/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>19855795
>STRAIGHT FACTS
It's not bad. They don't use pepper extract or xanthan gum or sodium benzoate, so they pass the baseline slop test. Memes aside, it's actually decent for pizza. But there are equally dece supermarket sauces more commonly available, for cheaper, without political bullshit if that bothers you. Try Marie Sharps.
>THE META
The brand may or may not have shilled on /ck/ in the past. That supposition became "le funny meme", lol XD. But now, even worse, there is a single 1PBTID schizo autist who shits up every thread mentioning Secret Aardvark, by claiming that it is a actually "salsa" instead of a sauce (implying that is some crime), and also accusing the Secret Aardvark social media JIDF of gangstalking him. Oh look, here he is: >>19855834

>>19654725
>being elitest about hotsauce

>go to fancy restaurant
>order expensive food & wine
>survey available condiments
>sigh loudly, snap fingers to summon waiter
>Excuse me, boy, may I see your hot-sauce menu?
>"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't have one."
>Well, I already know what I want anyway. Fetch the Secret Aardvark, chop-chop.
>"The what, sir?"
>Se-cret Aard-vark? You know, the world's premier sauce?
>"Pardon me, sir, but I don't think we have that."
>Ah, so you ran out. That does tend to be a problem. You should inform your sauce-melier immediately. But fortunately... (wink & smile, reach inside jacket)... I always carry my own.

It's important to have this conversation loud enough for all patrons to hear.

Leave the bottle on the table with the logo facing outward. Before each bite, make a big show of opening the bottle, extracting a single drop of "red gold", and closing the bottle with a loud snap. Also frequently exclaim (to no one in particular) "Mmmm mmmm! That's my 'Vark!"

If anyone looks over, be sure to smile, wink, and hold up the bottle, in case they want to take a picture for social media. Of course you'll also want to get your own photo showing the bottle next to your meal and yourself leaning in, mouth agape at the zesty spice. (Don't forget to tag #varklife! One lucky winner this month will get a limited-edition Secret Aardvark® Nintendo Switch!™)

Last but not least, when paying the bill, on the "tip" line, write:

>'Vark goes great on 'za! :^)

In the #varklife, we call that a Coup d'Vark. #AlwaysVarkin

>Ah... you think Secret Aardvark is your ally. You merely adopted the 'Vark. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't taste Sriracha until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but MILD!

>>19454845
It's kind of lame that we have to do this song & dance of acknowledging the reddit meme before any actual discussion can take place, but you hit the nail on the head, I "collect" only to eat. An unopened bottle is an unhappy bottle.

Secret Aardvark is actually dece, and like the meme says, it's great on pizza. Not sure what you mean about price, because it's currently only $6/bottle from my preferred online store. Embrace the meme, enter the shitpost.

The top sauces on my bucket list are:
>Torchbearer: Garlic Reaper
>Queen Majesty: Scotch Bonnet & Ginger
>Spicy Ninja: Death Star
which all have a dominant accessory flavor (garlic, ginger, and carrot respectively).

>>19235189
Ah... you think Secret Aardvark is your ally. You merely adopted the 'Vark. I was born in it, molded by it. I didn't taste Sriracha until I was already a man, by then it was nothing to me but MILD!

>>18300989
>>18301238

>>17270835

>>15854122
this guy can't be real, he's all the soy memes rolled into one

>>15483121
>DUDE DUDE IT'S NOT A BURGER IT'S A CHICKEN SANDWICH™

>It would be extremely spicy... For you.