/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>be me a young promising young man
>have to leave town a few days a week for work, gf is at home
>i have the Uber eats App on the phone so I order her food
>it's a black guy delivering her meal
>tfw
Post funny stories involving food delivery

>>17727307
is factory farming supposed to evoke images of the holocaust?

>>17668310
w-wait, are you supposed to turn those on? i thought they were just to get rid of the smoke.

>tfw own ~12 sauces and notice the hair on top of my skull noticably thinning out
wtf bros, the memes are true???

I noticed that I have over a dozen different hot sauces in my fridge right now and my mom got me one of those "hot sauce challenge" collections for my birthday. Am I becoming a "hot sauce guy?" I really want to try Secret Aardvark but I'm afraid of becoming one of those guys, you know

>really craving pizza
>try to manifest pizza all day long
>lunch break comes around
>free pizza day
>mfw
wtf bros... anyone else experience any food related paranormal phenomenon?

>>16362295
For the sake of my amphibian friend, what type of fried rice are you even looking for? Chinese takeout? Cantonese? Japanese? Korean? Some weird steaming European style?

>>16333324
>buy deenz as a joke
>turns out they're actually delicious
>also as addicting as cigarettes
I'm on my last two tins and need to make a haul soon

>You catch the ortolan with a net spread up in the forest canopy. Take it alive. Take it home. Poke out its eyes and put it in a small cage. Force-feed it oats and millet and figs until it has swollen to four times its normal size. Drown it in brandy. Roast it whole, in an oven at high heat, for six to eight minutes. Bring it to the table. Place a cloth—a napkin will do—over your head to hide your cruelty from the sight of God. Put the whole bird into your mouth, with only the beak protruding from your lips. Bite. Put the beak on your plate and begin chewing, gently. You will taste three things: First, the sweetness of the flesh and fat. This is God. Then, the bitterness of the guts will begin to overwhelm you. This is the suffering of Jesus. Finally, as your teeth break the small, delicate bones and they begin to lacerate your gums, you will taste the salt of your own blood, mingling with the richness of the fat and the bitterness of the organs. This is the Holy Spirit, the mystery of the Trinity—three united as one. It is cruel. And beautiful.
This is some cult level shit

>order food
>female delivery driver
>get anxious

I always get a bad feeling whenever its female delivery driver delivering my food. I just don't trust woman with handling food

>>16111094
>tfw i own over 5 hot sauces
bros...... am i on the path to soydom?

>Be me
>Want some iced tea that's not too cold, can be easily drank and put away, with there being a lot
>mom drinks a lot of wine
>Realize I can put some tea inside a fancy wine bottle and drink it whenever I please in my room
>Decide to clean out one of her old bottles out with boiling water so that I can begin brewing my tea
>First time it goes well, tastes great and I can sip as I please.
>Second time, It turns out awful, forget to throw it out
>Ffw a week later which is yesterday
>Forget the tea tasted awful
>Take a sip
>It's actually really good, it was just sweet enough.
>Ffw to today decide to pour a cup of my bottled tea
>Look at the bottle and notice the tea has a weird cloudy grey mass floating in it
>Instantly freak the fuck out because I've been drinking the tea with that in it.

Give it to me straight boys am I gonna die?

I eat everything and I'm always a bit gassy and sometimes I'll get the shits
How can I tell if I have IBS, lactose intolerance, Celiac, Crohn's, or something else? Or do I just need to chew better

Sweet Jesus

>>14835724
>and only one of them was good.
many such cases.

>>14718054
>tfw still a 20 beer a day pleb

>restroom is for customers only

>went over to my first gf's house to meet the family and have dinner
>her dad is the perfect example of a discharged fat army grunt that beats his wife
>her mom is booze addicted and smoked cigarettes while reading walmart romance novels alone in her room
>her mom made dinner which was overcooked spaghetti with venison meat and ketchup for sauce
>we had to eat on the couch in the living room because the house was a fucking mess and the dining room table was buried under a mountain of shit
>had to sit there awkwardly while we watched Iron Man 2 and her retarded little brother kept trying to show me his RC car collection.
>made sure to never go over there again

I'm 72 hours sober right now, does that mean my withdrawals are going to be over tomorrow?

>buy chicken breasts for the first time to make chicken parmesean
>they have some weird red spot on them
>should be good until the 6th
>google hasn't clarified what it is

does anyone know what i'm talking abot
can i eat them
should i post a pic

The meat must be like diseased shit cow level quality, right? How else do they stay in business with all the fats who like to go there?

Espetus in my area, not Fogo or whatever.

>>13438417
>expired whitefish in a can
wat

I'm going here tomorrow with my friends in New Jersey, not trying to be funny. Should I just get eggs?