/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>10167584
I know the feel, but once I shoot my massive shit in the morning it feels a lot better

have you tried not drinking coffee?

>>10167791

>that massive regular morning shit that lightens the load and starts the day off right

>Drink half a pot
>Firm, smooth shits that massage my prostate
You're doing something wrong OP and it's not the coffee boogyman

>>10167584
nothing like a coffee and a smoke to clear the bowels of a morning

>>10167803
Have you tried shutting the fuck up?

>>10167822

>people drink coffee for any other reason than to take a timely poo

>>10168122
I enjoy it.

>drink coffee
>constipation cured

I've noticed having food first helps. It'll always make me poop, but the violence is lessened with something else to soak some of the coffee up. I have some fiber-filled bar with my coffee and it generally keeps it all together for the next day.

>drink coffee
>get ulcers and gut rot
drank it for 10 years, finally stopped a couple weeks back. it sucks, but it's ultimately worth it. remember folks, caffeine is an addictive drug.

>>10167584
>skip coffee for a day
>don't shit that day

>>10168867
ulcers are caused by bacteria, if you got ulcers from coffee thats your fault

>>10168937
Are you me ?

>drink coffee in the morning
>without fail, will have a liquid shit an hour later
>any other time of the day
>perfectly fine
what the FUCK

>Got gallbladder removed
>Everything gives me diarrhea
Shit sucks.

>>10167808
this
that first sip that sets your ass off is almost better than sex. i leave for work feeling 2lbs lighter.

>morning
>drink coffee and chainsmoke
>noon
>drink coffee and chainsmoke
>afternoon
>drink coffee and chainsmoke
>evening
>drink coffee and chainsmoke
>before bed
>drink coffee and chainsmoke

everyday for almost six years

i'll die

>>10169263
bruh, life sucks without mine, the pain was like a 4 with one. only had one big stone. the pain i had this morning from eating a pickle made me want to die almost puked from pain. keep your gallbladder everyone! if it kills you, you'll be better off than without one

>>10168937

same

>>10168813
Holy shit this. I was traveling in Japan and had the shits, worried my vacation was ruined. Went to a vending machine and got a black coffee, took a shit and everything went away. Thank you based coffee.

>>10168122

Coffee with creamer goes great with sweet pastries. Something about the slight bitterness combined with the creamy dairy just makes sweet pastries that much more enjoyable.

I always look forward to my daily coffee shits.
>Drink 2 coffees in the morning
>Go to work
>"I need to take a break"
>Sit on toilet
>Release my bowels like a shotgun
>The sides of the bowl are coated in shit splatter

This is the most satisfying thing you can ever experience in life

>/sip/
>back of nose gets clogged leading to gagging when the snot pours down my throat

>>10168867
I like addictive drugs tho. The reason they’re addictive is because they’re so fucking good.

>>10169725
I was in japan last year and had no stomach issues at all! went to italy this last summer though and I think I went 3 days without shitting... the espressos and americanos did nothing

>>10168867
I drank 3 44oz cups of coffee daily and have no problems. Maybe you're just a pussy.

>>10167584
the diarrhea was inside you... all along

>>10171179
This. Once you come to terms with this fact, you will be happy to see it leave. Diarrhea will just never obtain the status of treasured keepsake.

>>10167584
What kind or shit stomach or diet do you have to experience this? Do you have IBS?

>be me
>be hungry
>go to chinese buffet
>grab a plate and load it with the usual greasy buffet items
>eat it all and go for another plate
>intestines start to gurgle
>let out a small shart then clinch my butthole
>presure builds, can't move
>panicing, i burn my hands grabbing a tray of beef and brocoli
>put it on the ground and squatted over it, hoping it will catch my poo
>immediatly blasted brown buckshot, missing the makeshift toilet, spraying the buffet
>people look on in horror as i use a napkin to wipe
>the putrid smell causes them to gag
>clean up is impossible as liquid shit leaks from my anus
>I beg the people not to call the cops
>a woman puked into a tray of chicken in garlic sauce
>my knees gave out, and i fell into my poo
>i ran out of there, probably leaving muddy foot prints
>went home, feeling hungry again
>had a hot pocket while in the shower

not even kidding caffine gives me heart attack symptoms. heart muscle is severely damaged

