/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>10224205
not terrifying but one time I had a sliver of popcorn kernel adhered to the very back of my tongue and couldn't reach it or scrape it off without vomiting all over my fingers and no matter how hard i gargled stuff to try to dislodge it it wouldn't budge
fucker was stuck there for about a week and every time I swallowed I felt the hard maize carapace hit the back of my throat and it drove me absolutely fucking mental
i cried on the third day out of frustration
then one day it was gone and i thanked the lord for mercy

>>10224222
Fuck that sucks. You reminded me of how a few weeks ago I was eating some beef jerky for lunch and a small part got stuck between my back two top molars. It was there for days and annoying as fuck. Felt like it was pushing my teeth apart and I kept forgetting to buy floss when I'd get home from work. Too far back to pick it out and not sticking out enough to grab it with my needle-nose pliers

Inhaled a peanut m&m and when I though all hope was lost my windpipe relaxed and I coughed it up. I was 11

>>10224205
this is how vegans are made

>>10224205
That's life, kid.

>>10224205
When I first started living alone I'd cook big batches of food and eat them through several days. One day I cooked a big pot of pasta but my freezer went out, so I just left it out. Ate from it for three days, day four I reached the bottom of the pot for the first time and it was full of little maggots

>>10224205

>be 12 or 13
>staying up late one night building balsa plane models in bed
>have big tin can of pineapple juice im sipping on while i work
>fall asleep
>wake up in middle of the night really thrirsty
>reach over to night table and take big swig of juice
>feel something hard and smooth shoot past my lips
>ohgodohgodohgod its moving and scratching in my mouth
>open mouth and start gagging and screeching
>huge fucking cockroach falls out an skitters away into the night
>cant stop retching and crying and eventually wake up mom

>>10224205
Kek, what a fucking crybaby.

>>10224420
i did this once but it was a glass of water that had a lady bug in it
i tasted it for a week

>>10224205
Had a big bowl of Frankenberries, right after I took my first bite two cockroaches bubbled up and tried swimming out of the bowl

>be at Grandma as a kid
>She makes an onion pie at noon
>let it rest on counter until dinner
>dinner, eating it but something is weird
>"grandma it's weird"
>Both grandparents tells me I'm making stuff up
>Eventually, grandmother stops eating, look at her plate
>Pie is full of tiny moving maggots

I haven't ate pies for a long time after that.

>>10224205
I was eating pistachios. Popping the shells off. But a little voice in my head said "peel the skin off". And this time, it wasn't referring to a prostitute. So I peeled off the skin and the pistachio was in two pieces, and there was a little worm. What are the odds that the one I picked was the only one with a worm? Disgusting.

>>10224205
Left a pan of food out overnight without lid.
Next day when reheating I found out halfway through that a couple slugs crawled in and where nicely cooking along with my food

>>10224205
When I was a wee lad, I woke up some Saturday morning to get a bowl of cereal and watch some cartoons. As I sit to eat my cereal and watch cartoons and take one spoonful of cereal and spew it everywhere, the milk turned, bad, real bad. Traumatized the fuck out of me so now I have an irrational fear of food turning and probably waste food because things that smell turned may not be but I'm not willing to risk it at all.

>>10224393
good lord

>>10224276
>pliers
Lel
Fucking every time I eat chicken
>a thread of muscle tissue finds its way between my teeth making the whole meal uncomfortable

>>10224205
When I was a little kid my dad got us KFC, and it came with a chocolate cake. My mouth was dry and I kept having a "choking feeling," where I couldn't eat and was panicked that I couldn't swallow. Anyways, my dad insisted that I don't waste money and tried to force me to eat the cake.

I couldn't, and I started to cry, and my dad carried me up the stairs over his shoulder and was screaming that he was going to throw me over the railing onto the tile. He swung me a couple of times and ended up not doing it and went to bed.

Years later, turns out the choking feeling was mainly just anxiety and dehydration.

Fucking chocolate cake.

>>10224470
How is it even possible to become maggot infested so quick?

>>10224472
>the only one
hey i mean whatever helps you sleep at night

>grandma makes pudding
>its very hot so she sets it on the balcony in a bowl to cool
>20 minutes later
>nice and cold time to cram my face with homemade grandmas pudding
>eat a few spoons
>about to have another
>worm crawls out of pudding on spoon
>didnt eat grandmas pudding for a while and never let any kind of food cool outside not even for 5 minutes for fear of animals and bugs crawling into it

>>10224548
His grandma was a witch

>>10224537
He should have used a belt.

>>10224222
protip if you clench your left fist your gag reflex dulls

>>10224537
>mfw
My biggest fear is chugging spoiled, curdled milk. I love grabbing a swig or 5 of ice cold milk from the fridge and the thought of chugging rotten green yogurt fills me with a primal fear that I can’t even put to words. I’d rather cage dive with sharks or dip my hand in a bowl of spiders than chug bad milk.

>>10224570
I tried that, it was too far back to reach. Like the way way back of my tongue. It was agony

>found hair in food

seriously what if they had HIV/AIDS? basically getting it by eating what you think is safe

>>10224585
Or its a pubic hair and the only one working there is an old lady and you know that thing hasn't been dusted in decades.

>>10224573
Done it.
Instant throw up, I don't care who you are.
Once your mouth gets a tinge of the curd texture you basically don't have a choice in the matter.
Shit is more effective then that drug that makes you throw up. Ipecac?

>>10224585
>years ago
>go to subway because fuck life
>Pajeeta behind counter, I’m the only one in there
>get my meatball sub, sit down to eat
>Inhale a third of my sandwich in seconds, feel a tickle in the back of my throat and instantly feel as if I’m being dropped from the Tower of Terror
>reach into my mouth and instantly gag, pull 5 inches of long black hair out of the back of my throat
>instantly vomit onto the rest of my sandwich and the tray
>Pajeeta was in the back so I got up, tossed the entire tray into the trash can, and left
My stomach still curdles at the memory
>tfw mustache is getting so long that sometimes I get hairs in my mouth so I have to be quick before gagging

>>10224585
You can't get HIV this way. It has to be from bodily fluids entering into your blood cells.

>>10224605
I don’t even eat cottage cheese because my mind associates it with rotten milk. I love ricotta and yogurt and everything but cottage cheese and bad milk are my krypton. Ipecac, yeah. Brutal shit

This one time a really scary sandwich just ran up and bit me. I went to therapy, but I just know I'll never be the same.

>>10224573
This is why you always smell milk before drinking it.

>>10224594
>a pubic hair and the only one working there is an old lady

>>10224393
I'd call you dumb but I assume you learned your lesson more or less instantly

>>10224393
>>10224420
>>10224470
>>10224472
>>10224555
Finding living things in your food is the fucking worst

>>10224205
>Be 5ish
>Mom gets me a bowl of raisin bran
>Eat a couple spoonfuls
>Look down at the milk and see it is infested with bugs still crawling around
>start gagging
>Mom screams

I don't remember what happened after that. I still love raisen bran but I get grossed out if I remember that while I am eating it.

>>10224472
>worms in nuts
D-does this really happen?

>>10224618
Can’t remember to smell every time, sometimes I’m drunk or high or hungover or just tired and need liquid so I just grab it

>>10224611
>hair has dna in it also drugs you take and stuff
>eat it
>aids magically doesn't transfer

okay sure anon

>>10224662
Yes, my nuts have a very large worm extruding from them

>notice the dill coming out of the shaker looks a little weird but don't think much of it
>use it in multiple dishes
>leave it on the counter one time after making a batch of tuna salad with the dill
>girlfriend is cleaning up after me
>"anon, did you use the dill?"
>"of course"
>"come look at it"
>pick up the dill shaker
>it's full of crawling, swarming bugs
>doesn't look like there's any dill at all, just The Swarm
>the "dill" coming from the shaker must have been insect casings
>used the dill for a few days before realizing anything was wrong

I haven't used dried dill since, and have gotten queasy just writing that. Also I make sure to inspect all my seasonings carefully before using them.

