/ck/ - Food & Cooking

I bite kit kat bars without breaking them into pieces first

>>10019823
I am responsible for 85% of Tom Brady posting on /sp/

I hate mushrooms

I still enjoy well done steak

Raw fish is gross, or I haven't had proper sushi

>>10019823
I used ketchup as a base for a sauce today

>>10019823
I like eating mayonnaise out of the jar

I use old kitchen knives that were cheap to begin with and don't even own any kind of tool to sharpen them and often have to saw through food

>>10019823
Whois Jefferey Dahmer?

>>10019823
I have used pic related to bake cookies

>>10019912
Wew, me too. Not a lot, just part of a spoonful.

>>10019919
I bought a betty Crocker knife at the dollar store for $4. It came with a plastic sleeve to protect the blade. It's fucking perfect 10/10 would recommend

>>10019823
I drink coffee for the taste... i dont even need caffeine

>>10019934
How were they?

>>10019938
Wait til you’ve had that thing for over a month leaf fag. It’ll be as dull as your fucking posts.

>>10019867
I must be the other 15 then

jews run the synagogues

>>10019823
I accidentally the entire

I force myself to like pretentious mustard and I don't hate ketchup as much as I let people think

>>10019823
My personal record for hot pockets eaten in a single meal is 15. I plan on attempting to break that record next weekend live on twitch. Shooting for 20.

>>10020719
stoner or just fat?

>>10020719
What's your favorite hot pocket?

I deepthroated a whole corn cob while it was hot

>>10019823
Your fat, how dare you judge other people.

My favorite BBQ sauce is ketchup plus brown sugar and liquid smoke

>>10020916
Both

>>10020935
Ham and cheese or pepperoni and cheese

>>10020613
they also run (((israel)))

>>10019867
You're doing God's work.

>>10021148
cool

I eat ramen every single day

I don't have a freezer. Is that normal?

I eat too many carrots

I ususlly post the "runny eggs=salmonella" threads, but i only eat my eggs with a runny yolk

A few times a month I get a l.c. extra most bestest and I eat most of it behind the store overlooking a lake. Usually I'm drunk for this and I smoke a cigarette after.

>>10019823
I work in a prison, and I have several sins.
>commissary
Sometimes I'll lie to inmates and tell them we're out of whatever they want.
>package room
Sometimes inmates will lose the privilege of getting outside packages and if he doesn't tell us what he wants to do with those packages we normally eat it
>messhall
If they have something good for lunch like fried chicken or chicken patties I'll take some and give them to my coworkers, sometimes they run out so some inmates get baloney sandwiches.

>>10019823
the sign said "do not step on grass" and I stepped on it

>>10019863
The only way to consume kit kats desu

Today I've even two baklavas, a bunch of brownie bites, an entire cornbread with peanut butter and apricot jelly, multiple bowls of rice pudding and chili, and a whole can of mackerel with mayo and valentina. It kicked ass and ruled but I know my body's gonna look like shit in a few days. At least I don't have to take my shirt off around anyone anymore.

>>10019823
I deeply inhale the noxious fumes of my own farts and enjoy them, exspecially when I am drinking alcohol specifically wine and cider.

>>10020719
I imagine on your janitor's salary it's tough to pay for all that

I tried the Lay's ketchup flavored chips and actually enjoyed them.
I have eaten a family size bag of cheetos puffs in one sitting.
I unironically enjoy the films of Wes Anderson.

>>10019863

>>10022031
Stfu I'm actually a wed programmer pulling 6 figures a year from my.house you little faggot.

i love bacon, but i'd rather be here than reddit.

I eat with my knife in my left hand, fork in right

>>10022077
Well I'm a thurs programmer pulling 8 figures a year from my garage you bitch made fuccboi cry harder.
But real talk if you don't know what janitor posting is then lurk moar

>>10019891
>I hate mushrooms
came here to post this

I don't put salt in anything.

Also this: >>10020037.

>>10021426
That's pretty shitty, anon.