>>10171179
>>10171230
lold

>>10171230
>Diarrhea will just never obtain the status of treasured keepsake.
10/10

>drink 18 oz. of coffee every day for 10 years straight
>have bowel movements like clockwork
>they're solid shits that eagerly and effortlessly leave my colon

drink more anon

do the shits push the farts out? or vise versa?

>>10171092
>went to italy this last summer though and I think I went 3 days without shitting

something about traveling generally brings the bowels to a stop. but then you get to take that massive poo when you get back home.

>>10167584
It's a stimulant. Drink weaker coffee and your body will cope better

>>10173332
Every time I go camping for like 5 days, I take a poo when I get home and it feels like my butthole is being ripped in half. Totally worth it tho

>>10173536
Been there. That first shit after you get back is orgasmic. We usually stop by a local BBQ joint or something on the way home and gorge ourselves before we get home as well since we generally don't eat super well when camping unless the fishing is good. I love the pain of that huge shit tearing your asshole as it leaves you. You think you can't take it one second longer and then BOOM, it calves like a iceberg and slides out of your bleeding asshole as you emit a moan of absolute and unadulterated pleasure.

>>10173973
That birth-giving shit plus the shower afterward where you wash the patina of dirt smoke and sweat that accumulated on you is one of the greatest feelings known to man

>>10174039
I'm with you man. It's been a while since I've camped unfortunately. Especially since I live in arguably the most /out/ state in America... Idaho. Damn I just got an itch to go backpacking or at least car camping this weekend. I need some fresh air or I might die. Also, since this is a coffee thread... I do love waking up before my buddies when it's cold as fuck outside and getting that fire started in the morning and making some cheap, shitty instant coffee to warm you up and get the day started. God damn I definitely need to get /out/.

Pic related. My main hiking trail I go on. Never seen another person on it before. My little secret.

>be Nordic
>drink upwards of 2 litres of coffee every day
>no bowel issues whatsoever
I've never understood what people are talking about with regards to "coffee shits".

i am a morning dumper, it occurs like clockwork whether i have coffee or not. Having coffee makes me feel like i HAVE TO SHIT NOW! but i think it is psychosymtic (or however that is spelled)

>>10174183
Ayyyy fellow idahonian here, what city you in? I'm in boise

>>10174309
Same here. Over by the mall currently, but I think I'm going to move closer to downtown after my lease ends in a couple months. There was a good Idaho thread on /pol/ earlier actually. Not sure if you browse that board or not. I've only been here about 18 months or so. Moved from the shithole that is the Southeast on a whim because it's so pretty out here and I got sick of traffic and crime. Loving it out here, just haven't made as many friends as I had hoped. That's partially my fault though. Such is life. Beautiful state and this winter has been so different from last year's, it's nuts. Gonna get chilly the next few days though.

>>10173332
>something about traveling generally brings the bowels to a stop. but then you get to take that massive poo when you get back home.
Sounds like you don't feel comfortable enough to have the same full release you feel comfortable with having when at home. I've noticed that before where I know I want to take a shit at work but only a small part of it will come out and then when I get home and close the door I finally feel relaxed enough to take a shit for real.

>>10174353
Yea. Happens to a lot of people. Shy bowels or whatever you wanna call it. Happens with me if I'm traveling with family or friends and have to share a bathroom or something. If there is ANY chance of them walking in less than an hour after me, I don't bother shitting. Also, I love taking my time when I take a dookie as well. Bring a book or my laptop in with me and chill for a while and make sure I clear out completely. Also my shits are usually pretty loud and bathrooms tend to echo quite a bit so yup... lots of reasons for shy bowels. Smell, sound, time spent while taking a dump.