>>10224696
Oh jesus christ. I'm going to have to start checking mine from now on. Going to be starting an herb garden later this year, so that'll be bypassed completely.

>>10224606
>not throwing your vomit filled tray over the counter so Pajeet has to clean it up

>Be 4
>Be at Grandma's
>Be drinking kool aid
>sit it out
>Take A sip
>Feel a hand tickle
>See the army of ants in and on the cup

Yesterday was the worst dinner I have ever had. I make a rule of not socializing with coworkers, and I should not have broken it. This may take 2 posts, it was THAT bad.

6 coworkers met at someone's house yesterday under the pretense of "Irish stew". I grudgingly accepted the invitation and arrived at 2 pm (when I was told to come). I brought traditional soda bread that had to be baked first. The host made a bit of a stink about using the oven when he had other things in there, but I told him I wanted it fresh.

The stew was still cooking and the host was already drinking alcohol at this time. In the middle of a conversation with a member of the opposite sex, the host tells me, "Please, no talk about politics. PLEASE not today". I said if more people talked about politics we would be in a better country, and he got very argumentative so I just dropped it.

I was drinking apple juice that I brought over and the host kept trying to get me to have a beer. He was obviously intoxicated and starting saying how maybe I would be relaxed and "cooler" if I had some alcohol. It was pathetic, like peer pressure from a high school TV show.

Anyway, at that point I became withdrawn and went for a walk. I came back right before dinner, and that is when the fun started.

He made "Irish stew" with beef, carrots, Worcestershire sauce, black pepper, hot sauce, oregano, tomato, and various ingredients. I started telling others that proper Irish stew should only contain mutton, potato, onion, and water, and that beef, tomato, black pepper, hot sauce, and other ingredients would not be available then and therefore it was a modern stew, not Irish stew.

We started eating and someone asked me about what I had said about real Irish stew. The host looked annoyed so I told him. He turned red and told me if I didn't like it I could "get the fuck out and take my apple juice with me".

>>10224802
I was shocked and speechless. He left the room and his girlfriend (they are unmarried but live together) apologized. Eventually, people started talking more comfortably and he came back and was brooding and drinking more.

The stew was okay, but not authentic. I asked him if he knew that mutton was on sale at a local store and he flew into a tirade, bringing up any small error or faux pas I have ever committed at work. People were trying to calm him down, and I simply responded to him in a quiet and calm voice, and said that I appreciated his invitation and his "take" on Irish stew, but it would have been nicer if the company had been more warm.

He got up and pulled me out of the chair, stretching my sweater at the neck. He was literally screaming in my face and had his fist up in a threatening manner.

I told him I would call the cops if he hit me. He then told me to get out and take my "fucking juice and shit bread" with him. A second loaf was still in the oven with 7 minutes left, and I said I wasn't leaving until it was cooked and I could take it.

He shouted at me to leave or he would call the cops ON ME (imagine) and then threw the bread out of the oven on the ground. I was shaking with emotions and told the group that I enjoyed my time with them but I couldn't say the same about the host.

It was a horrible affair, but I decided to make authentic Irish stew today, because I was let down yesterday and had a hankering for it. It is simmering on the stove and I plan on bringing it to lunch tomorrow, one bowl for me and some for the host. It will be a subtle form of revenge as well as a way to show him that I am a better cook and am the more mature, forgiving person.

>>10224802
>>10224806
Gotta say bud, I think you were in the wrong here.

Not terrifying, but one time I ate a nectarine and left the stone on a plate and like 30 seconds later an earwig crawled out of it.

>>10224821
it's copypasta

>>10224366
Dude, that shit is no joke. I had to do the chair dive this one time back in highschool. What sucks is that the sugar coating broke and scraped my throat on it's travels.

>>10224393
Nothing wrong with a little extra protien.

>>10224613
Well, it kinda is rotten.

>>10224774
I don't mind ants. Scorpions are pretty good too.

>>10224205
poor baby :(

>>10224802
>>10224806
k... don't gripe about free food when you're a guest. Especially when buddy thinks he's hot shit. Be nice and complain later but not at the fucking event.

>>10224912
It's pasta

>>10224573
Oh, you'll hate this, then. https://youtu.be/GurNiNV5XvY

>>10224205
>that feel when you're eating something with very melty cheese and you feel it start to slide down the back of your throat while you're still chewing.

>>10224920
he said it was irish stew

>>10224585

>work at a deli as quasi-manager
>coworker is basically a fucking sasquatch
>instead of wearing his hair net properly, he just sort of halfassedly sits it on the crown of his head
>won't wear a beard net for his scraggly fucking face carpet
>boss refuses to let me write him up and refuses deal with it herself
>and yet she's confused as to how everyone keeps finding his hair on and in fucking everything

One of probably a thousand infuriating things that constantly go on in my workplace. I'd quit if it weren't for the fact that she pays me a shitload of money.

>>10224222
I can beat that. One time I eating pizza that had sliced mushrooms on it. I took a bite and got up from the table for some reason and I tripped. During the fall, I inhaled sharply and a mushroom slice got lodged in my sinus cavity. For a week I could feel the rubbery faggot halfway sliding back down to my esophagus, but it never would. Every time it did that I either started choking and coughed, or i swallowed and it went right back up there. My whole life revolved around laying down with my head tilted back and my throat muscles very relaxed, meditating and trying to get it to slide down. I managed to get about an hour of sleep every night. All the dipshits at the clinics I called talked to me like I was insane, so I just gave up because I didn't want some random retard ENT to stab my brain stem or something. Eventually, the faggot mushroom sort of rotted away to a smaller form or something and I must have swallowed it in my sleep or it just became part of me. I could smell it decomposing the whole time. For a week after it was "gone" I had a sinus infection that cleared up by itself.

Heed my warning: don't eat mushroom pizzas then walk around and trip.

>>10224948
Aw man I didn’t need to see that
>>10225029
Holy fuck lmao that’s the worst thing I’ve read since sweet sundae ramen was first posted

>>10224585
>used to order to go food from Denny's all the time because very small town and it was the closest thing
>always get loaded cheese fries
>eating cheese fries one day in dark basement watching movie
>start gagging on really long hair that was in the fries/cheese and got halfway down my throat
>try desperately to pick it out of my throat but couldn't get it and had to swallow it in order to breathe

>get half a breath
>puke across the whole basement floor out of sheer reflex from having eaten a long ass hair (or possible wad of hairs)

eating food from a restaurant is hard to this day

>>10224963
>when you try to swallow but your body refuses and you're left with food in your mouth and cheese going down your throat until it finally decides it's time to swallow

>>10224205
>be eating a bigass GMO peach
>the thing was big as a grapefruit
>so fucking juicy and delicious
>get to the seed in the middle
>its all black
>decide to take it out before eating the rest
>grab it
>it crumbles into a black goo
>throw the whole thing away

I one time sniffed pixie stix as a joke and my nose felt like it was on fire.

I really enjoy trying different foods but I have a weird anxiety problem where sometimes if I get a little nervous I lose my appetite. And for some reason I get this really bad at restaurants because I worry about embarrassing myself or not being able to finish my food. Anyway one day I decided to swing by a korean place after work. I ordered some kimchi stew thing that I knew I would love but then they started to bring out all the crazy side dishes and I just got psyched out and lost most of my appetite. Food was really good though.

tl;dr: autism

>>10224682
>Thinks science is magic
Whatever you say Anon.

>>10224393
>>10224420
>>10224470
>>10224555
I have to wonder how filthy your kitchens are, when you're getting maggots and worms in your food.