>>10022095
>Well I'm a thurs programmer

I Used to be gay. Every day, fighting my urges is hard. The only things protecting me are God and my dreams of some day having a beautiful wife and 5 children.

For breakfast today I had two sandwiches. Each with three maple sausage patties, a hash brown patty, two eggs, cheddar cheese and mayo.

>>10022218
haha fucking floridian furfag you'll always look back at the gay times and realize they were actually better

>>10021426
devilish

>>10019823
Sometimes I like to stop on the way home and window shop in publix, especially around their flowers, bakery, and deli and pretend I'm not poor.

>>10022095
>>10022077
>week day programmers
Absolutely pathetic

>>10019823
i would be perfectly happy to eat rice with chickenstock+tomato for months

I pretend to not like teenage girls, and act grossed every time someone mentions to like them IRL, just to hide my uncontrollable lust towards them.

I talk shit about foods I've never eaten.

>>10022719
You and every other pedo

>>10022563
:'<

I hate broccoli, cauliflower, and brussels sprouts. I've tried them many times and I think they're disgusting.

>>10020621
yeah, this

I bake about 2 pound cakes a week and eat them all by myself

>>10019896
I hope you're talking about a BBQ sauce, lad.

>>10020296
10/10

I just ate a hot dog bun with a slice of processed cheese in it.

>>10019823
i am a sip poster

Man these Goya taquitos are good and blow José Olé out of the water, the beef ones taste the best.

I have eaten a whole box of these every day for like 2 weeks, the store is actually running out of them probably mostly because of me.

>>10020037
Like a true patrician.
Caffeine-cucks are pathetic.

>>10022164
Sorry I ruined the day of a convicted child rapist. My bad.

>>10021426
Good job. They shouldn't be committing crimes or getting caught

>>10024547
>uneducated, unsympathetic gorilla can only get a job at a prison
not surprising

>>10021426
>>10024547
Reported to the FBI, you will reap what you sow.

>>10024602

lol, and lefties balk when we say they want to just let criminals all go

this guy got 21 years "psychiatric detention" for machinegunning a heaping pile of brown children, are you sure this is what you want?

>ketchup is the best condiment
>mustard is only good when mixed with honey
>the only good tomato is a pan fried one. Raw cold tomatoes are fucking disgusting
>I have never tried mayo because the smell makes me almost throw up every time
>milk is for babies and children. It isn't natural to drink it as an adult.
I won't ask for forgiveness, father. For I know the truth

>>10024635
That's not America you fucking retard. America's prisons are for profit and all privately owned. This scumbag went on a hunger strike because he didn't have enough games for his xbox

I have eaten hell and enjoyed it

>>10019823
I got drunk last night and made a tasty abomination that would probably send me to /ck/s Hell for a sin I'll describe in a bit.

First I made some fries. Then I warmed up some mussels in garlic I bought from Kroger. This is when things started to go sideways.

I shucked all the mussels and discarded the shells. I now had mussels in a super thin but super delicious garlic sauce. To remedy this I added some flour to thicken up the sauce. But I wasn't done yet. I poured the mussels n gravy over the fries.

But I wasn't done yet.

I then sprinkled shredded cheddar over the whole thing and stuck it under my broiler. It tasted excellent. I really was not expecting that.

So yeah my sins are many but combining cheese with seafood is a whopper. Even worse I saved half which I plan to eat later in the week because shit just tasted good.

Is there any salvation for my poor, damned soul?

>>10024589
>uneducated, unsympathetic gorilla can only get a job at a prison
Well they are convicted felons. Sure they get paid $.20/h to wash floors, but you don't need to be a racist and call them gorillas.
>>10024602
>thinking the FBI gives a shit if a convicted child rapist can't buy pudding cups and nikes from the prison store
lol
>>10024651
>retard doesn't know about federal, state, and country run prisons
How anyone can feel sorry for murderers, pedophiles, gang-members, and rapists is beyond me.

