/ck/ - Food & Cooking

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did someone say...

>>19629905
>session IPA
Just fucking kys

>May 6, 2023
>Grab The Toilet and Scream Hellfire Habanero, second tasting
>Few actually know the proper name of this sauce as the label is rather understated; it is completely black save a crude graffiti-style middle finger stenciled on the front and required FDA information on the back. Mother won’t allow me to display this on the kitchen spice rack with the other highlights of my collection for obvious reasons.
>Ron, my mother’s suitor of the month (I am forgoing his usual moniker of “he who shall not be named” for brevity) has brought pizzas for us to partake. I offer Ron a pint of Hazy Longsipping’s Imperial Tangerine NEIPA but he rudely rebuffs it in favor of his macro piss lager.
>After some idle smalltalk about my less-than-fruitful recent attempts at job applications and the opposite sex we arrive at the main course. Ron reaches for a bottle of tabasco *sigh* (mother keeps one on hand for cooking). I say I prefer something with a little more masculinity and proudly furnish the bottle of Hellfire Habanero.
>Mother sneers and rolls her eyes. “He’s gonna kickstart his IBS again with that crap.” I pour a small dollop of the brownish orange liquid on my slice and savor the aroma, very industrial with a floral hint. I take my first bite. Being my second tasting I was more prepared for the fiery front it put on and push through the second and third bites. The burning did not subside. Ron offers a paper towel to wipe the tears from my face. I ignore him and finish the slice. My stomach begins to rumble and churn almost instantly.
>I do not feel a rating would be fair as dinner was cut short by medical issues, but I will say the sauce lives up to its namesake. I have been on the toilet for nearly two and a half hours. Mother and Ron have departed for a movie, leaving me to a solitary evening of agonizing bowel movements and anime.