/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>Ordered a pizza from Dominoes
>Meat lovers pizza
>Pizza delievery guy came to the door
>Looked inside
>Very clear that I am alone, all the lights are off, parents out so no car
>pizza guy looks at me disgusted
>try to calm the mood
>"d-d-did you cut the pizza into 12 slices, one for each month of 2015?"
>he panics and says 'I don't know bro, were we supposed to?'
>I say "No... just a joke! If I had a pizza to represent my 2015 it wouldn't have a girlfriend as a toppin!"
>he says 'but this one doesn't'
>try to carry the conversation and say "I'll pretend the meat on the pizza is a chopped up girlfriend"
>he looks scared
>I pay and say sorry

r-roll on 2016

>Brother is a 23 year old NEET
>Pretty autistic
>I have no friends either but have a job, pay rent etc
>Brother refuses to be called unemployed
>He claims he is an entomology researcher
>Room is filled with books about bugs
>Obsessed with bugs
>One day he offers to cook for the family out of the blue
>everyone shocked but say OK
>He tells us he will cook 'ant and chicken stew'
>tells us it is a joke because the food will lift our taste buds like ants lift many times their own weight
>come home from work next day
>brother in kitchen cooking
>smells quite good, very surprising
>time comes to serve dinner
>put my spoon in the bowl
>meat tender, texture good
>feel something hard on the bottom
>pull out with my spoon
>lots of litte chicken bones
>whole bottom of the bowl is lined with chicken bones
>ask brother wtf is going on
>''Well it is ant stew... thats the exoskeleton!''
>me and parents both act disgusted
>brother starts getting really offended, telling us how he worked all day on it
>we apologise as he is very upset
>all eat our stew
>buy him an antfarm to apologise
>now every week he makes one meal for us
>always has some insect involvement
>for example 'cockroach sandwiches' just regular sandwiches but makes us eat them crouched in the bathtub because that is how to survive a nuke which cockroaches can do
>usually though he just has bones in the food as an exoskeleton