I evidently dumped a can of yams into some sourdough starter I had going, and then microwaved the fuck out of it. Found the remains and one upset stomach the next morning.

>>10301937
I tried to make Turkish delights the other day.
Didn't mix the water and corn starch proprely so lots of lumps of cornstarch formed.
I mean they taste like Turkish delights, they're just unfit for consumption

>>10302099
Fucking CIA niggers.

I made an Avocado risotto once and it was the moment I realized hot Avocado is fucking disgusting

>>10302007
How do you fuck up gnocchi? Boil for 2 minutes, when they float they're likely done. Uniformity helps too.

>>10302042
That sounds disgusting. Seaweed is fine, seaweed salad is fucking grotesque.

>>10302836
Giada has a chocolate pasta recipe. Dumb big headed whore.

>>10301937
Yall don't know bout my Beefy Mushroom Mac.
Brown ground beef, preferably 93%. Add canned mushrooms, drained, as well as hunt's manwich sloppy joe sauce and your choice of seasoning (mine tend to include copious black pepper and sriracha).
Meanwhile, prep one to two boxes of kraft mac and cheese. If all goes well, your meat mixture will be ready by the time the noodles are cooked. Mix cheese packet in with meat mixture and stir until fully combined. Enjoy!

>>10301937
When I was a kid I would make "quesadillas" by sticking a tortilla in the microwave with mozzarella inside of it. I also would make a snack by splitting a hot dog in half lengthwise (but not all the way through) and stuffing the gash with bits of American cheese, and then microwaving that.

>>10301937
Beefaroni in a dinner roll doused in ranch
I only ate it because I was starving in basic
Didn't cook it myself unfortunately but I put it together.

Haven't eaten anything worse because I can't stomach anything that tastes bad without being starved.

>>10302915
Ahahaha ambien is fucking mystical, it’s great

My friend and I got bored one day and decided we'd be chefs and make some wild shit.
Our starter was hot dog salad: ballpark dogs (boiled to shit), iceberg lettuce unwashed, cucumbers, carrots, and a playful ketchup and ranch dressing.
The main course was a bed of top ramen topped with microwaved canned chili. (For the record, doing this with ramen noodles and homemade chili is actually really fucking good).
For dessert, we broke out the blender and mixed up some vanilla ice cream and mountain dew. The result was a foamy shake that tasted like vanilla with ass smeared into it. The shake was the worst part by quite a bit.

>>10303532
They did float, amount of potato was to high. Anything with flour is pretty easy to fuck up when learning.

I tried to fry partially thawed biscuit dough is way to cold oil that i had used to fry catfish in the day before. It was soaked in grease and tasted like a sandy ash tray mixed with jet exhaust.

>>10302915
That's kinda terrifying

In college I was making kielbasa and kraut and it reminds me of the fall. My roommate was a big coffee guy and had flavors. I thought it might give it an even more fallish accent if I were to add some of the "autumn spice" flavor sauce to the pot. The end result was horrific. In my defense, I was balls deep in a bottle of cheap whiskey.

>>10305558
In certain people, Ambien basically blacks you the hell out and you do some wacky shit. No longer take it after I woke up in the car with it running.

>>10301937
worst for me, a frozen pizza with pizza bagles and pizza rolls on top.

>>10305588
When I was a kid I would always take some of the hotdogs/sausages that my mom would buy and microwave the FUCK out of them until they were super crispy (i.e. burnt). Don't know what my little dumbass was thinking, but when I was maybe around 10 or 11, I did the same thing but chopped them up and added them to a salad and slathered the entire thing in Ranch dressing.

How I'm not a huge fatass now I'll never know

>>10301937
frog legs

tasted like chicken wings that had been sitting on the bottom of a lake

>>10301945
What ? Why would you boil it for chicken salad ?

>>10301937
The classic "nachos" aka dumping a shitload of pre-shredded "Mexican" cheese on a bunch of tortilla chips and blasting them in the microwave. The cheese would never melt properly and they ended up just being a sticky semi-plastic mess, but being a lazy crossfaded 19-year old, food was food at 3:30 am.

>>10305555
But it worked out in the long run because it helped you get quads

>>10305777
DUDE

>>10305555
jet exhaust is just water

I don't know what the world thing was, but the bet thing I've everead eaten that I made was stockpot soup.

Recipe:
•Bring 1l of water to the boil
•add 15 knorr chicken stock pots
•throw in a carrot sliced lengthways, a whole onion and sone garlic skin
•boil for 15 minutes
•enjoy your delicious soups

>>10305578
>No longer take it after I woke up in the car with it running.
Damn Anon, I hope you weren't garaged at the time cause that's some borderline carbon monoxide poisoning right there.

I've been pretty lucky in the kitchen but one time I thought it would be a good idea to make ramen, drain it, and toss it with marinara sauce. The taste and texture of the noodles was so off that it was really inedible.

one time when i was high i wanted spaghetti and meatballs so i opened three cans of spaghettios with meatballs and took out the meatballs and threw the spaghettios away and then i boiled some ramen but threw the spicy packet away and then i mixed them together with ketchup and oregano

at my darkest days, i used to make spaghetti with butter and chocolate syrup.

barely ate any of it, and just let it rot on the stove for a few days.

