/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Fact: pie crust was a medieval invention and used to cook the meat inside. When it was ready, the crust was broken off and thrown away, and the meat consumed.

One day, however, a young squire, Alfonse de Twinque, seconded to the King of Burgundy as Lance Polisher In Chief, stumbled upon a piece of discarded crust lying on the floor of the palace kitchen and promptly set about devouring it; mostly, it should be mentioned, to allay the stinging stench of monarchical 'polish' still smeared upon his lips. Having partaken of the delicious, flaky, all-too-buttery pastry, Alfonse, in a moment of delirious ecstasy, overpowered by its perfumed hint of succulent juices, exotic herbs and Arabian spices, pounced upon the kitchen wench who had so lovingly kneaded it, her heaving milky bosom contributing little droplets of fair maiden moisture to its heavenly consistency, and set about giving her a proper pounding she all but had begged for by her prodigious skill with her plump little fingers. Gasping with pleasure, the maiden cried out whereupon the King, who so happened to be passing, chanced upon his squire and kitchen maiden, one a lance handler, the other a masterful mistress of pie, all akimbo, legs asunder, fucking away like saucy rabbits en cruste. Infuriated at this display of wanton lust and especially that it hadn't involved his Royal approval, the King motioned to his men "seize the squire, slaughter the slut!". But his men moved not an inch, nor tarried to muster. For there, just between them, the young knave and his cherubic damsel, lay a morsel of crust, dripping with juices, of rabbit, of dove, of spices, and love. "Forsooth!", cried the party, "pray plead you, our liege, must we too be denied such succulent pleasures, we're tired of your lance, and frankly your feathers, we demand pie, crust and all and if we can't have it, your kingdom shall fall!". And so pie was born.

Half this post is not true.