/ck/ - Food & Cooking

Stop buying liquor on Fridays.
Stop jamming your credit card into the receipt printer thinking it's a card reader.
Stop asking for new seltzers when you won't buy the last seltzer you asked for and we ordered in for you.
Stop yelling "I got dat haze" every time you pick up a pack of shitty overpriced IPAs.
Stop trying to steal empty Weller boxes so you can resell them.
Stop asking if I'm "good for it" to cover your beer because you don't want to break a twenty.
Keep shaming your stupid friends for wasting money on Patron.
Stop asking for Pineapple Versions of a tequila because you saw an ad with a bottle next to a pineapple and your addled mind toon that to mean it was a whole new product.
Stop bringing your children into a liquor store and then getting mad people say swear words in a liquor store.
Stop parking your ass in front of the door to scratch forty lotto tickets.

Stop buying alcohol during a war.
Stop buying Hussong's. They raised the price because it was so popular, so maybe they'll drop it if we all stop getting it for a while.
Keep buying Hussong's. That was actually a lie, if we stop buying it they'll just de-list it across the state.
Stop standing in front of an unmanned register for literally 40 minutes while I've got a nonstop line at a different register. You will not be helped over there.
Stop getting snippy and saying you got a bottle cheaper a couple towns over. Prices are the same across the state, you just bought a smaller bottle and are too dumb to tell the difference.
Stop promising to come rain money on us when you strike it big on the lotto. You won't win it, and we both know even if you did you'd never share it because you don't tip as-is.
Stop waiting outside the door after we close for when we come out to try and stop us and beg to be let inside.
Stop asking for Russian vodka.

Stop buying Arby's vodka.

Stop buying liquor on Mondays
Stop asking for Hennessy. It's gone and never coming back.
Stop buying Patron, I have dozens of tequilas that are better and are half the price.
Stop asking for Christmas beers. We have them but it's fucking November.
Stop coming in with your girlfriend and letting her spend the next eighty-five minutes going from bottle to bottle across the entire store, hollering for me to come tell her what it is and how it tastes.
Stop asking me for top shelf and then being surprised it is expensive.
Stop asking me for allocated bourbons the day before our truck actually arrived, every goddamn week.
Stop asking for swishers.
Stop asking for new seltzers. You didn't buy the last brand you asked us to stock for you.
Stop asking to use our bathroom.
Stop plucking bottles out of our wholesale orders to try and take to the register and buy.
Stop trying to fish coins out of the tip jar to get an even dollar amount of change back.

Stop buying liquor on Saturdays.
Stop asking for Crown Salted Caramel, there's none coming this year.
Stop buying Patron, there's better shit for half the price.
Stop asking for more mead variety. We'd stock it if anyone fucking bought it.
Stop calling two minutes before we close to ask us to stay open so you can rush over and fucking browse for twenty minutes.
Stop asking for sours and then buying that Victress shit.
Stop yelling at me for giving your kid a lollipop, they deserve something for putting up with your drunken ass.
Stop buying those extra-seasoned chips you used to eat in jail, they're $7 a pack how exploitable are you.
Stop getting cocktail recipes from people who can't spell the ingredients.
Stop offering me blowjobs if I buy your booze for you.
Stop knocking your own bumper off by slamming into the curb too hard when you screech up to the store in a hurry.
Stop asking for Hennessy, nobody in the whole fucking state has any.
Stop trying to steal the neon signs.
Stop asking for a "price match" because you saw a bottle for half price at another store. That's not how pricing works and you're making shit up.

Stop buying liquor at 9:00 in the morning.
Stop bringing your drink into the store with you and acting offended when I scan it.
Stop refusing to buy Crown Peach now that we finally have it, you begged for MONTHS.
Stop buying seltzers, you're not an underage white girl so that means you're trying to fuck one and I should probably call the cops.
Stop assuming that I know every cocktail known to man just because I exist in close proximity to alcohol.
Stop asking if Snoop Dogg's wine and gin are good. You know damn well they aren't.
Stop wasting money on Patron even as its price skyrockets for no reason.
Stop asking for Casamigos. In fact, stop watching Tiktok to tell you what to drink.

