/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>19231329
>be me, American
>go to visit my British friend in Cornwall
>a grim, foreboding feeling forms in the pit of my stomach as the airplane descends into a soup of industrial smog and smoke from innumerable barrel fires
>exit the airport to a sea of unwashed masses writhing in the streets, thieving gypsies and fat pasty drunken slags
>someone grabs me by the arm
>it's my friend, he hastens me into a hansom cab
>he wants to share some authentic British cuisine
>it's OK, he says, he knows the secret underground sewer routes to avoid the Asian rape gangs
>two hours of white-knuckle terror as the cab twists and turns through alleys and gutters like a roller coaster amid the screams and wails of Britain's poxed and gin-soaked hobbit underclasses
>finally we arrive
>it's a petrol station
>friend goes inside
>comes back with what appears to be a microwaved hot pocket filled with prion beef, cold eels, and maggots
>conflicted between horror and abject pity
>pity wins out
>"It's the best shit I've ever had, Brit-anon! Cheerio pip-pip hooray!"
>tears of gratitude flow down his cheeks, momentarily washing away the chimney soot