/ck/ - Food & Cooking

So I'm trying to adjust my diet to fit a limited budget and one of the first things I want to cut out is Lucky Charms. Problem is I eat Lucky Charms not because I particularly care for the taste but because something in it makes me shit extremely well. Ordinarily my shit is very sparse because I don't eat a lot. Regardless of diet, my shit isn’t anything to brag about and even hurts sometimes coming out. It’s not like an unhealthy black shit, but the sort of shit that's just lumpy and not outstandingly shaped or sized. Lucky Charms, on the other hand, has the opposite effect. I could eat anything I want over the course of a few days but as long as I eat Lucky Charms that climactic shit will always be completely perfect. Long, smooth, flawless, fine odor, generally the sort of shit you'd expect from a healthy intestine. It doesn’t clog the toilet, it doesn’t need more than one wipe, it isn’t mushy or malformed, it never breaks apart. These are some seriously Grade-A shits. More satisfyingly it’s a long, single shit like a python smoothly sliding out of my anus. I don’t know much about Guinness but if I sent in a photo of one of these I might actually approach some kind of record, at least as far as sheer length is concerned. I have never, ever had a Lucky Charms shit where I had to twist, turn or strain simply because of how easily I can eek it out of my butt.

Now I want to get Lucky Charms out of my diet, but at the same time I want to retain these leprechaun-blessed magnificent shits. I looked over the ingredients package and its all food coloring and other garbage I can't begin to infer; there’s nothing I could look for in other foods to narrow down another, cheaper source of shit-fuel. Even I would think that Lucky Charms is horrible for you but these masterfully-crafted shits have convinced me otherwise. Anyone here know what I mean or at least know enough about breakfast cereal to help me out?