>>10224205
Recently almost choked on a chunk of tortilla chip that lodged in my throat. It made me flash back to when I lodged a flosser pick in my esophagus, but I calmed down quickly and chugged some really hot water to soften it, and it was gone.

>>10225089
I snorted black pepper for "fun" once.

>>10224682
>hair has dna in it
I hope you don't think AIDS infects your DNA

>>10225098
They do that at Korean restaurants. Like bring out Kimchi n shit.

>>10224821
>>10224912
>being this new

>>10224205
when I was five , i saw my big sister , who was 14 , sneaking the peanut butter into her room. when i went to go see what she was doing, she had spread the peanut butter on her pussy and was trying to get our boston terrier to eat her out .I get a queasy sort of boner whenever I see peanut butter now.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ef8tWrPHYso

>>10224548
The eggs were probably in the flour or whatever was the filling

>>10224696
Could you still taste the dill in your meals?

I had this happen with sesame seeds. Pale little shits looked exactly like the seeds.

>>10224662
Sure. You can usually tell from the outside. There will be a little round hole on the shell. Or the meat itself will just look janky–rotted, cocoon mossy or have a borrow hole. It's somewhat uncommon, but not unheard of for larger nuts because the hollowed out ones trip the weight sensors. Very small unshelled seeds like sunflower seeds often have like 10% worm-eaten ones in the bag since machinery just can't fucking detect them. When you crack 'em in your mouth you can feel the hole in the seed and just spit it out. Won't hurt ya to eat it, but the ones a worm has eaten off of is very likely that nasty, bitter rotten one, too. We all know about that one bad nut they put in every bag.

>>10224205
I was at a bar drunk as shit and I ordered a strawberry and spinach salad because it sounded sweet and was the only thing I could afford. It came with blue cheese and some weird black sauce and it was by far the worst thing I have ever tasted. Remembering what it tasted like is nauseating.

>>10224205
>Wendy's has these Asian boneless wings
>dad takes me there for dinner
>dad orders the wings
>for me, it's the spicy chicken sandwich
>when we get our food, he lets out an involuntary "whoa!" and tells me he'll pay me $5 to eat one of his wings
>fine by me
>it smells like fucking rubbing alcohol
>holy shit this has to be some sort of error
>the chunks are nearly spherical, not a normal boneless wing shape
>I take one and bite into it
>tastes like it was brined in rubbing alcohol
>full of ligaments
>way too chewy to get through
>gag and spit the horrible thing out
>dad laughs his ass off, gives me $5 and then decides he doesn't even care enough to get a refund for the fucked up wings
>I decided not to be a baby about it but it was a borderline traumatic experience for me, forever fucking up my tolerance for bone fragments and ligaments in ground meats
>to this day I still have no idea what that Wendy's gave us instead of my dad's food

>>10225173
Holy shit fuck yeah

>>10225173
Hot.

>>10224222
That's the sort of thing that drives grown men to suicide.

>>10224222
I have a vivid memory of being a kid and not being able to enjoy Finding Nemo because a fucking popcorn kernel got stuck to the back of my throat.

One time when I was really sick and could barely stomach anything, something in my genius brain told me to eat some bagel bites. I ate a few and almost immediately puked them back up. After vomiting, curiously, I found myself unable to breathe very well and my nose was suddenly incredibly congested, as if something was blocking my nostril. I coughed and wheezed and did everything I could to unfuck my breathing.
Finally, the back of my nasal cavity released half of a barely digested bagel bite and I spat it out onto my hand. No, it was not in my throat, it had lodged itself into my nasal cavity somehow. I sat there and stared at it, absolutely mortified. I didn't eat bagel bites for like 2 years after that.

>>10224802
>>10224806
Ah this copypasta again. It stirs up interesting conversation but it's just so dumb.

>>10224420
yeah fuck that, dawg

>>10224696
Yepp this same exact thing happened to me a year ago. We were putting season on our salmon and I told my family there was definitely something wrong with it. They all doubted me so I inspected it and opened it up to see that we were eating little beetle carcasses. My sister screamed so loud.

>>10224573
Once when I was little, my dad was waking me up to get to school or something and he already poured my bowl of milk for cereal. He must've been half asleep because the milk was almost completely curdled. I had never seen spoiled curdled milk before so I took a big bite. It was so fucking disgusting I still remember the taste to this day.

>>10225029
Dear Lord, this is the setup you'd see in a Junji Itou manga, the only difference is you'd then start sprouting mushrooms from various orifices until one giant one finally erupted from your spinal column with a fungus brain on top.

>>10224618
this
I have the same primal fear and I absolutely never take chances

>>10224682
All of my what, please be bait

>>10224827
Holy shit, this happened to me too, when I was a little kid. The fucking thing crawled out of it while I was holding and eating the nectarine. I just dropped it in horror and could only cry and scream for 10 minutes. Never ate one since, I am now 33 years old and the memory still makes me feel uneasy.

>>10225122
This is LITERALLY what viruses do.

>>10224802
That is some mighty fine autism ya got there sporto!

>>10225806
I'm not autistic, I just like to share. I've saved some other fun stories I found on the internet, too, but I'll share them some other time.

>>10225029
>or it just became part of me

You don't say?

>>10225029
>eating hotdog
>chunk gets stuck in sinus cavity
>start blowing
>comes up into my nose
>piece of hotdog is too big to fit through my nostril
>every time I try to get it out I just push it back down
>eventually break a metal paperclip in half and use the sharp end to start breaking it up
>finally get rid of hotdog after an hour

>>10225811
Please post more.

I want to more about your sense of moral superiority as you ignore social mores.

>>10224205
Plucking worms from freshly caught fish was a hell of an experience, I'll tell you that.

I haven't had any real bad experiences, maybe the other day I was eating chili cheese fries and a plastic tine came off my fork that I nearly swallowed, or the time I was a kid and found something in a bag of Ms. Vickies chips that I could only describe as a seasoned piece of fetus colored rubber

>>10224205
when I was like 8 or 10 I choked on a warhead, couldnt breath for maybe 10 or 20 seconds then started to vomit and it flew out like a projectile.

>>10225109
grandmas are notorious for not giving a shit about food safety. My grandma used to serve us meat that had been in her freezer for years, and had condiments that were also several months to years expired sitting in her fridge.

>grandpa buys a box of my favorite apple cereal bars
>be digging on that shit multiple times a day
>open another one, i just cant stop
>about to take a bite, notice something moving
>full of white little maggots
Never ate one again

>>10224222
Happend to me about 2 months ago with puff pastry, thank god that fucker was gone by the second day.

>>10226365
>food & condiments that were also several months to years expired sitting in her fridge

My Grandma was the same.
I think it comes from living through the great depression.
They just can't throw out food.

>had some sour patch kids in a cup
>eating it at my desk while i play games
>decided to take a break and went out for a few hours
>back home, late at night
>sit back at my computer, no lights on just the monitor dimly illuminating the room
>remember I had some candy left over in my cup
>start eating some
>feel that my hand is feels a bit tingly
>turn on light
>its full of ants

ended up gargling mouth wash for an hour

>>10224570
You learn this at work?

>>10224470
The fuck is onion pie?

>>10224420
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

>>10226365
Meat in the freezer is perfectly safe.

>>10225835
Kek

>>10225173
Why didn't you lick it up silly?

>>10225790
That DNA one looks like some science fiction space ship thing digging into a planet

>>10227366

>>10224205
>Americans are little faggots before they can even walk
Thanks for that insight OP. I’m so happy your society is imploding.

>>10224393
I used to pull down coconuts to drink the water and then fill with margaritas because I thought it was cool too walk around my beach drinking out of a coconut. After I'd just throw it away and get a new one the next day. One time I decided to save it for reuse. Well I forgot about for a few days and it got quite rotten. Went to throw it away and accidentally spoiled maggots and some sort of rotting coconut fluid all over the floor. Maggots fucking everywhere and it was the worst smell I've ever experienced. Choking back the urge to throw up the entire time cleaning it up. Picking up a hundred hundred maggots with paper towels.

