/ck/ - Food & Cooking

I have a document that I keep in my kitchen for my parents to read when they make me frozen pizza. It basically outlines 14 rules that the pizza has to follow or I won't eat it. The rules are

1. The pizza must be browned to a certain darkness (I describe it as 'eggplant dark') on the crusts
2. The crust must not be stuffed crust - It must also not appear stuffed, ie if the crust has flakes of cheese on I won't eat
3. It must have some form of pepper
4. It must have sliced meat
5. Deli meats must be circular, if they buy a pizza with ham I won't eat unless it is cut into circles
6. It must cook in less than 16 minutes
7. It must be between 12 and 17 inches
8. Greens on the pizza must make up less than 10% of the color, whilst red must be at least 40%
9. It must be served with 2 dipping sauces
10. The tomato sauce on the pizza must be at least 10% less tomato tasting than a standard tomato paste
11. The pizza must be served to me whole with a pizza cutter on the side
12. The pizza must have no garlic smell
13. The pizza must have garlic in some form however
14. The pizza must be placed into a delivery style box for 3 minutes, and if I press down on the box, at least 95% of the cheese must remain on the pizza (this is the key test)

I am 27 and cook most of my own meals but when they make me pizza sometimes I just have to lay down rules. They think I have social anxiety so don't like to upset me. Makes me feel bad when they fuck up and have to throw the pizza

>Extra pineapples please

Almost always disappointed when I eat pizza. Don't really hate it but it's just not great. Although pineapple & ham as a loved pizza topping blows my mind. Fuck the asshole who first started this trend.