/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>11689326
REALLY FUCKING SORRY TO HEAR THAT. YOU GIVE ME THAT RESTAURANT NUMBER RIGHT THE FUCK NOW AND I'LL TRACK THOSE FUCKERS DOWN AND THERE'LL BE HELL TO PAY. OUR FRESH NEVER FROZEN BEEF PATTIES ARE MEANT TO BE ENJOYED NOT ACT AS A POISONING AGENT. GIVE ME THOSE FUCKERS STORE NUMBER AND I'LL HANDLE THIS SITUATION.

LISTEN UP, YOU FUCKING IDIOTS! ON THIS, THE SIXTH ANNIVERSARY OF MY ILLUSTRIOUS FATHER'S DEATH, I, DAVE "JUNIOR DELUXE" THOMAS, JR. DO SOLEMNLY SWEAR BY EVERY SWEET RED HAIR ON MY SISTER'S HEAD THAT I WILL POLITELY PROMOTE MY BELOVED OLD MAN'S SQUARE PATRICKS UNTIL THE GODDAMN SUN SETS ON THE WEST COAST OF THE UNITED FUCKING STATES OF AMERICA! OF COURSE I MEAN CALIFORNIA, YOU IGNORANT DICKHEAD! HAWAII SUCKS!

WHY ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? GET THE FUCK IN YOUR GODDAMN AUTOMOBILE AND GET THE FUCK DOWN TO YOUR NEAREST WENDY'S AND ORDER UP A LARGE NUMBER THREE! THAT'S A DAVE'S FUCKING TRIPLE, BROTHER! ADD BACON IF YOU LOVE JESUS CHRIST! I DO! I'M GOING TO HEAVEN WHEN I DIE IN A HUNDRED YEARS, AND YOU CAN COME, TOO, IF YOU JUST EAT YOUR FUCKING WENDY'S BURGERS! AMAZING, AND TOTALLY TRUE!

WENDY'S IS WHERE YOU GO WHEN YOU WANT TO BE SATISFIED BY YOUR FUCKING MEAL, YOU FAT MORON! YOU ASSHOLE! BURGER KING? MORE LIKE BURGER QUEEN! MCDONALD'S? MORE LIKE FUCK YOU! HOLY SHIT! THE WHOPPER DOESN'T EVEN HAVE CHEESE ON IT! THREE BUNS ON A BIG MAC? GET FUCKED!

PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE! THROW YOUR COMPUTER OUT THE GODDAMN WINDOW! NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TIME TO GET DRESSED! JUST FUCKING GO, AND CONSUME AS MANY DELICIOUS CHICKEN NUGGETS AS YOU FUCKING CAN! IF YOU DON'T USE AT LEAST ONE PACKET OF EACH TYPE OF SAUCE WITH YOUR NUGGET MEAL, THEN YOU AREN'T FUCKING DONE YET! EAT IT! YOUR STOMACH HURTS? FUCK YOU! JAM THOSE LITTLE BASTARDS DOWN YOUR GULLET AND BECOME THE MAN THAT DAVE THOMAS, SR. ALWAYS KNEW YOU COULD BE! EAT THE FUCKING NUGGETS! DON'T YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF?! WELL, I FUCKING DO! EAT!

GOD BLESS AMERICA, GOD BLESS MY DAD, AND GOD BLESS YOU, PATRIOT! GET THE FUCK ON OVER TO YOUR LOCAL WENDY'S AND STUFF YOUR UGLY FACE UNTIL YOU CHOKE TO DEATH! JUST KIDDING! THAT'S FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE, BECAUSE OUR SQUARE PATRICKS ARE CHOKE-RESISTANT! FUCKING BABIES COULD EAT THOSE SONS OF BITCHES, BUT THEN THEY'D BECOME MEN WAY TOO FUCKING FAST! IT ISN'T NATURAL!

>Wendy's
>Always fresh, never frozen.

>>11419827
Dave wins.
Dave has always won.

THIS IS DAVID "JUNIOR DELUXE" THOMAS, JR. HERE TO HONOR MY FATHER'S ETERNAL FUCKING LEGACY BY REMINDING YOU DUMBASSES TO DO YOUR FUCKING DUTY AS A FUCKING AMERICAN AND GO TO YOUR NEAREST GODDAMN WENDY'S AND GET YOURSELF ONE OF MY ESTEEMED OLD MAN'S FAMOUS FUCKING CHEESEBURGERS! JESUS CHRIST, THEY ARE DELICIOUS! THEY'LL KEEP YOUR BONES STRONG AND YOUR DICK HARD! YOUR MUSCLES WILL GROW TO MONSTROUS SIZE! YOUR FAMILY WILL BECOME FRIGHTENED AND ABANDON THE FREAK YOU'VE BECOME, BUT FUCK THEM! YOU'VE ALWAYS GOT WENDY'S! YOU DO NOT NEED ANYTHING ELSE IN YOUR LIFE!

FOR ME, IT'S THE FUCKING DAVE'S TRIPLE WITH BACON! I GET ONE OF THESE TASTY MOTHERFUCKERS EVERY SINGLE GODDAMN DAY AT AROUND ONE O'CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON! DON'T BELIEVE ME? GO FUCK YOURSELF!

>WENDY'S!
>IT'S FUCKING AWESOME, YOU IDIOT!

I JUST WENT TO FUCKING WENDY'S AND ORDERED A GODDAMN DAVE'S SINGLE WITH BACON AND A CRISPY FUCKING CHICKEN SANDWICH. I WISH I HAD GOTTEN MORE, BUT I DIDN'T, AND NOW I'M HOME AND TOO GODDAMN LAZY TO DRIVE TO WENDY'S AGAIN. FUCK! WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO?!