/ck/ - Food & Cooking

I have a funny spaghetti story.
>be me
>be musician
>also be drunkard
>one day I get invited to mansion party to play music and hang out
>mansion has a heated pool in backyard with 30 foot waterfall
>crazy expensive furniture
>kitchen is huge and filled with all types of beers, hard liquors, and food of all types
>getting drunk
>someone old rich fag asks where I went to school
>he also went to same school, knew same teachers
>get asked to play music finally
>round up my two black friends/bandmates
>play music for an hour in huge area backlined with all types of musical shit
>as soon as we're done playing
>go to liqueur area and start pounding shots, making random people take shots with me
>im really drunk
>my black friend says he thinks I should eat something
>"okay"
>get paper plate of spaghetti
>sit in $4,500 white leather sofa chair
>wanted to clap like a monkey for current band playing
>spagetti plate in lap
>try to raise hands to clap
>flip plate of spaghetti directly onto chair
>don't realize this
>my black friend looks at me with his hand over his mouth, wide eye'd
>look at him funny
>he points to my dick
>panic
>try to pretend I didn't do it
>people around me are shaking their heads
>I leave and get a napkin
>put plate over mess to hide it from owners
>napkin does nothing
>huge red stains everywhere
>"pls god no"
>throw some paper towels over it and leave
>see female home owner find it and get pissed
>proceeds to use club soda to clean it
>i look at it when party is about to end
>still stained to all hell

>>11334327
>mfw there used to be a Nabisco around me
>Used to have their dumpsters wide open way back in the day when me and my brothers were younger
>Assholes also found out about the free snack treasure trove
>Left trash out all over the place like pigs
>They put a lock on the dumpster
>Bike riding like ten years ago
>Their bay is open
>Sit down to rest from bike ride
>See key hanging outside the bay
>Figure there's no way they'd be that stupid
>Look around for cameras
>Coast is clear and grab the key
>Check to see it unlocks the dumpster right in front of me
>It fucking does
>Pocket it and go to Home Depot
>Get key copied
>Go back to the Nabisco and return the key to where it was hanging
>They never figure out anything is wrong
>Friday night motherfuckers
>Infinite snack works
>Found out even the police don't give a shit
>Nabisco eventually moves
>It's an awful Palmer Chocolate factory now
>God has finally come to reap the sinners

It was a good run while it lasted but pantries packed full of their shit was amazing.

I'm having Mtn Dew right now :^)
*sips*