>>10174328
Oh damn, I work down at the egyptian theatre at concessions, if you come in for an event sometime say hi, I'm the blonde with long hair.

>>10168122
unironically this, works faster than the probiotics

>>10174631
Will do. Never even heard of that place. Actually seems pretty cool. I don't get downtown as much as I should. Boise does have a pretty nice downtown area. Good walking town. Since we're on /ck/, any places downtown that you would suggest trying out for a meal? I've been to Barbacoa twice, which was fantastic both times... but other than that I haven't really eaten downtown much.

>>10174657
My go to place for a meal downtown is ramen sho, though I'm a sucker for ramen. Another really good place is piper pub and grill, amazing elk burgers. And in the spirit of the coffee thread I gotta talk about the best coffee in boise at Dawson Taylor's, it's a complete hipster nest but damn the coffee is good.

>>10174668
Nice. I appreciate the suggestions. I definitely need to broaden my horizons a bit and head down there a bit more. I'm a big drinker though, so I worry that I'll go down there and spend a fortune bar hopping and trying out a bunch of different places. An elk burger sounds fucking amazing right now too... Might have to stop by there some time this week. Thanks again. I'm off to bed. Take it easy dude, maybe chat with you on here tomorrow if the thread is still up.

>>10174682
Hell yeah man, sleep well

bout to have that 1st cup o' joe of the day. who here ready for some /shitz/?

>>10176023
/Shitlord/ here, literally shitting right now.

But I know I won't be in here long. Thanks coffee.

>>10176562
>>10176562
You're welcome bro. I am coffee btw. Who else wants to poop?

>drink close to a gallon of coffee a day at work
>Somehow caffeine keeps my (diagnosed) ADHD under control
>Shits are totally ordinary, a semi soft solid correlating with the quantity of food eaten.

>drink diarrhea
>get diarrhea

>>10167808
literally nothing better

>>10167584

Hey man, it's better than eating really spicy souped noodles and getting diarrhea immediately afterwards.

>drink coffee
>get diahrrea

it feels nice tbqh

>>10176663
this is scott adams tier coffee persuasion

>>10176023
>>10167584
morning frens

>>10167584
Most people think it's the caffeine that gives you the shits but it's the oil that does it. Sure the caffeine jitters might contribute but not as much as you think.

>>10176694
>Somehow caffeine keeps my (diagnosed) ADHD under control
Stimulants are what is prescribed for ADHD, dingy.

>>10176766
I never took the meds because I (my parents) was told itd make me a slow drooling zombie, does that mean Adderall/ritalin is basically a caffeine pill?

>>10176785
>Adderall/ritalin is basically a caffeine pill?
it's literally legal meth

>drink coffee
>get long and intense bouts of anxiety
>start boozing to stop the fear
I fucking hate my life

>>10173199
Reddit

My friend has extreme reactions to caffeine, it's hilarious. Dude has a cup of tea and begins trembling. One time for a science project, both of us had a red bull and got our pulse measured. Mine didn't change from before the drink, his shot up to 160bpm and he started sweating and shaking lmao. Needless to say, he doesn't drink coffee.

>>10177387
that's why I cut down on my coffee habits and started drinking sporadically

>have a cup of coffee
>brew another one while I brew another one
>take it with me to the shitter
>achieve hyperloop status

>>10169455
living the life, anon

>>10178150
:)

>>10176785
>I never took the meds because I (my parents) was told itd make me a slow drooling zombie
Whoever told you that was a malicious asshole or an idiot(or both). It helps you calm down and get control over your impulses, it doesn't dull your mind like antidepressants do.

>>10167584
Weird. If I drink a dark roast black, my poop is like a log.

>>10173326
>do the shits push the farts out? or vise versa?
Ask Dr. Drew Mommy

>>10167584
Tell your bowels to man the fuck up. Also eat more fiber.

you don't like coffee diarrhea anon?

>mfw discovering coffee and cigarettes
What a wonderful flavor