I once spilled apple cider vinegar into my crockpot with chicken, but ate it anyway. If there was a way to save It, I didn't know it. It was pretty much vomit flavored.

>>10301937
Hard to tell which Kay video that is from the title alone.

pasta with curry sauce

>sprinkle shredded cheese on a plate
>microwave until melted, then hard
>eat like a cracker

Not bad not gonna lie. I would also microwave string cheese sticks and eat the goopy mess with a fork.

Ethnic swede here

So lutefisk naturally

>>10301937
Got high in Amsterdam, went to the store to buy gnocchi and cream and mushrooms. Combination of another language and being high caused me to get tiny potatoes and sour cream (and yeah mushrooms). I thought the gnocchi was taking too long to cook so I took one out and hat was when I realised it was potato. Tasted the "cream" and found I had got sour cream. Went ahead with it anyway and yeah probably couldn't have stomached it sober.

Last year i couldn't afford groceries so i took a can of diced tomatoes and spiced it up to make a soup. It was pretty bad but edible.

Mixed veggies, yogurt, and spices. I didn't have the right spices so I improvised. Never again.

>>10301937
when i was first learning i made a bacon grilled cheese but thought it would be a good idea to cook/toast the bread in the bacon fat. basically the bread soaked up all the fat and was wet with bacon grease I took one bite and almost threw up

>>10307885
>potatoes with sour cream and mushrooms
>this is supposed to be bad
how

Pizza on toast

https://youtu.be/cgL0n3fDmWM

>>10301937
Probably cheese on bread in microwave. It's edible though and works when I'm feeling lazy af.

>>10301937
Mars bar on toast done in the microwave.

I do not recommend this, don't even fuckin' think about trying it.

>>10308084
I can recomen:
Toast
Strawberry jam
Mashed banana
Salt & Viniger crisps
Toast

I lived on this shit as a kid.

>>10306308
>15 knorr chicken stock pots for 1L of water

>>10301937
microwaved chicken nuggets

>>10302099
What a terrible idea.

Tried to make gnocchi from instant mash potatoes powder. It was a glibbery, yucky mess. Was quite hungry and I ate half of it before dumping the rest.

a tuna melt made with dry italian wallmart bread and spagetti sauce. It tasted sour and something like citrus and gave me diarrhea

When I first started making curry at about 16.

I found that we didn't have any coconut cream, but my ingenious teenage brain remebered that some people put yogurt in curry. So I replaced the coconut cream with strawberry yogurt. It was bad

>>10308162
>having a potluck with your friends with expertly prepared fried snacks is a terrible idea
You’re either a spiteful roastie, a health conscious faggot, or a pretentious twat

>>10302101
I pray to god this isn't real.

Tried making a glaze for salmon. Put soy sauce, honey, lime, and cilantro in a sauce pot and boiled it. Tasted like hot, burnt soy sauce that stung your mouth.

>>10308872
>Tasted like hot, burnt soy sauce that stung your mouth.
...did you let it cool down before tasting it?

>>10303547

>>10309644
She's old and looks like a dude. Dem pancake titties.

>>10301988
I eat tortillas raw all the time.

>>10301937
>Most technically flawed
Gnocchi
>Unhealthiest
steak, eggs, bacon, potato has with peppers and onions. cooked in butter, olive oil, and bacon fat.
>Ugliest
pav bhaji
>Least effort
crushing up ramen noodles pouring water on them and microwaving it.

>>10301937
First time I made chili I didn't let it simmer enough by a huge margin and it turned out to be a semi-spicy meat soup.

>>10309187
No I ate it right out of the pot. Why would I cool it down?

>>10303439
hey Terry

>>10305073
did you suck off each other after that?

I once made egg fried rice and forgot you had to boil the rice first.

Bread with ketchup.

>>10301937
>be kid
>watching scooby doo on TV
>see shaggy and scooby making this fucking massive sandwich that stacks all kinds of meats, cheeses, sauces and veggies
>looks fucking delicious
>go to kitchen with sister
>we start making this monstrosity of a sandwich out of whatever the hell's in the fridge
>every few slices was a different condiment
>put final piece of bread on top
>no idea how to eat this stupid thing
>wind up having to dig into it with forks
>it tastes fucking terrible
>mess of sauces spilling all over the place
>throw it out
>get in trouble for wasting all the food

>>10310974
>and I would've gotten away with it...

Spaghetti, tomato concentrate, gouda cheese. I was poor af

>>10308107
That's only to start. We'll maybe add in a few more at the end.

>>10309872
that's the same as just eating plain bread though, the microwave gives it some semblance of cooking. unless you make the tortillas yourself then it's not the same

>>10305073
next time blend vanilla ice cream with vernors on low so it's chunky
literally no shake or malt beats a boston cooler

I just fucked up my first try at pad Thai. Soaked the noodles for too long, they turned into a gloopy mess in the pan. Tasted okay, though.

>>10301937
extremely charred chicken breast

Not cooking but bubble gum + reese cup will probably never be topped

tried baking some scones with corn flour. turned into a flat, gooey mess. Thought it would all somehow work out after putting it in the oven. It didn't.

>>10308436
The second. Just thinking of all the oil makes me want to puke.