>>10024635
The laws are laws and it's no one's job to match or surpass anyone's depravity and the law states people's sentences in accordance with their crime. Anything else is potentially cruel and unusual and most importantly beyond the law. Adherence to the law is one of the primary pillars of any civilized society and failure to do so by those tasked with enforcing it is a threat to it.

>>10024651
>America's prisons are for profit and all privately owned.

Less than 10% of the US prison population is in private prisons, Anon...

I’ve eaten two whole pizzas.
I’ve eaten a twenty piece zaxbys half nuclear a side order of chips and another of curds. I only eat vegetables now because I can eat something close to as much as I want, I’m ravenous.

>>10024704
I also mix buttermilk ranch with soy sauce

>>10024687
>how can anyone feel sorry for
>unveils self as furry

>>10024687
Corrections employees are bottom of the barrel as far as real police are concerned and are fair game for targeted prosecution for self promotion, acquisition of government funds, and sowing trust in the general public.

>>10024697
Federal or State? also cite sources

>>10024713
>conflates being a murderer and a pedophile with being a furry
Are you upset your boyfriend didn't get the K2 you sent him? I hope you don't start an incident in the visiting room.
I spend at least 5k every year commissioning the most deranged fap material imaginable, while they're in there eating shitty government food and wallowing in their own filth.
>>10024714
You think I consider myself a fucking police officer?. I got paid almost $100k last year, I get full benefits, deferred comp, all for being a glorified babysitter for a bunch of retards.

>>10024687
Pretty much this.

Look up After Prison Show on YouTube. When you get locked up it's literally because it's illegal for people to take you out and shoot ya. And if not for, you know... Civilized society and laws making this impossible the corrections industry would switch over to the 'human disposal industry' no fucks given. So they'll give you the bare minimum. Because in reality they want your ass dead. That doesn't stop them from making sure you'll WISH you were dead 24/7. And part of that 'vacation package' they give you is making sure you enjoy -nothing-. Least of all food.

So that's what always kept me on the up and up in life. Because if you end up behind bars you are fucking FUCKED. Even the biggest hardasses would rather die than go back.

>>10024749
Even more of an excuse to send your life crashing and raise the living standard of a real duteous official.
http://valleycentral.com/news/local/former-willacy-county-prison-guard-sentenced-to-18-months-in-prison

>>10024660
what is that?

>>10024757
The Big Shabang chips were literally discontinued because inmates enjoyed them. People meme NO FUN ALLOWED but you have no idea what it's like to have a group of thinking people engineer the least enjoyable experience for you by design. No matter how petty the reason somebody is always on your nuts.

>>10024749
It's not all fun and games.
One of my besties is a former CO. He quit due to to too many risks to the guards.

You know how it is. There's always a Billy Badass who wants to make a name for himself and fucking up a guard makes you a rock star. So in this case Billy nailed my buddy with a lock-in-a-sock. In the fuckin' knee.

>>10024749
>acting like your above bot of the barrel shit dregs as a massive degenerate and lapdog
nobody likes you, kek

>>10021160
t. David Shekelstein

>>10024757
The ethics of scrupleless scoundrels. "I like being threatened with brutal cruelty".
Maybe it should be democratically decided to have people with such tendencies committed to institutionalization albeit an ethical one.

>>10024757
>And part of that 'vacation package' they give you is making sure you enjoy -nothing-. Least of all food.
It's not that, it's because the state is cheap as fuck. That's the reason why the food sucks. That's why prison's will settle instead of taking things to court. That's why prisoners in max prisons have fucking TVs and cable.

