/ck/ - Food & Cooking

>used to think that cooking well could get me laid
>spent like 4 years learning to cook, getting fatter and fatter due to all the tasty new recipes
>no women met in that time
>get better at cooking but gradually worse at speaking to women and girls
>eventually get sick of being alone and decide it is time to make a woman come to my home
>manager to use a dating website and find a woman to come for dinner
>she is pretty chubby but a qt, BMI at most 30
>she comes to my house
>i tell her I will be cooking a nice dinner for her, will be cooking her a tasty chicken marsala with brown rice and quinoa mixture
>she seems excited about that
>i ask if she wants to help me cook
>she says OK, and we both understand this just means watch and be impressed by my mad skills
>i prepare all the ingredients, get the chicken, mushrooms, butter etc ready to prepare the meal
>for some reason I feel really fucking nervous for a brief moment
>keep making little jokes to try and make myself feel comfortable
>they are all jokes about her being fat even though I am about 2 times heavier than her (she was like 300lbs)
>slicing the mushrooms
>keep saying things about how they are fungus like the stuff in her fat folds
>she seems annoyed but keep doing it
>start doing voices with the mushrooms pretending they are the ones living in her folds
>stuff like 'oh hey neighbor, i haven' seen you here before, you smell like you moved her from the fanny folds!'
>manage to calm myself enough to get everything prepared
>start cooking
>have to focus so stop the jokes briefly
>when I add the wine to the pan, decide to make another joke
>'haha this is Marsala not Mars-Barsa don't get hungry for sweets'
>she snaps, and yells at me, and leaves
>eat both portions alone along with both tiramisu I had prepared earlier

never again, can't focus on a woman and foo

ITT: tastes and aromas that arouse a very strong memory/association for some reason

>evaporated milk