/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>18169683
Dots, not slots

>>16183857
Food Wishes on Youtube has some very newbie friendly recipes.
You'll have to power through the first few videos and gets used to his inflection.

>>14097189
That's right, Jay!

>>11330622
Cayenne

Hello everyone!

This is chef John from foodwishes.com wiiiith:

How to end your own life!

Thats right! The holidays are coming up and you probably are wondering why you are such a failure, and what youre going to do about it, and i have just the thing for you!

>>9724345
It's cayenne. "Someone" told him it would cure his pinkeye.

>>9705577

Anyone else got this thing where you like to listen to background noise while you eat? Nothing actually engaging, just... there?

I listen to Chef John while I eat. I recently discovered he has episodes going back 10 fucking years.

>>8951543
no cayenne???

DUDE CAYENNE LMAO

Has anyone actually tried his recipes?
I made his lemon bars but its pretty hard to screw up lemon bars

Hello this is Chef John from Food Wishes.com with.....

A cooking thread on /ck/!
Yes thats right this simple recipe is something that so many people get wrong yet its so easy. So this video is dedicated to all of those food bloggers posting their thoughts on Donald Trump on a cookery board.

So to begin we're gonna take a food related topic. I'm using youtube chefs but you can use whatever you want, as long as its food related. You are after all, the Zed of your food thread, and if you follow this recipe exactly your food thread won't end up dead.

So all you have to do is put the food thread onto the board and sit and let it simmer for about an hour. After an hour you might notice a bit of shitposting accumulating but you can skim that off, or give it the olllll' shake-a shake-a to remove an excess shitposts. After about an hour your thread should have reduced, but not into shit flinging. Instead it should have reduced into an intelligent discussion of food techniques and types. And believe it or not your on topic thread is done!

So excuse me whilst I take a minute to dive into this fantastic off topic discussion and as always..... enjoy!

>muh cayenne

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljPwpFA0Fd4

Hello!

Chef john here from fooooood wishes dot com and today

we're making a tub of cum!

that's right

this tub of cum also known as jizz is great for any party or get-together

so lets get started!

first you're gonna need a tub, but not just any size

oooohhhhhh no

you're gonna want something big, something voluminous

today i'm using a 5x5 solid steel cum bucket

and next your gonna want to prepare your cum

so find about 20 or 30 healthy males in the area i'll be using 15 blacks and 10 hispanics, but use can use whatever you want

just make sure to avoid those asians, they don't supply enough

and you're gonna want to prep the bull

just take your hands and rub one of these males down

make sure to squeeze gently to get aaaaaalllll the juice out

remember you are the Attila the Hun of your bucket of cum

so once they're all juiced go ahead and leave out the tub for about an hour

some people like to refrigerate it for about an hour, I don't but you are the boss of your man sauce

and you're dooooonnneee!

look at that, a nice, syrupy bowl; excuse me bucket, of cum.

thick

velvety

ribbons of spunk

just wanting to entertain your guests!

so go ahead and try this at home the next time you bring your wife's son over for dinner!

and as always

eeeeennnjjeeeuuoooyyyyy!!

Hello chef john here from food wished dot com wiiiiiiith
A bowl of tuuuuuuurds!
thats right
but not ust any turds, oh no,
we're talking real, freshly squeezed feces from your neighbors yard
so first your gonna need some turds
ad make sure you get the fresh ones
I don't want any of you folks to be getting those turds that are a day old,
you want fresh
so once you get your turds gathered you're gonna want a bowl
i'm using a fancy eramic bowl here
but any bowl will work
and you're gonna want to put the turds in the bowl for 5 minutes
and you dooooooone!
look at that, a fresh bowl of turds
so sticky and glosy
impress your friends this holiday season with this gorgeous
beautiful
amazing looking bowl of turds
and as always
eeeeeeeeeeeenjoy