Inmates are like retarded kindergarteners with knives. The reason they're in prison is that they are shitty people with no morals who need to be confined like the animals they are for the benefit of society.
>>10024769
>The Big Shabang chips were literally discontinued because inmates enjoyed them
They were discontinued because an inmate sued about the bags falsely advertising the amount of chips in the bags. The inmates ruin shit for themselves and then bitch about it.
>>10024765
You think I give a shit about a inmate sympathizing retard getting caught smuggling them shit?
>>10024781
The pay and benefits are good. My prison isn't one of those pussy hug-a-thug ones, the inmates know what will happen if they assault staff.
>>10024784
Yes. I am above literal child molesters and drug dealers. Every day at work I make a point of telling the cop killers that I get to go home every day, that they'll never, ever, get out. That they'll die in prison. All in all it's a great job.

>>10024800
>probably more degeneracy and verbal masturbation
mommy didn't love you, huh

>>10024821
>being this upset that child molesters and murders get treated like shit.

>>10024767
Peanut butter, ketchup and coleslaw. It was a good sandwich

>>10024800
Thank you for your service, lap dog! How's it feel to know the vast majority of those you guard have an iq 30-60 points higher than you, lol?

>>10022218
I pretend that I'm gay. People used to doubt it, but now they've pretty much accepted it as truth. To make it seem more believable I talk about imaginary one night stands every month or so, and I downloaded grindr and exchange dick pics with guys. I actually had sex with a gay friend, but he fucked me because I couldn't get hard and blamed it on alcohol. I think I win

>>10024734
Fed and state

http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2017/04/11/u-s-private-prison-population-has-declined-in-recent-years/

>>10024837
>more anigay
>words n shiet that are supposed to hurt n shiet
bet you have a body pillow, anon

>>10024793
Wait, you think I -like- that?

Hell fucking no. It only takes somebody you know getting busted and interrogated for them to make up any shit they can think of to save their own asses. And sometimes some of that made up shit involves rattling off pretend stories about people they know. Like you. Then even if the story was made up the system will try and railroad a conspiracy charge. Which you'll be offered a plea deal and pressured to take it.

Which is why it's never a good idea to do or share illegal drugs with friends. Not because the drugs are bad but because the system is designed to use drugs as a cantilever to shove people into the corrections meat grinder. The criminal justice system fucking LOVES illegal drugs. That keeps everything rolling and the paychecks coming. In other words: it's bait. Catching stupid fish that don't know it's a racket.

>>10024856
>>10024734

Stats for total prison population:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incarceration_in_the_United_States

>>10024843
>Thank you for your service, lap dog!
No need to thank me, the state does that every two weeks.
>How's it feel to know the vast majority of those you guard have an iq 30-60 points higher than you, lol?
That's a pretty good joke. Do you know how many fucking snitch notes I've read that were completely devoid of even the most basic grammar? Most of them read like something written by a 1st grader. Some of them can't even read of their ID cards and need to be told what their pass slips say. I'm not kidding when I say they are fucking retarded, but I will admit it's funny when they get out all of their legal papers and try to sound out the words. Trust me on this, they're fucking idiots, that's why they're in prison.
>>10024860
Damn straight I have a dakimakura, I do have a lot of overtime pay to spend after all.

>>10019823
Bless me Father I have sinned,I got pissed and I got pinned And God can't help the shape I'm in.

I'm not a fan of spicy as fuck stuff and can't handle onions.

>>10024881
>the never ending folder of faggotry pics
still not reading the shitpile of a furry faggot weeb

>>10024793
Fair enough but it still goes for people who favor having such a state of affairs.

>>10024237
kill yourself

>>10024898
I'm really sorry if you're boyfriend and or father is in prison for being a piece of shit. If you give me his DIN I might let him have an extra minute or two to call you. Hell, I'll even tell the guy monitoring the calls to not disconnect the call.

>>10024881
>get's off tormenting caged animals
>denigrates others
Is something wrong with this picture?

I never beat Super Metroid
I never played Diablo 1 or 2
I never beat Baldur's Gate 2

>>10024915
>get's off tormenting caged animals
I don't fuck with the majority of them, just the cunts and those that have it coming to them. If I was an asshole to every inmate I'd never get anything done.

But they are animals and deserve absolutely no respect as they've been adjudicated by their peers and have lost that right. I feel nothing but contempt for them but if they behave and do as they're told and don't fuck up my day they typically don't get fucked with. Typically.

