/ck/ - Food & Cooking

A little background info so this makes sense: I got blood work back on Monday and everything was fine except my cholesterol was high. Well not even really high, it wasn't flagged or anything just near the upper limit of normal. But this set my dear wife off and she threw out almost all "unhealthy foods" (that I liked) in the house and has put me on a strict diet.

But we had some expensive artisan sausage that she had bought from a saucissier last weekend, which she didn't want to throw out. So she said this was the last sausage I could have. I am having followup blood work done in six months and she said if my cholesterol isn't lower she won't even think about letting me have a child (despite promising me three years ago that we could have one before we turn 40).

We cooked the sausage tonight and she let me have half of one, and it was incredible: merguez, rabbit and hazelnut and duck with apricot and calvados. I could only have half of one so I went with the duck but I really wanted to try the others but she wouldn't budge. After she went to sleep I couldn't help finish the other half and then, lord help me, I ended up eating two more (one each of the other two kinds). I was practically in nirvana they were so good.

Now I'm filled with a feeling of dread and anxiety because I know I let her down but if she finds out I'm in a lot of trouble. I'm looking for how to make counterfeit sausage but all the recipes are for actual sausage and I can't go out and get casings and everything, it can only be what is in my house. They don't have to taste like the sausage just look like them. I'm thinking about taking them out of the fridge in the morning and making a big show of dumping them in the garbage. She'll be mad I wasted them but I'll tell her I want to be serious about our diet. Well my diet, she could lose weight (she'd kill me if she saw this) but there are some double standards in our relationship but that's neither here nor there.

Can anyone help?