/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>19756095
Anyone who has really tried both knows that he is correct.

You will never cook real italian food. You have no Piccadilly, you have no Piennolo, you have no mozzarella di bufala. You are an amerimutt twisting meatballs and frozen breadsticks into a crude mockery of italian cuisine.

All the “pasta” you eat is half-seasoned and over-cooked. To your face, Italians mock you. Your parents are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “Italian friends” laugh at your ghoulish cooking behind closed doors.

Italians are utterly repulsed by your cooking. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed Italians to sniff out jarred sauce with incredible efficiency. Even amerimutt sauces that are “homemade” taste uncanny and unnatural to an Italian. The excessive garlic is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a starving Italian to eat with you, he’ll turn tail and bolt the second he gets a whiff of your stinky garlic breath.

You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single night out at olive garden and tell yourself the food is authentic, but deep inside you feel the doubt creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under an unbearable heaviness like cream in a carbonara

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a plane ticket to italy, eat at an overpriced tourist trap, post on 4chan about how 'real' Italian food is overrated, and get stabbed to death by an African migrant. Your parents will hear of your fate, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment of such shitty cooking. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your anglicized Italian surname, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know an american is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is subpar cuisine that is unmistakably American.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.

>>18074439
I understand that you're a room-temp IQ guinea, so let me break it down for you.

Italian-American means American of Italian descent. This is an important distinction, as any diaspora doesn't just end up in a host nation and automatically become fully assimilated. Italian-Americans share many aspects to their culture unique to them and no other group in America. You will not find other Americans eating broccoli rabe, struffoli, or arancini. You won't see them using words like cavone, strunz, or calamad. Whether or not these things occur in modern day Italy is relevant. At one point in the country's history, a sizeable enough percent of its population travelled to America and formed its own sub-culture which has endured through the generations. This link is inseperable.

Mind you, no Italian-American is making any proclamations of being 'Italian'. They don't give a shit about modern Italian pop culture (save for maybe Andrea Bocelli), politics, language, or anything else. Their pride exists entirely within their immigrant diaspora. Their folk heroes, like Joe DiMaggio or Robert DeNero, are all Italian-American, their folk music, Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin, are Italian-American. Their centers of culture aren't Rome or Venice, they're Little Italy in New York or Chicago. You mistake the 'Italian' in Italian-American for thinking that people in America wish they were like you. No, they just happened to be the descendants of the people smart enough to hop on a boat and get away from mouth breathers like yourself.

If you'd like to come up with a new name for our ethnic group so we can rid ourselves of your shame, we're all ears.

You will never cook real italian food. You have no Piccadilly, you have no Piennolo, you have no mozzarella di bufala. You are an amerimutt twisting meatballs and frozen breadsticks into a crude mockery of italian cuisine.

All the “pasta” you eat is half-seasoned and over-cooked. To your face, Italians mock you. Your parents are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “Italian friends” laugh at your ghoulish cooking behind closed doors.

Italians are utterly repulsed by your cooking. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed Italians to sniff out jarred sauce with incredible efficiency. Even amerimutt sauces that are “homemade” taste uncanny and unnatural to an Italian. The excessive garlic is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a starving Italian to eat with you, he’ll turn tail and bolt the second he gets a whiff of your stinky garlic breath.

You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake smile every single night out at olive garden and tell yourself the food is authentic, but deep inside you feel the doubt creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under an unbearable heaviness like cream in a carbonara

Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a plane ticket to italy, eat at an overpriced tourist trap, post on 4chan about how 'real' Italian food is overrated, and get stabbed to death by an African migrant. Your parents will hear of your fate, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment of such shitty cooking. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your anglicized Italian surname, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know an american is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is subpar cuisine that is unmistakably American.

This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.

>>17565598
>>17565673
>>17565705
>>17568154

Dagos are seriously the biggest wastes of oxygen on the planet. Italy is a smelly, disgusting, poverty-racked shithole. A boot shaped, dysgenic dumpster of barbarian and Muslim rape babies huddled over the hollowed out remains of a long dead empire and larping as its successors. Dagos bring nothing but crime, filth, nastiness, and a massively unearned air of self-importance to whatever part of the world they infest. The world would be a better place if everything below Venice was under the Mediterranean

>>17540044
>you arent SUPPOSED to put CHEESE on PIZZA. YOU DON'T GET THE PROPER EXPERIENCE OF THE TOMATOES THEN!

>>16834245
>noooooo you can't snap-a the spagettironi! YOU DON'T GET THE RIGHT CULINARY EXPERIENCERINO!

>Gordon cooks 'Carbonara'
>The entire comment section is screaming Italians; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5t7JLjr1FxQ&ab_channel=GordonRamsay

>>16090557
>presentation and smell doesnt match what i traditionally had back in italy
worst nation on earth

>No its anti euro propaganda

>one pot anything is a meme, just dirty another pan and make it taste better. its basically the case 99% of the time