Stop buying liquor at 9:00 in the morning.
Stop bringing your drink into the store with you and acting offended when I scan it.
Stop refusing to buy Crown Peach now that we finally have it, you begged for MONTHS.
Stop buying seltzers, you're not an underage white girl so that means you're trying to fuck one and I should probably call the cops.
Stop assuming that I know every cocktail known to man just because I exist in close proximity to alcohol.
Stop asking if Snoop Dogg's wine and gin are good. You know damn well they aren't.
Stop wasting money on Patron even as its price skyrockets for no reason.
Stop asking for Casamigos. In fact, stop watching Tiktok to tell you what to drink.

Stop buying liquor on Mondays.
Stop trying to buy booze for underages while they're literally staring through the window to see if you've got it yet.
Stop asking for a military discount. Not even the Class Six gives a military discount.
Stop trying to leave advertisements for Scientology in my store.
Stop asking for "respersado" tequila.
Stop refusing to wear a mask, refusing to leave, and making me call the cops.
Stop trying to steal a car parked literally six feet from my door and making me call the cops.
Stop bothering Dave Chappelle while he's buying Casamigos Respersado.

For the love of fucking God, buy your liquor BEFORE St. Patrick's Day. The whole state is already out of most of the shit you want, so don't make both our lives harder by waiting until one of the heaviest-drinking holidays and then getting surprised everybody else beat you to the punch.

We are buried under ten inches of snow, so you can no longer buy liquor on Mondays.

Stop buying liquor in 2021.
Stop demanding Ciroc White Grape and then not buying it when we get it.
Stop hunting for Blanton's.
Stop asking for Crown Peach, it's becoming a year round item but that doesn't mean it gets instantly teleported onto shelves.
Stop bringing your two year old into liquor stores and being shocked when they start trying to smash shit.

Stop buying liquor on Mondays.
Stop pointing at the cash only sign and going "It's not cash only right?" You are not a Jedi.
Stop trying to run me over in the parking lot and then wondering why you were denied sale.
Stop getting kickers on lotto you are literally getting scammed twice in one transaction.
Stop asking for Crown Salted Caramel.
Stop then asking for Crown Peach.
Stop waiting until the week before a big holiday to go looking for rare/specialty items that are in short supply even during years that don't experience shortages.
Stop trying to eat shot glasses.

Stop buying liquor on Saturdays.
Stop falling for the lottery scam.
Stop coming in three times a week and being shocked we are cash only every time.
Stop asking for Blanton's when it's not truck day and I've specifically told you when to be here so you have a shot at Blanton's.
Stop asking for Crown Peach.
Stop buying Patron and Hennessy, they're shit tier and overpriced.
Stop asking me for bourbon and getting pissy that it's not from Kentucky.
Stop asking me for discounts, we're a state agency.
Stop asking for fucking Crown Peach.
Stop trying to shoplift when you're so fucking clumsy we keep catching you because you drop what you're trying to steal.
Stop trying to come in without a mask we're a fucking state agency we have to enforce that shit.
Stop asking for swishers.

Stop buying liquor on Mondays
Stop demanding Blanton's when you're literally five days late for the truck
Stop being surprised we don't have Don Julio 1942 when nobody in the state has had it for six months
Stop not reading the giant Cash-Only signs and then being surprised we're cash only
Stop trying to buy shit for restaurants over the counter
Stop asking for the cashier to risk their job by selling to you without an ID
Stop imagining the liquor store down the road will magically grant you any of this shit either you come back here every week so I fucking know they don't

Liquor store worker here. Why the fuck do people go buy liquor on a goddamn Monday? What is wrong with you?

>Day before a holiday, ages after everyone with a modicum of intelligence stocked up on booze
>Idiots genuinely shocked and angered we are out of [extremely rare allocated product]
Why do people become bumfuck drooling retards the second they walk into a liquor store?

Or else don't be fucking surprised when they're out of your niche bourbon or some random small batch that only gets put out once every two months.

Holy shit you fucking idiots why do you think it's such a great idea to wait until the last minute to go get booze? We're already cleared out from all the people who came before you, because they're smarter than you. You all look so fucking confused that we're out of what you want, as if you seriously didn't expect this to happen. You thought you could walk into a liquor store the day before the Super Bowl and you'd just have your pick of whatever rare shit you'd like? And you thought 30,000 other retards wouldn't have the same bright idea?