>>10224222
>>10224276
>>10224366
Man up. Consider self-euthanasia for the greater good.
>>10224393
That’s what you get for being subhuman scum. The maggots were almost certainly more disgusted by you and your trailer than you were. You should consider self-euthanasia for your parents’ good.

>>10224806
>(they are unmarried but live together)
kek'd at the autismopasta

@10227517
(You)

>>10227532
do you mean
>>10227517
?

>>10227506

>>10225181
how did they survive getting baked

>>10226365
that's just being frugal
i still do that

>>10227446
It's a bacteriophage
and yes, there are some biologists/conspiracy theorists who speculate that dna viruses are extraterrestrial in origin

>>10224864
It dissolves in your mouth, not your throat.

>during the summertime a bunch of small moths appear in the house
>parents ignore them and they wind up multiplying quickly
>they turn out to be an infestation of pantry moths
>move all of my food out of the pantry into sealed containers
>at one point I feel like making a banana protein shake
>took the blender out of the pantry and when I opened the box it was filled with larva squirming around

>>10224222
This is why I don't eat popcorn. Fuck that kernel shell.

When I was seven or so I was playing in the backyard with my brother when we found some mushrooms. We both knew better than to eat them, or course, my dad had drilled into our heads not to eat anything outside of the garden. But we were kids and we were dicking around with them, tearing them up and throwing them like little frisbees. My mom walked out and was deathly certain we'd been eating them and hauled us both to the hospital where we got our stomachs pumped. All was well of course, but now everytime I taste mushroom or bite into one I can't help but gag. Which sucks cuz a lot of things have mushrooms in them but I can't eat them without retching.

>>10224205
I had a quesadilla once, and it scared me! It was just so... cheesy...

>>10228681
Sounds like you mom had early onset soccermom syndrome.

>>10227517
That's like just your opinion man.

Also, die faggot.

>>10224682
>>10224585
moron

>>10224205
I once ate cold pizza but it was too cold and a shard of pepperoni stabbed me in the tongue and I had to remove it like a sliver

>>10227661
They're gnarly creatures, can survive with limited oxygen and wallow in their own shit

>>10224802
>>10224806
sigh, this pasta.

>>10224432
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

After reading this thread, I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to eat again.

>at work during insanely busy season
>have a small packet of banana bread sitting in kitchen area
>catch a quick break and go to snack on some bread
>no time to wash hands so I just shake the packet into my mouth
>something falls into my mouth, assume it is a piece of walnut
>crunch crunch
>tastes nothing like walnut
>tastes like nothing at all
>dear god what the fuck
>spit it out
>see legs and other insect bits
>I just chewed up a small cockroach
Never been the same since.

>>10229543
update: I ate food and it went O.K.

>>10224802
>>10224806
Damn haven't seen this one in while.

How do maggots get into your food that you leave out? Don't you cover it with plastic wrap or a lid?

I ate cornbread that was seven months expired.

>>10224205
>Cooking class in school
>about 12 years old
>Stingy fuckers make you bring in your own ingredients
>Cooking a crumble today
>sieve the flour
>a ton of tiny flour bugs remain int he sieve
>"EEEW ANONS FLOUR HAS BUGS IN IT"
>mfw

>>10228435
>pantry moths.
Jesus christ thanks for reminding me. Those fuckers are persistent. I remember the first time my family dealt with an infestation we ended up cleaning out easily 1000+ dead moths from the pantry.

>>10224205
>mom makes burgers for me and brother
>try it
>its basically a kotlet between bread
>the one kotlet that has been on the pan a bit too much
>throw up for a week straight
>get super high fever
>diagnosed with lung chlamydia
>bedsick with fever and coughing for 3 months
>once I get better I get diagnosed with asthma
>got sick for 1 month to 2 months every spring for 4 years after that

I still get incredebly nauseous whenever I eat burnt pork

Everyone's posting their food+bugs experiences so here's mine.
>sudden urge for hot cocoa
>make a cup with Nesquik
>decide to make it more chocolaty and add a few spoons of some cheap cocoa powder we had for a while
>add marshmallows and cinnamon for extra fancyness
>take a sip, kinda crunchy
>"must be sugar"
>move marshmallow foam aside to mix
>something like dozen of small scalded bugs and maggots in view

>be 5 years old, teenage sister started a fucking fire in the kitchen from an unattended stove, literally made butter catch on fire; I wanted juice and walked into a pan full of flame and smoke, thank fuck there's nothing overhead

>fast forward, about 10 years old
>parents gone with sister to airport for an entire Saturday
>walking around at 7AM in tiddie whities, gonna get some eggs and bacon up in this bitch, not some lame ass cereal
>I'm smart I won't start a fire (literally taught how to turn on the gas stove a week ago, never cooked anything)
>make my eggs first because idiot kid, overcook the shit out of them and they stick to the ungreased steel pan
>grab bacon, feels slimy, ew
>try to fucking wash the slime off like some retard
>drop my strips of wet pig fat into a RIPPING hot pan in the most haphazard way
>wasn't expecting what happened, nearly throw the pan into the fucking air with the hand I'm grabbing the handle by
>hot grease spitting all over the walls, the counters, my bare torso and thighs
>the squeals of the furious porcine spirit terrify me
>hot fat raining on me
>about to run and get a shirt on but I remember what happened to my sister and suddenly I can't step away from the pan out of sheer fear it'll combust as soon as I look away
>standing as far back opposite the stove as my kitchen allows (three feet?) holding my arms up in some sort of guard against the flying superheated lars, but stating wide-eyed at the thing in horror
>getting stung by hot grease and terrified that the angry pig parts are going to explode like TNT any second now
>the anger subsides to almost nothing after some time, I literally crouch over to the stove and turn it off
>look in the pan
>the bacon is burnt to shit and has shriveled to nearly nothing
>grab a plate, eat my cold overcooked on the destroyed bottoms but runny on top eggs and my pieces of salty tree bark in tears
>then I tried cleaning the sticky counter with a hot wet kitchen rag

Mom was so fucking pissed.

>>10230518
>throw up for a week straight
>get super high fever
>diagnosed with lung chlamydia
>bedsick with fever and coughing for 3 months
>once I get better I get diagnosed with asthma
>got sick for 1 month to 2 months every spring for 4 years after that
That sounds fucking horrible anon, glad you’re okay now.

>>10225261
Shit, I ate these one time and it gave me the worst migraine of my life. I must've been like 10.

>>10224420
Imagine the cockroach just like
"This shits fucking lit"
>Ground Shakes
"NANI??"
>Get Swallowed by giant creature
>Hot and slimy, You'd rather be stepped on
>Get spit out
>Go To therapy and never go around sweet juices

A fishbone got lodged in my throat once and it was irritating as hell, now I debone all my fish before I eat it and I feel around with my tongue really well

>>10230555
still have both of them but its reduced with really hard coughing every time ambient temperature changes(eg going outside to inside) and mucus indused coughing half the year.

Thanks for the wishes hope no one gets fucked this bad by mom's kotlet

>>10224606
>Mustache getting long enough that it occasionally creeps into my mouth
>Snip off the offending hairs with my teeth and swallow the clippings
weakling

>>10224205

Lol is that kid named Chip?

>>10228435
>pantry has moths
>never dealt with these things before
>pastas, beans, flours, rice, sugars, grains of all kinds have to be thrown out
>unopened boxes of shit have moths in them somehow
>cans have dead moths and larvae seemingly stuffed under the rolled edges
>months of finding moths in food
>mom buys these little single serving bags of dried dates
>no one else likes them but i wind up eating a ton of these things while we have them
>one day open a sealed bag and notice something strange
>the dates look different
>take a spoon and scoop one out
>it's not a date
>there is a layer of syrup-soaked moth corpses lining this fucking bag
>no holes in the bag at all
>multiple other bags seem to have the same problem despite being completely air-tight
>retire to the bathroom to vomit and never touch a date again
Dude, fuck moths.

