/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>Bon Appétit apron is $150, $240 aussieland funbux

>trying to make dinner with girlfriend
>have you ever cooked stuff before?
>"yeah"
>hand her a stalk of celery and an extremely sharp "this is anon's knife don't touch it because its worth more than your car" knife that was handmade and i imported from germany
>she saws at the celery extremely slowly
>take a slightly dull steak knife and shop mine in about 5 seconds
>she is still on her second slice
>everything she cuts is like that
>ask her if she is sure that she has cooked before
>"mostly microwave, my mom and sister cook but i do the dishes"
>mfw she washes dishes slowly and in cold water

at least she sucks my dick while waiting for things to simmer or bake, because god damn that woman doesnt know the difference between a pan and a bowl

>grew up in a shitty household and moved out when I was 15
>never learned anything about food or cooking
>decided to give up living off of soda and fast food
>tried cooking for the first time
>put rice in rice cooker
>emptied canned kidney beans in a pot on the stove
>burned my finger
>cooked way too much food
>rice is bland and slimey
>beans are flavorless
>gagged through the whole meal
Why is this so hard?