I fucking love pizza rolls.
...
And I heat them in the microwave rather than a proper oven or toaster oven.

>>10024651
You know prisoners are used to work jobs right? You want them to live for free, get free health care, and food for nothing?

>>10024915
LMAO. A minor inconvenience is equal to torment but these fuckers will rape, kill and torture innocent people.

iv'e made chicken curry about 50 times and still don't know how much powder to use.

>>10019823
I dip my McDonalds Cheeseburger into the Sweet&Sour Sauce.

I only go on /k/ but come here to shitpost and troll. You guys are easier to troll than /k/

>>10022728
t. pineapple on pizza hater

my Papa Was a Rollin' Stone
but i can t get no satisfaction
until My Bonnie Lies over the Ocean

>>10026403
>I only go on /k/ but come here to shitpost and troll. You guys are easier to troll than /k/
>namefag

you arent trolling anyone except yourself.

>>10019823
I only eat American cheese and love it.

I don't know shit about cooking, most of the time I just throw stuff into the crock-pot and let it do its thing. It's always bretty good

I ate dog meat noodles when i traveled to China. It tastes like beef

>>10021994
You'll find a new gf someday anon

>>10019891
What kind of sushi have you tried?

>>10019912
Muh nigga.

>>10019891
I hate them but I still eat them for fear of not being a conossieur

>>10020942
I masturbated to this confession

>>10021331
Are you orange?

>>10027252
Kys


>>10019823
I always try to cook pastawith soy sauce onion and pepper and it always tastes like shit.

I tap my knife

>>10027595
>Are you orange?
I am tangerine.

I'm addicted to sugary drinks more than caffeine, if I can't get my soda fix a glass of apple juice does it better than a cup of coffee for me

>>10024855
B... but why?

i eat when i'm bored. i want to stop

>>10024643
Wrong on every single point, that's impressive.

i used to love mushrooms... now i don't know anymore

>>10019891
lol what a pleb

>>10019912
how fat are you?
>>10021426
You are doing gods work anon, fuck those criminals
>>10022019
you sound like the Californians from the smug South Park episode
>>10022218
keep fighting that devil in you anon, you can do it

Last night I heated up soup in a mug and drank it just because I didn't want to wash a spoon.

Sometimes I just straight up eat canned food like some kind of post-apocalypse goblin

I woke up in the middle of the nite to take 3 bites out of a frozen burrito.

if it's not a soft (i.e. fridge) cake, I'm dipping it in milk

>>10019823

Father, forgive me for I have sinned, I used half and half instead of milk to make my pancakes this weekend.

>>10019863
To the rope with you.

>>10019823
I like peanut butter, miracle whip, and sweet pickle chip sandwiches.

>>10029271
How could this happen? What ones have you eaten? You might need to branch out

There was a period in my life where I had no money for one month, so I used this coupon from the Mcdonalds app to get a free menu sandwich and would do that for every meal by signing up with new accounts each time. I ate nothing but mcdonald's for one month. I know my old roommate is lurking this thread and can verify it.

>>10019867
soon

>>10030319

They've got this going on again. Any sandwich for free if you spend $1+ on the app. Since they've started it last week I've had the McChicken for the paid item and tried all their "premium" sandwiches.
The signature crafted are pretty ok, settled on the grilled chicken, swiss mushroom, "artisan bun". Mostly getting the "Double Fillet o Fish" though.
Last time they did that I was dumb and got 2x Double Quarter Pounders a day for the whole 2 weeks. Didn't eat burgers for a while after that. Variety is important.

Body doubles scenes sucks

>>10000000
just looking for the get

I'm too lazy to make lunch and buy a hot pie every day.

>>10032730
Don't forget the nines.

>>10020037
>>10024464
there are no caffeine-cucks
only coffee cucks who have cucked themselves so hard they convinced themselves they drink it for the """taste"""