>>10224420
NOOOOOO

>>10230847
Yeah they eat through plastic. I had them as well and fought them for two years, finally won last year. Easily one of the worst things that has happened to me.

>>10224470
>>10224393
>>10224555
>>10224420
Was most likely Moth larvae if that makes you feel any better.

>>10230538
You have some truly awful parents my dude

>>10224222
go to the dentist next time and have it removed

>>10227366
kek

>>10230462
Yeah they multiply like crazy. As soon as I saw a couple make it into my bedroom I went full rambo through the house with a swifter brush. The ordeal definitely made us all think twice about leaving doors open during the summertime.

>>10224387
Well actually thats death

>>10224754
This

>>10230518
Why would overcooked meat do anything to you?
Or was it completely charred?

I remember one. Just didn't panic about it. Got home from work. Grabbed some cheese cake biscit my mom made 2 days ago from the oven. The lights were dim in the living room. Watched some tv and had about 4 small slices, tastes somewhat different. Mom joins me and takes one. Chews, stops chewing, goes to kitchen to inspect the biscits under the light. Throws it into the sink and runs off to the bathroom and starts vomiting. I go to the bathroom door and ask her whats up. She replies through vomiting mold. I check the plate under the light. All of them had small moldy patches over them. Too late to vomit chugged some rakia for it.

After that I inspect every food for suspicious patches and spots on them. Had a good laugh from my mom panicing and vomiting hahhahah

>>10231899
>vomiting from mold
fucken weak

>>10224802
>>10224806
classic! I wonder if he is still around

One night my mom made some shepherd's pie thing but with frozen vegetables mixed in. No idea wtf it was supposed to be but I was hungry and ate it. 7 hours later I wake up at 1 AM nauseous as hell, and my stupid ass forgets to open my mouth while I puke and a bunch of undigested vegetables and sour vomit comes out through my nose. Spent 24 hours blowing bits of corn and ground beef out of my sinuses. It was 4 years ago and I still get scared every time I eat her cooking. I love you mom but stick to baked goods.

>>10224222
>>10225029
I wouldn't wish either of these experiences on any other man

>be 4 year old me
>Mom is a pediatrician
>She comes home one day telling us some great news
>She was at the supermarket and they were doing a competition where you guess a huge lobster's weight and you win it!
>She held it like she was weighing a newborn and guessed 5.4 lbs on the dot
>Shows us the live lobster
>Wait, it's alive, that means we can release it into the wild or keep it as a pet
>No anon, you throw it in a pot of boiling water while it's still alive and then once it's cooked you eat it
>Imagine that being thrown into a pot of boiling water while still alive to die is an extremely painful experience
>4 year old brain trying to think of ways to save the lobster is coming up with blanks
>Lobsterbro is doomed to his horrific fate
>Crying as she brings the lobster over to a giant pot of boiling water
>Tosses it in and slams the lid
>Cry even harder for a good 30 min before my dad has mercy on me and takes me to McDonald's
>Still don't eat lobsters

>>10224573
One time I almost did but the milk was so incredibly bad that I turned the jug right side up and the milk slid back into it from mid air.

>>10224802
>>10224806
I know this is pasta but he's right. If you're not gonna make Irish stew then don't call it Irish.

>>10227661
good question, maggots die at half the temp. you bake an onion pie at.

>>10224802
>>10224806
kek

>Eat bag of chips.
>Have habit of draining the crumbs into my mouth.
>Rat poop at the bottom.

>>10234425
That's very cute anon. You're cute.

>>10225098
this is me

i worry about throwing up and causing a scene

>>10225185
That black sauce was a balsamic glaze you insect.

>>10225835

> be me, 6 or 7 years old
> moms works days, dad work nights
> wake up one morning and check the fridge
> “Oh boy! Mom left me fresh squeezed orange juice!”
> grab the glass and take a BIG GULP
> its pre-scrambled eggs so dad can make breakfast…

Wasn’t terrifying but it was surprising and gross.

>be me
>5 year old ruralfag
>spend whole summer day outside playing football and riding bikes with the neighbourhood kids
>grandma calls out for supper
>thirsty as fuck
>see a wet 2L Coca-Cola bottle under the hose by the porch
>take a good couple of swigs
>mfw it's rakija
>N-NANI?!
>gradually depress into a drunken stupor and sleep through the rest of the day

could be worse I guess

>>10234425
Aww. Poor boy :(


Your mom really should've been paying attention to how you were feeling.

>>10230518
I also ate bad pork once and to this day I cannot eat thick cuts of pork without getting ill.

>>10235120

>Be like 8
>Go to weird poor person grocery store with mommy every week
>Ask mommy if I can have a sucker one day
>Pick one out
>Don't remember the brand, but it was some kind of gourmet type
>Unwrap it and start succ
>Walk around while mommy does more errands
>Sucker about halfway gone
>Bee lands on it at some point when I'm looking away
>Put it back in my mouth
>Intense vibrating feeling
>WTF
>Spit it out and watch a bee fly away
>Scream bloody murder
>In my 8 year old brain I concluded that this brand of sucker contained a bee in the center instead of gum or something
>Never picked out that kind again

I remember being 4 or 5 and eating hotdogs completely drenched in ketchup, only to then throw it all up with my vomit being super red
Took me a few years before I'd eat ketchup with hotdogs again

>>10235278
>tfw you will never have candy with a live insect in the center

>>10224205
Had some kiwifruit a couple of years ago and my throat tried to swell shut. Don't know why, I never had any noticeable problem with eating it before. Haven't risked it since. :-(

>>10224802
>>10224806
Man, this happens to you a LOT. I remember you having the same problem back in 2009 about a dozen times.

>>10224821
not recognizing a classic

>>10225075
>so fucking juicy and delicious
you must be lying. the fucking huge berries I can buy at my grocery store taste like water. it's fucking pathetic. I'd rather eat the wild strawberries on the side of the logging road that truckers have perhaps pee'd on because they are full of flavour despite being the size of a pinky finger nail

>>10225173
>not dressing up as a boston terrier and licking your sister's teenage pussy
fag!

>>10234602
Whenever I see posts like this, I keep in mind that the people posting them are 400 lb stay at home bisexuals

>>10224573
My grandma almost died because she made a bowl of cereal with like month plus spoiled milk. I don't know how Jewish you have to be to not throw it out. Got a text saying help me im dying, took her to the hospital and she lied to everyone and they ran a billion tests trying to figure out what was going on. Then I found the cereal and sniffed the milk and vomited. I always check my milk now.

>>10235490
my grandma saves and reuses every and anything you can imagine but has always been really good on food safety. I was able to read her memories and it goes back to "the old days" when everyone up north here were farmers and you had to make what you had last because between you and your neighbours you didn't have too much.

>>10235278
I had similar experience:

>be like 4 or something
>eating apple
>hear some subtle noise from center
>it's moving
>there is one or two wasps in the core of an apple

To this day I fear wasps like a little bitch.

>passenger seat in a dark car during long road trip
>snacking on tic tacs I found in the glove box because there's no other food
>pop one in my mouth and bite down
>its incredibly soft and powdery
>instantly overwhelmed by this horrible, extremely powerful, hard to describe flavor
>was really really sour when the rest of them were minty
>instantly vomit
>to this day don't know what the fuck it was if it was even a tic tac

>>10235557
>tfw will never get to do dad's leftover ecstasy kept in tic tac containt for club stealh during family car trip
feels bad man

>>10224205
When I was about 4 or so my family would generally mock me and bully me for being quiet. This particular day was at my grandparents with my uncle and several other relatives who persuaded me to eat a pepper or at least something like a chinese nut mix where some of the lot were red as in chili hot.

