/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>against my better judgement, lay a plate of baked chicken with brown rice and roasted carrots in front of Jack
>ignoring the silverware, he rips the crisp skin from the chicken thigh and delves his fingers into the white meat, juices leaking from the flesh
>he looks surprised and thinks for a moment before saying proudly:
>"Not a bad first attempt, but this chicken is overcooked. I can't find any bloody, pink meat and there's no cold center. Also, this chicken breast has a bone in it. Not a big deal, but I'd suggest buying prime cuts to avoid this type of issue"
>he continues:
>"Moving onto the seasoning, it's all wrong. You used these crushed, dried leaves and spices I've never seen before. You SHOULD be using this seasoning almost exclusively"
>he hands me a bottle of pre-mixed McCormick chicken seasoning upon which he used a Sharpie to write "The Best Chicken Seasoning You'll Ever Taste" over the label
>"Oh, by the way, that'll be $19.95, thanks"

>without tasting the rice, he looks concerned before saying:
>"This rice is so overcooked that it's not even white anymore... Better luck next time"

>he bites into one of the carrots and visibly gags
>"These are WAY too done. That one didn't even snap when I into it! Plus there's like no butter on them"
>he reaches for the butter dish and turns it over, dumping the new stick of butter onto the carrots before letting it sit for a few seconds
>he takes a fork and stabs the stick of butter, lifting it up and shoving it into his mouth
>"Muuuch better!"
>mfw I notice that no carrots are missing from the plate