/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>>19235787

>>19085003

>>18358065
Everybody laugh at this faggot who pretends not to enjoy things because they are "soy".

>>18300989
>>18301238
>>18301246
YOU ASKED FOR THIS

>>18168982

>>17270811

>>17184515

Ignore all the haters, OP. You are about to enter an elite brotherhood. Allow me to paint you a picture of a day in the 'Vark Life:

>go to fancy restaurant
>order expensive food & wine
>survey available condiments
>sigh loudly, snap fingers to summon waiter
>Excuse me, boy, may I see your hot-sauce menu?
>"I'm sorry, sir, but we don't have one."
>Well, I already know what I want anyway. Fetch the Secret Aardvark, chop-chop.
>"The what, sir?"
>Se-cret Aard-vark? You know, the world's premier sauce?
>"Pardon me, sir, but I don't think we have that."
>Ah, so you ran out. That does tend to be a problem. You should inform your sauce-melier immediately. But fortunately... (wink & smile, reach inside jacket)... I always carry my own.

It's important to have this conversation loud enough for all patrons to hear.

Leave the bottle on the table with the logo facing outward. Before each bite, make a big show of opening the bottle, extracting a single drop of "red gold", and closing the bottle with a loud snap. Also frequently exclaim (to no one in particular) "Mmmm mmmm! That's my 'Vark!"

If anyone looks over, be sure to smile, wink, and hold up the bottle, in case they want to take a picture for social media. Of course you'll also want to get your own photo showing the bottle next to your meal and yourself leaning in, mouth agape at the zesty spice. (Don't forget to tag #varklife! One lucky winner this month will get a limited-edition Secret Aardvark® Nintendo Switch!™)

Last but not least, when paying the bill, on the "tip" line, write:

>'Vark goes great on 'za! :^)

In the #varklife, we call that a Coup d'Vark. #AlwaysVarkin

>>16645858
>>16645864

It's cool, we get it, not everyone is cut out for the #varklife. Especially since Portland got "diversified", 'Vark has been in short supply, and best reserved for the chosen few. But hey, you do you! There's no shame in looting fistfuls of McDonald's breakfast-burrito mild picante sauce. #AllSaucesMatter

>>16594874

Now there are three of us.

>>16570033

Sorry, but you may need to branch out. Cholula is 110mg/tsp and is tasty, cheap, and easy-to-find in supermarkets and box stores. Same goes for El Yucateco red at 90g/tsp. Huy Fong Sriracha is 80g/tsp.

Secret Aardvark may be a meme, but it's only 35g/tsp. However, once you've started ordering sauce online, your friends may start texting you soyjacks. It's a calculated risk. (Also, I'm not sure whether Aardvark's factory in Portland even exists anymore since the recent "diversification.")

I think that better & hotter sauces may tend to have less sodium because more of the flavor is coming from the peppers and other ingredients. (The very hottest sauce on my shelf is sodium-free.) Plus with hotter sauces, you tend to use less.

>>16531459

Don't forget the 'Vark, fampai.

the best

>>15196871
>How do you make these edible?

Do you even have to ask?

>>15149029

Sorry, >>15149044 was meant for >>15149022. Thanks for your service, and enjoy the 'Vark Life.

>>14726713
>he couldn't handle the heat

For me? It's Secret Aardvark, the most BAD-ASS hot sauce in existence. It's not just a sauce, it's a whole lifestyle.

the 'vark never lack