Me trusting them and feeling presured ate one and continued crying for an hour because it was terribly hot. My family only laughed, fucking shitbags.

Cause of shit like that I tense up whenever someone pressures me to do something and generally I tell them to stfu and refuse regardless of what is going on simply because I get so angry at that point.

>wee lad, probably 8 or 9 years old
>experimenting in best friend's kitchen
>we're creating all kinds of delicious concoctions with whatever we can find
>it's time for lemon milk, what a novel idea
>two delicious flavours, what could go wrong
>lemon juice + milk
>milk curdles immediately
>drink lemon milk
>vomit

Children should not be allowed to experiment in the kitchen unsupervised.

>>10224205
put mentos up one of my nostril and couldn't blow it out,good times.

>>10235506
My grandma im not related to thank God, but she acts like she lived through the depression but her parents were rich as fuck but she's been stealing condiments, napkins and even fucking silverware from places. Her whole kitchen was infested with moths and instead of taking care of it she pretend it was normal. Canned goods that went bad in the 90s etc I actually took some pictures of jam older than me when cleaning it out with my aunt. Fridge full of junk, freezer full of frozen shit like cooked peas frozen in a zip lock, 10 year old frozen liver. She refuses to eat anything more than one day in a row and never eats left overs....but won't throw em out. My aunt and I just told her to fuck off and threw out literally everything a few years ago. Whole new collection now and I swear she finds places that sell expired cans because she stocking her pantry with use by 2007 shit. We also found a drawer in her bedroom full of 10+ year old candies, and a drawer of jams and jellies that were in their 20s. As horrible as it sounds I really hope she dies eating something she refuses to get rid off.

>>10235656
Are you sure she's not suffering from dementia?

>>10235660
Sometimes old people are just bitter as fuck though. You have different kinds of old people and she sounds like the kind that doesn't want to spend any of her money and instead hoards everything to herself.

There is an old lady living down the street of my parents who has enough money, her bank account is full of it but she simply refuses to spend any of it. Once she knocked on the door of my parents house begging for some ancient coffee machine she heard my mother had and nearly started crying when my mother had already given it to some charity. Meanwhile you might think it is sad but you do notice that she buys some things here and there that are absolutely needed yet refuses to do anything about the house or buy household appliances. These are people who cry over not getting their way (your typical boomers) and who think they need to have a lot of savings just in case, but they die by the time they realize they still have them.

>>10235594
you made buttermilk, anon

>>10224802
>>10224806
dude, if you don't like him and the party, just act normal, don't speak to anyone, don't do anything, just smile, say thanks and eat.

>>10235660
No she's just an evil woman that has been hiding it well for years. She has no shame and will sit their calling your name for 20 minutes because she can't find X when X is literally just on the TV tray to her right. She won't throw out old shot because that would mean she was wrong when she said it was fresh. She argued with my aunt for like 30 minutes that the Parmesan cheese she had was fresh after everyone that used it had spent an hour vomiting because it was ancient. She's just a huge lazy cunt who was spoiled by her second husband and pretends to be Jewish. She has 3 refrigerators filled with bullshit, we emptied one out and she refused to turn it off while bitching about her electric bill just because if she does turn it off she will have to admit she was wrong and that she doesn't need 3 fridges. She'll nickel and dime you like no other, she once got a deal on something and instead of writing a check for whatever it was after sales tax on 999.99 she did it for 999 to save literally like 7 cents. Took a car to the shop then never picked it up for a week and then called a tow truck to go get it back since they weren't going to give it back to her until she paid. 'oh well they took my keys for it" she's basically the model boomer.

>try to make garlic shrimp
>sautéing garlic on low heat, add lemon juice
>the fucking garlic turns green

I cried so hard that night

>>10224548
grandma was probably a geriatric retard and didn't bake the pie right or for long enough

I bit my fork and chipped a tooth once.

>>10236555
>toothlet

remember that fluoride is good

>>10236555
I chipped a tooth on another tooth because my overbite was so bad as a kid.

>>10224606

Wouldn't being dropped from the tower of terror be a good thing?

>>10235120
That experience makes him strong.

I think I was like 9 or 10 years old and my drunk father made some Asian sweet and sour dish (I think it was a frozen meal) but I really didn't like it.
He forced me to eat it all up over the course of like 2-3 hours while we both were screaming at each other and I was also crying for most of the time.
I can't eat anything sweet and sour till this day.

>>10235656
>My grandma im not related to
Excuse me?

>>10224205
>eat food
>get food poisoning
>almost die
was pretty horrible drank a bottle of rum once i felt better

>>10224802
>the poetic fact that /ck/ has -the best- pasta on 4chan
This guy kinda reminds me of risottofag

>>10231899
>be frugal asshole
>every time I see a mold spot on something solid like cheese or sausage I just cut it off and eat the rest of the thing
>it's been fine to this day

Post Chuck E. Cheese webms

>>10224682

>>10234425
This is why you have to start your kid off slow with fishing trips.
Getting the worm stabbed on the hook is a start, gutting the fish comes afterwords, and then you can segue later on to killing chickens or rabbits.

>>10224420
Holy shit that made a really vivid image in my head and I actually panicked for a second. Good story.

>>10234425
fucking faggot lobsters are ocean cockroaches

their CNS is literally too retarded to do anything else than crudely interpret external stimuli and perform a mechanical reaction to it

theyre about as intelligent as a fucking worm

stop being a fucking faggot

>>10230586
Ya fucking faggot, I laughed harder at this than I should have.

>>10231693
The way he worded it seems like the kotlet had remained sitting in the pan for a long time after cooking and got spoiled/contaminated in the mean time

In kindergarten the class was eating outside and I left my plate of mashed potatoes to go do something. Came back and ants made a anthill out of my food. Haven't ate a potato since, mashed or not. It's real trauma, can't eat them today without throwing up.

>used to love to eat those vanilla wafer cookies as a kid because we were poor as fuck
>fucking loved the strawberry flavor
>taking a shit
>the poop is neon pink
>freak the fuck out

>>10235541
The one place where you wouldn't expect wasps to be

>>10234597
oh jesus

>2nd or 3rd grade
>science class has us growing mealworms into beetles
>we keep them in tanks with about two inches of wheaties on the bottom
>to this day i have to meticulously check every bowel of wheaties i have for worms or beetles
>even if it's the first bowl out of a new box
fucking sucks cause i love my wheaties

>eating dinner
>had an extra sandwich so I left it in my room for later
>go into my room at midnight with the lights off
>I take a bite out of the sandwich
>my hands suddenly feel kind of itchy
>feel a bite on my tongue
>abruptly spit out the sandwich and turn on the lights
>see hundreds of ants on my sandwich
>spend the rest of the night rinsing my mouth to get rid of the ants

>>10224205
My old place used to have a pretty big ant problem. Back a few summers ago I was pulling an all nighter getting some work done, I was drinking some soda, probably coke, and accidentally left a can half finished on my desk before I fell asleep in the morning. When I woke up, my mouth was really dry, so I instinctively grabed the coke and drank. My mouth was filled with an untold amount of ants. Wasnt a great way to wake up..

>>10234425
>The birth of the soyboy.

>>10235541
>This nigga thought a fig was an apple.

>>10235557
Genuinely kinda sounds like it could have been a drug or something

>>10224205

Spent the first years of my life being raised by a person who was later found to be legally insane. Because this is the only thing you ever knew you just kind of assume it's normal. But meal times were fucking special.

Like the time mom prepared okra. And by 'prepared' I mean she just crammed a bunch of whole stalks into a casserole dish and covered it all with cheez whiz. Then she microwaved the shit out of it. This was something we were all expected to eat.

>>10240740
Nah it was an apple - figs are uncommon in my country. Not in central regions, at least.

