/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>use a little bit of cayenne because I'm the Mussolini of my spaghettini
>touch peepee

>I'll have a diet cola
>"Is Pepsi okay?"

>>9912676
>tfw no qt gf with cerebral palsy
why even live

>grow up with boomer mom who cooks by heating up frozen processed foods, fancy recipes involve mixing several processed such as putting jar pasta sauce on breaded chicken that's made of essentially Walmart tendies
>learn to cook in order to escape
>she literally never tries anything I make because she interrogates me to find out every single ingredient before she'll even taste it
>forbidden ingredients are "green things" (parsely, basil, oregano, green onion etc), tomatoes, spices that aren't pepper (but not too much), onions and garlic (but fine if powdered form), anything that could be construed as spicy ie. mild chili powder, cheeses that aren't mozzarella or cheddar, beef that isn't well done, chicken that isn't white meat, and pork (but hot dogs are okay)
>but she has no problem with eating any of the above if it's in the ingredient list of a frozen, pre assembled meal

>every menu item has retarded names and you end up ordering the 'cha burg with xtra awesumsaus

>>9579871

>adding oil to pasta water
>rinsing pasta
>hot dog "carbonara"
>metal utensils in nonstick pot
>processed american slices
>that grudging nod from the taste tester as he eats it directly from the plastic tupperware container it was served in

>Italian Seasoning

>order two three topping pizzas
>they won't let you have a cheese pizza and a six topping pizza

>the crackers it comes with are neatly scored in squares of four
>they just break wherever the fuck they want to anyways

>can't find any steak knives
>they're in the sink covered in food because they were used like butter knives

How hard is it to go to the butter knife drawer fuck

>have asshole friend who always orders some crazy complex franken pizza because he thinks that if it takes longer to make it increases his chance of getting it on the free guarantee
>one large pizza thick crust well done with four cheese blend, half with pepperoni, mushroom and hot pepper with double chili flakes, olive oil and garlic seasoning and half with chicken, extra cheese and bacon with double seasoning, hot sauce and extra pizza sauce on top

>order the screaming tower of pain hellfire inferno burger
>it's just a normal burger but with banana peppers rings and franks red hot
>halfway through your meal the waitress comes by to check in
>"haha so how's the burger? HOT enough for ya? :-)"

>tfw you think that quitting alcohol will give you withdrawals but you can't remember a time in the last 5 years that you went longer than 36 hours without having half a dozen drinks and then you realize that your brain is tricking you into indulging in its addiction with fear

I need another drink

>>8884365

>5'1 Pakistani woman stares up at me with my undressed sub in front of her and says "eee yes?"
>Can I get lettuce onion and tomato?
>she puts the lettuce on and looks up
>"eee yes?"

>four cloves of garlic
>all the cloves are different sizes

>order chinese food with family
>every single fucking dish is some variation of sweet deep fried wonton rice meat except for the curry vegetable that I had to personally pay for to get

iktf

>go to restaurant
>order the burning ring of flame screaming hellfire inferno trial burger
>recieve burger
>it's just a normal burger with different cheese and some banana pepper rings and Frank's on it
>halfway through meal the waitress comes by
>"hahaha still hanging in there? HOT enough for ya? ;-)"