>>10224895
I used to eat ants as a kid

>>10235656
Post pics of jam.

That's just a sign of old age and that it could be their time. Two of my old great aunt's made me breakfast and it tasted like it was cooked with expired food. Last meals they made me/last time I saw them before they Died

>>10224897
Fuck that kid, teaches it to stop fucking with shit and keep it's grabby claws to itself.

>>10230525

>>10234425
cute but gay

>>10234425
>>10241328
Imagine being that father. That deep feeling of shame.

>>10228435
>>10230847
This reminds me
>About 16 or so
>Older brother gets back from 2 year working holiday in europe
>Comes back with giant box of authentic, expensive ass turkish delights for me from Turkey (he knows I love that shit)
>So fucking excited to open it, rip off the plastic wrapping and open the box in seconds
>As I open it like 4 moths flie out, about 6 or so more are just sitting on top of the sweets dead
>Drop the box on the ground in horror
>About half the box is all sorts of fucked up, filled with eggs and shit
>Mum takes out the half that had all the moth eggs and shit in it and tells me the other half is good
>Tell her and brother I'm not eating it
>Brother says "i brought these all the way from Turkey, don't waste them"
>Want to tell him to get fucked but haven't seen him in 2 years and don't want to start an argument already
>Just say "yeah sure"
>Dump them in our outside bin that night

>>10238541
>Loose tooth when I was like 7 or 8
>Can't wait for it to fall out and get money from the tooth fairy
>Wake up one morning and its gone
>Look all over my bed and room thinking it had fallen out in my sleep
>Taking a dump later
>See my tooth sticking out a big lump of shit.

>>10241376
ew you pooped?

>>10241361
so you couldnt even say that you didnt want to eat them because eggs were on them to your brother. How fucking stupid is your family

>>10237120
Dad was adopted and I'm thankful everyday since that Jewishness rubbed off on everyone of her biological children. Everyone on that side of the family is a "if i don't like it it shouldn't be legal" also super liberal and routinely tells my grandma who was born in Africa that her family members being killed was okay and basically that they deserved it for being white.

>>10241453
They all saw the moths fly out of the box with me. My mum said not to eat them if I didn't want to but brother was a dick about it.

>>10241472
if he gets pissed off because of that your brother has autism

>>10241230
She's been doing it for like almost 30 years now she's been a spoiled princess her whole life and got worse when all her genius business decisions failed. Those Jams in her drawer were from family in Alaska that hadn't done that since before I was alive she'd been storing them for 10 years before she got actually old, she stole shit from restaurants while filthy rich and in her 40s.
I can't find the 94 jam but have a vintage 97

>>10241489
>Tfw jam is older than me by a month

>>10241230
I'm sad I didn't take more pictures, there was literally around 300 of those ranch packets from about 15 years ago that were absolutely infested with moths. I think my aunt took a picture of that. Also those holiday 3 types of popcorn things we tried to save the tin so it didn't look like we threw everything out and I cracked a air tight seal of Carmel corn and the rancid oil smell made us have to clear out the house.

>be me as a kid
>help my mom cook and cut some mushrooms in the process
>see a an extremely long worm come out of one half of the mushroom
>drop everything while screaming

That happened to me twice, f*cking mushrooms.

>be me a bit older
>love dates and be eating a whole pack of them
>look down on one of them and see tiny yellow worm jiggling next to a silky bag of eggs
>sperg out to clean my mouth while crying and screaming for 5 good minutes

Same thing happened to me with cherries. Thanks mom for buying organic, I guess.

>>10241502
My little cousin was there and he wanted to take home all the shit that was older than him but that ended up being too much. There was a tin of cocoa powder that I think was actually like 40+ years. It had turned into an amalgamation of bugs and a rock of bug shells and cocoa. And this is all shit btw survived the move the whole family helped with and threw shit out about 11 years ago. We found a bag of plums that we thought were prunes that were from like 93 in a drawer. Sometimes I think I should call up tlc to get her on hoarders.

>>10241510
>worms in mushrooms
That's why you put them in water and let them float around for an hour. You'd be surprised how many creepy-crawlies pop up. Trust me, I've been picking mushies since I was nine. It's not as bad with store bought though of course.

>>10224802
>>10224806
Ah, an old recipe for pasta, but still get some of the newer guys going.

>>10224205
>Be me, like 11 or 12
>Eating pizza from local place one night before going out and playing manhunt with friends.
>Love me some red pepper flakes, load the slice up with them.
> Get itch in eye, go to scratch it.
>Ohsweetlordhavemercy.jpg
>One of the flakes got caught in my eye and had worked it's way to the underside at this point.
>It was stuck there for the next 2½ hours
> Finally worked it out after uncountable tears and hosing my eyes out with the vegetable cleaner hose from the sink.
Honestly felt worse than being pepper sprayed.

Either I'm an unobservant cretin, or something must be seriously wrong with North America. This has never happened to me in Eurostan.

>>10241602
Good to know, I guess my mom was too much of a noob to know that back then

>>10224682
Xd

>>10238348
look i know this is somewhat late but maybe youll read this and it will save you. the visible fluffy parts of the mold isnt the only part of the fungus in the food. by the time it grows these patches it as already developed a network of mycelia through the entire thing which are invisible to the naked eye.
>its been fine to this day
because mold can produce carcinogenic toxins which you will only notice once you grow outright tumors decades from now. thats the dangerous thing about it. it doesnt have to make you sick right away.

>>10241157
ant are fucking amazing if fried properly

>>10238304
Shit youre right, they have the same strain on autism

>>10224205
Ordered a pizza once, cheese was too strong. Ever since then I had a fear of cheese

I tasted cilantro once. Blech

I got really fucking drunk one night and decided to steam a whole pot full of meat buns.
I ate all of those fuckers and felt sick as fuck
Later that night I vomited half digested pork buns and vodka all over my self and the bed.
thanks for reading, god bless.

The first food I ever had to throw up was an oreo, but oreos are delicious and I was just sick, not hungry, and I was like 3 or 4.
Then I had candy corn once when I was about 5, I think, and ate so much I had to throw up. Haven't touched a single one in 17 years.
First food I chocked on for a moment was cheese sticks, just calmed down, breathed out of my nose, and swallowed.
Once had chicken my dad made and we noticed it still had hairs and a feather on it. He cooked it anyway, I ate it anyway, and I threw up later that night.

Can't think of the others that actually made me start writing this post.

>>10225029
>>10225835
American healthcare, everybody.

>around 2 years ago in summer
>Have a huge ant problem
>Had a really shitty day and get home from work
>I have one of thos bottles of jelly where you squirt it out
>Decided to make pb And j
> I open the top up and instantly around 10 ants fall out
>Just snap and instead of being disgusted I just lose it and start screaming "YOU FUCKING FAGGOT ANTS RUIN EVERYTHING FUCKING KILL YOUR SELF'S" while at the same time I'm killing them

Now I only use the jam jars with the lid

>>10242393
>YOUR SELF'S
Jesus Christ. That's it, I'm gonna shoot myself now. Fuck this world.

>>10224662
I've had pistachios where every tenth nut had a big, toasted larva burrowed in it. Every time you get a bitter one, that's probably the cause.

>>10225029
I'm having mushrooms tonight!

>>10224472
>And this time, it wasn't referring to a prostitute
Spat my water out at that

>>10227387

exactly what it sounds like

pie where the filling is onions, you brainlet

I'm seeing a lot of worm muggot stories here but I haven't experience one. One thing I don't understand is that how do they grow from your food ?

One anon said the 4 day room pasta has worm growing from the bottom. So when food goes bad these creatures somehow grow from it ? I always thought it's a fly situation where the bug needs to play egg first for then to hatch

>>10242911
If you live in a cheap 1 story house with easy backyard access, especially if you let the dogs shit out back, it's not uncommon to have a house swarming with 3-5 varieties of fruit, mold, shit, common, and bluebottle houseflies.

>>10242911
i think americas food safety regulations are shit compared to EU

t. from neither of those countries but travelled a lot

>>10242983
>>10242955
Oh I see. I live in France and we don't really have bug problem. But we do have mice problem. Got pic related the other day in my room

>>10243007
yeah mice are awful too although most people find those less unsettling than bugs and their larvae

>>10226220
Lol put wild caught swordfish in the microwave for 20 seconds and watch them try to escape at once. Worst thing is when your prep guy misses one and they come out while you are basting the filet, they wriggle out and the 'heads' explode in a mess of white then you gotta put the carcass out of a hot sizzling filet

>Inb4 gross
All wild fish have parasites to some degree, they get removed well before they hit your plate and the meat is fine in real life parasites aren't that bad for the host it's only if they overpopulate the host do they cause issues

>>10238394
he was 4

>>10242309
Chicken has hairs on it all the time. Especially wings- its harmless though and too small to notice.

I got a fat piece of a rib stuck in my throat when I was younger. Wouldn't come up or go down no matter what. Couldn't swallow anything and had to go to the hospital to get it removed. I'm now extra thorough when I chew my food.

>>10230518
Plot twist: the doctors were diagnosing you with false info and stealing your money.

>at the cottage that recently got on the electrical grid
>make coffee for myself and family
>fill the cheap plastic Kenwood kettle with lake water and turn it on until it boils
>serve the coffee, all is good
>aunt starts mentioning that she has a bit of a sore throat
>notice I have a bit of a spicy, sore feeling in my throat as well
>think about it a bit and suspect the coffee
>check the kettle
>the bottom is full of big black ant parts from the ants that crawled into the kettle previously to get at the water and got trapped or something
>tfw I unknowingly lobster'd a small army of ants, drank their broth and served the rest to others

>>10224205
>be at my math tutor's house
>he ask if I want to drink anything
>ask for choco milkies
>three gulps in and I feel something strange going down my throat
>pretty sure it's mold
>too polite to say anything
>drink it all
I don't drink choco milk anymore.

>the raisin bran scene in creep show

>>10243007
The good thing about mice is that there's going to be an absence of rats, since rats and mice very rarely live in the same area. Farms are one of the few exceptions

>>10224205
i almost choked to death while driving on the interstate in heavy traffic going 80 mph. i kept trying to swallow water to force it down and couldnt. the water just kept coming back up. my vision was blurring out and then i finally got it to go down after about 20-30 seconds. doing this while not wrecking my vehicle. i pulled over and cried for about an hour. to this day i never ever ever ever eat while driving.

>>10241602
I thought you weren't suppose to wash mushrooms, especially not let them soak in water

>>10236577
I literally chipped my tooth on a fidget spinner because I wanted to see if I could stop it mid spin. I wish I was lying.

>>10242309
Cup of salt instead of a cup of sugar in my peanut butter cookies
Didn't mix the egg in all the way once when making mug cake
Once had to pretend to enjoy my family's nigger burnt steaks when I was like 8
Bit into a chip on vacation once in Florida, thought I was eating some new green flavor of Tostitos. It was guacamole, I had a mouth powdered with guacamole dust like the cinnamon challenge
>tfw you bite into uncooked pizza dough

>N64 days with my bike and army men
>I'm 6
>mom bought me some new army men to play with
>abusive, insane, military boyfriend
>locked my new toys in his gun locker until I ate their depressing mashed potatoes
>I didn't eat them until my mom added either cheese, butter, or salt and pepper
>eat my potatoes
>wasn't even interested in the toys anymore
I fucking hated that man's soul and wish he never had to be a part of my life.

Is it ok to eat beef that has been out of the fridge for a few hours? Forgot to put the roast beef in the fridge.

>>10228557
This. I've had the stuck kernel experience. Never again. Popcorn isn't nearly good enough to warrant the possibility of this bullshit.

I'd call this one terrifying because it made me realize how stupid I can actually be, and I have(had?) a pretty high IQ when tested around 25 years old.

>making a strawberry smoothie with some cream
>blending the strawberries with a hand blender in a glass
>finish blending and notice there's a lot of stuff remaining on the blades
>without thinking start licking it WHILE STILL HOLDING THE FINDER ON THE BUTTON
>then the realization hits
>slowly back off from the blades and proceed to hit my head against the wall to punish myself for the stupidity

It was at that moment when I froze while licking the blade that I realized: even intelligent people can be stupid as FUCK.

I don't get all these bug infestation stories. I live in a house with 2 dogs and a big grassy yard and three roommates who are less than fastidious, and I've never even seen a big in any of our food. The closest we've gotten is we had a bit of a fly problem last summer because we kept our recycling too close to the back door.

Seriously, do you guys live guys in deep africa?

>>10243373
This is amazing. So fuckin' metal.

There's something people in my country used to do. You would take a handkerchief and put it on top of an anthill, which would trigger the ants to start biting it and releasing their venom, or whatever you call it, into the fabric.

Once done you take it and when using it to clean your nose the smell/fumes of the venom actually cleans your nasal passages. It really works.

I recently learned my final remaining grandparent is a border. She's 93 and lived through the depression. I honestly didn't even know that her house had a basement until recently. Turns out she has a LOT of food. Two massive chest freezers full, two fridge freezers full, and two fridges full. But then there's the pantry.
We didn'tbdig through to the back, but even just near the front we found pig's feet she pickled in '84, and something else from '83. There were prepackaged foods with labels from before my time (I was born early 93.) I think I counted over 30 big cans of baked beans. None of this is traumatizing, but what the hell. Food over 30 years old that she refused to part with. Inch thick mold skins in a sealed jar. Fuck that shit.

When I was 8, I choked one a crunchy taco boat at lunch and no one helped. I remember passing out and waking up in the nurses office. I wouldn't eat crunchy tacos for about 8 years after that.

>>10243373
reminds me of when I had a keurig and found the water boiled carcass of some beetle that had had the misfortune of climbing into it

>>10243877
love how you concluded that smart people can be dumb too and not that you yourself might be not smart. that shows how smart you are.

>>10244432
I am pretty smart desu senpai.

>>10244436
sure you are buddy. thats what i said.

Found a bone chip in my McNugget that looked like a toenail when i was a kid. I bit into it and it slid in between my teeth and hurt my gums. Worst part was i was with my dad. Finding it totally freaked me out and i wanted to cry but didn't want to cry in front of my dad.

>high school lunch
>get burger and fries
>take bun off burger
>the burger has some kind of bubble shit all over it
>feel sick and throw it out
Didn't find out til much later that apparently that's because the beef is injected with a shitload of water, so when you try to fry it, it actually steams the water out causes those weird bubbles
Still fucking disgusting and I can still picture it in my head.

>>10244449
I am. I'm probably smarter than you. I'm so smart I'm immune to becoming racist.

>>10244436
Le dunning krueger anon :^)

>>10243653
You can wash or even soak them, sure. Many will tell you not to since they are porous but they barely absorb any water.
>>10243854
Depends how long and how warm. Health code where I am would dictate as long as it wasn't over 70°F for two hours or 40° for four hours it would be safe enough to serve in a restaurant. You can be a little more lax than that I'm sure.

>>10241489
Damn I almost didn't believe you. Is she still hoarding? Maybe you can get that show on A&E involved

after a night of heavy drinking I ate way too many naked buffalo wings and proceeded to vomit every single thing in my stomach up. my throat was burning so fucking bad.. and the taste was so rancid. ruined buffalo wings for me

>be little kid
>drinking some kind of vanilla flavored milk
>notice the taste is very bad and there are like clumps
>complain to my female teacher that it tastes bad
>teacher forces me to drink it all because she probably thought I was lying or something

And this is probably why I like femdom now.